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[30 May 2008|12:03am] |
Tonight was a night I needed to be alone. To wander. My plan was to stay in, but due to disconnections online, the night took me. Growing frustrated, I took to the street, destination...Bell. So many nights before, but never more unintended. Thoughts grow heavy, she lays like a shadow in my heart. Not at detriment to me, I keep her there..I would want her to lie under my warm covers. If I can, I shall wrap her up in my insulation.
I took her out, and I stabbed at my Ipod, empty of battery. I searched with no succes for a theme to take her adrfit, to me, to anywhere. I want to take her out of her own head for a while.
What is her theme?
What is her name?
I can't answer either question. The night was quiet, giving up no names. I quietly look down dark corners of Minster, listening for her footsteps, hoping she'd step out, take my hand...kiss me gently and softly, whisper to me with her eyes closed, look into my eyes, I know if she looked into my eyes just once, she'd see something to maybe make her feel a little better for a while. Every day, once a long time since, I cried for her image, now I cry in her image. I am her, I cradle her head at night and am like a peripheral figure echoing footnotes at her bedside. As she sleeps, I tuck her hair back behind her ear, I clear her mind of dark, as best I can. I leave before she wakes, because she can not know it is me.
I am thought, fleeting, like bubbles in her wine, collecting and blurred in her eyeline..just enough to make her think a little, and to swirl her glass.
Nearer and nearer to the shore the water breaks. I enter, full of thoughts. I am iron of chest, and my spirit sustained because of her, of what she gives to me. I wish I could see her, just once, physical, undiluted, strong and full of vitality, beckoning to me to sit beside her and to listen to her heart beat. That she'd press her lips to mine and that I would succumb. That I would hold her right hand in my right hand and watch the lines speak, glide my fingertips through her years and smooth the ache out.
I cannot. But I fight by her side, as much as possible.
As I sat there, listening to anecdotes puncture the air, delighted in my own little space I lost myself in your corner, for a little while. Just a little while..watched you poke your nose in between letters, distracted by your love letters, your dress becomes soaked in desires, an innocent wink from me drew a light stare and a giggle from the dark, before you disappeared. I went back to my stout, and headed out, up the street stepping through damp and shining stone.
You are with me, constantly. I breathe through you, I taste your wine. My nectar is the love I feel for you. I truly believe I was put here to be your miracle. In some way, somehow.
Night.
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