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Sunday, March 21st, 2004
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11:08 pm - My ears are ringing... ow...
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I want to write this while I still reek of Recher cigarette smoke.
Except I already wrote this once before and the stupid computer lost it!!
Ass monkey.
Anyway, first I'm going to write about Thursday (building up anticipation, muahaha).
After school was the Connections (the Bible study I'm in at school) Passion Q&A. Seventy five percent of the people there were probably just waiting for the pizza served at the end.
Someone stole a pizza box. I tried stopping them when I saw them sneaking out, but they looked at me with contempt and said, "Let go, you stupid Christian Jew." I didn't mind being called a Christian, because I'm proud of it, but using Jew as an insult and calling me stupid really pissed me off. I almost opened my mouth (either to snap back at them and/or bite them, I'm not sure), but God stopped me. He made me think of that verse (I think it's in Matthew 5) where Jesus says if someone slaps you on the cheek, turn the other cheek so they can slap that one too.
So I slowly let go of the pizza box and stepped away from them. For the first time in my life, I was proud of myself. Not in a prideful way, I don't think, but just because God allowed me to show a Christian example, and reassured me that He was there.
This morning, after church, my parents and I went to Greg's Bagels. I saw Murray there, which was cool. I hadn't seen him forever, but he still looked pretty much the same. He just had shorter hair. I waved at him after we ate, but then I had to go, so we didn't actually speak to each other. Oh well. Guess I'll have to go there more often. Maybe the next time I go there, Claire will be there too.
***
Tonight was Zack's All Time Low concert. I met up with Elizabeth and her two friends, Shiza and the other girl (I forget her name, oops), in front of the Recher. We went in and saw Matt Blanchard and this Mike guy, both from RMS.
The first band, Next Day Flight, really sucked. Matt swore the singer and one of the guitarists were gay together. I don't know about that, but I do know they looked like anorexic little girls to me.
The second band that performed was All Time Low. They played really well. It was especially cool since I remembered Jack and Alex from RMS. Then, of course, Zack was there, and their drummer, Rian, was there too. Someone (I think it was Jack) spit tons of water on the crowd and I got a bit wet. XD Good times.
I wanted to buy a demo or some merchandise of theirs so bad, but they weren't selling any tonight. ;__;
The third band, Bangarang, was good too, so I bought their demo.
I am no longer a Recher virgin. I had a lot of fun, and, at this rate, I'll end up being a Recher whore. Okay, so maybe not. But I would definitely go to the Recher again.
All Time Low rocks.
current mood:  happy
current music: the ringing in my ears
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3 toys said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Monday, March 15th, 2004
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10:01 pm - Short and sweet... I guess.
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This is going to be an extremely short, worthless little entry because my parents are threatening to unplug the Internet until Wednesday if I don't get off in a few minutes.
But I have a quiz-only (quizzes, memes, surveys, etc. only) journal now.
It's here.
Or if your computer sucks with links, it's at Livejournal.com under the username angstypenguin.
Later.
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is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Sunday, March 14th, 2004
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10:58 pm - Good times?
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So I haven't updated in almost a week. And the last entry was pretty choppy and skimpy. Ah, well. What can I say? I've been busy. *sigh*
I'll fast forward to... Wednesday or Thursday, I think it was Thursday, when I met a new friend.
I met this guy in the Young Greens Club (who doesn't go to meetings often but somehow everyone knows him and even I faintly knew of him) named Pat. I drew him in the first Unconventional Wisdom zine, but all I really knew about him was that he had blond hair, a goatee (which he shaved off right after the Unconventional Wisdom zine was published), and was in the Young Greens Club.
Anyway, I saw a book sitting on the desk in the Cedar lobby, and I picked it up and started flipping through the pages because the title was The Short History of Philosophy. I mumbled while paging through it, "I can't wait to see The Long History of Philosophy," and I heard someone laugh. I looked up and saw Pat and asked him if it was his book. He said he borrowed it from the library but he was reading it. We talked a bit randomly about philosophy and stuff. It was fun, good times. And he's cute. #^^#; But I just want to be friends with him, nothing else. I don't think I'm over DJ enough to consider dating other people.
I can't remember Friday, except for Small Group. I went over to Caryn's house. Duncan stayed for about five minutes, and Caryn and I made fun of his going to some girl's house. Then Caryn and I talked about her "Mark shrine" and had a "cell phone party". Good times. XD
On Saturday, I IMed some of my friends that I had asked earlier that week about coming to my house about the plans, and it looked like no one was coming over. As usual. *Le sigh* So, of course, I was the atypical teen who stayed home and IMed people all Saturday night. Le boring. And I did most of my homework too. Man, do I suck.
Sunday was better, mostly. I sung for the Storm band with Pam, as usual. John Russell, Ben, Mark, and I randomly talked about music and skanking. Then Bill preached at EPIC (why isn't it "praught"? The past tense of "teach" or "to teach" is "taught", after all) and he asked us to mold the clay we had been handed out earlier in the service into what our heart looked like. I had black clay, and I molded into a broken heart that was healing, because God has been helping me. It was a good sermon. And John Russell skanked during one of the EPIC songs in the aisle, and it was fun. I almost joined, but then the song ended. ;_;
After EPIC, Mom, Dad, and I went to this new Oriental restaurant called Olive and Sesame, and they had good food. Then I went home and did more of my homework, and then IMed people.
I IMed DJ and Melle, and asked DJ if he was going to the Passion Q&A event. He said yes, and we talked about that and other random things for a while.
Then it was 5:45 pm, only fifteen more minutes until the Q&A started, so Dad and I left the house. We got to Central, and Dad dropped me off. I saw Steve and Melle inside the building, and talked to them. Then they noticed DJ, and Melle took the opportunity to make fun of his new hair cut. We talked randomly, and then went up to the Loft, where the Q&A was being held. We sat in the balcony with some of the other teens, like Kim and Rebecca MacVaugh and Pam.
The guys answering the questions were Kevin Hula, Dorian Newcomb (who is very awesome), and some other guy, and they did a really good job of answering the questions (in my opinion).
This Jewish guy named Robert had a lot of questions and it was really interesting. I really didn't know how to react to all the questions, so being the mature person I am (that was sarcasm), I laughed.
Wow, I suck.
So Robert and my dad had a long conversation after the Q&A, and my dad gave Robert his work number, and they're going to meet for lunch sometime (yeah Dad!! ^^).
Dad told him (and later told me) this story about how he answered a question a quarter-Jewish friend asked him. The day after he saw The Passion of the Christ, his friend asked him how the movie portrayed the Jews. Dad thought about it, and then said, "Well, I didn't see the Jews anywhere in the movie. I saw some Jewish leaders, Jesus, the Jewish disciples, and a crowd of first century Palestinian Jews, all individuals, but I never saw the Jews, as in the stereotype of all of Abraham's descendants." It's an interesting story. I don't know why I wrote it in here, but it just struck me as something I wanted to remember.
DJ and Melle were talking with me, and then the conversation took a turn and got pretty deep. Melle and DJ were talking and I just stood there and slouched in awe of Melle's words. Then DJ and Melle sat down at one of the smaller round tables. I didn't know what to do, so I followed them, and sat down at one of the other stools, and played with the candle on the table. Then, a minute or so later, they spotted John Russell (I waved to him, of course), and DJ and Melle walked away from me again, to talk amongst themselves and John.
So I stayed put at the table and drew on some paper with Sharpie marker and poured candle wax on the paper to make some mixed media abstract art. I think it was, in a way, expressing my confusion and sadness and loneliness at being the third wheel. Because that's how I felt. I'm always some sort of an extra wheel, or the odd man out, but this time, I literally was the third wheel. Because there were two people who didn't really want me around, and I was the third person.
When they walked away the first time, and even the second (and last) time, I guess it was their way of shrugging me off politely. But I [almost/kind of] wish they had just told me to leave them alone, instead of trying to be gentle and tiptoe around the sensitive person, and skirt the whole issue. While I would have probably been hurt if they were blunt, I would have probably not been hurt as much, because I would have just told them that I understood it was a deep conversation and that I'd leave them be if that was their wish.
Ow.
At least DJ talked to me. I think that's the first time he's talked to me for longer than a second (okay, maybe thirty, or even a minute) in real life (as opposed to online).
And I got to hear some interesting questions and answers and point-of-views.
And I forgive Melle and DJ for brushing me off. It's not their fault, really. They were just having an important conversation, and it's best that I didn't follow them after the second time.
I'm sorry, Melle and DJ, for trying to horn in on your conversation. And I'm sorry for saying sorry too much. XP That's all I'm good for, I'm afraid.
My parents are nagging me to get off the computer, like usual. Good times. Or not. Haha.
Later.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: nothing, unfortunately
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1 toy said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
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9:37 pm - It's happy snappy closet conservative time!!
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This will probably be a short entry, since I don't want to be off the computer tomorrow.
So yesterday we had that law field trip. Good fun, I guess. I read my new Paradise Kiss manga ^^ The series is over, and I'm sad.
I ate at Bill Batemann's for the first time after the field trip. It snowed randomly for a few minutes while we were at the restaurant. Good times. XD
***
Today was pretty boring. Then again, school always is boring. It snowed randomly during seventh period. I stayed after school for math help and I missed the Young Greens meeting for the Day of Silence. ;_;
I had an appointment with Dr. Crawford today at St. Joe's. Like last time, it started out okay. He tends to be nice at first, but by the end, he pisses me off. He's forcing me to eat meat. Mom's being nice and saying I only have to eat chicken. I gained about a pound according to the scale (one of those older ones, not the nice fun electronic digit kind), and of course he asks me how I feel about it and if I'm scared. I shrugged and said some random crap about how I just didn't want to be like a whale and whatnot. I forget what I said, actually, so screw that.
By the end of the appointment and in the car ride to PetSmart, I was sulking and wanting to stick his head in a clogged up toilet. Yeah, I want to give him a swirly.
silverdreamer34: give him a stale swirly
Charlie's got the right idea. XD
Dr. Crawford actually makes me want to lose weight. Ironic, isn't it? Doctors always spout out bullshit about anorexics being anorexic because they're rebelling against something or they want attention. I think that they don't know jack about it, and they never will. However, he does make me want to rebel against him and lose weight. Go figure.
Melle was telling me about DJ hitting on her, or something. She's not sure how she feels about it but I just hope she gets it sorted out, and listens to her heart, and no one else's.
cisforcookie78: i dont know what im saying or why im telling you this but yeah i just dont get hes all wacked out as far as clear signals go...oh geez i gtg sleep
Well, I'm glad she told me. We're friends, so we can talk about that stuff, right?
I IMed this cool guy in my class named Zack about his band's concert at the Recher. I'm thinking of buying a ticket. Wheee. I've never been to the Recher, so if I go, that will be my first time. I'll lose my Recher virginity. *snicker*
Yani was talking to me on IM about how the guy she's majorly crushing on has a girlfriend, and she was talking about Jenna, and that reminded me of this conversation Jenna and I had a while ago. Jenna told me she wanted a date for the Ring Dance, and how she was such a "closet conservative". I guess that makes me one too. I'm going to the dance doe (instead of "stag", haha) or perhaps with friends, but not with a date. But the only reason why I'm not going with a date is because I know what DJ would say if I asked him to go with me. He'd say no, of course. He's waaay over me.
And I guess another reason would be, while I may have minature crush-like things on some guys, I'm not over DJ enough to actually develop some sort of real crush. And I'm not asking anyone to go to the dance with me. *sigh* I am a closet conservative. It's not the conservative part that bothers me; it's the closet part.
Stupid Ring Dance. Curse you.
At least it's Hollywood themed. I'm going as Audrey Hepburn.
current mood:  lonely
current music: stupid timer!!
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6 toys said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Sunday, March 7th, 2004
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10:41 pm - "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms."
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Friday was pretty unmemorable. Except for after school, during math help, when Ms. Sollers somehow convinced me to try out for Allied Softball (which is not just for kids with special needs; it's for anyone, especially people like me who aren't into competitive sports like JV and Varsity teams). So, yeah, I'll probably try out for it.
Saturday, on the other hand, was unforgettable. I went to Pam's dad's funeral. I didn't know him all that well, but he was a nice man and he let out small group hang out at his house. I'll miss his presence.
The church was packed. I saw some people I knew from school: Nell, Thom, Olivia, and (ergh... I think this is her name) Martha. I wanted them to sit behind me, and they were about to go up to the balcony thing, so this kind old woman got them for me. When they sat down, they said, "Wow, I didn't know you knew Pam. The old lady said a young man wanted us to sit with him." And I was wearing a dress!! This is probably the fourth time I've been mistaken for a boy. Go figure.
Anyway, Caryn and Rebecca (MacVaugh, not Davis) sat next to me during the funeral. I didn't cry, until I handed Pam my white carnation with my note attached. She was barely crying, and she's been praising the Lord. I am so proud of her. Amazed, but extremely proud of her. She's got a strong grip on her faith, and she'll survive, singing praises to the Lord the whole time.
I can't remember much more about the funeral except I saw people I hadn't seen for a while, like Liz Campbell, who is now Liz So-and-So, because she married some guy. And I saw Graham, which made me happy. I miss seeing him at church. I haven't seen him at church for about six months or so. I did spot him by the Pizza Palace briefly when Mom and I drove by it, but other than that, I haven't seen him around. I did, however, have a dream about him Friday night, but that's probably only because I saw him by the Pizza Palace earlier. He told me he wasn't exactly happy with the way I've changed, like my haircut and whatnot. The funeral was about to start, so he told me he'd talk to after the funeral, but after the funeral was over, there was no sign of him. Oh well. It's a bit disappointing he left so soon, but there really wasn't anything I could do about it.
After the funeral, I took a nap and lazed the day away. I never realized funerals could be so exhausting.
Today was interesting, I guess. The high school band (Pam, Erin, John Russell, Rob, Chris, Mark, Duncan, Ben, Alec, and Shannon) didn't practice today, because all the ministry teams gathered together in the Loft and shared what was going on in our teams. It was fun, and I was glad to see Pam singing during worship.
After the Loft time and EPIC, Dad and I had lunch at Panera (Mom went to the early service and then to a trustee meeting), and then to Borders. I started feeling a bit sick with a head ache and stomach ache there. I got Paradise Kiss manga #5, which finally came out a few days ago. I'm going to start reading it tonight, I think, before I fall asleep. After we were done shopping and browsing at Borders, Dad and I went home. I took a nap until it was time for Storm.
At Storm, Bill showed this interesting clip about forgiveness and why we should forgive. I forget the guy's name who does these videos, but I've seen them before and I like them. This time, the guy was at an airport, and he was watching some random woman pick up her luggage. Anyway, I had a feeling about what was going to happen about five seconds before it happened in the clip. The guy was saying, "...and we should ask for forgiveness, and forgive, because they might not always be around..." and then, while they were showing the woman driving her car to the exit booth of the airport parking lot, I just knew someone was going to hit her. I was about to lean over to Vickie and tell her that, but it was too late. The woman pulled out onto the road and a truck came flying out of nowhere and smashed into the woman's car. I yelled as the truck hit the car, "I knew that was going to happen!!" So it was pretty interesting. It made me think. I'm not sure if there's anyone I need to ask forgiveness of or that I need to forgive, but perhaps I should make amends with DJ's friends and apologize for my faults.
After Storm, Ms. Patti (Patti Bilezikian, a.k.a. "Mom"), Tim, Rebecca (MacVaugh again, I don't think I really talk to any other Rebbecas), and I talked in the Loft for a while, then Ms. Patti, Rebecca, and I went next door to the warm Parlor. We were talking about Pam and how this will be her first night at the Bilezikian house, and college, and other random topics (like usual). Sometimes I felt like I was being interrupted, but oh well, that's what it's like having a conversation with Rebecca. XD
But it kind of hurt at the same time, because Rebecca found out about it Monday, I think, and she was like, "Well, half of the school knew on Monday..." and I said, "I found out Tuesday afternoon from my Mom. I'm always the last to know about these things, aren't I?" She replied, "Well, yeah, you are, no offense or anything..." Uh, yeah, actually I am taking offense. I don't gossip, I keep secrets (and even non-secrets) pretty well, so why am I always the last to know about things?! I hate hate hate hate HATE it. I bet anything that my dog knew about Pam's dad before I did. And of course, I found out from my mom, and not one of my close church friends. And then Rebecca continued talking about how she was eating stuff people cooked for Pam at Pam's house the whole week with other friends of Pam. I know I shouldn't have been jealous, but I was. I've known Pam since... 6th grade or before, I think. I consider myself a friend of hers, but Rebecca, who has known her for like a year, and is more of a friend (Kim)'s sister... well, I don't know. I'm not making sense, and I hate this green feeling of envy, but I am jealous. Because I'm always left out. I'm left out of everything.
I almost cried again, but I didn't.
At home, I continued to feel sick, so I got my temperature taken. Of course it was normal. So I ate dinner, which I wasn't really hungry for, and I took a shower.
Then I got online. I feel guilty because I left a mean comment anonymously in Melle's journal. She wrote how people were stating the obvious about Pam's dad being dead at his funeral, so I, in my current depressed jealous angry funk, wrote, "Yeah, well, I'm sorry for being Captain Obvious."
It was mean of me. If she finds this, I'm sorry, Melle.
I'm such a bitch.
I hate myself.
I really am sorry, Melle. I'm sorry for being Captain Fucking Obvious. I'm sorry for leaving mean sarcastic comments in your journal. I'm sorry for being a bitch. And I'm sorry for saying sorry too much.
I haven't ever really liked myself, but there are some times when I hate myself more than other times. This is one of those times when I'm really hating myself.
I bet you no one will go to my funeral except my family. And maybe a few people, like 5 or 6 non-related people. Or maybe more, if my parents pay them. Ha.
current mood: jealous depressed angry funk
current music: "Nobody Likes Me"
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2 toys said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Friday, March 5th, 2004
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12:01 am - "It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine."
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Well, there's really not too much time to type. I have to finish my mask and go to bed reeeally soon. So this will just be a quick entry...
****
This morning, I read the local newspaper at the table while eating breakfast. The movie reviews rated The Passion of the Christ a "C" and Catch That Kid a "C+". What the heck is wrong with the Towson Times?! If they rate some stupid kid spy spinoff of Spy Kids movie higher than one of the most powerful touching movies I've ever seen, surely they are out of their minds!!
So I was quite pissed at them. I want to write a letter to the editor or something like that.
On the way to school, I saw there were still purple ribbons hanging around Towson, even though the runaway girl Michelle (I met her at S.A.M.'s party this summer; that's why she looked so familiar) had been found. I thought it was kind of interesting. And I'm certainly glad they found her.
At school, I fell asleep in all of my classes except Algebra II (period three), Lunch (Lunch A, between periods 3 and 4), and Gym (period 4). I was reeeally tired today. And after Anime Club (I skipped Connections today), I fell asleep in the Cedar lobby.
After school and Anime Club, when I was sleeping, I felt someone hovering over me in my sleep. I woke up. Momo, all decked out in her prettyness and her fun elegant crimson lace tights, asked me if I was okay. "You've been sleeping a lot, and Ms. Waters just passed by, and she said you fell asleep in her class, and she also wanted to know if you're okay." I mumbled, still half-asleep, "No, I mean, yeah, yeah, I'm okay. Jus' tired."
Momo didn't look convinced but sat down on one of the maroon chairs. Then she asked me out of the blue, "Do you have an eating disorder?" I stumbled over my answer, "Well, uh, no." And she looked at me in disbelief but said, "Well, whether you do or not, if you ever want to talk about it, you can talk to me. I know about that stuff, and I'll listen to you." I smiled and thanked her for the offer.
Soon my mom picked me up for electrolysis. I thanked Momo again and said goodbye.
Mom and I rushed to electrolysis, then took a break at Sweet Annie's next door and had some ice cream. After that, we drove over to Mrs. Berestein's for tutoring. At 7:00, Mom picked me up and said Dad would be coming home from work late again.
So we went to Michael's, the arts and crafts store, and looked for a mask and mask supplies for the mask project in English. I saw Mrs. Brock, David's mom, Rachel Delauder's sister, and Pat Finley.
While I'm not over DJ, I will admit Pat is cute, crazy, fun[ny], etc. I wouldn't call it crushing though. He's just cool in general, I guess. So I helped him find some of his mask supplies, then Mom and I bought our supplies and left. Mom had a gift certificate for Applebee's from a friend or something, so we ate there. It was actually pretty good food, and Mom and I had fun.
As soon as we got home, I got to work on my homework. I caught up on a bit of my work, so I don't feel quite as stressed. And I'm mostly done my mask!! Whee!!
( These are the lines I wrote on my mask. They are completely written by me, and they suck, but oh well. )
I've got to wrap up everything I'm doing right now. Man, am I feeling stressed. I'm definitely going to have to take a shower tomorrow morning instead of tonight. Oh, wait. It is "tomorrow morning". Well, then... I'll wake up around 6:30 am to take a shower.
Yeah.
*yawns*
Good night... er, morning?
current music: "It's The End Of The World As We Know It", R.E.M.
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2 toys said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
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10:18 pm - A love/hate relationship with "teenagerism" and "Id, Ego, and Superego" (a.k.a. my crazy mind).
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Ah. It's a love/hate relationship I have with teenagerism.
I don't bother trying hard in Chemistry anymore. I tried really hard in second quarter and I was one of the only... five or so (just a guess) in my class who raised their hand to say something pertaining to the class and not just to yell out, "Oh, say what?! You's a clown!!" Those sayings in Chemistry now randomly get stuck in my head and I feel compelled to say them at random times.
Anyway, I got a C in her class and a N (needs improvement) in effort. When I received my report card, I stared in disbelief at it for almost a minute because of that stupid N.
So now, it's third quarter and I either sleep in her class or just do something like doodle or stare off into space and daydream. I mean, if I'm penalized for doing the right thing, then why try? Why bother? Why care?
Chemistry can bite me.
And Kris and Vicci broke up again. I think she's now going out with Danny Lenderking from middle school. He's a cool guy, but I'm still trying to get used to it. It's all so surreal.
Kate, her friend Liza, and I want to become xhardcore nunx and start a nunnery. XD We each like a different guy or guys but they don't like us and we can't get over them. So, yeah. xhardcore nunx forever.
I had fun after school today. I talked to a lot of people, Claire, Ed, etc. And Rae, Yani, Thom (that writer guy), and I went to Subway (Rae drove us in her pretty white car). We had good fun. Good times. :D I owe her money now, heehee. ^^;
And Japanese class was awesome. For the International Film Week, we saw this hilarious movie called Sumo Do, Sumo Don't. It was about these college guys who sign up for the unpopular sumo club at their school for various reasons. It was just a really good movie, and I was laughing during practically the whole movie. I want to rent it and/or buy it, most definitely.
I got an e-mail from Duncan (from church/Storm/parents' small group/THS) that was forwarded to the Storm band (I think the name of the band is "Downpour", just no one actually knows the name), asking whether we should have any practice on Saturday, because Pam's dad's funeral is on Saturday. I replied to his email, saying we probably shouldn't because I'm planning on going to the service, as I'm sure a lot of other people are, and anyway, it would be disrespectful.
*sigh*
These are just some of the reasons I have a love/hate relationship with teenagerism.
The rest I forget because my mind (id, ego, superego, etc.) seems to repress things, especially if I'm uncomfortable with those thoughts or whatever. Every human does it. It's a Freudian theory I read about in Sophie's World and it usually applies to me.
Anyway, I have to go... I was going to type something else just now, but of course I forgot and/or my mind repressed it. Go figure.
( I had a funny little conversation with Kate. )
Okay, my parents are getting mad. So I'll type more later. Tomorrow, perhaps.
*bursts into song* The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow...
current mood:  confused
current music: nothing ;_; (no time)
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1 toy said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
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2:46 pm - "A funeral keeps both of us apart."
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I feel like I'm so petty now. I have no right to complain.
So it's around 11:30 and Mom and I are driving to the nutritionist's office. Halfway there, she asked me if I had been talking to church friends online. I said no, and she told me some of the worst news I've heard in a while.
"Pam's dad died of a heart attack on Sunday night."
She told me that he was walking the dog, and later, a neighbor found him dead.
Pam is now an orphan. I still remember her mom's funeral after the cancer took her. I was in seventh grade then. But I don't think any of us were expecting this.
Pam's just a senior in high school, and already both of her parents are dead.
Where will she live? Will she live with relatives? Will she continue going to Storm, Central, or THS, at least until she leaves for college?
I really have no right to complain anymore. I just overkvetch. Blah, blah, blah, blah, maybe my life sucks, but at least both of my parents are still alive AND together.
Someone should cut out my tongue.
Not to mention, I still feel bad because yesterday, by accident, I ate meat. During Japanese class, Jennifer gave us the rice balls she made, which had chicken buried in the center. I feel bad. Poor chicken. ;_;
But that chicken is starting to feel pretty darn insignificant compared to Pam's dad, just like my complaints are insignificant compared to Pam's.
I'm going to be praying for her quite a bit more now.
****
I have homework I'm supposed to doing now (some very belated thank you note for Law, maybe some other stuff)... so I guess this is it. Maybe I'll write more later today. Maybe not.
current mood:  sad
current music: "Play Crack the Sky", Brand New
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4 toys said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Monday, March 1st, 2004
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10:06 pm - "It's Ladies' Night and all the girls drink for free."
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This is the worst my memory's ever gotten. I can barely remember the days anymore.
Let's see, what do I remember?
On Friday, when DJ was throwing rocks at the birds outside during lunch, he hit Malcolm's head by accident. Malcolm was okay and he wasn't mad at DJ, but somehow Dr. Fucile found out and had a talk with DJ and his parents this morning. Fortunately, DJ wasn't suspended. It reminds me a bit of my run-in with Dr. Fucile, after I bit Michael Bowes and almost got suspended.
On Sunday, we had church but no Storm, so I basically did my homework, slept, listened to music, etc. I watched the Academy awards too. I was sad Johnny Depp didn't win any Oscars. However, I was so happy because The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King won all of the 11 Oscars they got nominated for, INCLUDING BEST PICTURE!! ^_____^ <3 w00t!!
Today, it was a glorious beautiful sunny almost warm day. Everyone sat outside during lunch again. Ashley was sick with a stomach bug, so Kate, Claire, Becca, Malcolm, and I talked to her on Malcolm's cell phone. Vicci and Kris were together, of course, and Brian and Jessie sat outside too, along with the usual motley crews of fun people (John Russell, DJ, Mary Cait, Wendy, etc. etc... I could go on forever with the list, actually). And Cowboy was outside too, so Becca hid behind me. >XD
During Gym, we were walking around the track. It was pretty fun actually, as we talked while we walked. Mrs. Simpson, Sarah McDonald, Mary Cait, Vicci, and I walked in front of everyone and talked about so much random stuffs... man, I love those girls. And Mrs. Simpson is so awesome. ^__^
English was fun, as usual. Zack, DJ, and Pat always spice up that class. XD
And even though Mademoiselle wasn't there, we had fun anyway, I guess, because we totally BSed the assignment the sub gave us and talked about the Rhetorical Pigeons. I came up with a brilliant (in my humble opinion) idea during French: Frichenstock. Frichenstock (like Woodstock, but with "Frichen", which is German for "to strike", which is where "the f-word" comes from) would be an offbeat festival dedicated to weird, different, offkilter things like Paul (Paul-dear, our favorite Romanian), Brian, and David Morgan's band, the Rhetorical Pigeons, or Ed's film company, Dead Frog Films. Paul, Ed, and Jenna think it's a good idea, so I might actually develop the idea into something real. That would be pretty cool. ^^
World History was also, of course, fun in its own random ways.
For once, I went home on the bus with Parisa and Michelle. I waved to Jessie and Brian as they were walking past my bus and they waved back. ^^ I love my wonderful 9th grade friends. <3 Wheee. Well, I love all my friends, whether they are my age, older, or younger. <3
At home, I played DDR, talked on IM to everyone (Rae, etc.), and ate some whipped cream. Yum.
Then I went to Japanese class, and ate dinner with my parents at Fuji, the Japanese restaurant next door to the Recher.
I'm so happy there's no school tomorrow. The only thing that blows is that I have no plans for tomorrow and my parents are working so I doubt they would be able to drive me anywhere. Maybe I can convince them to drop me off somewhere in Towson like Borders so I could walk around Borders and Legends. That would be fun. *shrugs*
I really can't think of much else to write (my mind tends to shut down and/or forget and/or repress everything when I sit myself down in front of the computer to write) here. -_-;;
Ah well. Hopefully I can make some plans for tomorrow or convince my parents to let me hang around downtown tomorrow. Until then, I'll just take more online quizzes and listen to my Brand New CD.
current mood:  indifferent
current music: "Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis", Brand New
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2 toys said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Saturday, February 28th, 2004
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10:20 pm - "Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?"
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I can't remember much about yesterday, except at small group, Caryn, Duncan, and I watched Finding Nemo and most of Tommy Boy. I hadn't seen Finding Nemo before, but I'm glad I finally did!! ^__^
Oh yeah, it was also my favorite stuffed animal, my stuffed penguin Lisa's 16th birthday (my cousin got her when she was born, but gave her to me when I was about four years old).
Hoo boy, I ate a lot today. Aside from eating a regular breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I had a slice of strawberry cheesecake and chocolate cheesecake.
Dad and Mom were trying to convince me to go to some lecture about some Sopranos star who supposedly had an eating disorder. They started grating on my nerves, so I called them pricks. Later, they said I didn't have to go to the lecture, so I apologized.
I made a new layout for this journal, and I also posted some quiz results (okay, a lot of quiz results) on my quiz journal. I also got some homework done (some French and Algebra II) so it wasn't a complete waste of a day.
I'm going to take a shower now so I won't have to take one tomorrow morning. There's only about five more minutes left on the timer anyway. *sigh*
Good thing we have school off on Tuesday. I feel like I could use all the time in the world.
current mood:  blah
current music: "Guernica", Brand New
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is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Thursday, February 26th, 2004
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9:04 pm - "Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black..."
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Missy had another seizure last night, we had the second day of MSA tests today, someone (but I'm not sure who) thinks I'm a perv, and this nice girl I met at S.A.M.'s party this summer named Michelle ran away. *sigh*
Thank you God for my many good friends, especially the ones I hung out with after school today. Thank you for everyone in Connections, especially today (Holly, Shi, Elaine, Jessie Grizzy, Carmen, Sarah, Rebecca, Vickie, Sarah Yurgie, etc.), Ashley, Becca, and of course... Ed.
Ed thought Carly was going to dump him, because Hannah told him she had something to tell him, and according to Ed, she was giving off a "vibe". Today, when he opened his locker, on the locker door, there were magnets saying, "ed i love you --carly". I told him Carly wasn't going to dump him. >XD
Ed and I talked about the Hollywood-themed Ring Dance. I told him I was going "doe" (my version of "stag") as Audrey Hepburn. He said he might go as Julian Casablancas if he went at all. I tried convincing him to go as Julian Casablancas and to bring Carly as "Julian's girlfriend". XD And my mom and I gave him a ride home again, which is always good fun. In the car, he let me listen to DJ Danger Mouse's CD The Grey Album (Jay-Z's The Black Album and The Beatles' The White Album mixed by some DJ). I liked it, and he gave me his copy. He told me he could easily burn another for himself. I thanked him, of course. He's definitely one of my best friends, especially since (most of the time) he's so darn selfless and generous.
Thank you God for Ed.
We had a family dinner tonight with cousin Stephen (visiting from California), Uncle Bob, Aunt Alison, Hannah, Emma, Mom-mom, Pop-pop, Nana, and Grandfather. I had spanikopita and salad (yay vegetarianism!!), while everyone else had lasagna and salad. XD After dinner and dessert, I showed Mom-mom, Pop-pop, Nana, and Grandfather the "State of the Union on Crack" video on the ebaum website. I <3 that website, and I especially <3 the "State of the Union on Crack" video on that site.
Everyone just left our house, I'm waiting for Kate to get back online so I can continue talking to her, and I should really be doing something more productive with my time. The only problem is there's really nothing more productive to do at the moment.
current mood: bored
current music: "What More Can I Say", (DJ) Danger Mouse
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2 toys said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
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9:43 pm - "We're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial."
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I can't remember what happened before yesterday night. It could be my typical self forgetting everything. But I think I know the real reason this time.
I saw the sneak premiere of The Passion of the Christ at the Senator theatre with Ed, Carly, Siobhan, and Duncan.
Shiv summed up the movie best, by using just one word: "Dayum."
It was so... it's really hard to explain it, but I can definitely say I'd want to see it again. It really feels like Christ's crucifixion was being told to me for the first time. The story has been drilled into my head since preschool Sunday school, so I just got used to thinking, "He got crucified. Oh... that sucks, I guess." But this movie bringing it to life in the most realistic way, now that movie just really showed me how much pain and suffering Jesus went through for us. For me. I'm like the crappiest sinner in the world, yet he died for me, and for all of us. Now THAT is powerful.
Even Shiv was moved. That's definitely saying something.
Before and after the movie, I saw a lot of people I knew at the movie. I saw Melle and John and other Storm people, of course, but I also saw DJ, Brian, and other people I knew (mostly from school).
I think I want to see The Passion of the Christ again. It comes out for real in theatres tomorrow. I really hope it gets people thinking, and makes an impact.
In other news, I'm feeling sort of depressed, but at the moment I'm feeling really apathetic.
Today wasn't too bad. Parisa was sick (for the second day in a row) and wasn't able to be in the trial. I basically made a fool of myself during the trial today (and I was doing so well yesterday... oh well). Today, lunch was really fun[ny]. Kate, Ashley, Malcolm, Vicci, and I sat outside, even though it was a bit chilly and no one else was there because of the band field trip. A seagull peed on Vicci's head, and we were laughing like hyenas. Poor Vicci. But it was really funny. And Kate flashed Ashley for her Mardi Gras beads behind the brick wall.
After school and the Young Greens meeting, Yani, Jenna, Ed, and I hung out in the Cedar lobby and had good fun there. XD
But after my mom picked me up, we got our allergy shots, then headed over to the Eating Disorders Center for another meeting with my nutritionist. Supposedly now, my mom has to make me some sort of a shake everyday. I wasn't too keen on the idea in the first place. But now, especially after today's shake (which I made with vanilla ice cream, milk, chocolate syrup, chocolate chip cookies, and toffee bits), I never want to even hear about shakes again. I am so FULL, I feel physically sick. Gahh.
And at home, I was on the computer, feeling tempted to look at something pr0nish (not sure why), even though I've been clean for about six months. I ended up not looking at much of anything, because Missy had a seizure and Mom and I freaked out.
Since this is Missy's second seizure and the first one wasn't just some one time thing, I guess we'll have to take her to the vet's. And right after Missy had the seizure, three ambulances came to Ms. Agnes' house. So I'm worried, depressed, and apathetic all at the same time (if that makes any sense).
And I'm tired and I feel out of the loop, and confused... is it possible to feel every emotion in one humongoid emotion? I'm so overwhelmed.
I wish it were possible to take a break from life, to just stop the world, and get off temporarily, like one would get off a train or a bus or something like that, and then get back on whenever I wanted.
Stop the world; I want to get off.
current mood: apathetic and overwhelmed
current music: "Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't" (again)
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15 toys said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Saturday, February 21st, 2004
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11:29 pm - "d.c. sleeps alone tonight"
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I want to write in here, but I only have ten minutes. So here goes.
Today, I did some homework (French and Trial Advocacy trial preparation), went to For Eyes to get my glasses adjusted so they wouldn't fall off my face, and got two CDs at Best Buy. I bought The Postal Service's Give Up and Brand New's Your Favorite Weapon. They're all right, but I still prefer Brand New's Deja Entendu.
Then tonight, after dinner, Mom, Dad, and I watched this French movie (subtitled) called L'Homme Qui Aimait Les Femmes (in English, the title means "The man who loved women"). It was unrated, and should have been R or NC-17 for gratuitous shows of topless women. However, it was a very good movie, and I'd probably watch it again.
( Jenni said the funniest thing to me about the whole Neanderthal conversation. )
( And this is something Emma said about her day that was both deep and funny. )
Crap. The timer bell rang, so I have to go, even though I'm in the middle of talking to Michelle on IM and listening to Deja Entendu again.
Well, I didn't really have much more to say anyway.
current mood:  rushed
current music: "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight", The Postal Service
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2 toys said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Friday, February 20th, 2004
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11:43 pm - Timers ticking and guitars strumming... it's the beginning of another short weekend.
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It's finally the weekend. I'm pretty tired, both from lack of sleep and just general exhaustion from the week.
The trial stress is really grating on my nerves, especially since my trial is Monday. Ehh... ;_;
At least Max let us listen to his comedy hardcore rap group's PureVolume.com song. That was pretty humorous. Randall, Max, and one of their other friends... white suburbs boys... rapping... it was interesting and fun[ny].
During lunch, I ate outside again with Vicci, Kris, Malcolm, Mary Cait, John, DJ, Brian, Kate, and everyone else.
Right before gym, in the locker rooms when we were changing, Rachel told me she saw DJ and said hi to him. She was like, "And I said, 'Where's your girlfriend?' and he says, 'I'm single.' And I was like, 'Oh. Sorry.'"
I apologized for not telling her that DJ broke up with me.
She was like, "That's okay... he wasn't cute anyway..." and I exclaimed, "What do you mean by that?!"
"Well, his forehead stuck out like a Neanderthal, or a Cro Magnon," and Siobhan chimed in, "...or like one of those Star Trek things... the Klingons!! That's it, the Klingons!!"
We doubled over in laughter, and Vicci, who had just finished changing, asked us what was so funny, so I told her, and she was laughing with us too. Ah, the good that can come out of the bad... or at least the funny that can come out of the bad... gotta love it.
And, of course, we played hockey in gym (and we won, of course XD). "Yay Linz!!" "Yay Rachel!!" "Yay Esther!!" "Yay Mary Cait!!" "Yay Vicci!!" I like rooting for my team mates, but it is a bit tiring sometimes.
During World History, Ms. Waters wasn't there, so I listened to my Walkman (or Discman, whatever it is) playing Brand New's Deja Entendu (again) under my hoodie.
Jenna and Ed sat far away from me during class. Recently, they've been sort of avoiding me and talking amongst themselves. I mean, they give me hugs, and then go back to their own conversations. It's like I have a contagious disease or something. It makes me feel even lonelier than I already am, if you know what I mean.
I stayed after school yet again with Ms. Sollers for math help. I finished two dittoes and then Dr. Barranger came over the intercom around 4:30 pm, telling us to evacuate the building. I packed up slowly and left, because since we were in the trailers, it wasn't urgent. Mom was outside of the Cedar lobby and she told me in the car there was smoke, probably from a belt in a fan or something, so they wanted to be safe and get everyone cleared out of the building. I guess it makes sense.
When I got home, Mom told me I had to eat Hay and Straw pasta with ham for dinner because Nana, Grandfather, Mom-mom, and Pop-pop were coming over. During dinner, I fed my ham to the dog and just ate the pasta and mushrooms. Mmm... Missy likes ham.
During dinner, after I had finished my meal, I crawled around under the table and talked to Missy. I heard Mom-mom, Nana, and Mom talking about my weight so I hit Mom under the table to try to get her to shut her mouth. She ignored me, so later I told her to never talk about weight again in front of Nana. I'm sorry, but it's not surprising Nana has eating problems, with our ridiculous family. Dumbass (not Nana or Mom-mom, I mean Mom). I love Mom... but arghhhhhh... she annoys me so much sometimes!!
After dinner, I talked to DJ on the Internet.
( We talked about quite a bit. It was an interesting conversation, and parts of it were very funny. Okay, most of it was funny. )
Mmm, good fun. I post good conversations in this journal now, since I haven't been on my computer for ages (because the Internet stopped working on it), and this computer is Mom's computer. I used to save all my conversations on my computer before the Internet stopped working on it. Sometimes, I miss using my computer. Oh well.
I listened to my Brand New CD again, and now I'm in the middle of playing the Emo Game for the gazillionth time. w00t.
( These are random funny thoughts from Thursday/yesterday. )
The timer's going to ring soon, so I'm going to play some more of the EmoGame before I get off the computer. Later...
current mood:  exhausted
current music: background music from the EmoGame and the timer
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2 toys said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Thursday, February 19th, 2004
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9:42 pm - "Cause you can't keep a secret when it never was a secret to start."
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Today seemed to pass by pretty quickly.
In Trial Advocacy, Ashley and I have been working extra hard for our trial. I'm so nervous, I really don't want to be an attorney. ;_;
Lunch was very... shall we say, interesting today.
Claire, Malcolm, Vicci, Kris, DJ, Wendy, Kate, Mary Cait, Brian... like most of my lunch friends, actually... were sitting outside today. I went into the cafeteria with Vicci as she bought her lunch. I gave some copies of Unconventional Wisdoms to Brian and DJ. When Vicci and I came back outside, Claire ran to me, looking a wee bit frightened, almost like a deer caught in headlights.
She told me in a scared voice, "Erin... Erin kissed me on the lips!!"
I promptly freaked out, hugged her, then told Vicci. Vicci freaked out, hugged her, and she told Kris. Kris told DJ, and it spread to everyone sitting outside. So we gave her a group hug. Poor girl. ;__;
I guess that's what happens if you're too nice to Erin. Claire's bisexual, but she never had a crush on Erin like Erin does on Claire. Behind Erin's back, Becca, Claire, and I call her our stalker.
Becca was mean to Erin and Erin's afraid of her now, I'm nice to Erin but I won't let her hug me. And Claire is too darn nice for her own good, and let Erin hug her. But Erin kissing Claire... now that's going way too far. Poor Claire. Poor Erin. Poor all of us.
Gym was fun like usual. Mrs. Simpson was back, Vicci and I did our usual "Vibethica" (or "Vibethatoria", whatever works) routine of her doing my pushups and I doing her situps, and we played hockey with our glorious team. And of course we won. >XP
English was kind of fun today. We talked about poetry and read some Newsweek article called "Poetry is Dead. Does Anyone Really Care?" or something like that.
French was fun. I told Katrina she was going to have a panic attack and end up next to Mariah Carey in the hospital. She laughed at me, and then I told Mademoiselle Arnett she could join Katrina with her migraine. We were all laughing, and it was just a really funny class today.
World History was, of course, also fun[ny]. Just because it always is. Jenna and I were mad at Ed for wearing Rae's "I Prefer Girls" pin because it's Rae's Hanukkah gift from Jenna and because it's not as funny when Ed wears it.
After school, I stayed in Ms. Sollers' trailer for math help again. There was this guy named Larry there with his girlfriend (I didn't catch her name). They were really funny and Larry and Ms. Sollers were jokingly flirting.
Larry was saying, "I don't like gay people. I don't understand it," and Ms. Sollers and I were telling him it's not fair to dislike someone because they're gay or bisexual. He continued with, "But I like lesbians." And we three females rolled our eyes. I told him jokingly, "Well, then, why don't you, your girlfriend, and Ms. Sollers have a threesome?" And everyone freaked out but laughed at the same time. >XD They all knew I was only joking. With quite a few of my other teachers, I might have gotten detention but Ms. Sollers understood that I was kidding and she's cool like that anyway so it was all good. :D
After math help, I walked around to the Aigburth entrance and hugged trees and talked to Emily, who started homeschool recently, so I signed her goodbye card. ;_; And I also talked to Amy, Sarah, the other girl whose name I always forget, Melle, Kris, John, and Sam. That was good fun. :D
Then I walked upstairs to the Cedar lobby and talked to Maya, her friend whose name I forget, Estinia, and her friend (I think her name was Tanya or something like that). We were laughing so hard about random things; it was general good fun.
Then I went home quickly and talked to DJ online about Brand New a bit. Only about half an hour later, I had to go to Mrs. Berenstein's for tutoring. After I got home from tutoring, I went online and talked to Melle and Rae. I also talked to Siobhan, Vicci, and Ed about The Passion of The Christ premiere that I invited them to go to with me, and Shiv and her boyfriend Duncan are able to come!! w00t!! :D
This week hasn't been too shabby. ^__^
***
( My fortune cookie says... )
( SmarterChild never ceases to amuse me. )
( Memes are fun. )
I love those fun online gidgets, gadgets, and gizmos. They're so fun and time-wasting and pointless. YAY!!
Wow, I sound waaay too happy, haha.
statz ne1: I asked Ed and Carly but they haven't said and I asked Vicci and she's not sure because she has to babysit but maybe
scrap metal star: aw pssh she can bring the kid, not like hell be at all disturbed by the movie or anything
statz ne1: ahahahhaahaa >XDDDD
I love Shiv, she's so awesome. XD Dude, I love all my friends. All my friends are oh so very awesome.
current mood:  chipper
current music: "Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't", Brand New
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is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
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10:12 pm - "If today's the day it gets tired..."
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Today was not too bad. I just fell asleep too much, that's all.
I stayed awake in Law and Homeroom. On the announcements, there was some drawing and they were going to pick a winner for something. So, being the bored person I was, I decided to hear them announce the winner's name, thinking it would probably be someone I wouldn't know. But as James and Tim pulled out the piece of paper from a box, I got this weird feeling, like it would be someone I knew, like DJ. Then they read off the paper, "D...J...DJ...DJ Crenson."
I was right. And from some sort of shock, I started to fall over a bit, and just barely caught myself.
I slept in Chemistry and Algebra II.
Vicci, Claire, and I ate lunch outside. Kris and Vicci (they're back together again ^^) snuggled together on the bench. DJ and Dan chased the seagulls and threw rocks at them. Then Coach Yoska (sp?) stopped them and talked to them. DJ said Coach Yoska thought they were going behind the building to smoke. DJ almost told Coach Yoska that they were going behind the building to have sex. >XD
Kris noticed my Walkman (Discman?) and asked me what I was listening to, and I told him Brand New. His eyes lit up.
"What album?"
"Deja Entendu."
"What song?!"
"'Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades.'"
He wanted to listen to it, so I let him borrow my Walkman and he ran off with it. Vicci and I turned towards DJ's direction and saw Kris and DJ with my Walkman, jumping to the beat. It was a pretty funny sight. So then I said to Vicci, "Let's imitate them... we're like Vibethitoria, and you do my push-ups, and I do your sit-ups!!" >XD
Gym was fun, even though Mrs. Simpson wasn't there.
I fell asleep during English and French a bit, so I don't remember too much about those classes.
In World History, I actually managed to stay awake. That class is so fun, and it's almost impossible to fall asleep in it.
After school, I stayed in Ms. Sollers' trailer for math help again. Feeney was there, and we talked a bit, especially after Ms. Sollers disappeared to look for the girls on the JV and Varsity Basketball teams. I also fell asleep while Ms. Sollers was out looking for the JV and Varsity girls.
After math help, I talked to Christina, David Glancy, Jessica, Rebecca, and Ed in the Cedar lobby. Good fun.
Mom picked me up around 4:30 pm, and we stopped at home briefly before heading out to Japanese class.
During Japanese class, I felt a bit tired, and struggled really hard to stay awake. My vision was doubling and I was yawning quite a bit. It was interesting.
After Japanese, I came home and asked Siobhan, Ed, and Carly about coming to see the sneak premiere of The Passion of the Christ with me. Siobhan said she'd like to, but if she went, she'd want to bring her boyfriend, Duncan. That was quite fine with me, and I told her so. I asked Ed and Carly if they wanted to see the movie with me (and they could sit next to each other and snuggle or whatever). They didn't let me know if they were able to go but they seemed interested. So I'm happy.
Then Mom and I had dinner without Dad, because he was at that Eating Disorders parents meeting. Poo.
I finished dinner and went back online.
I talked to Kate on IM. You can tell she is related to Siobhan because she is so sweet, like her sister. ^^ I love those girls. <3
And I talked to DJ on IM. We talked about Johnny Depp quite a bit (DJ also thinks Johnny Depp is hot, although I think he's straight). DJ's new nickname is Mr. Strange[r], stemming from that conversation I had with him recently I posted in here before. XD
I also talked to the lovelies Melle and Jenna. ^^ And I talked to Ashley a bit, but only because of the trial.
I'm dreading that trial. Oh well.
Life's actually not too bad at the moment. It could be better, but of course it could always be much worse. So I'm trying to be thankful towards God, and I'm trying to count my blessings.
current mood: thankful
current music: "The Quiet Things No One Ever Knows", Brand New
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is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
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9:25 pm - Nutritionists.
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So I fell asleep in math again. It's not like I meant to. I've just been so tired... life is tiring. It's draining.
I can barely remember anything anymore.
Well, in World History, we did this career exploration program thing in the library. That was fun.
My list was pretty weird though. I took it twice, just to see what I'd get both times. Pretty much the same both times. My first choice was Dietician/Nutritionist, which was pretty ironic, considering I went to my new nutritionist today. More on that later.
My second choice was Graphic Designer and my sixth choice was Writer and Editor. I got a whole bunch of scientific careers (not just dealing with computers, either), which is pretty weird, because I don't really like science. My funniest choices were Zoologist on the second try and Meat Cutter on the first try. I'm a vegetarian, so I wouldn't be caught dead cutting meat. Wow, I just made a few puns there.
Jenna's funny choice was Bellhop. Gary a.k.a. Grry's funny choices were Special Education Teacher and Fashion Coordinator.
After school, instead of going to Young Greens or the play auditions, I went to Ms. Sollers' trailer for math help. :-/ That sucked. Oh well.
After math help, I met up with Ed, Jenna, and Carly in Mr. Brotman's room and talked to them for a while. Carly sat on Ed's lap and we played with Mr. Brotman's sombrero. That was fun.
Ed, Jenna, and I headed down to the Cedar lobby and sat on the couch. I tried listening to Brand New's Deja Entendu on my Walkman, but the batteries ran out of juice.
Mom picked me up from school pretty soon after we sat down and drove me to the Eating Disorders Center again, this time to meet my new nutritionist, Dr. Kaufman (sp?).
She was really kind and not at all probing like Dr. Crawford. Thank goodness. Otherwise I might have snapped.
( This is the third time I've taken the Personality Disorder Test and here are my new results. )
Today was pretty boring, but I'm actually thankful for that, I guess.
current mood: bored
current music: "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot", Brand New
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2 toys said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Monday, February 16th, 2004
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9:40 pm - Short Monday.
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Well... I'm supposed to be writing a rough draft about Greek architecture, philosophy, and the Olympics for English. But I'm being a lazy distracted bum (hey, I have ADHD, it's cool) and procrastinating!! w00t.
Today was a short day. I woke up around 11 am-ish. Dad gave me PuffyAmiYumi (a.k.a. "Puffy" in Japan)'s CD An Illustrated History for a belated Valentine's Day present. I listened to it while eating my breakfast, and I definitely like it. J-pop is fun. ^^
Dad and I drove over to the mall so he could have his watch band fixed. He bought me a new watch, which was nice of him.
In the parking lot, we had an argument. I told him I wasn't hungry because I had just had breakfast. He got pissed at me and accused me of trying to avoid lunch. He scolded me, and he said, "You have an eating disorder. You have to eat."
He's wrong. I don't have one. The doctor never said anything. And I also just wasn't hungry.
Out loud, I told him that he was a.) wrong and b.) being an ass. I told him to stop being an ass and asked him if we could eat lunch at Borders. He reluctantly agreed.
At Borders, I ordered a pizza-style pretzel and a fruit smoothie with whipped cream. Dad got some turkey cheese sandwich, a berry muffin, and a mocha. He shared his muffin with me, and also let me try a sip of his mocha. I blew a straw wrapper at him.
I read the manga in the manga section of the store (mostly Happy Mania manga) and browsed in the music section. Borders didn't have the Postal Service's Give Up CD, so I ended up walking out of Borders empty handed.
After Japanese class, Dad and I went to Target. They didn't have Give Up either, but they did have a CD I had being eyeing for about two months: Brand New's Deja Entendu. So I bought it with the Target gift card Aunt Catherine gave me for Christmas.
After dinner, I listened to it once on the computer, while talking to Kate, Caitlin from the SNRPG, Jenni, Sunny, Linz, Chris, and Maria on IM.
I'm going to BS this English rough draft and listen to my brand new Brand New CD again. I'm really liking it already.
current mood: blah
current music: "Tautou", Brand New
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1 toy said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Sunday, February 15th, 2004
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11:23 pm - "I tried living my life through your eyes, smother me with your ways..."
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Well, Valentine's Day turned out to be surprisingly pleasant.
DJ and I are on better terms now.
Saturday was boring for the most part, but in a blissful way.
Saturday night, on the other hand, was a wild PARTAY (yeah, those senior girls, they sure know how to throw a party)!! The only thing that sucked was Sarah wasn't able to come because my parents couldn't give her a ride. ;_;
My parents drove me over to Caryn's house at 5 pm ish. I was "all dressed up" (dressed up for me, that is). I wore a black skirt, a black shirt, black stockings, black dress shoes, and my black and white striped armwarmers (yeah!!!). But I forgot to wear shorts underneath the skirt. ;_;
Caryn wore this pretty one shoulder burgandy maroon colored dress, so she looked all fancy schmancy too. w00t!!
At church (just us Storm girls), everyone was all dressed up. Let's see, who was there... Rebecca, Duckie, Laura, Elizabeth, Caryn, Dani, Melle, Katie, Lori, Julie, Colleen, Ellie... and then the senior girls: Theresa (the only one not in the senior girls small group), Kristin, Vickie, Leah, Amy, Pam, Erin M., the other Erin, Bria... I don't think there was anyone else. And the senior girls (except for Theresa) were dressed in waiter style outfits. It was so cute!!
We had salad, pasta, garlic bread, and desserts (mmm... mud pie), and we karaoked. I karaoked waaaay too much (I <3 karaoke). I did The All-American Rejects' "Swing Swing", American Hi-Fi's "Flavor of the Week", Avril Lavigne's "Losing Grip" (I'm not a big fan, but I love that song), and Rebecca made me do Vanessa Carlton's "One Thousand Miles" with her (I like the song, but I'm not that familiar with it). It was fun, though.
And Melle, Katie, and Ellie did a lot of funny songs, like their rendition of Britney Spears' "Oops! I Did It Again". That was hilarious. But the funniest part of the evening was when Amy and Dani did "All That Jazz" and Amy half-mooned us (she was wearing tights, so it wasn't exactly mooning) at the end of the song.
At the end of the night, we took pictures under the wedding style arch, signed the V-Day board, took candy hearts and chocolate roses, and wrote letters to our future husbands.
It was a great night, and it is definitely one I'll never forget.
At home, I was a little grouchy, especially since my parents turned off the Internet. I played DDR downstairs and then I did homework until about 2 am. I finally went to bed around 2:30 am.
Next morning, I was late to Storm's band practice, and I was dead tired. Not to mention, my voice was shot. Pam and Erin complained of shot voices too. But we sang anyway. >XD And the red balloon I found in the Loft, which I am now keeping as a pet, molested me a lot. >XD And Kristin, Steven, Amy, and Scott ate a whole cheese cake left over from last night. >XD
After band practice, I went to EPIC, and I almost didn't fall asleep during the sermon. I tried my best to stay awake because it was a good sermon, but I was really tired and fell asleep during the last five minutes of it. After the service was over, in the concourse, I bought tickets for our church's sneak premiere of The Passion of the Christ for our family. I also said hi to my friend Dave and tried to convince him to go to Storm.
At Storm, Dave was there, so I was happy. We bought tickets for The Passion of the Christ for our friends. We talked some more about the movie. I really cannot wait to see it. Bill also showed the "Hey Ya, Charlie Brown!" video clip on the big screen. We skanked/moshed to it. >XD
After Storm, I came home, and my parents finally reconnected the Internet. I was invited into a chatroom, and pranked into believing the people IMing me had crushes on me. It was crazy. It turns out it was Rachel Moore (from gym)'s older brother, on her screen names. I IMed her, and we talked a while. I don't talk to her that much in gym. I'm not sure why, as she is really cool. But we had a fun conversation. I am definitely planning to talk to her more often.
I also talked to Siobhan about the parties she's been going to this weekend, and also to DJ and Melle about random stuff.
Mmm... it's a Sunday night. But tomorrow we have off. :D ^__^ I <3 four day weekends.
I have to get off in about eight minutes because if I don't, Mom will disconnect the Internet again. I <3 my Internet.
( Give me hugs!! )
current mood: happy
current music: "Asthma", P.O.D.
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1 toy said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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| Saturday, February 14th, 2004
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1:25 am - "To experience the bittersweet, to taste defeat, then brush my teeth."
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I had the longest conversation with DJ. First I was fairly normal, then I was crying, then I was wiping my tears with a tissue and sobbing (quietly, so my parents wouldn't hear, of course), then I was laughing and crying, and then I was laughing, crying, and smiling.
( THE most IMPORTANT conversation with DJ )
We're starting over. And I finally took off the necklace he gave me. Maybe I'll wear it again one day, when we become better friends. I really hope it happens.
It's Valentine's Day.
"Forward Motion" is the song stuck in my head now.
And while it's not exactly the happiest Valentine's Day ever, it's definitely not as sad anymore.
( 04 forward motion )
current mood: hopeful
current music: "Forward Motion", Relient K
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6 toys said yes. is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
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