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[02 Nov 2006|05:34pm] |
Nothing about work threw up any surprise today. It was another shift of creaking trudgers, late orders and late finishing. I played football for a couple of hours afterwards, and even took a turn in goal. My wrists got a thumping, I can tell you.
That'll be about that for today, I think. Bye, yeah?
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[02 Nov 2006|06:44pm] |
Dating Dont's.
Don't write "I love you and I want to shag your tits off" on your forehead.
Don't yawn every time she opens her mouth. Then put your whole fist in your mouth in an attempt to block the yawn.
Don't push the bottom of your mouth outwards and suck the top in and go "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAARRRGHH!" at her astonished face.
Don't tell her your're already wearing a condom and have already "broken it in"
Don't take a photograph of her face on an instant camera, cut her face out of it, sellotape it to your own face and pretend to be her.
Don't pretend a pizza slice is your tongue, and try to speak with it in your mouth all night.
Don't replace your knife and fork with a brick and a big hook.
Don't tell her you'd have fucked her if she wore a false beard to the date. Make a point about how this disappointed the shit out of you.
Don't walk around to her side of the table, stare into her eyes, then stare at the food she's eating, then at her, then the food, then her, then the food, and then her, and then the food, and then her, and then the food, before finally screaming at the top of your voice at her food. Then sitting down again.
Don't talk about anything other than anal infections all evening. Even when you're talking about her parents, and what they do. Remember, anus must be mentioned in EVERY SENTENCE.
Don't tell her you think she'd look really good in a hall of mirrors.
Don't tie a fucking string to your cock and yank it about, pretending it's a fleshy worm.
Don't nail a steak to your head.
Don't trip the waiter up and try to ram a wishbone up his arse. Through his trousers.
Don't pretend you're being interviewed by her.
Don't compare her head to a boulder.
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[02 Nov 2006|11:51pm] |
I'm a little tipsy, but no matter. It's been a good night, all round.
No Andy tonight so it was just me and Dee. I deputised, and I rocked great big bells. I did okay, despite some hilarious mix-ups.
After that all was out of the way I sat getting sqarely mashed with G, Cora and Mike and Ann. I made people laugh, and I was happy. Now I am struggling with keys again. But it has been a very good night.
Oh yeah.
But I still miss Daisy.
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