| 10:37a |
Sweet Nostaliga and Going On
Last nite, I dreamt I was in a wonderfully familiar place. I called it California...but it looked nothing like Cali. I left the place I was staying (with friends) and went for a walk...the streets became more and more familiar and I was so enjoying the sweet nostalgia that I was feeling. It was wonderful...quite undescribable. I kept thinking it was Cali, and was remembering sweet times spent there with Spoon. It wasn't sad, more bittersweet, and I didn't miss it, but rather enjoyed the memories and familiarity of the neighborhood and streets. I ended up later that night at a night club, and this, too, was familiar. I was hanging out with a bunch of people, some I'd known from years before......this was all so familiar....but I think it was memories from other dreams and my mind called it "Cali" b/c those are my favorite memories and I can relate to the nostalgia of that place. I was having a wonderful time, going all over this huge club. I was standing in front of a table, and felt a hand on my shoulder. I spun around and it took me a second to realize it was Spoon standing there. I was taken aback. I stepped back, and he just kept smiling at me. I turned, put my purse on my shoulder from off the back of the chair, and started to walk off. He grabbed my shoulder, gently, but I jerked away, spinning back around to face him. "Leave me alone, Spoon." I told him, firmly. I think I told him I didn't want anything to do with him, and I walked off. It wasn't one of those things I did to prove I was stronger and over him, I really meant it. I've never blown Spoon off in a dream....or in real life. But it felt good, and I wasn't upset at all. I was a bit sad that we couldn't talk and catch up...and be friends, but I just felt I didn't want that. He tried to talk me into staying but I kept telling him no. He got upset, telling me something about how I's learned this one lesson, and that was great, but I was taking it too far, and was wrong in blowing him off. It made sense and I wish I could remember exactly what he said, b/c it was important. I eventually just left him standing there. I met up with Patrick outside, and fell getting inside his car, though I don't remember being drunk at all. It got fuzzy after that, but I remember that feeling of nostalgia staying with me the whole time. It was so strange to run into Spoon b/c I'd been reminded him so very much walking around the neighborhood earlier in the dream, and though I did miss him, I was not happy at all to see him. For a second, when I turned and saw him, I was shocked...looking into his eyes, got me for just a second...and I got that panicky feeling, but I took a breath and swallowed and told him to leave me alone. And I meant it! I so meant it, and didn't regret walking off and leaving him standing there, wanting to get to know me again, visit with me. I knew he wanted to try and rekindle something, and I wasn't having it. I was happy with my life....and happy with the wonderful, nostalgic, bittersweet memories of what we were and the times we shared to ruin it with us trying to be together again...something we both know is impossible. All we do is fight when we are around each other now.
Current Mood: nostalgic |