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Wednesday, January 7th, 2004
10:39 pm
Pretty uneventful few days. Went back to work. Am tired.

current mood: blah

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Sunday, January 4th, 2004
1:04 am
Well I'm home. Finally. My god am I drunk though. We went to the Phoenix and drank the double voddies all night which usually gets me feeling like Pippin's mate. Dini was very upset, which revealed to me how I am a bad friend. I wanted to call the cab while she talked to her boy/exboy, but Ell told me to stick around. I reluctantly did. I realised why far too late, when Dini passed out. Twas a happy(ish) ending. She got her lift, we got our cab. I'm pissed.

current mood: drunk

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Friday, January 2nd, 2004
11:29 pm
I think the damage of New Year's Eve is sorted. Ellen has been putting kisses in her txts at any rate, which is a positive sign, and hasn't used my name. "Of course I will, Zoe" means she's pissed off, but "Of course I will. X" is good. Subtle, but I know it.

Today I had a nice day with Drew. We cuddled, had sex, and were generally annoying. I do love him. Then me and Anna went to the Tup. Was good.

current mood: thankful

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Thursday, January 1st, 2004
4:52 pm
I have a horrible feeling 2004 won't be my year. Two minutes in, as an omen, I got hit by a firework. It went downhill from there. Me and Ellen had what is probably our worst argument ever in the early hours of the morning. I can't even remember what it was about. Now that we've both sobered up, I hope everything can be patched up.

I had a sudden realisation as I was falling asleep this morning about why I am like I am. Unfortunately due to the vast amount of alcohol and the fact I was dead tired, I can't remember it.

current mood: contemplative

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Sunday, December 21st, 2003
5:57 pm
Yes, alright, it's been a while again. I will will will start writing more frequently, if possible I may even make that a New Year's resolution. I am shattered today. I got in at about four in the morning after celebrating Faye's birthday so forgive me for a short bit of verbal diarrhoea.

current mood: indifferent

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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
7:14 pm
There is only one song at the moment which holds this power over me. You'd expect it to be something cool. But no, it's a song that launched a thousand songfics. Evanscence. My Immortal.

The song holds powerful memories for me. The worst night in the world. Pete upstairs, hurt. Billy sobbing in the kitchen. Emmy hysterical. And I just sat on the kitchen floor unable to speak. Most of us did. Evanescence album playing in the background. Liz telling the story of Emmy. And, perhaps this is a trick of my memory but as this song came on, Pete came down and comforted Billy.

And now I cry every time I hear the fucking thing.

current mood: thoughtful

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Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003
9:57 pm
Why is it that my highs are always punctuated by lows? Earlier today I was feeling high as a kite, and now suddenly I'm crying again. For some reason it was Drew who burst my little bubble today. I can't remember what he said, but suddenly I was upset and angry.

And right now I'm really getting it in the neck from Ellen about god-knows-what. I need sleep, I need a fag and I just want a hug.

current mood: sad

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Sunday, November 30th, 2003
3:57 pm
I have had ever such a nice weekend. I had a bit of a tantrum because Ellen was going away, but I've realised now that it was actually lovely. On Friday I went to Staines, which was great fun. Then yesterday was wonderful. First I went shopping with Drew in London. We spent all day together, and he was ever so sweet and didn't even complain all that much about not getting to look at the toy guns in Hamleys. Later I met up with Charlie. They were giving away free tequila at the Tup, so we got rather merry.

Ellen's due back today, and I have to say I've missed her, but not too much.

current mood: happy

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Tuesday, November 25th, 2003
9:32 pm
I am such a hypochondriac. My periods are so irregular and I've done nothing that could really make me pregnant unless I was horribly unlucky. I don't even think I'm late yet. But I'm still concerned. If I was pregnant there's no doubt about what I'd do. Maybe I'm a heartless fiend but that's the way I feel. The good news is, my favourite online medical dictionary has also suggested I could be stressed or have polycystic ovaries. I hope it's the latter- that would make me likely to be infertile, and if I get them sorted out I can lose weight and the moustache.

current mood: cynical

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Saturday, November 22nd, 2003
3:53 pm
What a miserable day! It's pissing down, boiler's still not working... but actually I'm feeling OK. Nothing is bad in my life. Nothing is perfect, but it's not bad.

current mood: content

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Sunday, November 16th, 2003
11:30 pm
So I'm freezing my titties off as the boiler's buggered. It is sofuckingcold despite the dressing gown of doom and Adrian, my hot water bottle. Freezing, I tell you, freezing.

Today me and Ellen went to Staines to see Pete (who's back down yet again- so much for Never Seeing Him Again) and co, and almost had to pay three quid for the privelage of sitting in a pool bar not playing pool. Fortunately we went to the Phoenix instead.

Also, me and Ell had a bit of a barney over her wanting to read this. I don't fucking think so.

current mood: cold

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Saturday, November 15th, 2003
12:53 am
I am mildly drunk. Again. Bad me! Bad me! I spent a hell of a lot of time with Drew today: first we went to Richmond, which was lovely, then I found him in Staines and he was a bit arsey.

Actually, despite "making it up to him", our time in Richmond, which was probably as close to perfect as I can get, was tainted. He was meant to be with Rob, but I sulked so he came to see me. I am such a bitch. Why am I allowed to exist. Poor Drew. He really puts up with it, unlike Ellen, who seems to be about to crack from me. Eep.

current mood: drunk

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Tuesday, November 11th, 2003
11:37 pm
I don't really have much to say actually. Rambling, but I promised I'd update occasionally so hello hello hello for the secondtimethisweek! Woo!

I'm bored waiting for the lovely Drew to come online, though he probably won't, the little bugger. I shall go to bed at midnight if I am left unsatisfied, as 'twere!

Work was incredibly dull, as it always is, today. I hate Abdi. I hate him I hate him I hate him. I hate them all. Grr.

current mood: bitchy

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Monday, November 10th, 2003
11:05 pm
Hello hello. Laptop is up and running so I will update every two days. Anyway, it's nice to be back. I spent this weekend with Anna in Bristol. It was nice seeing her again, I know I bitch about her sometimes, but I have actually quite missed her. She seems a bit different in Bristol- more relaxed and sociable. And not sneezing every five minutes, or snoring. Just thought I'd add that! It was a lovely weekend.

Today I saw Drew and we attempted to shag in a public toilet. Never again! I suppose I did discover that I am more bendy than I thought- my leg got pretty high up the wall. Also I think I worked off a lot of calories. Shockingly I actually worked up quite a sweat. I think I've lost weight this week what with all the walking I did in Bristol and- euhm- today's antics. My feet fucking hurt. And I've just realised despite the lack of sleep I have to be up for work.

Maybe I can use my newfound disability as an excuse for lateness. I had a medical today and it turns out my epilepsy is a disability. Woot.

current mood: tired

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Sunday, October 26th, 2003
11:23 am
I didn't break my promise of more frequent updates on purpose. I'm just a victim of technology trying to kill me. So anyway, I had a nice night last night- off to Staines and then back to Pete's. Ellen was pissed off about this development.

current mood: apathetic

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Monday, October 20th, 2003
10:20 pm
I've been a naughty girl, haven't I? I haven't written for so long. I think I shall force myself to go back to writing daily, regardless of whether I have anything interesting to say or not. Then at least I can track changes in my thoughts, etc. At the moment I'm a little bit manic-depressive. Last night I was in hysterical tears over the most trivial argument in the world, yet today I'm happy and comfortably sore. Very confusing. Ah well. Stay tuned for more updates. I shall say something at least every two days.

current mood: optimistic

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Friday, October 10th, 2003
10:40 pm
I think I might be in love with Drew. I'm not sure though. God. We had some pretty good sex today, which might be something to do with it, along with the fact that he is the sweetest guy I've ever met and the sort of bloke who I should fall in love with.

In other news, I don't know what's wrong with me tonight, but I'm miserable and hitting the JD.

current mood: sore

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Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
11:25 pm
So anyway, you haven't heard from me for a while. And what have I been up to since then? Well, the truth is, fuck all really. I had a pretty lonely weekend as Ellen decided to go and see Pete, and Drew wasn't coming out in the evenings. I went to see my old pal David Blaine again- he seems alright up there, still. Anyway, it's nice to see him when I'm a bit down as he's a hell of a lot worse off. Imagine being stuck in a box alone with no food. Or fags. Or booze. I wouldn't last a day, not a fucking day.

Work has been fairly alright to me really. I've found it easy enough to cope with, and though I might not be getting paid much, money is always welcome, in fact it would make me a very happy wench. Can't wait till the end of the month. Better still my parents are going away, I think, meaning I can shag Drew some more. My parents still don't know about him, and I don't think he minds, not that he really wants to meet my folks anyway. The idea of staying in my house when the parents are there freaks him out. So I'll take my sex when I can, thank you very much.

I saw a good film tonight. OK, so I didn't really get it, but Once Upon A Time In Mexico is quite a funny and enjoyable film. And contained Mister Johnny Depp. And Salma Hayek. And *cough cough cough splutter*Enrique Iglesias*cough hawk splutter cough*. He has a nice face. On the left anyway. That mole- eurgh. I am a shallow, horrid, twisted, evil person. MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY. Jesus Christ on a bike, it was horrid.

Well I think that's all I have in my head right now. I am fucking concerned about Ellen, as she is extremely upset tonight and as part of my new policy (settled in an argument the other day) I'm not supposed to harass her to find out what's wrong. I hope she tells me. I thought she'd died again earlier. I am far, far too fucking paranoid for my own good. But I have reason to be, as she seems volatile. I just hope it's all OK.

current mood: thoughtful

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Friday, October 3rd, 2003
10:38 pm
Well it finally happened with Drew. I'm sure any idiot can deduce what. And I have to say it was disappointing, I expected agonising pain rather that a rather annoying *little problem* coming from a certain male. Grr.

current mood: disappointed

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Tuesday, September 30th, 2003
10:58 am
First day at work was relatively painless given that I was in for about two hours and the kid wasn't in as he's suspended. Lovely kid.

I wish Ellen was happy.

current mood: awake

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