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[16 Dec 2003|10:24am] |
Well, yesterday didn't go to the script i thought it would.
It started interestingly enough, with me breaking down and crying at work. The reason this is interesting is I don't actually know WHY. It was like a crescendo in my head, battering at my temper, my patience, my resolve. For so long i have used anger and frustration to block emotion. This day i didn't. I wept. And i'm not proud of it, but i'm not ashamed of it either. At least it stopped the anger.
I didn't go shopping with the boys after this. Spent two hours at Sue's talking about how easy it is to lose it, and why we do. There is a possibility this is all in my case due to a lack of Seratonin, a chemical in the brain. Which kinda makes sense...although i love the Winter and Autumn, the last time i was really as bad as this was waaay back in April. Before the summer. Good. The crying is a new one though. Last time i did that was three years ago.
I left Sue's, and wandered the lonely black alley using my lighter as a torchlight. It held no illuminative qualitites whatsoever, broadcasting a tiny glow with blackness encamped around it. I stumbled regardless onto the road ajoining Roy's house to the street. Around the Bell, and up the road, and i saw Graham Burton walking down the road in a coat i this morning have in my posession. More on that later.
He was just back from Kingtson, and it was a reflief to see him, he is after all one of the LHC, in fact it's founding member. Finishing his conversation, he told me that he was a tennant in Roy's house at the moment. Roy had just left for Scotland.
So this was great, back to Roy's, without Roy. Went there, 'ad a cup of tea, then walked up the road with old G, saw Mould, G went to see Mel i think, i went home.
Later i got a call from Stuart Thompson:
"'Allo matey!" he rambled, phone stuttering in and out of coherence, due to Stuart's absurdly loud tones.
"Stuart, where the fuck have you been lately?"
"I've been sorta skulking. Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?"
"Nothing, why?"
"I've got a proposition for ya, a sort of party with a difference"
"Where? When is it?"
"London!"
"Sorry, i can't. Got college the next day."
This would have been interesting, as it later transpired the party invloves people scouting for acter/actresses, i would have gone if i had no commitments. But fucking London is a trip, for one evening.
However, i meet Stuart in the New Inn later. We catch up on events in each other's lives, and head to the Bell afterwards. Gordy, the kids, Mel, and Graham are all there. Robyn smashes the shit out of my phone whilst Ellon tells me about her birthday and the coat she got from dad. Those children seem to like me, and i've no idea why. I'm not brilliant with children, but i do get on well with them.
Gordy Mel and the kids go home eventually. The remaining of us concentrate on getting drunk, before Stuart goes home to watch Bruce Almighty, Graham and I talk to Ian about fuck knows what for an hour, before taking refuge at Roy's, where we attempt to cook, light a fire, and find "Fear and loathing in Las Vegas".
I try to light the gas oven. It's not happening, so i leave the turkey burgers under there hoping sheer age will make them cook. Slightly. Graham is smashing a cleaver against wood trying to make kindling.
Eventually fire is lit and oven is on.
Good. Fear and loathing is found in loft, but after all this effort, disc case is empty. Fucking ROY!
We watch "True Romance" instead. Fucking great film. We eat the burgers, and smoke Malboro's until 3am.
The film ends with it's legendary, lenghty, and protracted (as well as slightly unbelievable) shootout. I have now two coats, Graham lets me wear one of his, as it's fucking freezing outside. I stagger home, wearing the two coats.
Good day in the end. There are some old faces back on the scene.
Still miss you though, Z.
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