Wish I could find a way to dissapear..'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Wish I could find a way to dissapear..

[ website | My Live Journal ]
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

Boy oh boy.. [17 Feb 2005|06:40pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | Mest-Another Day ]

Wow we're going on 2 months that I havent had my internet. 1-29.. hmm.. intiresting :dies: funny shit man.. funny shit. Never happening again.. Bleh..

Anyways..

Valentines day sucked.. as always. Things werent what they seemed with him.. And whatever. Leave comments to let me know you still care!

Miss you guys..

-nina

post comment

Memories.. check this outt [23 Jan 2005|04:19pm]
OH MY JEEZE! [24 Jan 2004|10:35pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Linkin Park-Points of Authority ]

wow! today was magickal!!!! okay i was home by myself until like 4 and then i went back to st. clairs fair! i went with brooke and we met up with nikki and then caleb and...Tom! omigod! it was so funny!!! I think i sorta like him too..but omg! okay brooke shoved a goldfish in my mouth! while i was doing this fishy game! A LIVE GOLDFISH! NOT THE FOOD! LMAO. i was almost peeing in my pants and then Brooke threw it in my face!!! lmao!!!
then caleb stepped on it and its guts came out! i was wearing his hat for like most of the time...then i was licking everyones faces and then i went to lick tom last...i tried to lick his cheek but he turned! and i licked his lips!!!!it was soo funny..i felt bad sorta though and hes wiped it off but then licked his lips! haha! it was funny. plus tom has a nice bootie!! lmao. so anyways then i pantsed tom and it was funny and he didnt care..then he asked nikki out and so ya they're together..then yeah i was haning out with him and brooke and everyone and it was so fun. this is becoming a great weekend for me! omigod ya im purtyy sure i like him. i kept telling him how hott he was! haha! and hes just liek ya i know..but then when everyone went on this one ride, i was like yah ur really cool and really hott, hes like well thanks you and it was funni!! I had so much fun tonight you could not believe!! but then caleb was being a poohead becuz he was always near brooke and stuff but then is just being mean or something. but it was awesome and i'll never forget it! :-D!!!!!!!! Thanks guys for an awesome night! now tomorrow off to the south florida fair! omigod!..yeah. haha! much luv to everyone....plus Tom! haha!
~Janina~
a.k.a.
~Mitch~


Tom Morison is sooo hott! I luv my new buddy!!

3 comments|post comment



stick that goldfish in ur pipe and smoke it! lmao [24 Jan 2004|11:23pm]
i forgot one thing. i saved brookes life! i told her not to go on the ring of fire and she didnt and if she did she would have gotten stuck upside down for like 5 miniutes! lmao. never gonna forget it!! tom is really hott...and only me and brooke know who would enjoy that goldfish the most!.......:O(the o is aposta be bigger) lmao. 124 forever!!!
~Janina~
a.k.a.
~Mitch~
4 comments|post comment
1 comment|post comment

OMG [23 Jan 2005|04:15pm]
comps still broken... camping all this weekend. soo fun. im at the library. tomorrow is 124. i love brooke nikki caleb and tom. they made that night a year ago awesome!!!

<124
post comment

..Scribbler of Dreams [23 Dec 2004|10:39pm]
[ mood | artistic ]
[ music | Papa Roach-Scars ]

i just finished reading an amazing book. The last third of it was about regret.. And most about you cant focus on regret because no matter how hard we try.. there's no going back and fixing the past. We can't rely on the past and we can't fix it. We're always moving forward.. Not going back. So instead of concentrating on the past.. we must on the future. And just know that whatever was planned..

..Was meant to be.

1 comment|post comment

"How do you do it.. Make me feel like i do!?" [16 Dec 2004|06:09pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Incubus-Stellar ]

Four words..

Life

Is

Real

Good.

:D


<3 Him

2 comments|post comment

"Everything's going so well!!"-Moulin Rouge [20 Nov 2004|11:52pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]
[ music | Lost Prophets-I Don't Know ]

Hey everyone!

Well, I definatly have to say my life is going pretty well right now. This month in general has been fantastic. I've been in a constant great mood, I'm getting to know more wonderful people and starting to really enjoy Jupiter.

But these last two days have been absolutely amazing! Yesterday was my first real performance of the year. This weekend we did this thing called a Variety Show. It's where the chorus and some solo people do a nifty variety of older pop songs (i.e. Because you loved me, I get around, La Isla Bonita, Lean on me, etc) and then solos do their own shit and whatever. Anyways, everyday afterschool this week we've had rehersal until around 6 and we'd sometimes walk to wendys before or whatever and that was really fun. But last night and tonight were the performances. They were AMAZING! And this is how they went:

Yesterday I took the bus home from school for the first time all week and then went with Stephanie to see her boyfriend by the middle school. Afterwards, I went home, went to go get my character shoes which were too small but it was the largest size they made (I had already special ordered a friggin size 12 which is what they sent) and apparently the shoes run small or whatever so I was DYING in those shoes. My left foot bled last night and then both my feet tonight. Then, I went to try and get the stupid shoes stretched (by the way, vinyl does NOT stretch) which didnt really work. Then drove through mcdonalds, got ready really quick and got to my school at 6:20-ish (I was suppost to get there at 6).

When I got there, Jessica did some of my stage make-up and then I did the rest. When the show was supost to start we went inside and got more ready. We waited around until it was time for us to go on and then did our first song. It was alright but not perfect. I spotted Ryan and some other cool people out in the audience!! That was cool that some people i knew came to see the show.

Then I had about a half hour before goign back on to do some other songs so I called Leah and Brooke and talked to them. We also did some of the guys make-up for when they had to dress up like chicks for "I Get Around" by the Beach Boys. Funny stuff!! Once it was our turn to go out, we did pretty well. I messed up a little bit but whatever. I dont think too many people noticed. haha. Then we ran to the other end of the auditorium to do the next song (which is kind of in the audience) and i was behind everyone and i had to be in the front so i ran really fast in the character shoes and ran too far and then since the shoes are soo slippery on that carpet, when i tried to stop, I fell flat on my ass right when the lights had turned on! omfg it was soooo funny!!! I was laughing through the whole song.

After we sang that song, we sat in the aurdience for the rest of the show until the last song (Because you loved me) and then I went and said hi to a bunch of people and then went home.

Today, I woke up kinda late and then went and got a bagel then around 2ish, went to see National Treasure (which is really good), then came home and got ready for the second show.

I got there late again because I had to stop and get a camera. Then i got there and blah blah blah.. Same as the night before but more funner, did more guys make-up, took pictures this time, and then went on to do the other songs. On my way out to do the same song I fell in yesterday, I was carefully walking down the stairs and I heard someone in the dark whisper to me "Janina!" in the audience. I turned to look to see who it was yelling "What! Hi!!" but i couldnt see who it was. Then when I was singing, I figured out it was Ryan who had come in right after intermission. But when he whispered my name or whatever, I fell on the stairs, but grabbed the railing so i didnt fall all the way! Haha. Then we sang the song and then I went and sat with Ryan for the rest of the show till I sang the last song.

After the show, I went and got changed into some semi-normal clothes and then came out in the hall and was greeted by Ryan and a rose w/baby's breath mixed in it!! I felt so special cause that was the first time a friend or anyone that wasnt my parents had ever given me flowers after a performance. So, thank you again Ryan for the rose -- it really meant a lot Afterwards, I left and went out to dinner with my parents and some family friends to Quarterdeck. It was fun.

And now I'm here. Totally wiped out and content. All is well. And I have flowers not from my rents! And they're special cause they're from my Sissy Girl!! Haha. Have a good rest of the weekend everyone!! xoxoxoxo mwah!!

-Janina

1 comment|post comment

Funny quotes for the day!! [18 Nov 2004|08:58pm]
[ mood | flirty ]
[ music | Jimmy Eat World-Pain ]

Cecelia: "Bob Marley makes my stomach feel better" "Tylenol 'Takes my pain away'!! Haha, Jimmy Eat World.."

Ryan: "i am a sissy girl"

Okay, but the winner is.. After having a bunch of people sign my jeans today.. Ryan wins the quote of the day.

Ryan: "marker: $1.50.. jeans: $20.. Seeing that someone left their mark: priceless"

HAHA.. I guess you kinda had to be there for all of it.. :P Okay well its really funny so whatever!!


All is goooooood!!!! Okay, I'm done. I'll write sometime!
-Janina


p.s. Ryan's MY sissy girl!!! :-P haha!!

post comment

Today.. Or something. [29 Oct 2004|11:24pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]
[ music | Linkin Park-Pushing Me away ]

Okay so school was alright today.

Test in Spanish. Nothing too great about that class.

I spent chorus in the practice room with a bunch of cool people. We listened to good music, talked, joked, laughed, and made Courtney a dick to match her football uniform since it was a guys uniform and it was a little too baggy down there . That's one of those things you can't forget about the year.. Or I wont be able to anyways. But that's just cause I have a really sharp memory and I remember almost everything.

We spent gym in the auditorium since the gym was being decorated for homecoming tomorrow night. We watched Gremlins 2 on this big screen in there. I felt like I was in a theatre.. I was sitting with some good people, but also some annoying bad ones. The movie was kind of dumb. I half-slept in there.

Lunch wasn't great.. It never really is.

English was horrible as usual since I don't like that class. We went to the Library and took a test on a book we had to chose to read. Then we had to pick another one for the next test in December. I chose a book called "Someone Like You" Cecelia had read it and she said it was really good (she reads the same kinds of books I do.) Then we went back to class, I did vocab, and went to catch my bus.

Paul returned from his week and a half absence since he had the stomach flu or something. So the bus ride was full of laughter and shit like that again. I think Sophia and Mickey missed the bus or just werent riding it. :shrugs: oh well.

When we get to gardens I said hi to people, got a ride home with stephanie to my house, she spent time on my computer while I walked around the house trying to find something to do for the evening.. No luck. People said they were going to abacoa and they would call me but.. No call and no answer of phone when I called. So.. I went to the musical at dreyfoos.

When I got there, I ran into Ali and a bunch of her friend's right away. They were so open and friendly. it was nice. Once we got our tickets, my mother and I went inside. We found our seats and it started. it was a really good musical.

During intermission, Leah had told me to go find and meet this asshole guy that's totally obsessed with her.. Like, creepy obsessed. Anyways, I met him and that was.. uhh.. intiresting. I called Leah back right away. Now I was to find Jon Zimmers. But, I didn't. I ran into Channing during intermission too so I went and sat with her for the rest of the show.

Afterwards I followed Channing backstage and we looked for Jon. No luck so I walked back. Then I hear my name as I'm walking. So, I run back and she says I just missed him. Fuck. So we go and lok in the green room. He's not there. Within two seconds, I get a call on my phone from the asshole and it turns out Jon was outside with him but they were both leaving. So, I ran out there but I was too late. Jon left and the asshole was still standing out there about to leave. So, i talked to the asshole for another minute or two and then left.

Turns out I've got no plans for halloween anymore. I have the costume and everything but no reason to wear it. :shrugs: I guess this will be my first halloween at home since everyone's already made plans and it's too short notice for anythign else.. I had told Leah awhile ago I wanted to and could go trick or treating with her but she made other plans so.. oh well. Maybe next Halloween will be better and I'll have more back-up plans. :sigh: Whatever.

I need to make an appt. to get my permit soon. i mean, take all of the tests and shit. Blah. Josh's birthday is tomorrow. Happy birthday Josh i heart youu!!

Things with.. uhh.. "him" arent going to well. I saw him last weekend at cracker barrel but I didnt see him sunday or Wednesday when I usually do. So, I've been a little disheartened. But, apparently he likes everyone else but me. So, whatever. I'm not quite sure he's worth the persistancy that I have and can use on him. But, I don't know.. I'm gonna be persistant for a little while at least.

It's a little after 11 now. I'm so tired.. I had such a buisy week. Hm. :thinks about what to do on Halloween: this is really bothering me.

Okay whatever, I have nothing else to say. Have a good weekend everyone.

-Janina

post comment

I <33 you guys!! [23 Oct 2004|01:51pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Snow Patrol-Spitting Games ]

All I have to say is I love my friends so much. Thanks for everything.

-Janina

2 days!

"Dude, it's your birthday! You should fucking hook up with him!! I'll make it happen!!" -Haha Josh you're awesome :)

post comment

HAHA [12 Oct 2004|08:06pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | SUM41-"WERE ALL TO BAME" BITCHES!! ]

It's funny.. some of you peeps are fake that go to HLW.. lol. It's soo funny to watch you guys think you're such hott shit.. and no its not all of you.. its like.. 2 of you. And I'm cracking up now.. totally laughing my ass off because of you guys. and no i dont think their on blurty so dont ask.. but thanks for the good laff. even tho ur fake, i luvv uuuuuu. Teehee. Ahahahahah im dieing mann. BB and NF 1-24 is comin soon.. reliven it or what!?!?!? haha. izz comin!! ttyl
-nina

post comment

12 days and 4 hours!! [12 Oct 2004|08:02pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Sum41-We're All To Blame ]

almost my birthday. I guess I could say 13 days, but its really 12 days and 4 hours.. so yeah. 12 days and four hours till my bday!!! haha. Okay, thats my update. I got the new Sum41 CD today because it came out. I've only heard the first few songs (I got the cd a half hour ago) and already it kicks ass. So yeah. Thats it.
-Janina

1 comment|post comment

Happy Birthday Brooke! [17 Sep 2004|11:23pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | No Doubt-Suspension without suspense ]

Happy friday everyone..

I want to start this entry by saying Happy Birthday to Brooke. Happy 14th chica!

yeah, okay, yesterday was pretty boring until the later part of the day.. i took brooke to see "without a paddle" (really fucking funny movie) and then we went to Castellos (italian restaurant in abacoa) and got pizza. it was a good night.

Today was.. uhh.. Intiresting. In Spanish we had this Sioux indian as a sub who kept calling us "mothers" and "bitches" and "Damn morons" it was actually pretty funny. Then a nice pop quiz in ecology and this fucking hard test in my other science class.. i know I did horribly. Then, another test in Geometry! Ha.. today was so full of it. Like I said, Intiresting.. Then afterschool there was the Candlelight audition video. We sucked. i doubt we'll get it. For those that didnt know Candle light is this concert thing in epcot around xmas or something that a bunch of different high schools get into. but, the only high school actually like, garunteed a spot is dreyfoos.. You know, since no one can beat them at ANYTHING! They're the best at everything! Gr.. No offense, Leah. I love you . yeah, so we suck. Oh and after the rehersal I was having fun harmonizing with this chick and it was really cool and then I get told I suck by like.. 7 people. And I'm like "What the fuck!?" i guess singing is the only thing I actually have complete confidence in. i mean, I know I can match the pitches, I know I can harmonize with almsot any part, I know I have enough volume that you could hear me across the courtyard of my school (which lemmie tell you isnt small), and I know I can sing. I like my voice. But, I'm losing confidense in that too now. Maybe they told me I sucked because..

I do suck at singing..

Maybe I'll discontinue chorus next year.. :shrugs: I want to know how this year will go. I want to sing.. But i don't want to like, cause displeasure to other people if I do. But I also am losing my voice and my throat is killing me.. Which might very well have something to do with all of this. Ah.. who knows. i need to keep a positive attitude.. and I Need Sleep Damnit!! >.<

Okay well I'm done rambling. That's my story for tonight. have a great weekend all! xo Peace.

-Janina



"Do you hate me..? Do you want revenge..? Well, I want to call you.. But, I wont.."

post comment

[12 Sep 2004|05:03pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | Hoobastank-Dissapear ]

Hey peeeeple-

Alright so I'm gonna try and give you the best uhh.. description of what's been going on..

Friday evening of last week:

Left for the hotel.. One bed, 4 people, and a dog. Janina slept on the floor most of the time we were there. Blah. We should have just stayed home.. Andrew was right.. The hurricane was a pussy. I met this chick in the room nextdoor. her name was Alicia, 16, from LW. Escaping the dumb storm just like me, and she also didnt want to leave her house.. I called Leah that evening to find out some uhh.. "Intiresting" news.. I wasn't too happy about it but, there's nothing I can do to stop it. So, I'm just gonna go with it and whatever..

Saturday:

The 'cane hit. I sat in the window with it open and felt and watched the storm until about 2 or 3 in the morning when I fell asleep. Brad called about 8 (right when the storm had started to hit bad) but I couldnt talk because my mom told me if we lost power, I would have no way to charge it.. So I couldnt talk to anyone (we lost power that morning).

Sunday:

We went and checked on the house (since we were only about 5 minutes away). No serious damage. The gate fell down and that was about it.. Plus the grape fruits from the tree in my front yard all fell but, oh well. Like I said, nothing big. We had running water (not drinkable though..) and one phone, but no power. We spent one more night at the hotel and returned home Monday.

Monday:

I was so glad to leave. Even though basically no one had power, it was good to be back in my home.. I didn't do much that day. I tried calling people, but not too many people had working phones or got signals on their cell phones..

Tuesday:

Everyone across the street got power. Not our side of the street. I didn't sleep in my room all that week. I slept in the living room with the front door, back door and windows all open. It was nice. I felt like I was camping, but I missed my bed.

Wednesday:

I went over to Mallory's about 10 (mallory lives across the street from me but at the end of it, we're in the middle) and we hung out for awhile. Her little brother learned how Janina doesn't like being Touched with puppets. And so did Mallory. So I was tackled with puppets and them and it felt so strange.. cause of those puppets and what not . Then, when I tried to get up off of the ground, her brother (hes 5) grabbed my necklace and it snapped. So, That meant I needed to get a new one! Blah.. I liked the one I had. About 3:00 or so Brad called and asked if the Gardens mall was open (it was). Since it was he said he was going and So I went home, showered and got ready to meet him there. He was a bit late but oh well. He showed up, and that's all that matters. We hung out there for awhile.. It was fun.

Then I went to my youth group because my friend had called and told me she wanted me to meet this guy there that she really liked. He wasnt there though. So, whatever. I went home and it was dark. Still. But it was a good day.

Thursday:

Went back to the mall in the evening with Stephanie and Jasmine. Jasmine attepted to push me down the stairs and I came back and kicked her (lightly) on the ass and she kicked my right hand (she was wearing big boots) and her foot wrenched my thumb backwards and I still cannot move it.. it hurts so bad.. Blah.

Friday:

Went to Mallorys for dinner and we stayed really late. But it was fun hanging out with her. In the light. haha.

Saturday:

Leah came over. it was the first time I had seen her since the 4th of July. it was good seeing her again. About 20 minutes after she got there, brad was returning her call so she talked to him half the time she was with me. That reminds me of somethign that happened last time I saw Brad.. He kept calling Leah from my phone so he was talking to her half the time too. Hmm.. yeah. Anyways.. We caught up on some things, she found my hand cuffs. Haha. And then I was at home for most of the rest of the day. Brad called me aroudn 5:30 or something and I talked to him for a little. And that was basically it.

Today:

Mall again. Met up with Brian and Mike and ran into a bunch of other people. Now I'm here. I'm gonna make cookies soon. Yeah.

My hand hurts.

:thinking:

Hm..

So that was my hurricane adventure or something..

-Janina





"There's a pain that sleeps inside
It sleeps with just one eye
And awakens the moment that you're near
Though I try to look away
The pain it still remains
Only leaving when you're next to me

Do you know, that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away
So can you come and make them disappear
Make them disappear and we can stay

So I stand and look around
Distracted by the sounds
Of everyone and everything I see
And I search through every face
Without a single trace, of the person
The person that I need

Do you know, that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away
So can you come and make them disappear
Make them disappear and we can stay

Can you make them disappear?
Make them disappear

There's a pain that sleeps inside
Sleeps with just one eye
And awakens, the moment that you're near
And I search through every face
Without a single trace, of the person
The person that I need

Do you know, that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away
So can you come and make them disappear
Make them disappear and we can stay.."

*Dedicated*

post comment

[11 Sep 2004|11:06pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Incubus-Make Yourself ]

I'm alive. Survived the hurricane. Got my power back this afternoon. I'll give you a better update tomorrow or whenever I have time to write.
-Nina

post comment

Wow, look how stupid I am.. I wrote a letter to the hurricane.. [02 Sep 2004|07:00pm]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | Incubus-I miss you ]

Frances-

Please, don't harm my home or me, or anyone or anything that I love and care about. Please pass the area.. Don't send me through more hell than I already am. It's dark in my house because of you. Because we had to put up plywood to keep you from breaking our windows with your anger. Why do you take your anger out on us anyways? What have we done to you, Frances? Why would you want to put us through pain and suffering and possibly make us homeless..? Oh right, It's because you don't care. All you care about is showing everyone how angry you can be and how much damage you can cause. Please, spare me and the ones I love and the things I care about, Frances..

-Janina

post comment

[01 Sep 2004|04:10pm]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | Sublime-Wrong Way ]

I just wanted to let everyone know that you're all in my heart this weekend and I hope this hurricane doesn't hit us too badly. Stay safe everyone. Love you all.
-Janina

Oh and Brooke, thanks for everything. You're one of my truest and best friends forever, chica! <3

Be3 is my goldfish whos smells like a friggin rainbow!!

1 comment|post comment

I can't believe this.. [30 Aug 2004|07:56pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | WHO CARES!! ]

I'm fucking sick of this.. This is the third time I've felt this pain, but this time, it IS the strongest ever. I'm so lonely.. lost.. confuzed.. Someone please help me.. oh wait. nevermind.. NO ONE GETS IT!! :sigh: Whatever.. You learn who your true friends are and then it hurts really bad..

Always..

post comment

A new day.. [30 Aug 2004|04:07pm]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | Incubus-Drive ]

Well, after I updated, things didn't get any better, but a whole lot worse. Yesterday was.. a nightmare. The whole day. My parents took away myt cellphone in the evening for no apparent reason, but they gave it back this morning. I was able to get things off my chest when Leah called me and I was still sobbing. I told her a lot of what was going on, but not all.. It's hard. A lot is going on right now and it's hurting me severely. Especially because it's happening little by little.. And it gets worse and worse. Nobody's getting it, though. No one really understands.

School was pretty good today since I wasn't at home. I was so glad to be away from the environment I was in all day yesterday.. I didn't want to have to think about it. I definatly do not want a repeat of yesterday when my mom gets home.. :sigh:

I fell asleep in my ecology class for a few minutes, but then he turned on the lights and I woke up. Then, I started to doze off in science (the next block), but I had to pee, so I sat up.. Yeah, I know you really needed to know that..

Geometry was alright. Nothing special.. Especially because I'm doing really bad in that class..

A good part of the day was my hair was perfect and still is. I havent gotten the curls so perfect before and now I know how to get it just right.

On the bus ride home, I wasn't too thrilled. The thought of going home, the place where the most horrible day of the month (yesterday) took place, wasn't that great of a thought. I was considering shutting off my cell phone so my mother couldn't reach me, and running.. Running as far as I could from that place.. But then I thought about the consequences and what not.. and I was wearing a black shirt and how fucking hot it was outside.. with no water or anything. So, that idea was out the window.. and I walked home. Luckily no one was home, and no one is still. I thought I'd give you an update just to let you know that today was moderatly alright compaired to yesterday.. So far.. Let's see what happens when someone comes home.. Thanks for everything. I love you all.

-Nina

post comment

My eyes sting with pain.. [29 Aug 2004|04:16pm]
[ mood | stressed ]
[ music | Linkin Park-One Step Closer ]

So far, the horoscope is right.. It has been a horrible day and it's only 3:30 something in the afternoon.. But it's only right because I've been thinking about it. It's just some stupid horoscope from a magazine thats not even right probably. Maybe the end of the day will turn around.. So far, this is what has happened..

My mother woke me up at 9:30 for what reason, i dont know. She knows that I didnt get to sleep until late so she should have let me sleep. So she left and I tried to go back to sleep, but my mind kept bringing back all these thoughts and everything and it was impossible to sleep..

So, I got up and called Leah. That's what i do on weekends now. Wake up, get dressed, call Leah. Then my phone is almost dead by like.. 1:00 or something. But anyways, we talked for awhile then I got online and Brad yesterday had this suggestion to play a joke on one of Leahs friends who obsesses over her. And we decided to do it and then Leah told him it was a joke and then he got all pissed at me because it was "my fault" and "my idea" so now he hates all of us but whatever. I don't give a fuck anymore. He needed to get over her someway.

Then I went to MacArthur Park to try and do this thing for my Ecology class or whatever and it was really hot and i was really tired and my mom was bitching and it just wasnt fun. Then, on the way back, we were passing the mall and Brooke calls me and says shes there and wants me to join her. So, my mom decides to take me, but right as I'm about to get out, I do something wrong and she changes her mind.

I got so pissed. See, I'm one of those kinds of people who will hold in all of their anger, sadness, and frustration in until they can't hold it anymore and then we explode and cry and scream and its just one big mess of emotions. So, that's what happened today. My mom just topped it off. I started crying so hard, and screaming and I felt like I was goign to puke and die right there in the car. We got home and I don't like crying in front of my dad so I quickly walked to my room, keeping my mouth shut, my face bright red.. He followed, because that's what he always does. So, I screamed a little then he left with my mom. As soon as they left, Bam! Everything came back. In the house all by myself I've been screaming and crying for the last hour. It's been horrible and my head hurts so bad from crying and screaming and my throat hurts. I can't take all of this at once and I'm still fucking crying. It wont go away. But it should pass within the next hour and then I'll be all back to normal. A clean slate ready to build up more anger, frustration and sadness.. And then, in another week to 3 weeks, I wont be able to hold it all in again. My tears are aqua marine and black from my mascara and eye liner.. Someone just.. Make me better, please? Thanks for listening..

-Nina

post comment

"So, pardon me.. Pardon me, I'll never be the same.." [29 Aug 2004|10:25am]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Pardon me-Incubus ]

I wish things were different sometimes.. Well, A lot of the times. Last night was really fun. I got to spend some time with Brad without doing anything wrong, which is good.

Okay, if you don't really know what's going on (only two, i think, do so don't feel bad) you might not want to read anymore because it's gonna get confuzing and I don't want to really give detail and let the whole world know my buisness, even though thats what this is for.. But anyways..

I'm in the way again.. if this works out for them, this will be the third time I've felt this horrible feeling. I hate it. It's like someone brutally torturing my heart.. But, if it happens this time, It will be the worst. The strongest pain. This I wont get over quickly. I always knew there was chemistry since summer of '03. When they talked on the phone for the first time. I just knew it.. And now, something might happen maybe.. Whatever. She's waiting for me to move on, but I can't. No matter hwo hard i try, I cant. But she's waiting. Waiting for the one day that I say "I moved on.." And that will be it. The same day, shes gonna be where I was, but something will work out for her. Me, I've been waiting for almost a year and a half.. and I plan to continue waiting now (not because she wants me to move on, just because I can't move on.. Not yet, anyways..) And when I decide so stop waiting, and she starts waiting for this, then she's going to get it right away. And then where will I be? I can't move on.. I just can't. I wish I could because I'm only hurting myself. And even if I havent moved on yet, this might happen, and I'm going to be so Increadibly hurt.. And it's going to take me forever to get over my pain..

I'm rambling.. You don't need to hear my confusion. I'll write some other time.. Not sure when. My horoscope says today is suppost to be a bad day.. Let's see what happens.

-Nina

post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]