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[06 Aug 2009|01:56pm]
That i'm here at all is largely because of Livejournal not working. I view Blurty as an old, senile workhorse; gentle, placid, old, desperate, lethargic. On it's way to the glue factory.

That being said, I still cling to it, like the last survivor of a ship wreck clings to a bit of old driftwood. How are you? You alright? Let me fill you in on the last few months so that you know what fucking happened to me.

I last really wrote on here in February. It was around the time I lost interest in Blurty, and started writing more on Livejournal. Barring today, it's more reliable, has more features, and has not been abandoned to the ravages of crap. Crap being the amount of fucking fake journals being created to sell something. It really is starting to irritate.

I have done some romancing this year, some more growing up, and some more seeking acquired wisdom. Am now single again, but even more mature as a result. However, as I was mutually agreeing with the ex, sometimes growing more cynical about love makes it more and more difficult to approach a crush with a sincere relenting. Does it completely go?

So that's pretty much what happened. I hope to me moving soon, which will mean no internet for a while. Possibly.
1 Fake planet lover| Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[21 Jul 2009|01:22pm]
I'm back, for now. It's a long story, and I can't be arsed to go into it.

I'm pretty much as ever, apart from that. But i'm constantly horny, as usual.

Unrelated matter, here's Hitler talking about his birthday. This is by one of the best U.K comedian blokes out there. I like him very much.

"I think, she's going to let me put it in her arsehole. Either that, or it's another one of her fucking cakes."


You can now find me on Twitter, Livejournal, and fucking Youtube. I'm all over the shitting shop. I'm a multi-site brand now, with all of four viewers. Zoomeister on Twitter and Livejournal, and, oh look, here's my Youtube account.

See what all the fuss isn't about.
1 Fake planet lover| Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[12 Feb 2009|06:40pm]
Ah, looks like it just required an update to classify as active.

Busy, busy busy. I've been very busy. Lots going on. It's too much to go into here, actually. I might go through it at some point. Here's a Blurty exclusive message from Frasier:

"Hey there guys. Sex with the dead is fun, but sex an entire fuckin' cemetary is explosive!"
3 Fake planet lovers| Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[12 Feb 2009|05:40pm]
It would appear i'm removed from the top ten. I know i've been inactive, Blurty, but still. You diary slag.
1 Fake planet lover| Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[05 Feb 2009|08:53am]
I'm well bored of's advert. It jolts me awake in a sickening smash with it's faux-sixties jingle and that pig's cartoon head. I'd like it more if the advert had a real pig's head, on a minotaur's body. Or something.

Moonpig is annoying in another way too. It's people making money out of having a stinking gaudy card (Essentially clip-art on a bit of old paper), and a greeting you enter yourself on the site. Bang, card done, for a price. I could do that! Except I fucking well did, didn't I? Nobody wants my monochrome greeting cards. Do you think it's because they're a bit morbid?

I suppose fluffy bunnies are better Valentine's fare than my cold black type on black background, denoting the death of everything.

However, I decided to abuse the text entry thing on Moonpig, and I wrote what I want to see on their cards.

So, without further a fucking do, here are some of my personal creations from the site.


For when a friend needs compassion.


Yep, reminds me of the Holy Bible cover. It's the arrangement of the pictures. Imagine giving someone that who has just lost a dog in a boating accident or something. Christ.


A personal favourite.


Now, the idea behind this is so embarrassing and cringeworthy, that i'd rather shatter my wrist against a concrete block than send this to my intended. So I changed it a bit.


All time, best ever. Your wife, a card, featuring my cat's (Dear old passed away Des) head on the bodies of the Turks out of Final Fantasy VII. She'll be wet mate, if you give her this. Wet because it's fucking raining. Ho ho. Now fuck off, yeah?

Heh. Enjoy yourselves and be safe, yeah? I'll bee you later.
1 Fake planet lover| Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[06 Jan 2009|10:11am]
My heart lays on a half charge, and the bar is not moving. Here is a quiz.

Who are you?
I am Phyllis.

What are you think​ing about​ right​ now?
I'm thinking about slender fingers teasing my lips and eyebrows. Whose? I shall not tell.

Where​ do you want to be right​ now?
Throwing snowballs and chortling in front of a massive log cabin.

Who did you last text?​
I haven't texted anyone in years. Seriously. I hate text messages.

Who did you last talk to on the phone​?​

How do you feel right​ now?
I don't feel bad, apart from an anus that wants a stinging word.

Which one of your best friends do you see the most lately?
Richard. He works where I work.

What was the last gradu​ation​ you went to?
I don't think I have.

Do you miss your past?​

Who is the last perso​n you talke​d to on IM?

Last thing​ you drank​?​

Last perso​n you left a comme​nt?​

Are you stres​sed?​
Not really.

Want to say anyth​ing?​
Peas in my pod, i'm a dirty sod.

How old will you be in 15 month​s?​​​​

Was yeste​rday bette​r than today​?​​​​​
I don't know, it hasn't unfolded yet.

When is the last time you saw your mom?
This morning. She was having an e-mail dispute with a bloke off the radio. It's still going on.

What is your favor​ite color​?​​​​​

Do you smile​ often​?​​​​​
Of course. Even if i'm in a bad mood, it helps. Smiles are infectious. And, despite what i'm feeling, they're never forced with me.

Have you ever had a life threa​tenin​g injur​y?​​​​​
No. I did nearly swallow a marble once though.

Last time you cried​?​​​​​
I haven't cried for a long time.

Are you curre​ntly texti​ng anyon​e?​​​​​

Do you have someo​ne of the oppos​ite sex you can tell every​thing​ to?

What did you do frida​y night​?​​​​​
I was working.

Who pisse​d you off yeste​rday?​​​​​
Nobody did.

What do you curre​ntly hear right​ now?
BBC Radio Five Live.

Do you think​ you will be in a relat​ionsh​ip 3 month​s from now?
I have no freaking idea. I would doubt it.

Do you get distr​acted​ easil​y?​​​​​
What? Sorry, I was staring at a bean.

What is the last thing​ you did befor​e you went to bed last night​?​
I thought of someone.

Is the last perso​n you kisse​d mad at you?
Depends what sort of kiss. In any case, I don't think so.

What can'​t you wait for?
High noon in shit forest.

Somet​hing you disli​ke more than anyth​ing?​​​​​
Callum Best. He's a cunt. It's the first thing I thought of. I say "IT" and "Thing" with good reason.

If you could​ push one perso​n off of a mount​ain,​​​​​ who would​ it be?
Callum Best. And i'd hurl fucking bombs at him on the way down.

What are you doing​ tonig​ht?​​​​​
Nothing, hopefully.

When was the last time you had fun?
I had fun talking to Jen yesterday morning. She's hilarious, and cute. We listend to MUSE on the stereo!

Where​ were you at 11 last night​?​​​
In the Bell Inn.

Whose car did you drive last?
I didn't. I'm a perambulating whorebag.

Have you ever gotte​n in a fight​ with someo​ne,​​​​​ and never​ made up?
I think so.

Do you think​ age matte​rs in relat​ionsh​ips?​​​​​
I have no idea. I think a lot of things matter in a relationship, of which age is merely one.

Do you have any frien​ds that you'​ve known​ for 10 years​ or more?​​​​​

How did you get your most recen​t bruis​e?​​​​​
I had a fight with a bear. He bent me over and rammed a bear's stick up my fucking arsehole.

Do you belie​ve in true love?​​​​​
Do I? I've no idea these days. Maybe, maybe not. Love ain't my friend, currently. It's on probation.

If you could​ say somet​hing to the last perso​n that hurt you what would​ you say?
Nobody's hurt me in years, not intentionally. There's nothing to say, in any case.

Do you miss the way thing​s used to be?
No and no.

Do you belie​ve in perfe​ct?​​​​​
Yes. It doesn't exist though. I mean, I long for the perfect shit, but it never happens.

Are you over your past?​​​​​
Most certainly.

Have you ever playe​d hard to get?
No, I think that's stupid bullshit for people who read Cosmo. Wankish, stupid dating politics. Fuck off.

Where​ is the next place​ you will trave​l to?
The Weasel's Bollock.

What were you doing​ at 8:00 this morni​ng?​​​​​

Do you say sexy a lot?
Yes, I like the word.

What is somet​hing you curre​ntly want?​​​​​
A sheep I can really get to fuck off.

Do you want to get marri​ed & have child​ren one day?

Have you ever gambl​ed in a casin​o?​​​​​

Do you like to have long hair or short​ hair?​​​​​
I like long hair.

What was the last thing​ you bough​t?​​​​​
A painting of a buffoon.

Where​ do you keep your money​?​​​​​
In my sore bumhole.

What was the weath​er like today​?​​​​​

Would​ you pass a drug test?​​​​​

Last vacat​ion desti​natio​n you went on?
Fuck, I think it was actually America. And that was getting on for four years ago. I think I should really go somewhere soon.
1 Fake planet lover| Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[02 Jan 2009|12:34am]
Well, hello. It is 2009, and thankfully, I have survived another year. With a heart that is literally trying to beat faster to keep up. I'm not joking. My body is perhaps quite lithe and slender, but with the twin pressures of work and socialising, it often suggests to me that it is not up for the long haul.

I'm in the midst of a three day thirty hour bustle. I cannot remember a time when i've worked harder, and i'm only just running smoothly. I'm so busy, I cannot even think of settling, or relaxing. My sleep now is my only release, and then i'm back to it.


Oh well, at least it keeps my arse tight.

When I haven't been working, i've been learning. I learned some things about two people. Positive things. I actually developed something of an attraction to a girl I didn't have before. Doesn't matter though. She's not available, and besides, i'm too tired to talk about it or articulate. But it's just something worth mentioning. I like her and I like her capacity for thought. I see so many girls with thick heads and stupid boyfriends. I am thankful for the existence of her.

That, is her biggest sex appeal. She's got a head full of ideas. And she isn't afraid of expressing them.

Anyway, I have to retire now, because i'm up and gone in ten hours, for another ten hours work. Hoo boy.
3 Fake planet lovers| Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[31 Dec 2008|03:53pm]
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

I changed my working situation voluntarily, to change my life. I have done that before, but this was far less comfortable to accomplish.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?

I don't make them, and I rarely keep them.

3. Did anyone you know give birth?

Lisa, and Ginger Suzanne.

4. Did anyone you know die?


5. What countries did you visit?

I stayed right here. Next year i'm going to change that.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A fucking woman.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

There was no one day in particular.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I got a new job! Funnily enough, I didn't have to change this from the last person who did it.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Far too much reliance on vices.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?


11. What was the best thing you bought?

A massive box of grinning skulls.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Bolb and Rich.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Nobody. If there were people that did anything like that, they weren't people I knew.

14. Where did most of your money go?


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Getting out of Minster.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

Human - The Killers.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder, thinner or fatter, richer or poorer?

I'm a lot more tired. Sometimes happier, sometimes sadder. I tend to suffer from what I think is manic depression, so I can't ever be sure.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Sex, for fuck's sake.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Being tired. Drinking. Hey, i'm being honest. There's a New Year's resolution, then.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent it at home.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

No. I don't fall in love that easily. I have fancied some people though.

23. How many one-night stands?

None. I haven't even done the deed itself for nearly four years. ARRRRRRGH!

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Harry Hill's Tv Burp. I suggest all of you, regardless of location, look it up on Youtube.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Yes, some prick who tried to pick a fight with all my friends at once.

26. What was the best book you read?

Saturday by Ian Mckewan. Hey, I have an answer this year!

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

There wasn't really one.

28. What did you want and get?


29. What did you want and not get?

A woman. I think I mentioned that earlier. Not just any woman, mind. The woman. I know she exists, i've seen the films.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

I couldn't give a shit about most cinema that comes out. However, i'm aware there are loads of good ones out there. I just had no time to watch any of them.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was thirty two. I think I went to the Bell.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Being financially better off.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Sigh. Me.

34. What kept you sane?

My ridiculous sense of humour.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Matsugane Yoko, a Japanese model. And I still fancied Mariah Carey, which is embarrassing but undeniable. Even though she's a bit mental, and hasn't done any good tunes in about a thousand years. It's just a "thing" I have. And it's called a massive fucking erection. I think there was a particular video for Touch my body, a fucking shit song, but the video game me a right fucking stalk on.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

The U.S election. That hilarious to-do with Brand and Ross. I mean, for fuck's sake.

37. Who did you miss?

I don't really miss people, because there's always a way to see them, or talk to them.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Jenny. Without a doubt.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:

Let go of the freakin' past.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Does it? I don't know. It's Spiralling by Keane.

I'm waiting
For my moment to come
I'm waiting
For the movie to begin
I'm waiting
For a revelation
I'm waiting for someone
To count me in

Cos now
I only see my dreams
In everything I touch
Feel their cold hands on
Everything that I love
Cold like some
Magnificant skyline
Out of my reach
But always
In my eyeline now

We're tumbling down
We're spiralling
Tied up to the ground
We're spiralling

I fashioned you
From jewels and stone
I made you
In the image of myself
I gave you
Everything you wanted
So you would never know
Anything else

But everytime
I reach for you
You slip
Through my fingers
Into cold sunlight
Laughing at the things
That I had planned
The map of my world gets
Smaller as I sit here
Pulling at the loose
Threads now

We're tumbling down
We're spiralling
Tied up to the ground
We're spiralling
When we fall in love
We're just falling
In love with ourselves
We're spiralling

Did you wanna be a winner?
Did you wanna be an icon?
Did you wanna be famous?
Did you wanna be the president?
Did you wanna start a war?
Did you wanna have a family?
Did you wanna be in love?
Did you wanna be in love?

I never saw the light
I never saw the light
I waited up all night
But I never saw the light

When we fall in love
We're just falling
In love with ourselves
We're spiralling
We're tumbling down
We're spiralling
Tied up to the ground
We're spiralling

Happy New Year, you fucking asteroids.
1 Fake planet lover| Get yer lovely gas giants here.

Here's something I wrote on Livejournal, supplanted to here. [29 Dec 2008|01:40pm]
My hands enclose around her hips. My lips and hers lock like old friends in embrace; tongues lock and interlock...limbs tesselate in bed, my breath hits a barrier, a battering ram from her thumps against my chest, I am broken and splintered and impure, burnt shards of wood scatter.

My hands enclose around her hips, I am forever in moves are in distinct deference to hers, and each muscle of mine is a simple shadow of hers...I am not worthy...I lift a finger only in silence, in tribute, the effect of which is minimal, for I am merely footman.

My hands enclose around her hips, in any case, I kiss her lips and I thank God I am alive, I feel the familiar taste, and yet it is exotic, for each kiss is not of this earth. I cannot belive this is her, this simple heavy feeling of her, sweat and skin falling tree crashing into my own meadow.

I love her. More than ever before.
2 Fake planet lovers| Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[28 Dec 2008|07:44pm]
Today's train journey was unusual, in the sense that the train ticket collector was young, female, and attractive. Usually, they're male and well over thirty. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but this was a nice change.

She was probably about twenty something, with long black hair and dark features. She smiled as she approached me, and as she sat down to print my ticket I caught myself glancing at her stockinged legs. Yes, I am still a man. I thought of exchanging some flirtatious conversation. Something like I said above, in fact.

I did not. However, as I sometimes see the same people occasionally on these trains, I hope she turns up again on my journey, because I will likely say something. Nothing to lose, I don't see her every day so I can't get into trouble.

Nice girl.

Today has been nice and quiet, a short day. This is a good thing. Touch wood, only five hours work in the next three days, and then a marathon thirty hours plus from Thursday to Saturday. I will be entirely unavailable for that time, if you wonder. I'm sure you're not.

It's good money, no? Well, yes, but there are still some things to mull over in that area.

Been more horny recently than I think i've ever been. I don't know what it is. I give the demeanour of a calm sea teasing shores, and inside my waves are bursting against rocks. I feel like a beast in chains. I need a fuck.

Oh well, sex is just sex. On it's own I would find it ultimately a tepid experience. It's so hard to find someone entirely on my wavelength, even in Canterbury.

I really do have to get out there next year.
1 Fake planet lover| Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[22 Dec 2008|06:21pm]
Low, key glances tucked neatly behind hair,
she, within weakness of the moment,
noted his appreciable folly,
and warmly her soul aches,
for a calamitous back-story,
that'll never appear in the appendices
of the book she wrote.
1 Fake planet lover| Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[20 Dec 2008|08:58pm]
There's no possibility of me braving any outing tonight. I've only just got back, and am fucking done in. Also, I have a headache still knocking.

Last night I hooked up with Graham. We don't get to hang out much these days, so I used my day off to accompany him to his flat, which he's done a fine job of decorating. He's painted it, done the floorboards, installed a nice marble fireplace, and it's looking very good indeed. There's also a peculiarly secular Ramsgate building feel to it, that only people from, or who have had relatives in Ramsgate could ever appreciate it. It's a strange scent of homes quite unlike any other.

A few ales here and there and home. Today, the predictable furious catering of Saturday. As I had a headache, it wasn't particularly pleasant, but it's over until tomorrow. The presence of a thousand blokeish tossers with nothing to say but "UUUUUUUURGH!" every other sentence had me wishing for a machine gun. Not until I boarded the train did I realise truly how misanthropic i'm getting.

I'm getting sick of squawking, screeching, thick, odious people. The kind that make as much noise as possible without saying anything of any interest. On the train, a dirty little chav and his scab of a girlfriend (I presume) sat on the chairs opposite mine, playing terrible fucking garage music on a tinny little fucking poxy SPAZ-PHONE (TM), throwing polysterene chips about with abandon (Don't much care about that normally, but some poor cunt's got to clean it up) and grunting, jigging like pricks and pissing about. I sat with my Ipod trying to not show how pissed off I was getting. I think rat-face boy noticed this, because he then sat back with his back to the window, and his fucking legs filling the aisle.

When the journey was over, I got up, took one look at his nasty little leg and turned towards the door, glaring ahead. What I wanted to do was to lean into his stupid little face, and say this:

"Get, your fucking legs out of the aisle, you little prick, before I grab it, and shatter your fucking shinbone with my shoe, after which i'm going to put your head through the window"

I'm not in reality that volient, and have never been, but sometimes I just would love to do that. PRICK.
Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[18 Dec 2008|07:46pm]
I fucking love cats. This morning right, I was looking out of the flat of Bolb and Richi, at a grey short-hair. It had a big face. It was staring ahead like some kind of statue. So I stepped to the glass door and tapped on it, drawing the cat's attention. It looked at me like most cats do, with a sort of frown. You know the one. Cats rarely smile. I then started dancing from foot to foot, and doing a thumbs up with both hands, my mouth open at one side. "Alright mate?", I said as I did this. Then I went to make some fucking tea, and sat down to sneer at Everybody loves Raymond. The only way this show would appeal to me is if the parents of Raymond would suddenly fall down manholes, that giant bloke with the deep voice turned out to be Gary Glitter, and Raymond experiences such terrible sexual impotency whilst on the job with his wife that it caused a rift that would never, ever be healed, ending in a single fadeout, and no end credits.

Still, it's not as bad as The Class, which i've never seen before. What did I miss? Gillette models and leggy titted twats with no jokes at all, that's what. I felt myself turning into the anti-santa, and went back to tapping at the window, trying to endear myself to that cat. That slut didn't want to know.

Fucking grey pussy twat.

Check this prick out. It's Rhydian, who was not even good enough to win X-Factor, and good too, because that nice Leona Lewis won it. Not this year though, it was won by a pointless bint ruining Hallelujah.


I've inverted this to make his face slighly less upsetting. Rhydian is like the operatic Dolph Lundgren. Big head in two ways, small brain, big voice, no decent tunes. He's got a lead jaw and a lead soul, he's a right berk. I saw him on the telly earlier when I was eating a massive potato, and I nearly spat it out to flip the finger at him and go "You posturing fucking tosser!". Instead, I swallowed the spud and then said it. I'm a fucking gentleman. Though nobody else was there to see it.

Merry Christmas. Who wants a pebble for Christmas?
Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[18 Dec 2008|07:29pm]
You alright? Yeah? Right, i'm back, and I fucking reek of kitchen. I'm going to make myself nice and fucking shiny later, but before that, here's the stuff going on.

Quite busy at the moment. Thirty four hours this week, thirty four next week, and thirty eight in New Years. Might not sound that much, but many of those are late days. I have been so busy i've had to do no shopping at all, so i've done most of it on Amazon. Chillingly convenient, that they are. I have tomorrow off, and then i'm busy all week until Christmas Day. So don't expect much from me. Not that I thought you goddamned well would.

Still, there's all this about Nigella Lawson in the papers. Said she wanted to kill a bear and wear it's fur as a fucking hat. You'd think she was a right slag, right? Well, it all depends...if she wanted to kill the bear unfairily, say with a bolt through the head or a massive brick catapult or something i'd say it was a bit one sided.

However, she didn't say fact, she didn't specify. She might mean "I want to kill a bear myself, with my bare hands". Which would be ten thousand times more awesome than anything else ever. Imagine the broad, on the telly, going at it with a grizzly bear. Just picture the fucking fight. THAT would be worth watching on Christmas Day while you poke a knife into another sprout, fuck's sake.

I'd watch it. She wouldn't stand a chance! Just because if she was sucking on my burnt bell-end, she wouldn't be able to bang on and sodding on about a fucking delicious pie or goddamned sauce. Fucking cooking wench.

Probably would though. Not the bear.
Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[17 Dec 2008|12:16am]
In spring, passions arise, you to me, and earth to air, in nigh-time I lay against the soft earth and beat a path to your fields, I consume entire fields in flame, I beat back corn and my head falls back...the beauty of finding that flattened corn in a cluster of wheat. My sigh hits back the summer sweat, trickling down my skin I find this solace only open in arousing mentions of your name..a name i'll not put through my young lips until i'm older and wiser, or lacking and jaded. Autumn eats up another skin and dries the bones, and the winter comes once more...the dreaded melancholy of maturity.
Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[17 Dec 2008|12:05am]
I am sleepy. Today has squeezed the life from limbs that stick to me like matches on plasticine, threatening to fall off. I will feel worse tomorrow. I desire the festive season to be placid, and thankful, that I even appear to indulge it's whims. I shall this year, though. I will be stuffed truly, of beer and food, on Christmas...rubbing my buddha stomach. Okay, I don't have a buddha stomach (A lucky gene inherited), no matter what is consumed, but I shall rub the outline of the stomach that isn't there.

It's been a decent day. I'm not a lot happier than I was yesterday, but I am more than ever, my own man. I mean that in more ways than I can articulate.

See you Friday.
Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[16 Dec 2008|07:59pm]
Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight?
I don't think so, I don't have her number.

Do you own a computer?
No, i'm using smoke signals.

Whats your favorite song?
This Time by Starsailor, or Spiralling by Keane. Two good songs by bands I don't like.

Where was your default picture taken?
In my house.

Do you like messages or comments better?
If they're interesting, both.

Who was your last call from?

Last time you went out of town?
Yesterday, when I was at work.

What is your current mood?

What color shirt are you wearing?
It's a Liverpool away shirt, black and with the shield on it, which is composed of red and green.

What was the highlight of your week?
Talking to a beautiful girl with a genuine laugh and a nice sense of humour.

What are you listening to?
This Time by Starsailor!

How long is your hair?
Long for a man.

Are you happy right now?
Not especially, but i'm not unhappy either.

Are you wearing make-up?
No. I only wear make up for silly nights out.

If you could have something right now, what would it be?
Sex. Sorry, it's just my instincts speaking.

What were you doing at 11:00 last night?
I was heading home.

What is the last thing you thought about?

Have you ever been in love?

Who has your heart?
Nobody currently, but someone is warming it in her hands. Not that she knows.

Ever been in a perfect relationship?
No relationship is perfect, it's a relationship. They require work.

Does someone like you?
I don't think so.

Are you wearing any jewelry?

Do you know your father's birthday?
It's in July, and I never remember until I ask Mould exactly when. I'm awful with birthdays, but it isn't personal. I always make sure I find out.

When is the last time you cried?
I haven't cried for about three years, not seriously.

What is the most irritating thing the opposite sex can do to you?
Sandpaper my fucking bollocks.

Are you a cuddler?
I'm not particularly physically affectionate normally, but I have my moments.

Do you sleep with a teddy bear?
No. I did nick Bolb's, and filmed a video, but it's gone now.

Do people hate you?
I couldn't give a flying fuck if they do.

The next person you’ll hold hands with...will it mean anything?
No idea.

Do you want to get married?
Not really.

Who were the last 2 people you talked to last night?
Mould and dad.

What are you excited about?
Next year.

Do people ever mistake you for being a different race?

Would you tattoo someone's name on your body?
Yes, but i'd do it on my ass. I'm just saying.

Do you have any friends with "benefits"?
No, and I find the prospect tedious. No matter how horny I am, or are.

Who do you miss right now?
I'm not telling you.

Do you believe "Once a cheater, always a cheater"?
Well, I couldn't put up with it even once, i'd be outta there. That's just me. It isn't that simple though, is it?

Where is your most ticklish spot?

How old are your parents?
66 and 63 I think.

Do you have over 200 Facebook friends?

What food makes you guilty when you eat it?
I don't get guilty eating food. I like it.

Is your number 1 top friend your bf/gf?
No. I don't have a girlfriend, you prick.

How did you get your name?
My father named me after Neil Armstrong.

When is the last time you saw your mom?
Ten minutes ago.

Have you ever stolen a traffic cone?

What are you allergic to?

Shampoo first or wash body first:
I usually scrub my fucking balls with a wirewool first.

Perfect time to wake up:
Around ten in the morning.

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Cold. Though i'm starting to veer due to having to commute in cold weather.

Is the person you like older or younger than you?
She's younger than me. Fucking young bastard.

Did you know that peeling a wrapper off of a bottle, means your sexually frustrated?
I think the fact that I always have an erection and I am constantly masturbating indicates that i'm sexually frustrated.

What would you do if your ex liked you again?
I think we're a long way past that eventuality.

Have you ever liked someone on your top friends?

Someone asks you on a date, where do you wanna go?
Coal mining.

You have to get a facial piercing, what do you get?
I'd have one in my fucking eyeball.
Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[16 Dec 2008|07:14pm]
It's nice to catch up with old friends. It's been a good few months since I played with the football fraternity. Sadly, Paulo couldn't make it, as he's still got a foot injury, but there were still about nine of us, making the perfect number for four on four plus a goalkeeper. The goalkeeper was Stuart, who made some stunning saves, not least one that he made using his bollocks. Ouch.

I'm now thirty two, the oldest player out there, but, despite my vices...I am still pretty physically fit. I have good strong legs and smashed the post with a shot in one game. I also managed a couple of goals too, including a good run onto a pass which I drove into the bottom corner. Yippee!

After that we braved the New Inn. I haven't been there for a year. It's not got any better. However, we played some pool, and then went seperate ways. Nice afternoon. Tomorrow, back to Canterbury, and work. See you on Friday, unless I post some poetry or something.
Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[16 Dec 2008|12:55pm]
I actually thought I might do a sort of Jackanory type thing. I like reading, and I like reading aloud. It seems to bring the text alive for me. I like the way words sound when they spring up from the page, the inflection of nuance of voices, the way the place names and descriptions sound in my mouth.

Despite a poor education, and a lack of desire to learn while at school, I have, by some sort of instinctive quirk, always been able to read. Ever since I can remember. I don't even remember how I began to learn. It's like swimming to me, I was always a cracking to dart effortlessly about. Something to do with my frame, I suppose. Well, my tongue, my voice, and my mind are utterly engaged to reading, which makes it astonishing when you think that I don't do enough of it.

My only problem is I sometimes lose concentration and skip whole sentences. This isn't to do with reading skills, it's laziness. I find if I read aloud, I pay more attention. It becomes me.

So I might do a reading video. I remember in 2004 that my English tutor told me I was a good reader. I was a little nervous at the time, but I surprised myself at how well I bought the lines to life. So I might give it a crack!
Get yer lovely gas giants here.

[16 Dec 2008|12:22pm]
Continuing on with On Chesil Beach. The backstory is quite good, and I like the way that McKewan goes from present tense to past in the form of the meeting of Florence and Edward.

I'm playing football today, and it'll be nice to get out of here and leave this sodding diary behind. I'm starting to fall out of love with it, and it's been a long running problem of mine. I just don't feel a thrill when I use it. It's almost become a habit, rather than a love. I desire a new medium.

Plus, with life's distractions and change, I don't have much time to dedicate to it. I suppose one day i'll have more to write about. I did set up another diary on another site, but it's only known to few, and it's got some naughty things on it, so it's a no no for most of the people I know. Only Roobs knows about it, and that's the way I intend to keep it for now.

Dead Space is scary! I want this game. It's a game i've never played, but the thing just fascinates me.

Onto other things. I'll be out tomorrow, for a day or two. I have work until six, then i'm going to buy some of those present things. Soon I have to work out whether I can afford a holiday in America (Visiting Eva and Mike), a fucking flat, and pay for Mould and Dad's holiday next year. Lots to think about.
Get yer lovely gas giants here.

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