Jeremiah Mari G. Carag's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Jeremiah Mari G. Carag [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

What's in Store For Me [18 May 2005|10:28pm] [ mood | determined ] [ music | I Believe - American Idol Finals Season 3 ] Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. - Maya Angelou Just a few days ago, I got an audio CD copy of our major concert last March 12, 2005. Being the perfectionist that I am, I listened to every song that I sang and took note of every note. I was glad that I was able to get most of them right! However, of all the songs I sang in the concert (and I can also proudly say that of all the songs I heard on the CD), I would have to say that the best for me was my duet with Cathy. We sang Kyla and Gary V.'s version of Sana Maulit Muli. Though my other songs sounded ok, this song was different because everytime I would listen to it, I usually have the chills and goosebumps. The song was heartfelt and our interpretation emphasized the strong emotions portrayed in the song. It was as if the song was our story. Perhaps, this quote would be appropriate to what I felt about this song: Music is the divine way to tell beautiful, poetic things to the heart. - Pablo Casals Upon hearing the song, I texted Cathy at once and thanked her because I believe that the song wouldn't have been successful without her angelic voice. After "flattering" each other through text, I told her about my feelings whenever I hear the song. I told her about my constant desire to sing and be on stage. Whenever I get on stage, hit the notes, and hear the applause of the crowd, I always get this unexplainable feeling of joy. There isn't a day that would pass where I wasn't able to hum a tune. Even a bad cold or a sore throat can't stop me. I even sing when I cry. Singing has become my passion and obsession. And yet, I'm confused. Soon I will be graduating and a few months after that, I will be taking the board exams. Though I know that I have a good chance of getting a good and well-paying job after graduation, I'm not quite sure if I will feel the same sense of fulfillment in that work as the one I feel everytime I sing. Now, I'm so confused. After sharing this with her, she sent me this text message: "Did you know that when we go to heaven, all we are left to do there is to worship God in different ways. Satin siyempre through singing. Malay mo God has instored for you a special place in heaven which is to lead other Christians in worship. Earth is just a training ground for eternity. All we have to do is to think BIG. Jigs, God, sees your heart. He knows your desires because he was the one who put that desire in you. Seek him and slowly, in time, He'll reveal to you His purpose. Baka nga music." That text message almost left me in tears. That moment, God spoke to me and Cathy was His instrument. Yes, that message gave me the answer or at least gave me a clue on the question that has bothered me for quite some time. God is the source of this desire and I know that in due time, I will find his real purpose for me. Everything shall happen in His time. In the meantime, I am determined to finish my studies and to pass the board exams after which I plan to explore if I can establish a singing career. If it works then well and good. If it doesn't then I will accept it and explore my other capabilities. For now, I am doing my best in my studies and I also allot a certain time each day to rehearse. After all, it is only right that I develop this God-given talent. Music, the greatest good that mortals know and all of heaven we have hear below. - Joseph Addison 2 comments|post comment

Pops Concert Part 2 [16 Mar 2005|12:03am] [ mood | depressed ] Aanhin mo ang pinaghirapan mo if you have no one to share it with. Ganiyan yung na feel during the last major concert. Sure, I felt accomplished upon knowing it was one of the orchestra's best concerts. However, I was really disappointed with the attendance of people from my bloc. Tatlo lang po pumunta - si dianne, menen and chesca. Needless siguro to say na na hurt ako kasi I was really expecting more people to come. Marami naman may alam na it was my last concert with pops plus they know that I have given a lot sa concert na to...considering that I was involved in almost every aspect of the show. When I was inviting them, nahirapan na ko. React kagad - "ang layo...maganda ba yan...mahal naman ticket...pano kami punta diyan...dami ko ginagawa...nyek di naman ako nanonood ng mga ganiyan." At first, I thought na jokes lang...kasi ganun naman talaga magbiruan sa block. Pinilit kong isipin na biro lang kasi sa totoo lang na hurt na ako at that time. Galing kasi ako lagi ng rehearsals...pagod, walang boses, and may colds...tapos biglang ganun ang dadatnan ko. So todo invite pa rin ako...todo lambing na nga ang appropriate term...sinuyo ko na sila manood. Pero same reactions pa rin. Pero umasa pa rin ako...probably kasalanan ko din...sana I could have been more realistic. Iba kasi tingin ko sa bloc...walang iwanan...laging nagtutulungan...suportahan. Dahil busy na ako sa rehearsals, i let the others decide na lang kung gusto talaga nila. Nagbigay na rin ako ng references in terms of how to get there and where to buy tickets. Dumating yung concert, tatlo lang ang nakapunta. Buti na lang dami kong relatives na pumunta pero siyempre iba pa rin ang presence ng barkada. When I was performing on stage, I kept on looking at the seats but no familiar faces were in sight except sa tatlong bukod tanging taong pumunta. Umasa pa rin ako...baka na late lang...i expected na may papasok na maingay at naghahanap kung saan pa pwde umupo. But nobody came. I was waiting for shrieks and cheers coming from familiar voices. But I didn't hear anything. Buti na lang may nag cheer pa rin sa kin. Na appreciate yung ginawa ko on stage. Kaya di naman ako malungkot talaga during the concert. Pero after the concert dun ko lang na feel yung pain. Nainggit ako dun sa iba kasi kumpleto circle of friends nila to give their support. When I invited people to watch the concert, I was not literally selling concert tickets. I was asking for support na usually naman ginagawa ng magkakaibigan. I was asking for people to appreciate and see what I have labored for months that made me neglect my studies, my health, and myself. Fine, malayo nga...mahal nga ticket...pero nakaabot na tayo mas malayo pa sa AFP...bumili na tayo ng ticket na mas mahal dun I'm sure of that. Hanggang ngayon di ko alam kung bakit. Sabi nga nila...if there's a will, there's a way. Lahat naman ng gusto nagagawan ng paraan. Nakita ko yung iba nung Monday after the concert, nag apologize at sabi wag ka na magalit Jigs...eto naman di lang kami nakanood ng concert. Di naman panonood ang nagkulang. Madami nanood at naka appreciate ng ginawa ko. Ang nawala sa kin ung suporta from my so-called friends. So let me have this opportunity to thank the people who went...my family...relatives ko...sina Ninang Med and Tito Doy...ang best kong si Karen na kailanman di ako iniwan...si Chesca na binitbit si Cynthia to cheer for me...to my thesis mates Dianne and Menen with Win Win...thank you for your presence sa concert. Your presence made me feel important dahil binigyan niyo ng importansya ang isang bagay na pinaghirapan ko talaga. Kung alam niyo lang kung ano pinagdaanan ko dito, malalaman niyo kung gaano yung pagpapahalaga ko sa pagpunta niyo. 3 comments|post comment

Pops Concert Part 1 [15 Mar 2005|11:27pm] [ mood | accomplished ] Wow, it has been quite a while since my last entry dito sa blurty. Probably months ago na. Anyway, probably what kept me from updating my journal besides my difficult accounting subjects is the concert we had sa pops. Grabe, iba yung preparation dito. Siyempre, this might be my last concert with them so better make the most out of it. I made sure I was really involved. Firstly, naging active kaagad ako sa initial committees in planning the concert. As in halos wala pang concept for the concert, andun na ko. That is maybe one of the reasons why I was appointed as the assistant director - because even at a very early stage, they saw my great interest. Tapos nung lumabas na yung list of songs, talagang pinaghandaan ko na kung ano yung mga gusto kong kantahin. I rehearsed during the christmas break pare sure ako sa auditions. Iba kasi auditions this year. The directors made sure that it was special kasi nga award winning songs ang i fefeature so dapat hindi basta basta pagkanta. Matindi judges kasi kasama yung vocal coach namin from the conservatory of music. And unlike sa previous years, they won't mind assigning more than one song to one soloist and none to another. Probably those who have read my previous blurty entries would understand kung bakit determined akong makakanta this concert. Alam naman natin yung issue about our vocals head na nag aasign lang ng songs sa sarili niya at sa close friends niya. So in other words, I felt I was extremely idle and underestimated for this year. God is really kind. Lahat ng inaudition kong song, nakuha ko. Grabe cloud 9 ako after the announcement. After nito todo prepare and practice kami but we had this really big problem with the section head. He was literally useless kasi di siya nag wowork. Ako and si andrei (one of the senior members ng vocals) ang kumakayod while siya, parang di nababahala about the concert. Dumating sa point na three weeks na lang before the concert, ang dami pang di ayos. Pati yung ibang members nagrereklamo na about the way he is running things. Thus, nag decide ang executive board, kami ni andrei ang mag take over. Grabe that was really hard for us. Sure, we were really pissed off with our head's attitude pero at the same time, friend pa rin namin siya and kasabay namin siyang pumasok sa pops. Naawa din kami kahit papaano...but as the saying goes, the show must go on. We had to make the best of the very little time left. Sobrang tinutukan namin yung soloists - most of them unprepared pa. Pero we were really patient with them...kahit na minsan eh di na kaya ng temper namin. In all fairness, pag napagsabihan naman sila, they were very obedient naman and supportive with our "cramming plan." So fast forward, show na...medyo may problems pa rin pero carry lang. So anong nangyari?!? Everybody said it was the best concert of Pops Orchestra. I wasn't surprised to hear that after the show because while I was watching, I couldn't help but marvel at the fruits of our labor. Everybody did well - the orchestra was amazing, the vocalists were magnificent (mala singing contest), award-winning ang set and lights. Ang saya saya ng feeling after the concert. Thank god at nakaraos din. After the concert, nilapitan kami nung head namin sa vocals at nag thank siya and apologize sa min ni Andrei. He was crying when he hugged us. Nakita ko naman yung sincerity so kahit papaano, napatawad ko na kung ano man yung pagkukulang niya sa min. Mas lalo akong napunta sa cloud 9 when I received the compliments from different people. Kahit na three lang from the bloc ang pumunta sa concert (salamat sa inyo at kayo'y featured sa next blurty entry ko), my numbers were well applauded talaga even by the people I didn't know. Tapos after the concert, I was approached by peeps from DLSU and some parents who congratulated me for a job well done. Grabe...ang saya...nakakataba na puso pero nakakalungkot din kasi last concert ko na ata to. Talagang di ko makakalimutan ko. I know that I will always look back to that night, March 12, 2005, and wear a big smile after thinking how we made the show work. post comment

After A Million Years...I'm Back! [30 Oct 2004|11:33pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keys ] Yup, after a million years I was able to update my blurty journal.  Lots of things have been happening for the past few days but too bad I didn't have the time to update my journal due to the very heavy workload we had for this trimester.  Today was the last day of the midterm exam week so at least, I can breathe for the moment.  Sure, it will be busy again starting Tuesday but at least I have a longer weekend to relax and pray for our dearly departed relatives and friends. Guess what?! I just watched Spiderman 2 on DVD after my afternoon nap (I did not sleep last night).  I know it is quite late to talk about the movie.  Anyway, it wasn't my fault that I didn't have time to drop by Glorietta when it was showing on the big screen.  Of course, it was the typical Hollywood blockbuster with lots of great special effects.  However, the movie has struck a chord when Dr. Octavius and Peter Parker were talking about talent/intelligence as a gift and not a privilege - that people must do their best to nurture their abilities so that they may be able to contribute them to others. I agree!  Yes, we've heard about people who ace exams but didn't budge a finger. (Ang galing naman ni blah blah! Naka 98 at partida...walang aralan yan...dambuhala talaga un!).  However, wouldn't that person have scored a 100 if he had prepared for the exam?  Moreover, if he had studied for the exam and got a hundred, wouldn't his classmates be inspired to work and study and stop thinking that intelligence is merely an "exclusive gift" given to a certain few? I only have a few terms left before I graduate and enter another phase in my life.  That's why I'm making the most out of everything now.  By studying, working hard, and planning my life well, I may not be only able to develop myself but even possibly help my family and other people in the future. Come on guys and think about it!  All of us are blessed with talents and intelligence and it would be shame if we would not maximize them. There goes my realization after watching a movie shown in theaters decades ago.  'Til next time.  Hasta luego! 1 comment|post comment

Alone No More [10 Oct 2004|01:52pm] [ mood | grateful ] [ music | That's What Friends Are For ] For the past few weeks, I have underwent a different kind of depression and loneliness.  One that did not interfere much with my activities but made me think a lot about many things that have been happening in my life for the past few months.  I felt that I was the most misunderstood person and that no explanation or reason can make my actions right or at least jusified.  What's worse is that I don't know to whom I will share these problems with.  My bestfriends (2 Ks in my life) are quite busy with their own schoolwork and careers and I would not like to bother them with my so-called follies.  On the other hand, I would not like to bother my family about it either since they have their own duties to fulflill.  I'm just glad that I belong to a block which is more like a second family to me.  Amidst all these problems, they have been more than willing to help me or support me despite the fact that I can't disclose to them everything due to some personal reasons.  I'm talking about the Friday Night Secret Society (hihihi...excuses for the lame choice of group name).  Anyway, for the past few weeks, we have been sharing with each other our own share of problems and achievements for the week.  Whenever we meet, I feel that we have known each other for a very long time since there was this certain openness that I rarely see with a group of friends.  Everything was discussed over dinner - from nonsense jokes to serious problems.  After sharing, we are able to laugh out all the stress we have been enduring for a week or get a word or two of encouragement from each other.  These all mean a lot to me because though my "co-members" may not know about it, their mere presence every Friday night gives me that sense of assurance that I am not alone. Thank you Ochie, Shy, Ayen, Leah, Arika, Apple, Dianne, Menen and Gelo for making me feel welcome.  Your jokes, pats on my shoulder, and advice make me end the week with a smile and make me look forward for the days to come.    post comment

Alone No More [10 Oct 2004|01:51pm] [ mood | grateful ] [ music | That's What Friends Are For ] For the past few weeks, I have underwent a different kind of depression and loneliness.  One that did not interfere much with my activities but made me think a lot about many things that have been happening in my life for the past few months.  I felt that I was the most misunderstood person and that no explanation or reason can make my actions right or at least jusified.  What's worse is that I don't know to whom I will share these problems with.  My bestfriends (2 Ks in my life) are quite busy with their own schoolwork and careers and I would not like to bother them with my so-called follies.  On the other hand, I would not like to bother my family about it either since they have their own duties to fulflill.  I'm just glad that I belong to a block which is more like a second family to me.  Amidst all these problems, they have been more than willing to help me or support me despite the fact that I can't disclose to them everything due to some personal reasons.  I'm talking about the Friday Night Secret Society (hihihi...excuses for the lame choice of group name).  Anyway, for the past few weeks, we have been sharing with each other our own share of problems and achievements for the week.  Whenever we meet, I feel that we have known each other for a very long time since there was this certain openness that I rarely see with a group of friends.  Everything was discussed over dinner - from nonsense jokes to serious problems.  After sharing, we are able to laugh out all the stress we have been enduring for a week or get a word or two of encouragement from each other.  These all mean a lot to me because though my "co-members" may not know about it, their mere presence every Friday night gives me that sense of assurance that I am not alone. Thank you Ochie, Shy, Ayen, Leah, Arika, Apple, Dianne, Menen and Gelo for making me feel welcome.  Your jokes, pats on my shoulder, and advice make me end the week with a smile and make me look forward for the days to come.    post comment

Best Party Ever [02 Oct 2004|12:44am] [ mood | energetic ] [ music | All The Songs We Played Tonight...;-) ] Just a few minutes ago, I experienced one of the best parties I've ever had in years.  We just concluded the first half of the UAAP season with a victory party in line with our school's achievement as the champion in different sport categories including men's basketball.  At first, I wasn't in the mood for partying since I was terribly moody today and I was also not feeling well.  Initially, I told the orchestra that I could not sing with them during the presentation due to my condition.  But after the continued persistence of my blockmates, I eventually joined the orchestra in the animo party. The party was a blast.  Everybody was in high spirits - shouting cheers for the school's victory and proudly singing the alma mater song.  We (the orchestra) were actually worried that the students' energy level will go down once we perform because based on our past experiences, the DLSU peeps tend to be "reserved" during our presentations.  However, we were left in awe when the students were actually very lively during our presentation.  In fact, they were actually singing along with us.  They were even taking pictures of us during the presentation (hehe...flattered).  We honestly felt like school celebrities since they were actually giving us the same cheers that they gave to the members of the champion teams. Barbie of Barbie's Cradle performed after our numbers.  She was great not to mention that she was really pretty.  During the entire time that she was on stage, I was looking at her all the time.  Too bad I wasn't able to get an autograph or a picture.  Hopefully we will be able to work with her soon.  Anyway, she's an alumna of our orchestra (yep, before they formed the group Barbie's Cradle). After the presentations, it was time to party with both techno and r&b music.  Everybody was dancing.  In fact, there were even those who made exhibitions of some of their cool moves on stage.  The party was really great not only because all people were having fun but it was actually one of the moments that I truly felt that I was a Lasallian by heart and spirit.  Tongiht I was more than proud to be a product of almost 14 years of Lasallian education.  Yup, it was just a basketball game as one would say but the feeling was simply indescribable and great. After the party, I went out for a drink with some of my old friends.  Most of them are people that I don't see often as a result of our different courses.  Being with them reminded me about the fond memories of our frosh year.  Truly, time runs fast and soon I will be leaving the university.  At least even once during my stay in the university, I was not only able to experience a bastketball championship victory but more than that, I was able to see the animo spirit alive. Animo La Salle! post comment

[29 Sep 2004|10:46pm] [ mood | busy ] [ music | Anything that keeps my adrenalin up and goin' ] It sure is nice to add something to my journal after quite some time.  Guess all of you know that everyone in school has been very busy.  Thanks to endless homeworks and killer exams.  Anyway, much has happened since my last entry and it would take days to give you each detail.  However, the past few days could be considered as one of the turning points in my life.  Much has happened - certain events that perhaps, I will remember for the rest of my life. First thing I learned is that God has a way of making happy events as total surprises.  Guess all of you know that I was not included in the dean's list last term.  Though I was not really disappointed about it since I expected it already, I knew that things were going to be harder since I have a lot of cathing up to do.  Just when the term started, I received two invitations - one for a three-day stay in seminar to be held at the Manila Peninsula to be conducted by Procter and Gamble and an invitation by the ASEAN for a scholarship at the National University of Singapore.  I didn't expect these things to happen especially with my last term performance so when I received these invitations, I felt a different kind of happiness.  Truly, God has a way of making wonders. Another thing that I have learned is that you cannot always have what you want.  However, perception is the key to true happiness and contentment.  Yep, I'm quite lucky to have a great family, good friends, and a number of accomplishments.  The only thing lacking is that special someone to whom I can share all this happiness that I am feeling.  I admit that sometimes, I really feel the emptiness of being single.  However, one can really never have it all and I'm willing to wait until the right time comes.  In fact, I should be thankful for all the blessings that I have been receiving.  Complaining about my current state would be a perfect example of being ungrateful.  Anyway, I am not the type of person who is in a hurry looking for that special someone for the sake of having a relationship.  Besides, with my schedule and routine, I really feel the perks of being single. One important aspect of life that I have learned so far is that nothing is permanent and changes do occur.  It has been quite hard for me to make certain adjustments for the past few days for this problem I have right now.  People do come and go in our lives and sometimes separation is inevitable - not becaue it is what people want to happen but because we simply have no choice.  Hopefully things will be back to normal soon. Enough of learnings and realizations.  Back to silliness!  I just want to share that I have this terrible crush on this girl who happens to be the cousin of my mom's boss.  She does not actually perfectly fit to my description of the ideal girl (though I have long dropped the idea of setting standards because I will eventually end up with no one) but i sorta like her.  I see here whenever we sing as a duet for company functions.  She's simple, sweet, and very amiable.  Hmmm...can she be the one?  I really dunno but perhaps one day I will give it a try.  I really dunno but I have been thinking of her for the past few days and thanks to her, I end up not listening to my lectures.  Enough of my silliness and back to reality.  Still have tons to finish.  Hopefully, this is not my last entry. Hasta luego mis amigos! God bless! post comment

Hangover Week [08 Sep 2004|10:53pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | The Original Musical Score of the Movie Malena ] Believe it or not but I am still suffering from exhaustion from the past week's performances.  I don't know why I have not still regained my full energy not to mention my voice since my voice now sounds like oscar the grouch and it seems to me that the only songs that I can sing are those of Macy Gray. In spite of this, there are lots of obligations to fulfill for the week.  Of course, part of this is my obligation to my scholarship program.  As part of our requirements, we need to do some social service for this week.  In line with this, we went to the Philippine General Hospital Pediatric Ward to visit some sick children.  Just going there made me tired due to the scorching hot and high humidity.  It was worse when we were inside the premises.  I literally felt like fainting.  However, when we went inside the pediatric ward, I was deeply moved by the very bad condition of the patients there.  I'm not only talking about their grave illnesses but also the poor resting conditions of the hospital.  It was like a vacuum that consumed all your energy when you are inside. I met three patients.  One was Eric Legaspi who was still inside an incubator due to his premature birth and bad lung condition.  Hopefully, he will be able to recover soon - thanks to the generosity of those donating to the PGH.  The other two were Arabelle and Lord Raphael.  Arabelle had hydrocephalus and had to stop schooling for a while.  She is still under observation and that doctor has yet to decide whether they must conduct an operation.  On the other hand, Lord Raphael, at a tender age, is already suffering from kidney stones and is not only undergoing dialysis but also chemotherapy since what was first a kidney disesase suddenly developed into kidney cancer.  The culprit - instant noodles (so watch out Lucky Me fanatics).  Well, instant noodles, FYI, has been one of the staples of poor people since it is cheaper than rice and can be eaten without a viand.  Please....again I request for your prayers for these kids.  Hopefully, they will all get soon.  Miracles happen - I believe! Then another problem was how to open a new account when most banks would not accept a check to open a new ATM account.  By the way, I got the check from my scholarship.  After 5 banks, I finally ended up in BPI bank and fortunately, the branch manager was a member of Opus Dei and a good friend of mine at the Opus Dei Study Center called Maynilad.  Since I was already exhausted, he assisted me on filling up the forms and found a way for me to close the deal.  Thank God!  Your heaven sent Don if you only knew what I'm talking about.  I owe you one. Then we have a performance this Saturday at Bataan.  It is actually a debut of one of our members but it is still considered an official performance since we will still be introduced as the DLSU Pops Orchestra.  Hopefully, I sound like Jigs again and not a Macy Gray imitation since I cannot sing "I Try" in a debut.  Well, kidding aside, we also have the major concert to plan while in Bataan so it seems to me that this means no sleeping time again since I have to catch up for the 6:30 am sunday ferry in order to be back in Manila to visit the dentist, hear mass and visit my sick grandpa. Come monday, it is the first day of my classes.  Talk about vacation!  Well, no regrets because even though I'm tired, I was able to maximize every bit and second of it.  Guess the best of luck for me in everything!  Ciao y hasta luego! post comment

The Pains of True Friendship [06 Sep 2004|10:42pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | That's What Friends Are For ] The Bacolod experience (please refer to my previous entry) was both a happy and sad experience.  Anyway, the conflict had already started in Manila.  We were actually preparing for the Bacolod tour and it seemed to me that our section head, Mark, has not been taking note of important details for the tour.  In other words, we were not prepared for the tour.  Since this is not my first time in the tour, I did my best by orienting some new members with how the tour runs and helping them out with their songs.  During the last practice we had in Manila, we made last minute preparations but I felt that they were not yet enough. Thus, we arrived in Bacolod unprepared.  I was a little disappointed with Mark since I felt that he was not feeling the pressure I and the other old members were feeling.  If ever he was feeling it, we did not see any significant action on his part to answer the problems at hand.  Anyway, together with the old members, we tried to cover up for these things by planning the schedule for the bacolod tour.  We utilized our time well by scheduling our free time by the minute and assigning songs to be practiced for each time interval.  We did this with very little help from him.  In spite of this, we found the other members to be uncooperative (especially the guys) and we found this very disappointing since we have seen that Mark was not scolding them or reminding them of their duties.  The last straw was the night after the EB magalona concert.  I was about to rest since I just took some medication with side effects of drowsiness.  In spite of that, I went to other vocalists' room to fix the schedule for the following day.  I also invited Mark to join us.  However, we waited until dawn and he did not arrive.  Actually, he arrived at around ten pm and promised us that he will return apologizing that he had an Executive Board meeting to attend to. However, we later found out that before the meeting and that was the time we were fixing the schedule, he was just talking with someone else and this was not related to work.  After that, he dropped by our place and informed us about the EB meeting and we waited for him and gave him that second chance.  He never arrived despite the fact that the EB meeting was over.  I was really furious because I did my best to stay awake only to find out that he was in the other room chatting with friends.  I was angry because a leader should be selfless and responsible.  Vacation was not a primary goal of the tour but to perform.  After the concert, the old members had already ill feelings towards him.  The night after all our concerts, I got drunk.  We were supposed to talk to him personally.  Unfortunately, one of the old members spoke with the Executive Board and blurted everything out which was obviously not part of the original plan.  When I found out about this as soon as I woke up, I cried because the one who informed me was a member of the Executive Board and she told me that this might trigger something that has never been done before, the impeachment of a section head.  I did not want this to happen because this will surely destroy our friendship with Mark and demoralize the group as well. With this, we decided to talk to him so that he was prepared for any consequences.  For the first time, I saw him cry and I was deeply moved by this.  I felt that this was really painful for him.  However, I still bore in mind that whatever we said that was accidentally blurted out by the old member was out of concern and love for the organization.  Eventually, a series of meetings followed among us vocalists.  Crying was endless while we opened up to each member.  Eventually, it was fixed with the Executive Board.  The resolution was to give Mark another chance to serve our group. I don't know why after this incident that almost destroyed our friendship, I actually felt that we were all closer after the incident.  I felt so guilty about Mark since he is actually a very good friend of mine.  He was the one who took care of me when I was badly drunk and he even woke us up and wished as well as we departed from Bacolod.  However, sometimes, I guess that there are the pains of true friendship.  Friends do tell their friends' shortcomings even if it will hurt them.  With that, a risk follows on how your friend will accept that criticism.  It may not be easy but I will say that it is worth taking the risk.  If ever it will destroy your friendship, it's still worth it because in the end, you can tell yourself that you have been a good friend by being open and giving advice for your friend's betterment. It was good that it all ended well thank God!  Hopefully, this will help us start anew. 1 comment|post comment

Bacolod and Napoleones [06 Sep 2004|10:42pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Can't Fight the Moonlight by LeAnn Rimes ] It has been quite some time since my last blurty journal.  For those who do not know, I just came from a concert tour to Bacolod, Negros Occidental with the De La Salle University Pops Orchestra.  The tour was definitely great and worthwhile considering that it has already been my second time to perform in the place.  We were treated like celebrities (not to mention lots of people asked for my autograph).  We left for Bacolod at 5:30 in the morning.  I had to wake up at 3 am because we had to be in the airport an hour before the flight.  The flight was safe, thank God.  As soon as we arrived, breakfast was served and as soon as I finished eating, I devoted my time to sleep since I woke up too early that day.  First in the concert itenerary was the performance at the Carmelite Monastery in Bacolod which has been a yearly tradition of the orchestra.  In fact, the Bacolod Carmelite sisters have been continually praying for the orchestra's success and safety.  The performance was not even short of amazing.  The nuns approached us through the railings (they are not allowed to go out) and thanked us for the wonderful songs we rendered to them.  It was a touching experience since these nuns, due to their monastic way of life, are rarely entertained.  Truly, these are the people who are rightfully called the wind beneath our wings because while we struggle in the middle of the world, these nuns gave up a normal life in order to continually pray for us.  Such noble people! The next performance was at EB Magalona, a small town south of Bacolod.  In spite of the fact that it was only a town and not a city, it had an excellent sound system prepared for us.  In fact, one of the best we've ever had and even better than the one we have in Manila.  For lunch, the mayor treated us to a wide variety of seafood and Chicken Inasal (which was a far cry from the one we have here in Manila for the one in Bacolod has more spices and is more delicious).  The performance was great and the audience was so warm.  The performance ended with a line of kids asking for our autographs.  The line was so long that we had to cut the autograph sigining short because we had to follow the itenerary.  A rehearsal followed at the University of St. La Salle Coliseum where we had our performance the following day. Two performances were held the following day - a matinee and a gala performance.  They were both great (spare the details for it will unecessarily prolong this entry).  As soon as we arrived at the dorm, a sumptous dinner was served and the Bacolod brothers extended their gratitude towards us.  Then, a drinking session followed.  Gosh, for the first time in my life I got drunk.  We drank this Emperador Brandy mixed with Cola.  After that, I didn't know what happened.  Many got drunk as well.  All I know is I woke up with a bad headache.  According to my friends, I was very restless that night.  When I was asked to sleep and brought to my room, I would find a way to get up and escape.  When asked, i would say that I'm not yet sleepy and I'm not drunk.  They even told me that I kept on laughing at other people.  What a shame!  Anyway, I'm quite thankful that the other members cared for me and did not really take advantage of my situation.  Thanks for the patience guys. The next day, we had a tour of the different ancestral houses.  Gosh the people in Bacolod are filthy rich not to mention the acres of sugarland.  Anyway, the tour ended with the ordering of Napoleones - my favorite and a free time at the Mall - Robinson's Bacolod.  The following day, we woke up early for the flight.  It sure was a tiring tour but it was worth it! Phew! 1 comment|post comment

Without the Pain and Agony [28 Aug 2004|11:29pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Home by Bryan McKnight ] To all those who read my previous journal and to those who have offered their prayers for my grandfather, my heartfelt gratitude.  After I wrote the first entry, my grandfather was operated and after a day in the ICU was already confined to a regular room in the hospital.  My grandfather was able to recuperate from the operation.  In fact, as soon as he woke up, he looked for his watch and complained that he has not been eating for four straigh days (he was under observation so no food intake - dextrose only).  This means that he still is very much aware of what has been happening for the past few days. However, we were not as glad to hear the other news.  According to the doctor, though the operation was able to remove the tumor, my grandfather has already been diagnosed with colon cancer.  Though this is the case, we are not aware of the stage of the cancer or how far the cancer has already spread because in order to do this, a biopsy must be made.  The doctor did not recommend a biopsy anymore since this will increase the "opening" that has been made through the last operation and my grandfather may not be able to recover from such due to his age (he is already 80 years old).  Chemotherapy is another no-no since this might even hasten my grandfather's death.  We are visiting him tomorrow and I don't know how I will be able to greet him without that sorrow in my face considering that (according to my relatives who already visited him) my grandfather is in a very positive and happy state.  In fact, he is looking forward to his release in the hospital next week.  We did not inform him about his sickness since this will only psychologically ruin his last moments on earth (it is so hard typing this part - sob....) Anyway, again thank you for all your prayers.  Hopefully, you will still include him in your prayers by asking God not to prolong the pain and agony that he may be feeling in the near future (he is still not experiencing the intense pain since this usually happens when the tumor has already spread).  To God, thank you for making my grandfather a vital part in my life.  I grew up with my grandfather and whatever I am now, I owe it to him.  I would be forever grateful for putting me under the care of a very hardworking, god-fearing, and brave man.  I will surely miss him but I know that he will be happier with You and my grandma. 1 comment|post comment

Please Pray for My Grandfather [26 Aug 2004|01:17am] [ mood | scared ] [ music | For Always (Josh Groban and Lara Fabian) ] I can't believe that the exams are already over! Well, almost over. Today classes were suspended and I wasn't a bit happy about it. Because of the class suspension, I was not able to go to take my law exams - my last for this term! Talk about prolonging the agony. Because of that, it wouldn't be a complete respite from school work. Anyway, the thing that's been bothering me for the week is the health of my grandfather. He is my last grandparent (my mom's dad) not to mention my two alive great grandparents. My grandfather was suddenly rushed to the hospital when he vomitted blood. Anyway, my mom talked to us the other night to pray for him. They found a large tumor on his stomach and liver. According to the doctor, it was due to his smoking and drinking during his younger days (so guys watch out). Given this, the doctor recommended that an operation must be made at the soonest possible time. However, the doctor also gave the option of forgetting about the operation and just letting my grandfather go home since he is not actually complaining about any pain. In fact, he remains to be strong. This option was given by the doctor since my grandpa's already old and the chances of recovering from the operation given his age is already little. Of course, infering from this, it means that one day, he will just experience the pain and we can't do anyting about it. When my mom told us this, I was on the verge of crying. I grew up with my grandparents (my grandmother passed away in 2000) and I will never forget the great sacrifices they made for me. I was a sickly kid during my younger years and they never complained about having to look after me while my parents worked. It's just so sad to hear that he might not be able to stay with us for more years. Guess that's how life works. Well, what I would wish is that he will never suffer anymore. If it is God's will to take him, then I would let Him do such though it may be very sad for our family. By the way, he was already operated and we are still waiting for results. He is still confined at the ICU. Please join us in our prayers. 3 comments|post comment

Born To Cram and Disappointments [22 Aug 2004|11:36am] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | Mi Mancherai (Il Postino) ] Yup, I'm actually in cram mode right now and I guess I will remain to be in that mode for the rest of the week. Just imagine, there will be final exams for all my subjects. Actually, I have tried to schedule my study the week before. However the stress I experienced from the paper load I had last week stopped me from doing so. Instead, I resorted to a much needed rest since I was at the point of collapsing. Well, guess I was really born to cram. In spite of the fact that I always want to be as organized and as prepared in the earliest time possible, things always end up this way. I guess I really work better under pressure. Lots of things happened over the week. Just want this term to end and it's Bacolod for me! Just love napoleones! Hehehe. However, it was not like last year. This year was quite a disappointment. For this concert tour, we are going to sing the same songs we had in our last concert at CCP with some additions. All the songs that I had in the last major concert were assigned to others except one which was I liked the least. The rest were given to new members. As for the additional songs, our section head failed to assign any of the songs to me. In other words, though their songs in the last concert were also assigned to some new members, they also had their share in the new songs. I'm not acting like a primadonna here. Just like everything to be fair. I know that I can also sing the new songs that were added. I am fully aware of my abilities and weaknesses. What's more frustrating is that now that we're practicing, our section head is having a hard time singing the new songs that he technically assigned to himself. Then he goes to me for comments and tips on how to reach those high notes. The nerve! All I'm asking for is fairness. Why don't they hold auditions? Actually we had auditions but the songs were also preassigned. DUH! I'm not saying that they are not as competent as me when it comes to singing. All I'm saying is there are songs that will fit one's voice type. In holding fair auditions, the selected panel will be able to assess which song sounds better with a singer. Thus, this makes the entire process objective. But you know, it seems that I don't have the strength to complain. One is the section head is actually a kind person and is a friend of mine. Plus, I don't want to sound like I'm a prima donna demanding for songs. But still, the truth remains that things are not being fair. It's my last year in the orchestra anyway... Guess need to get back to my studies. Just writing this entry makes my blood boil! 1 comment|post comment

Failing and Forgiving [06 Aug 2004|11:44pm] As I have promised, I'm back with my blurty entry after deciding to be more religious with my journal writing. Just got the test I was fearing about! (Refer to my previous blurty entry for the cause of this failure) Imagine! I only got 48 percent! I almost got 42% but the teacher, out of pity, lowered down the total score. I was really touched by what she did because this teacher has a reputation for being inconsiderate when it comes to grades. In fact, she approached me the other day because she partially checked our papers and she noticed that I had lots of mistakes in my exams. She was wondering why my performance in the test suddenly dropped. Anyway, she assured me that with a good midterm grade and more tests to come, I would be able to catch up. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed for that (of course, prayers!). Today was such a tiring day! We had to do lots of things but I ended up finishing nothing. Too bad, this means extra workload for the weekend. Anyway, the trimester will soon be over and I will soon be going back again to Bacolod (Napoleones!). Anyway, today, I saw again one of the people who have been backstabbing me before. Again, please refer to my previous blurty entry regarding this. Anyway, I was able to speak with her awhile ago not to mention that we exchanged some jokes. But tonight, something was different. It was as if I no longer had any grudges against her. I don't know why!?! Maybe I felt that it was high time to move on with life and to get rid of all these negative thoughts that I have been keeping. Or maybe, I sensed something from her words and actions that she has already accepted me for what I am. It was as if she was more sincere this time. Guess, ches is right about the Maalala mo Kaya/Magpakailanman "twist" in my life. Hehehe. Actually, I thought about that as soon as I recovered from what happened. Perhaps these "bad" things that have been happening in my life are just enough to boost the ratings of Maalala mo Kaya/Magkapakailanman when they feature my story. Hahahahaha. Gosh. Vanity again. Well, I don't know but I've learn to love myself more. I've been more conscious with the way I look and the way I dress up. Whenever I see pictures of mine before, I would squirm and say how ugly I am. But now, I can proudly say that I am cute! Hahaha. Call it vanity but I guess it is confidence that I regained after years of having poor self-esteem. Don't worry guys! I'm not being Narcisstic here (tama ba un...tinatamad na kong kunin ang dictionary). Guess lots of things are really changing in my life. 'til next time! :-) 2 comments|post comment

Back to blurty! [04 Aug 2004|10:51am] After one century, naupdate ko uli ang journal ko! Shux, dami na nangyari since journal #1 and dinelete ko na lang siya to make a new start. Hehehehe. Well just came from a very bad phase of depression. Kasi naalala ko lang ung nangyari sa kin dati sa pops. Kasi nung first year ako first sumali. As usual, tahimik ako dahil nga may masamang experience ako dati with people. Dati kasi confident ako kahit sa simula pero dahil dun sa mga taong yun, medyo naging insecure ako at hindi na ako kabilis mag trust. Anyway fast forward, ok naman na ako with pops. Kilala ko na kung sino ung mga kahang out ko dun at kung sino ung mga true friends. Eto na may nag open up na new member. Siyempre, eto naman ako nakinig sa kaniya tapos ang fear niya daw is di siya masyadong maka relate dun sa ilang old members kasi feeling niya siya ung pinaguusapan. Its about her physical appearance kasi she's sort of chubby. Naku, an shock ako kasi lam ko napagusapan nga siya one time. Kasi parang sinasabi nung isang old member na baka di nga magtagal sa pops dahil nga medyo weak ung voice plus the fact pa nga na fat and may pagka nerd ung dating. So di ko naman masabi sa kaniya ng derecho kasi baka lalong ma hurt yung tao. Yun pala may sakit siya. Payat siya before dahil pinakita niya mga pics niya dati. May bulimia pala siya...mahirap un....anorexic and bulimic siya so sobrang conscious siya sa food tapos sinusuka niya. Dahil sa sobrang pag diet niya before nung bumalik siya sa dating eating habits niya, nag gain siya bigla ng 40 pounds. Tapos nung kinukuwento niya un naalala ko na once napagusapan din ako sa pops by the same old members. DI ko naman nalaman directly at mas masakit un diba. Ewan ko...malakas kasi kutob ko pag ako pinaguusapan and usually totoo nga mga hinala ko. Tapos bigla na lang ako na depress kasi naalala ko ung mga days na un. Tahimik lang ako nun sa bandroom pero lam mo pag may ginagawa ko....nagtitinginan sila at iba ang ngiti. I think it has something to do with my actions. Kasi pinaghihinalaan akong....lam mo na. Well, di rin nagtagal nainis ako dahil dun. Umuuwi ako after tiring rehearsals na galit. Sa sobrang galit ko, inisip ko na quit na ko sa pops kasi di naman ako comfy with these few peeps. Nainis lang ako how some people can be so judgemental. Kainis pa kaya kasi ung isa lesbian tapos ung isa gay. Duh never ko naman qinuestion ung lifestyle nila. I was never homophobic and i always kept an open-mind pagdating sa love relationships. Siguro nga na frustrate ako kasi ganun ako sa ibang tao pero ganun sila sa kin. I mean bakit nila kailangan ilagay sa isang box ang bawat tao. Bakit kailangan kang i classify at di na lang i accpet na unique ka just like anybody else. Ok na ako with these peeps na may atraso sa kin kaya lang dahil naalala ko uli....parang sa loob loob ko...."kala niyo di ko na nakalimutan ung ginawa ko sa inyo dati". Tapos napansin nung head namin dati na naging depressed ako that day. Nung nag open up ako sa kaniya...napaiyak na lang talaga ako. As in iyak....parang ung 2 years kong tinago na galit biglang lumabas. May test pa ka nga kami after kaya un...as expected di ako nakasagot ng matino. Di ko pa nga natapos. pero na touch pa rin ako kasi there are some people like bloss (ung head namin dat) and si mark o na suporta naman sa kin. Not to mention the new members....kahit ngayon ko lang sila nakilala at mas bata sila...mas mature pa sila sa mga gurang na un nang backstab sa kin dati. Happy din ako kasi nakinig si ches that night sa kin. Pero ngayon naman nakakahinga na ko. Balik pops ako mamaya and kaya ko uli harapin tong mga taong may atraso sa kin. Basta ako kakanta na lang ako dun at pakikisamahan ko mga members. As for the peeps na nambuwiset sa kin...well hayaan ko na lang ang diyos na magbigay ng hatol sa kanila (ang lalim). Ayokong mag-isip ng masama sa kanila kasi nga di maganda yun. Wish ko lang na mas maging open-minded sila kasi diba un din gusto nila sa ibang tao. Sila nga ung sexual preference nila di pa masyadong tanggap ngayon tapos biglang sila din pala judgemental sa ibang tao. Paano sila matatanggap ng ibang tao kung di rin silang marunong tumanggap ng iba. Bahala na si lord sa kanila. As for now, ok na ko. Feeling ko pampalakas lang tong mga bagay na to. Motivation to make me work harder sa studies ko at sa pagkanta ko just to prove na kaya kong malampasan tong mga bagay na to. Ayan comment na lang kayo. Minsan minsan lang ako mag update pero this time promise update ako whenever i can. Gusto ko rin kasi kayong maging involved sa buhay ko...lam mo na para sa advice...till next time....:-) 4 comments|post comment

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