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[08 Dec 2006|12:31am] |
Things happen, people interweave, people talk, people socialise, and there I am quite comfortably on the outskirts, in my own place and with a lit cigar, not caring a button. I listen, I absorb, and I am reminded every night that it takes a lot more than scattered voices and distorted interplay to make one grow.
I see a lot. And it constantly convinces me that i'm alright, Jack. I'm fine the way I am. Isolated but happy, involved in ways I want to be, on my terms. Always, things happen to teach me exactly why i'm intelligent and maturing, at a pace above and beyond what I would hope for.
I remember the lessons I was taught.
In that car, rainy Saturday coming back. You might not remember but I do. I was in the passenger seat, a little jazzed up and out on wine with you driving. We spoke about how you have to work at it. How it's not easy...how you have to gauge your emotions to the feeling of the time. It didn't work for us, but I didn't expect it too. I'd not learned much then. But what I did learn serves me well, I watch and I learn, from people. How they act, how I sit back and know and never judge anymore. How I don't get involved, I just sit out of it and drink my little fill and smoke my rings into the air. And I have my laugh.
Because i've got me a bit more worked out.
I might do badly, I might do well, but I know me. I'm a human observationist. I don't rush, I don't bark, I don't accuse and I don't harbour grudges, not anymore. I'm happy with me.
And I don't let anyone fuck with that. They take me on my terms.
Ten days is all it took for you to teach me. I and you don't talk, but at least you gave me something, godammit. I hope I did too.
The lesson is that sometimes to be alone and discerning of one's habitat and surroundings is good. To know you're in your own place and you can come out whenever you want.
I don't know. Something like that.
Work was a big pain in the cock. Twenty five party, at eight thirty. Three courses. Out at ten fifty. I found my own little place and interchanged with a few groups. Again, some silly frictions. People I like and respect are once more at odds. And it's starting to make me want to just escape. My Murphys and my cigar are currently quite enough for me. I'd just...
i'd just settle for a bar and a good conversation.
Sometimes I get it sporadically...but with all the bullshit and crap going on there is not now any to speak of. It's not me getting high and mighty and superior, it's me saying that extraneous influences are capping people's ability to communicate on a clarified level. One where the soul is bared. At least, it appears, with me.
I think back during the drifts to when I had a time when two souls spoke in unison, equal wits unafraid and untouched by respective bollocking intrusional barriers. I miss it.
I don't miss romance, I just miss the minds passing back and forth. Perhaps that IS romance. A romance of a kind, anyway.
A good night really. Too much spent, a lot smoked. But it was worth it.
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[08 Dec 2006|06:15pm] |
I just had deja vu.
Of course, it would be difficult to actually do again what we've done today. Today, Danny, Graham and I went to Broadstairs after work and giggled our way around the Monster Boutique.
I got some fangs, a black hat, and er...some fishnet stockings. I got them primarily for Christmas Day, but debated wearing them tonight. I don't think it'd be workable. But i'll show you soon how I look wearing them. I've got ace pins, me.
Oh, and a skull ring. Right, that's it. I'll show you the nets, and then i'll be off.
Ah. Ah. Ah.
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[08 Dec 2006|06:51pm] |
These fangs are shit. The putty doesn't stick properly. I'll have to use chewing gum. Give them a bit more "Bite"...
My nets. Don't fucking say I never give you anything.
Right, see you later. It's fright night.
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