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[15 Feb 2004|02:51pm] |
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music |
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feb 15 by bright eyes (happy birthday conor!) |
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It's Winter, and
and i just want to go
icould live in the snow
under bleak mistletoe
and kiss no one cos' no one is there
under my white blanket tear.
It's Spring, and
and i want to be gone
I could live on the lawn
with the doe and their fawn
and sleep on the blossoming earth
i hope i get lost in it's girth
It's summer, and
and i wish i could run
i would dance with the sun
we'd shoot lies like a gun
and say that i'm happy right here
but really, i've been lonely all year
It's fall, and
and i just want to leave
i could bask in the trees
with it's reds yellows and greens
and do what the season is called
i'm sure no one would miss me at all...
Whatever time, it's now, and
and i still want to escape
when i open the drape
i can't help but to gape
because i know there's so much more
behind this big closed door.
Then again, my
my throat would get dry
with final goodbyes
and you'd simply reply,
"You know you could never take part.
cos loneliness just breaks your heart."
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[20 Jan 2004|04:06pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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Weeping Willow by The Verve |
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I'm going to try to update EVERY DAY. Yeah, Char, that means WRITE A POEM/SONG everyday like you used to.
And now, my mind goes blank...
I'm REALLY trying now.
fine, i'll write about my fucking cat.
So quiet, comfortable, soft
Not a single care in the damn world
he doesn't know the shit i face
Therefore, he's happy.
He is nothing in the world.
a ball of fluff that eats and sleeps.
I am nothing in the world.
A lump of skin and bones and me.
that eats, and sleeps, and talks, and worries.
I am so unhappy.
I fucking hate poetry, nowadays...
why?
because i suck. i pray for the days back where i could write and write for hours and not grow weary.
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[28 Oct 2003|06:38pm] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
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music |
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bright eyes |
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wrote a shitty poem. i hate writing sometimes. i expect so much, and im always dissapointed. i need to buy some talent on ebay or something. anyway, here it is. get ready to cringe.
I did not see the eyes of a dead woman
I saw the eyes of someone who once lived
I saw the eyes of someone I did not know
But then again, I see that everywhere
When will I see the world?
When will I see some beauty?
I did not cry because I was sad
I cried because I was scared…
I did not pray for her safety
I prayed for my own reassurance
When I die, will anyone see me?
Will there be anyone that knew me;
Will I ever learn to let people know me?
I did not see the eyes of a loved one
I felt no love.
I felt no sorrow.
I felt nothing, and for this I felt guilty.
Shouldn’t I have been distressed in the least?
Shouldn’t I have cared a little?
What has happened to the world…
What has happened to me…
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[17 Oct 2003|10:22pm] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
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music |
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drifting by yellowcard |
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myself, i wonder
if everyone else is like me
but you, you assured
that we are all average.
and to be average, is to be at all.
the person i call myself, shes unstable.
this body she uses
these words she breathes
those eyes she looks through;
glossy and blank;
she was naive.
But i have grown now.
myself, i am finding.
who i begin to see is not at all what i wanted,
it is not what i dreamed to be.
it is not someone, more than average.
supposedly me, i question
is there no such thing as indivuality?
is it a lost cause--am i to a fate undone?
questioning is maturity.
maturity is a part of life.
this life;
we live. we learn. we know;
we die.
myself, i blistered
whenever things got bad
but i, as everything
am callused in time.
naivity--such a far away glance
at who i used to be.
maturity--such a far away glance
as what is to be acspected.
i am lost between then and there.
i am now, and i am lost.
those around me, they smile
they are truely found..
or maybe they are at a now of themselves.
maybe there is indivisuality.
they search, they find, they are no longer lost.
a hollow mind, wishing to be filled.
you like it? i think its okay.
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[16 Oct 2003|07:26pm] |
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mood |
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i dont know.. |
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music |
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Trembling by yellowcard |
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For you, for you
I’d be more than mediocre
Tell me what you want me
To think, to choose, to feel
And I’ll be more than mediocre
If only you’ll be real
Just tell me what you want me
To do, to say, to be
Because im just so unstable
And I need to be able
To hold on to you to hold on to you to…
Hold on..
Because im way to insecure
I just don’t know anymore
Without you…
So just tell me what you want me
To know, to show, to prove
And I’ll be more to you
Then my normal mediocre
Because all I do is shake
Without you
All I do is fake
Without you
But tell me if you want me at all
and I’ll be more than mediocre...
the "you" isnt reallyanyone in particular..just..everyone in particular..
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[14 Sep 2003|05:22pm] |
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mood |
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 high |
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music |
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arienette by bright eyes |
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the difference in the beautiful rays
Why do the days go by so fast
When the clock it turns so slowly
It goes in circles and circles around itself
And never gets anywhere
Just chasing itself but never catching up
Like the sun leaving and coming
Day by day it leaves me here alone
It only comes back out of habit
Because that’s all it knows how to do
Like I'm depressed because that’s all I've ever felt
And I don’t know how else to feel
I’d be so lost and unsure
If I ever was happy and well
So I take these stupid pills because that’s just what I do
I don’t know how to get better
Because this is all I know
Like the children that go with their parents to church
And believe in god and never sin
Because that’s all they were ever taught
They don’t know yet
They just don’t know their other options
Like hate and temptation
It was evil for eve to eat that fruit
Because it was against what she knew
So would it be evil for me to be happy for once
Because its just not what I'm meant to do
And the sun it came back this morning
And I awoke in all her glory
And it burned my eyes, because I was used to the darkness
I'm so used to this darkness
So the brightness, it burns me
And this, it concerns me
Because someday I know..
I won't see the beautiful rays of difference
I’ll just be lost in myself, and lost in the same
God damn thing that curses me
Like that clock that moves so slowly, chasing itself
I will never make any progress.
yea it sucks but hey, im 13 you cant blame me blame my mother for fuckin too late.
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[01 Sep 2003|10:30am] |
I haven't written in a while. I wrote this last night.
Vague Discovery
I took a walk
From yesterday
I passed a graveyard
Lonely and gray
I saw a woman
Take tiny steps
And lay down flowers
As she stood and wept
And I knew she wondered
That when she died
If the laws of life
Would be defied
And she could be
With her loved one
As if the deaths
Had come undone
And I hoped she knew
Deep in her heart
She’d been lied to
Right from the start
There is no place
We meet again
When we die
We’re only dead
All your praying
Has been in vain
As your hopes explode
You discover pain
When children cry
Sensations grow
As the honesty
In their tears flow
No need to think
They believe what’s told
They haven’t felt
Loss or the cold
But no one knows
Until they’re dead
You can’t believe
All that’s said
There’s only so much
We can take
But how do we know
What’s real or fake
Like those TV shows
They always play
We have to know
What’s real someday
I hope when someone
Lays flowers for me
I will know
What to believe
And when we lay
Those flowers for you
You’ll finally know
What is true.
That nothing is.
We all die…
Alone.
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[23 Jul 2003|11:08pm] |
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mood |
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peachy |
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music |
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dreww |
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i wrote two poems today..actually, 5 but im toucching up the other 3 tonite.
first ones about a girl i know.
the second is about god.
well, if you read them, thats quite obvious.
now, read on.
feminine of david
everyday when i poison myself
i think of me and you
and i think of our little talks
and i think of that old photograph of me and you
and i can read my own mind
way back when i hated you
i pretended to love you, and i think i really did
oh sweet divine girl
you were more than my best friend
you were my first life lesson
of loce and pain
of hate and hidden messages
left
like a little kid
whos mother hates him and abuses him
but he just takes it
he doesnt know her
but he loves her, so he just nods his head
and says okay, shes right
im horrible
and he just takes the pain
those hidden messages
left
like a teenage girl
whos daddy used to hit her
and come in her room at night
and when she gets a boyfriend
she says she'll never be like her mother
never let that happen
until she does something wrong
and it happens
history repeats itself
and she just accepts it
theyre all alike
and she just doesnt know
and she just takes the pain
like i took the pain
and accepted you were better than me
and you always told me
and you always reminded me
acceptance is the key to pain
oh sweet divine girl
can i desert you
but you know, i won't worry.
i have an easy going mind
i can take it
by myself, right...
well not today
not at all
im scared
im hurt
i need your help
i need your guiding
i need you now
but im not ready for comitment
so can i just desert you later
like a one night stand
but i need your help for now
i need help from you now
will you be there for me
will you be ther for me now?
wil lyou stay for me when i need you again?
i hope your not too busy for me
like i am for you
i hope i can leave afterwards
and go back to hating you
and go back to lonliness
and go back to arrogance and ignorance
without you
please god
i need you now
maybe not again
maybe not after
or ever for now
please got
can i desert you after
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| a proper goodbye |
[18 Jul 2003|10:26pm] |
Is there something
More than this
As he struggles
For simple bliss
Trying too hard
Or not at all
Not enough
To make the call
There’s not a person
He would keep
But He’s not shallow
Cuz he cuts deep
There’s no one now
They him since
They found out
his arrogance...
His ignorance...
Goodbye lance...
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[17 Jul 2003|04:35pm] |
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mood |
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just..friggin..fine... |
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music |
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reuniun show- the art of doing nothing |
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Sometimes I want it to be
So dark
That if I close my eyes
It looks the same
As when they're open
And you and me can spend the night
In utter darkness
And we won't think
And we won't see
We'll just dwell
In happiness
It'll be like meeting you
All over again
And being happy for the first time
All over again
And we won't care
And we won't worry
We'll just be happy
Be happy...
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| dear god |
[10 Jul 2003|02:58pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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music |
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hands down by dashboard confessionals |
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As I walk through the graveyard
I don’t recognize the names
I don’t know the stories
Behind the lonely graves
I didn’t feel the sorrow
But I can still relate
Cuz I don’t want to die…
It’s the reason I'm alive…
Now I don’t believe in god
And I hate all religion
Knowing I will die unsaved
Hinders my decision
But will the people that have chosen the way of god…
Throw me back and know that I'm a fraud…
I'm not sure if its true
That god sacrificed his son
That he did it for me
Cuz he loves everyone
Did he die in vain
Was he feeling pain
The night that he was slain…
for me...
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| i thought i meant it when i said forever.. |
[08 Jul 2003|09:11am] |
about lance...sigh..
You were more
You were my true love
And now your gone
And I don’t care
Theres more to life than mind games
Though you haven’t
Grasped that concept…
Theres more to life than this
Than me and you
Than you…
Then you…
You hate me
Because you still love me…
And I act like I don’t care
But you were more
More than my true love
You were my everything
My only anything…
And now that’s gone
So suddenly
And I still care….
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| to davina |
[07 Jul 2003|11:16am] |
Somehow you’ve got this way
Of drawing me towards you
Magnetically
Somehow…
I’ve got this way
Of knowing you’re a fake
And knowing your faking it
I’m your best friend? I’m your best friend?
What does that mean to you?
Does that mean anything to you?
Remember when we used to like each other
We were real friends
And that’s all gone
The glass is empty
The time is up
The alarm is ringing
And its all your fault
You told me youre not the same
The same person, but
Changed
You haven’t changed
Ive just come to
A realization
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[07 Jul 2003|11:13am] |
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this is going to be an all poetry journal...welcome.
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