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[28 Nov 2006|12:00am] |
A weary and long day. I took a trip to the school that was without much event, and there I sat trying to curb the desire to fall asleep. I was perked up slightly by the class, which was good and yes, Miss D was there. I didn't really get to share much conversation with her, but we did share a giggle over a few little things. If we're being honest I was simply too tired to really talk to anyone, and I paid attention without really getting involved too much. During coffee I sat silently, wondering what if anything I had to contribute to this group of people. They're all light hearted and lovely folks, but I am long haired, indisciplined of mind and rather silly, so I just sat sipping my mug and slipped into reverie.
We're all having a last day of term drink next week, which will be good. I'm in my good zone when i'm in a pub. If nice French cutie goes perhaps i'll make her laugh a little. I'm good at that. Fuck it, i'll make them all giggle. I was impressed by all tonight, all good readings. Mine followed an hilarious piece littered with choice swearing and wonderful humour, so I feared the worst as I read out my piece.
It was a fictional thing, but I have to concede it was in some ways very personal. It was about a man lost in adventure and romance and in the city. Ring any bells? Yeah. The reason I did it was because I had to write a love story (Okay, a genre piece but it was the only one I wanted to do out of those available..), and that writing had to have ten words in it, given last week.
And I have never read out anything in public of a prose style that pertains in any way to that time. But I did. No, it doesn't mean I pine for those days. No, i'm not reliant on them..no, I do not afford those days any more thought that I want to..but those times lent themselves to that piece.
I read it out and felt odd. My voice was typically soft and rather of a single tone, but as I read it out a peculiar warmth got me, my voice slipped through gears and the whole thing began to sing...just a little. I felt a little weakened by the end, because you know..no matter how long it is or how much i've re-written real life to fit a story, it still is something which truly shakes me with granduer..because it is my little time in history, when something epic happened. The fact that I sighed with relief at the end, closed my eyes and let my hair scatter around my eyes, not caring what the reception was, just reminds me that it's another wonderful step i've taken. To take something that was beautiful and to let the words of it audibly drift from me.
There was a very strange calm over the class. I don't know what it was, maybe they hated it...but I don't think so. John said it was remarkable, I do know. He said the last paragraph was very poetic. I am happy about that. Usually he doesn't say much.
And I wrote that in three minutes, after so much frustration. I've no idea what my skill is, but I do know I am a writer of love, and only having had that love CAN I write. Whatever happened to it, I am someone who thrives off the subject, both literal and fictional. I used my wonderful times and mixed them up with my talent to make something, and it worked. And it just knocked me in the ribs and said, you know what Phylly...despite that odd little nostalgic nudge, you're getting along, and you leave it in those words. After that you see, I was sitting there happy as a dog with a bone, exchanging little near glances with the cutie.
I love writing about the past, but I want to make new stories, new loves. New miracles. That is what tonight was about.
This week we have to write something about angels, death, or ghosts. I am going to write a poem. I'm good at those.
So next week, last one before Christmas. We shall have fun, and I shall imbue my personality, finally. Wait until I get a Guiness inside me.
I did get exactly that on my trip to the Finger, where I waited hoping for company. It was provided by a hyper Bolb and Richimoto, on their way back from a bar. They'd clearly been enjoying themselves, and we drank for a while before heading back to the Bell. two more pints there, and I was done and quite content. Graham was resident too. We're all out tomorrow night.
Right, that's it. Night then. Hola.
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