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[21 Nov 2006|12:31am] |
I had a great night tonight. I really did. It's just the thing after such a morose and tedious passage of time and I am very happy about it. It's just thing thing and a hit to the soul. I am grateful and I will tonight go to bed happy and calm. And I cannot describe just how nice that is, to feel utterly good before bed.
Clearly, alcohol has a part to play, but drink consumed after good rather than bad things is much, much better.
My trip was largely uneventful..my headphones carried me along with the company of the Killers amongst others, and I arrived at college in good time. We had a brief exercise which I undertook with gusto and got a laugh with my little piece of writing. Yet another task yielded some quick written, gorgeous things and my tutor upon hearing it said...
"That should be translated into French, that's terrific"
Best comment i've had from Whitmeister, especially as I wrote it in a minute. Certainly better than the reception I recieved for the latter work I did, and makes you just wonder. I wrote it from a memory and a time and I never have felt better about it. Yet another little hit to the soul.
We went to the canteen and got coffee. I sat quietly and in a place listening a little to the other students, and also surveying the noticeboard, changing them to suit my humour in my head. During this time I got talking to someone i'd not really spoken to before, but in the line for drinks, we got talking. She likes Manga..in particular the comics. She was so into it in fact that she had made a comic based on the art of it. We talked a little about it and she later showed me her work. It was lovely, humorous, well drawn and full of good anime jokery. Talented girl. We went back to class and all read out our poetry.
I liked my poem. It's a piece i'm very happy with, and I don't usually write in such a way regimented by rule, but it's great and I felt okay reading it out. All in all, college was freaking great. I left with a happy heart and thoroughly encouraged too by the work of everyone else, who have excelled recently. As I left, I passed the girl i'd been talking with and she said something. Not only that, but it was a lovely thing. And it boosted my confidence a lot.
She complimented my hair. In a giggly, infectious and sweetly girly way. In that sort of slightly befuddled way someone does when they're not sure whether to say something. I don't know. Nobody usually says things like that to me so I was entirely touched. I may have even ventured to think that she may have been flirting, but as you know i'm very tentative about thinking things like that. Still, it made me very happy.
Maybe it's something about the way I was tonight. I was relaxed, calm and sprightly despite my lethargy and flying libido causing me problems all day. I said a polite and heartfelt thankyou, wished her well and scampered away into the night. I even called her "Darlin'". I don't usually call girls that who I don't know very well.
But my soul is slightly hightened. I'm tempted to keep my hair for a few months at least until this course ends, just because I want to see what she thinks of me when she knows me a little more. Thing is, she's eighteen I think..very girly and so very very young. I could not make a move, but she's just so damned cute. I mean, blue black hair, lovely eyes. But I can't do a thing. I am attracted to her, but I am so very very cautious to make any approach because of my heart, because i'm not sure if she likes the hair and just that, because i'm not sure if it's a good idea, and i'm not sure she likes me likes me, not just likes me.
But she is ever such a cutie. I mean cute in a way that her eyes are bright and sweet, but she's still pretty level headed, talented and a terrific writer. Eee..I think I shall just get to know her. It's what i'm compelled to do and what i'm best at. If she does like me then i'll find out. But i'm not going to do a thing. I would like very much a good friend, rather than a bad error in judgement. I'm so very very careful, but my god does that make my day. And you see the dilemmna?
Yeah.
So that's college. I think I may have to at least keep contact. I like her very much, and she's for her part bringing me out in this class and enriching my character within it. Nice girl.
I left class then, and went to the Bishop's Finger. A small wood floored pub situated in the high street of Canterbury. No sign of Rich but I would wait. I procured a Guiness and sat down on a stool near the fruit machine. Rich arrived soon enough and we exchanged "GEEZAAHS" as he sat down. We had a good chat about the night's events and a drink and then caught the train, talking about London and our respective times there. Even though our emotions differ about the place and what transpired, we share a love of magical evenings, lessons learned, beautiful nights and memory. I, have long healed and moved forward, he is still raw, but the feeling that those things should never be forgotten still remains. We are going to go there one day, he to Hyde Park, I to Covent Garden. We shall inhale the air, remember, grow and know that we had magic. It's what makes you as a person I feel. I don't give a shit how well i'm doing, and how i've changed, grown up and matured...I want to go back there with Rich, me just to go to those places and smile to myself and feel wonderful, knowing how i'll never forget but at the same time be happy with where I am, and Rich, I think he needs it too for different reasons. I want to see him look at the place he held romance and know he's going to be okay.
Bittersweet.
But tonight, I realised more than ever that there are always little things that connect you from the past to the future. A little gesture, a grace, and a nice comment. Things so get better. I am lifted just by a lovely thing some young lady said. It makes me think back then she wasn't lying and that I learned. I want to transmit that I love the way that the past and the future sometimes connect to make me realise i'm actually quite a cool bloke.
And that feels great.
We headed back on the train and were in the Bell at ten thirty five. I showed Rich my poetry homework (The one I posted earlier today) and he apparently wants to write a song for his band based on it. I felt honoured, really. He was startlingly enthusiastic. That means a lot. G came over, and we jabbered away for a good hour. It was only at twelve after chatting to Ann about b/w films that we finally left.
I was every bit me tonight. I am proud..I was acute, serence, and talkative.
And it's all I can be. A good day.
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