|
[18 May 2008|04:41pm] |
So sometimes I write these little asides. They can either be personal, or they can be vicarious. The pleasure I have is that I can never quite distinguish if they're about a particular person, or simply a dream of a person. I flit like a firefly between different desires and wants, I can never center on one constant, one thinking. I think this is partly why I want to become a student of psychology. I want to know in great detail why what I feel can be linked to circumstance.
And why I can't sustain a point during a paragraph. I mean look at that, for god's sake. About five billion different subjects in that one.
Oh well.
I intend to arrive at a conclusion. To delve deeply into the black of the subconcious. I want to know what goes on in there. I'd most of all like to get to the root of attraction. Why, now, more than ever I find it incredibly hard to be truly infactuated with anyone. That doesn't mean i'm not, or are, it just means that my brain appears to have reached a conclusion that it needs more.
By that, I mean that my body and mind are battling. My body is privvy to the same sort of lusts as most males are. However, there is a difference between these base instincts and true attraction, and I haven't felt that in a long time. Perhaps Rebecca, but as i've already said...she's sexually attractive. I don't know her well enough to know if she would turn my brain on. It takes a fucking incredible woman to do that. I call it the mutual bounce. If I can bounce off a woman (Steady on at the back) intellectually and emotionally, as well as humourously, then there's no stopping me. I just haven't met anyone like that.
Not yet, anyway. It's like tuning a radio, I suppose. Nobody's currently tuned to my station. Am I picky? Or am I realistic? I could probably get laid if I really wanted to, god knows my dick tells me enough every day. But I just don't have the spirit to try, it's just not worth it on it's own. That sort of makes me a freak amongst my peers, but I don't care. I am not ruled by my primal instincts. I rule them. If I want to fuck someone, i'll really want to, and it will be something that blows my mind.
Or something. Oi, see you later, yeah?
|
|