carla's journal

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Thursday, June 26th, 2003

10:29 pm

So VG is being a complete itch still..And is getting mad over every little thing I do..Or that anyone does..
I know shes pregnant and i should understand but i don't!
I feel like I have nnooooo body....friend wise..-girls.. Like i lost my best friend and damnit it sucks...
ERr....Soo yea...wanna be my friend? heheh....lol gyea right..anyway
im going to acc in august/fall.. yay for me...it sucks though i hate school/working......all of that

wooty wooooo....
im about to go to bed just wanted to write real fast i guess since i had nothin to do..
nite nite

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12:16 pm

[I am] short, shy lil girl who is really fckin 19!
[I think] too much..and about really stupid shit
[I know] more than what most think
[I have] no energy
[I hate] ignorance and animosity
[I dont] let go
[I cant] erase what i feel
[I can] be funny
[I will] do almost anything
[I wont] break
[I miss] a lot of things
[I fear] failure
[I feel] calm
[I hear] ricki lake
[I smell] coffee
[I crave] perfection
[I wonder] why people are BITCHES
[I regret] not TOO much..have to learn from mistakes sometimes...
[I love] T o m a s
[I dream] stupid shit- mostly about my bf being with others......
[I long] for perfection
[I care] too much
[I always] am bored
[I am not] what most people think I am
[I believe] that if you are really supposed to be with someone then you will be..
[I sing] to myself
[I smile] rarely
[I laugh] at ma babie and his monkey face
[I collect] memories
[I play] ddr
[I write] on this thing
[I await] perfection
[I cook] not really good at all
[I trust] only a few
[I intend] to make the most out of everything coming up in the future...
[I search] for new things
[I look] deeper
[I shout] nothing
[I whisper] while talking to strangerz lol
[I dominate] nothing
[I listen] to music
[I ignore] close minded people; "put downs" (or at least i try..); most of my true feelings
[I live] a shitty life

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Wednesday, June 25th, 2003

6:37 am - rated x x x

;D its 6:20 am.. Tomas just left at 5:50.. hE was late leavin heheh.. I woke up at freakin 5am not wantin to wake him up yet so he could get every minute of sleep he could get since he didn't get to bed til almost 12... at 10 he called his moma in mexico and talked like 40 minutes..then we ate.. and did da durtyyyyyyyy.. hahah.. dDd.. then by the time he realized wha time it was he was ready to go to sleep so he wouldn't be hella tired all day today.. so anyway back to this morning at 5..i was so damn horny...i kept movin around so maybe he'd wake up lol.. but wouldn't think i did it on purpose..finally!!!!!!1 his phone went off at 5:25 and he turns over and holds me and then is like "mami did u hear my phone?" i was like "uh huh" like ma azz was sleepin hahah.. n i had *FORGOT* to put ma pants on last night after we dDd did da durtyyyyy.. lol... so yep.. we DDd again .. and :::sigh:::::: i love ma hunnie.. heheh..doin da durty is da best.. hah..dDd love him soo much .. kekehe.. then he was in such a hurrie to leave he forgot his basket of clothes tha i washed for him.. so now he better have to come back tonite but if he dont..i'll know by lunch time.. imma stay at vanessa's house even thou her azz aint there.. and since i know i aint preg n shit.. yayayay.. for me on that.. ma azz is gonna get drunk.. whoOoty WhoOt..... been hella long time since i have.. her mom is cool as hell.. and isn't being a itch ..like sumone else i know..so i rock.. and at tha same damn time i need some friends.. for the past 4/5 yrs vanessa has been there and was ma best friend.. so i didnt need no one else.. but now shes bein a itch.. and bout to have a babie.. so shit i think its about time i got some new friends.. OO well.. i aint good on dat whole makin friends thing.. tomas would be enough but i need someone to share ma everythin with.. like this whole sex thing... nobody else's azz is gonna even read this shit.. but i jus let maself thing sumone does.. hah.. n dat someone actually care bout wut i been doin.. ahha. i noe thas a lie..
anyway.. imma go.. jus noe tha i was horny all nite n day.. -couldnt do it for 3 weeks it was horrible.. keeheh.. tha might b why.. gyea so..ima go *FO SHO* shit.. lol imma try to sleep again.. we'll see what happens with that......

xshortyxgrlx@hotmail.com
EMAIL MEEEEEEEE...
or a note works

current mood:

horny

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Monday, June 23rd, 2003

12:43 pm

If you had to choose an alias, what would it be? zixi
Where were you on 9/11? asleep
What is your ideal vacation? mexico hahah
How many first cousins do you have? eh?
How do you take your pizza? cooked?
If you could be fluent in any foreign language what would it be? Spanish viet cambodian sometihng like that
What is your favorite website? mixedrace.com
If you could experience another era of history, which would it be? nothing
What is your favorite genre of movies? action, comedy, gambling movies, fighting.....love
If you could have any one superpower, what would it be? teleportation.
Can you whistle? yea
If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be? dragon...but something more realistic...a tiger
Who is your favorite fictional character? i don't read much
Star Wars or Star Trek? neither
What is your favorite beverage? kiwi drinks
What brand of toothpaste do you use? crest
What is your favorite professional sports team? none
Are you ?indoorsy? or ?outdoorsy?? indoorsy
What is your earliest childhood memory? hmM
If you could play any musical instrument, what would it be? guitar
What?s your favorite accent? spanish
When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? lawyer
Are you a dog person or a cat person? both
If they were making a movie or TV show of your life, who would you choose to play you? hmmmmmm
What is your favorite element (earth, fire, water or air)? water
If you could compete in any event in the Olympics (summer or winter) what would it be? gymnastics
What is your favorite Sunday comic strip? none
What kind of music do you listen to? dance.. bachata ..rap..anything?.. slow jams.. etc etc etc trance techno
What is your favorite breakfast cereal? dont like cereal
What is your worst habit? not knowing how to hold a conversation with ppl i dunno much

basics ]
Name: carla
Do you like it: i guess
Nicknames: cici
Screen names: lilzixi
Birthday: june 12th 1984
Sign: gemini
Location: burlington, NC
Crush: only <3 for my bf
Virgin: eee
Natural hair color: dark brown
Current hair color: dark brown
Eye color: blue
Height: 5'0
Birthplace: chapel hill
Shoe size: 4
[ family ]
Parents: nobody and somebody
Siblings: whitney stephanie carmen
Live with: mom/sisters
Most hated relative: ehMm
[ favorites ]
Number: 3
Color: blue
Day: friday
Month: august
Song: say it - sin bandera
Movie: ?
Food: tacos
Band: Zzzzzzzzz
Season: fall
Sport: none
Class: zzzzz
Drink: v8
Veggie: tomatoes
TV Show: zzzz
Radio Station: CDS
Store: anythin
Word: werd, twat
Animal: cats
Flower: roses
State: kali
[ this or that ]
Me/You: you
Coke/pepsi: pepsi
Day/night: Night
Aol/aim: aim
Cd/cassette: CD
Dvd/vhs: DVD's
Jeans/khakis: Jeans
Car/truck: Car hm or truck
Tall/short: short!!!!
Lunch/dinner: lunch
NSYNC/BSB: ehh...
Britney/Christina: neither
Gap/Old Navy: old navy
Lipstick/Lipgloss: lipgloss
Silver/Gold: gold
Alcohol/Weed: alcohol
[ love and relationships ]
Do you have a bf/gf: yes
Do you have a crush: no
How long have you liked him/her: xmas 2002
Why do you like this person: everything
How long was your longest relationship: 2 years
How long was your shortest relationship: ?
Who was your first love: jeremy hkahah
What do you miss about them: nothing0
[ the past ]
What is the one thing you would change about your past?: nothing..even the ones with mistakes i won't take back.. i learned from them
Last thing you heard: heart breaker
Last thing you saw: the hulk
Last thing you said: turn off the tv
Who is the last person you saw: my dad
Who is the last person you kissed: tomas
Who is the last person you hugged: my dad
Who is the last person you fought with: vanessa cause shes a preg biotch
Who is the last person you were on the phone with: vanessas mom
What is the last TV show you saw: montel
What is the last song you heard: that a dick.. addicted to uu
[ the present ]
What are you wearing: lowrider shirt... jeans
What are you doing: taking this survey, talking online and listening to music
Who are you talking to: no one
What song are you listening to: bone thug i duno
Are you online: yea
How are you feeling: a little tired
Are you in a chatroom: no
[ future ]
What day is it tomorrow?: tuesday
What are you going to do after this: watch tv
Who are you going to talk to: tomas when he calls
Where will you be in 25 years: mexico
[ have you ever ]
Drank: Yes
Smoked: yes
Had sex: yes
Stolen: yes
Done anything illegal: yes
Wanted to die: yes
Hit someone: yes
[ other ]
Do you write in cursive or print: a mix of both
Are you a lefty or a righty: Righty
What piercings do you have: Ears...3
Any tattoos: no
Do you drive: yes
Do you have glasses or braces: braces
Did you like this survey: sure?
What do you most like about your body: my eyes
How many fillings do you have: a few
Do you think you're good looking: i'm decent
Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking: cute
Do you look like any celebrities: um not really
[ fashion ]
Do you wear a watch:no
How many coats and jackets do you own: don't know
Favorite pants/skirt color: none
Most expensive item of clothing: prom dress
Most treasured: Zzzzzz
What kind of shoes do you wear: pumas, saucony's..dada's...adidas shell toe.. ehh.. anythin

zixi
Magic Number	11
Job	Computer Nerd
Personality	Multiple
Temperament	Nervous
Sexual	Straight
Likely To Win	Another Gold Star
Me - In A Word	Subtle
Colour
Brought to you by MemeJack

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12:46 am

This weekend was pretty good.

Friday went with my dad a bunch of places. Tomas didn`t come. Went with my Dad to the mall, walmart, cici`s pizza hmm it hink thats all. Came home. Slept...

Saturday went with my Dad again to some places.. Walmart, mall, again... eat.. etc.. went to some thing in hillsboro.. then came home.. Tomas came around 7. Took whitney to the movies.. but ended up staying too and saw the Hulk.. wasn`t that good but it was alright. came home.. slept..for an hour or so..but woke up at 1 cause i heard an ambulance and stuff.. i also heard a motorcycle so i thought someone got in a wreck since theres a bar below my house where alot of those bike people hang out at... then i kept hearing it.. tomas looked out the window and it was at my grandma`s house.. i was like noo..so i got my shoes on.. and ran up my drive way.. and over to their house.. asked my moms nephew what happened..my grandpa was havin sharp chest pains.. i ran back and told my mom.. lala.. so hes still in the hospital right now... and might get to come home tomorrow or the next day.. ;[ didnt get back to sleep til after 3..hope/pray my grandpa is okay and nothin happens like u kon..anytime soon :(

Today.. slept til about 11 something or 12.. then went to KFC... then to Tomas` house.. Plugged up his comp.. moved his room around.. layed around... went to the universal mall thing in durham.. got his phone deactivated and another one turned on.. walked around.. went to mex store.. sent $ to his moma and lil boy.. and for some church thing... got some taco`s at the resturant next door.. then got some detergent stuff for clothes.. lala.. on my way home.. i saw someone who looked like my ex... they were ridin close to us for a while.. like in front or beside enough where i could see.. the one who i thought was my ex kept lookin back.. im about 99% sure it was him... i told tomas.. he slowed down lol... asked me if he was would try to contact me now that he saw me i said no. doubt that... anyway.. came home.. he left..went with my dad to walmart.. came home..he got us some groceries..

he goes to GA tomorrow and my sister is going with him.. ;{ o well.. for whatever reason im not expecting an email from vanessa cause i dont think ill get it.. but hopefully i do i just wont get my hopes up.. only about 24 hours left... then afterthat i`ll have to put it outa my head... she has a choice about what she wants to do.. our friendship is in her hands... eh.. anyway.. if not..
imma b lonely the rest of the summer.. and ill live with it.. imma get a job.. and wednesday im goin to look at cars.. cause im getting one.. eh yay for me..ZzzZ now

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Thursday, June 19th, 2003

11:15 pm - somethin i took from someones LJ

RED

What is love? - me and tomas

Name 3 things you feel very passionate about: - tomas, music, movies

Does fire fascinate you? - no

Do you have a short temper? - with certian people

Are you a friend to dragons? - what?

Are you very warm hearted? - i guess so- some what

Do you feel intense emotions? - yes!

ORANGE

Are you bright? - sorta

What are the three most wholesome things you've done lately? - uMm.. nothin really lol called my dad and left a message on father's day

Is vibrance a good characteristic to have? - sure

Are you rich in self confidence? - not at all

Are you rich in vitamin c? - nope

Is lala orange your favorite rainbow bright character? - i don't remember the characters names.

YELLOW

Are you a very happy person? - usually not.

Do you like the sun? - nope.

Do you ever feel utter and complete joy? - yip

Do you feel like the volume in your life is all the way up? - nope..

Do you feel warm inside when you hug people? - depends on who

If you were a care bear would you be cheer bear? - no?

Are you lemon scented? - no

GREEN

Are you incredibly lucky? - nope

Are you easy going? - mostly.

Are you very mischievious? - yea only a few people can read me

Are you very lusty/sexy? - no

Ever find a four leafed clover? - yeh

Are you fresh like mint? - no.

Does nature speak to you? - nope

BLUE

Do you love to look at water? - dont love it

Are you calm/relaxed? - sometimes.

Is it very difficult to upset you? - not really

Are you at peace? - ha.. no

Are you comforting? - i can be.

Are you well balanced? - nope

Are you content? - yes

PURPLE

Are you royalty? - nope.

Are you very free spirited? - yeah.

Are you conceited? - no

Do you have a passion for indulgence? - ok

Are you a grape? - no

Are you a purple horseshoe? - eh?

PINK

Are you less than intense? - depends

Are you incredibly feminine? - no

BLACK

Do you absorb everything possible? - eh... i'm too lazy to.

Are you incredibly energetic? - not at all

GOLD

Are you expensive? - nope

Are you worth it? - never.

my name is: carla
in the morning i am: sleeping
all i need is: tomas <3 food...comp haha
i'm afraid of: being alone in life
i dream about: crazy shit

- with the opposite/same sex -
what do you notice first?: their eyes...
last person you slow danced with: ?
worst question to ask: survey questions.

- do you ever -

sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to i.m. you?: hahah sometimes
save aol/aim conversations: yea...aim+
wish you were a member of the opposite sex: sometimes....

- who was the last person -

you talked to on the phone: tomas
hugged: tomas...
you instant messaged: vanessa n she bitched at me
you laughed with: tomas
kissed: tomas

- do you -

color your hair: no
ever get off the damn computer: occasionally
habla espanol: Como?

- do you / are you -

smoke cigarettes: FUCK no
obsessive: yea
could you live without the computer?: not a chance
whats your favorite food?: mex food
whats your favorite fruit?: kiwi..mango
drink alcohol?: occasionally
like watching sunrises or sunset: sure.
what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?: emotional.
trust others way too easily?: never

- number -

of times i have had my heart broken? : 2
of boys i have kissed? : ?
of girls i have kissed? : ?
of times i have moved? : hmM..about 5
of tight friends? : 1
of cd's that i own? : alot.
of scars on my body? : a few. i heal rather well
of things in my past that i regret? : alot.

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11:28 am - i want a girl

keep in mind that this is `dream girl`.
don`t hold anything against me for dreaming.
the only way i`ll approach a girl, or even want torelate with her is if she`s physically attractive to me.
after i know her, attraction isn`t the #1 priority. same gets boring.
i want a partner thats always going to keep me guessing, in the good way.
i want someone that knows what i`m thinking, knows what i want without me telling her.
i want someone that i try so hard to get, and actual get.
i want someone slim, fit, with beautiful eyes.
porportioned body.
brunettes are sexier.
blue eyes real or fake.
i want someone that wants to make me as happy as i want to make her.
God knows i`ve tried.
i want someone that puts thier all into us.
i want honesty.
i want chemistry.
i want passion.
i want a mixture of all the girls i`ve every thought "that`s what i want" to myselfabout.
but i`ll never have that.
so what do i do?
do i settle for less, change the one i`m with, or live my life alone?

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11:21 am - b-day...........doctor and such

my birthday sucked ass.. my dad is coming today though so i HOPE he takes me clothes shopping cause i NEEEEED clothes... sorta .. lol ;D
Tomas took me to the mall and bought me some shoes on my birthday.
Then we went to eat at Monterry's or whatever its called..how ever u spell it..
Then to my house..And sleep..- he went to work early the next morning.
My mom gave me a card..
My grandma beside me gave me a card and $10
My other grandma gave me a ugly shirt from walmart and a card with $25 lol..
I took the shirt back and got a $10 thing from walmart.ill get my film developed with it.

Lallaa oh well..
Doctor went fine yesterday..nohting is wrong with my thyroid or some other gland in the back of my head.?..
everythin is GOOOOOOD...heheheh..sooo happy..

- & + My sister is going to GA this weekend with my Dad for a while..
- Vanessa is mad at me...cause it old her to stop treating her mom like shit
+ Tomas came last night and is PROBABLY coming tomorrow night.
+ Get to see my Dad

soo besides that - is everythin else is fine.. im happy......lalala..

gotta go to ACC and sign up for .. aid..

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Friday, June 13th, 2003

1:41 pm

LAYER ONE
-- Name: Car;a
-- Birthdate: 06/12/84
-- Birthplace: Chapel hill, nc
-- Current Location: Graham nc
-- Eye Color: Blue
-- Hair Color: dark brown
-- Height: 5 foot
-- Righty or Lefty: righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Gemini

LAYER TWO
-- Your heritage: hmMm ....
-- The shoes you wore today: adidas
-- Your weakness: eyes
-- Your fears: not living life to the fullest
-- Your perfect pizza: cheese or supreme...
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: go to .....mexico? heheh

LAYER THREE
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: haha 'lol'
-- Your thoughts first waking up: wanna go back to sleep
-- Your best physical feature: eh. pff. nothing. but i guess if anything, my eyes.
-- Your bedtime: whenever i want to sleep
-- Your most missed memory: being a little crazy kid

LAYER FOUR
-- Pepsi or Coke: coke?
-- McDonald's or Burger King: wendys
-- Single or group dates: neither
-- Adidas or Nike: adidas
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: either?
-- Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
-- Cappuccino or coffee: capuccino

LAYER FIVE
-- Smoke: ew. no.
-- Cuss: yeah.
-- Sing: haha yeah. especially when im alone.
-- Take a shower everyday: yeah usually
-- Have a crush(es): noo heh
-- Do you think you've been in love: <3 hehe yeh
-- Want to go to college: yeh.....
-- Want to get married: yeh.
-- Believe in yourself: eh. usually.
-- Get motion sickness: kinda. a little.
-- Think you're attractive: nah. rarely.
-- Think you're a health freak: noooo.
-- Get along with your parents: not really
-- Like thunderstorms: yes! i love rain.
-- Play an instrument: nope

LAYER SIX: In the past month have you...
-- Drank alcohol: nope
-- Smoked: hellll no
-- Done a drug: no
-- Had Sex: yeh.
-- Gone to the mall?: yeah
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreo: ... noo
-- Eaten sushi: nah. ew. fisssh.
-- Been on stage: no
-- Gone skating: no
-- Made homemade cookies: dont think so
-- Gone skinny dipping: hahah. no.
-- Dyed your hair: no
-- Stolen anything: not lately, nope.

LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: i dont think so...
-- If so, was it mixed company: -
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yeh once.
-- Been caught "doing something": lol staci
-- Been called a tease: no.. pfff.0
-- Gotten beaten up: no.
-- Shoplifted: ...not much.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: no.

LAYER EIGHT
-- Age you hope to be married: 20-25
-- Numbers and Names of Children: i dont know yet
--Describe your dream wedding: who knows
-- How do you want to die: in my sleep.
-- Where you want to go to college: ehh
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: not sure..
-- What country would you most like to visit: mexican japan china

LAYER NINE: In opposite sex...
-- Best eye color: green or blue
-- Best hair color: dark
-- Short or long hair: doesnt matter.
-- Height: taller than me
-- Best weight: dont care jus not fat
-- Best articles of clothing: depends on the guy.
-- Best first date location: somewhere you can hang out and talk.
-- Best first kiss location: i dunno man. probably at one of the persons house.

LAYER TEN
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: 1
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: only a few
-- Number of CDs that I own: ee. alot. 50+. i really have no idea. too many.
-- Number of piercings: 3
-- Number of tattoos: 0.
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: im insignificant. few, if any.
-- Number of scars on my body: not too many.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: i cant think of anything..

LAYER ELEVEN
-- What do you most like about your body?: eyes.
-- And least: my tummy.
-- How many fillings do you have?: a few
-- Do you think you're good looking?: not really. maybe a little. like .5 on a scale of 1-10. haha.
-- Do other people often tell you that you're good looking?: not really, haha. duh, just cute
-- Do you look like any celebrities?: nope.
-- Fav. Band/Singer/Performer/Composer: hmmmm
-- Movie you could watch forever: my name is nobody
-- Fav. book: harry potter? hah i dont read
-- Inanimate object you'd hate to live without: computer! internet! gee im lame.
-- TV show you cant stand: hm not sure
-- Random fact about you: im short?

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5:34 am - after my birthday

So yesterday was my birthday.. been quite a few days since i've wrote anything in here.. no one reads it anyway its just something to do to pass my time by.. But eh its 5:30am I should be asleep!!!!!1..

Which I will soon after i write something..

I think its so fucked up how no one remembered my birthday.. Of course Vanessa did and i didnt expect her to get me anything.. jsut glad she said happy bday.. and her mom.... Then my mom told me happy birthday but eh what good is that.. she didn't get me shit.. til she cmae home from work and saw what kind of a pissy mood i was in... so she went to some lady's house and got me some shit that she sells like im stupid eh.. oh well thought that counts? sure.... then on top of all of that... my dad or his mom didn't call and tell me happy bday yesterday.. so when i went with tomas last night she called his mom and otld her to clal my dad and tell him to call me so he finally does around 11 last night whe i was fckn asleep....Errr.. blah... Tomas got me some shoes and took me to eat.. ;D he makes it all better.. for the time.. most of the time..... my ex BF ren .. wooo i was shocked but he said happy bday to me.... i saw a pic o fhim and he looked so god damn sexy... shit.... lol oh well too late.. and who cares.... <3 i got tomas..... anyway im goin to sleep i dont feel like writing no more......

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Wednesday, June 11th, 2003

10:51 am

In The Last 48 Hours, Have You:
01. Cried: no.
02. Bought something: only a drink.
03. Gotten sick: i have a fucking toothache.
04. Sang: yeah
05. Eaten: yeah.
06. Been kissed: not in 48 hours ;(
07. Felt stupid: sorta
08. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: nope :)
09. Met someone new: yeh
10. Moved on: from what?
11. Talk to an ex: not recently
12. Missed an ex: NO.
13. Talked to someone you have a crush on: <3 got my bf
14. Had a serious talk: not really
15. Missed someone: vuvu ;D tomas ;D hehe
16. Hugged someone: nope
17. Fought with your parents: probably
18. Dreamed about someone you can't be with: no.

Social Life:
01. Best girl friend: vanessa.
02. Best guy friend: tomas
03. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: <3333 tomas.
04. If no, current dating partner:
05. Hobbies: ddr , comps, music, movies
06. Pager: no
07. Are you center of attention or the wallflower: hmm
08. What type automobile do you drive: fuck you.
09. What type automobile do you wish you drove: hmM anythin lol
10. Would you rather be with friends or on a date: with tomas and vuvu ;D
11. Where is the best hangout: with vuvu
12. Do you have a job: no.
13. Do you attend church: sometimes.
14. Do you like being around people: vuvu and tomas

Who:
01. Have you known the longest: VuVu.... well really stevie or staci but we'lls ay vuvu
02. Do you argue the most with: my mother.
03. Do you always get along with: vuvu n tomas
04. Is the most trustworthy: tomas/vuvu
05. Makes you laugh the most: vuvu/tomas
06. Has been there through all the hard times: VuVu0
07. Has the coolest parents: nobody i know lol
08. Has the coolest siblings: same
09. Is the most blunt: tomas.
10. Is the smartest: vuvu ;D heheh

Personal:
01. Who is your role model: o.O
02. What is some of your pet peeves: -*-*--
03. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: probably
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex: yeah
05. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: ppl who dont like to party or like trouble..can have fun jus hanging out.. lala...and someone who likes kick ass music
06. Have you ever lied to your best friend(s): yea
07. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you: nah
08. Rather be dumper or dumped: ive been both, and they both sucks, but the dumper.
09. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup": relationship.
10. Want someone you don't have right now: TOMAS heeh
11. Ever liked your best guy/girl friend: well im with my best guy friend so .. yeh.. and yes for tha other too :D
12. Do you want to get married: yep
13. Do you want kids: yeh :\
14. Do you believe in psychics: not at all.
15. Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time: yeah.
16. What do you think is the best part of your physical appearance?: my eyes
17. What is your favorite part of your emotional being: i can sympathize.
18. Are you happy with you: yeah i guess so
19. Are you happy with your life:.. yep
20. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be: go to school etc

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Sunday, June 8th, 2003

10:12 pm - a song 4 u

I'm thinking of you in my sleep with solitude tonight
If its wrong to love you then my heart just won't let me be right
Cause I'm drowned in you and i won't pull through without you by my side
I'd give my all to have just one more night with you
I'd give my life to feel your body next to mine
Cause I can't go on, living in the memory of this song
I'd give my all for your love tonight.

Baby can you feel me, imagine me; i'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly; vividly your face in my mind
and your just so far like a distant star im wishing on tonight

I'd give my all to have just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel your body next to mine
Cause i cant go on living in the memory of this song
I'd give my all for your love tonight.....

I'd give my all to have just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel your body next to mine
But I cant go on living in the memory of this song
I'd give my all for your love tonight...

Cause i'm drowned in you and I won't pull through baby
And your just so far like a distant star

Mi Corazon....;(

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9:58 pm

Cops is on. I'm listening to my hunni's bachata CD. I just got back from being with him all weekend a while ago. He went back home to Durham today so he can get a good night sleep and go to work tomorrow morning.
This weekend Friday night- he came here took a shower and we went to eat at La Cocina's or something in Mebane it was good. I got mad cause he drank some tequilla or whatever. He always gotta drink some kind of alcohol when we go out and then when we get to my house he just wants to go to sleep and i get all ill for really no reason i know, but oh well i'm just ill like that sometimes. So of course i hardly ate cause i was mad and we came home and he went to sleep! I know he was tired from work but i still thought of it because he drank haha.. gay huh..

Saturday we slept alot, watched crouching tiger, hidden dragon and went to Bojangles.. then walmart and the mall..and got chinese food.. came home watched romeo must die then we ended up falling asleep during tomb raider..

This morning I washed and dried his clothes then got ready and went to the flea market.. stayed only like 35 minutes it was so hot and dry i didnt wanna stay.. then went to durham to his house.. i watched tv he took a shower and shaved his head.. then we layed around til it was time to go.. went got a money order... payed his insurance well slid it under the door.. umm then we went to church.. mexican store got some shampoo that he THINKS will help my hair lol... then went to bojangles again and came to my house..haha..
how fun huh?.. yeh right..

I'm soooo worried about shit it sucks.. tomas told me that the immigration is going around to states and checkin ppl for green cards and deporting alot of people... that sucks so bad i mean some ppl might think its good.. but i LOVE him. they CANNOt take him away from me.. ;...[ shit if they do my heart is gonna be SoOOO broken.. i won't be able to deal with it.. and if he cant get back here... the only way i can be with him is to go to mexico... i dont wanna leave everything here... but if its for him.... ;( i have to.....i gotta b with him... eeeee ;( i hope he dont get caught.. i hate that hes illegal.. everythin is so hard for him.. has to work 5 times as hard for everything he does..i hope one day he can get his green card at least so he can have a social security # and get a job some where where he dont gotta work so hard... ;( so sad for ma hunni.. and i can't let go of him.. so nobdy better take him from me ::: tearz r fallen

current mood:

worried
current music: Monchy Y Alexandra =bachata

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Friday, June 6th, 2003

12:50 am

got bored..took that off of one of my web pages..nothin else to do this late at night.. need to go to bed...ma babie comin tomorrow ;D heheh..anyway.. gnite
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12:47 am

- Lyrics -
"Say It"
By: Voices of Theory

You know that I want you baby

You know that I need you

And you know that I love you

Just say it

Am I giving enough?

Is this all that should be? OoOo...

When water gets rough

Will you still swim with me?

So afraid to come close

It may be too soon

And may be too much

For you to consume

And I wanna know if I can live inside your world?

And I wanna know if I can give it to you girl?

You know that I want to say it

You know that I need to say it

You know that I love to say it

Our love just go on and on and on

You know that I want to say it

You know that I need to say it

You know that I love to say it

My love just goes on and on and on

I give you all that you need

Theres no better place you can be

And I know that in time

You will believe in me

So please hold out your hand

And lets exchange golden bands

Cause I want you in my life

I want you to be my wife

And I wanna know if I can live inside your world?

And I wanna know if I can give it to you girl?

You know that I want to say it

You know that I need to say it

You know that I love to say it

Our love just go on and on and on

You know that I want to say it

You know that I need to say it

You know that I love to say it

My love just goes on and on and on

My girl, you`re so special

I want to give it all to you

Loving you on and on

My girl, you`re so special

I want to give it all to you

Loving you on and on

You know that I want to say it

You know that I need to say it

You know that I love to say it

Our love just go on and on and on

You know that I want to say it

You know that I need to say it

You know that I love to say it

My love just goes on and on and on

You know that I want to say it

You know that I need to say it

You know that I love to say it

Our love just go on and on and on

You know that I want to say it

You know that I need to say it

You know that I love to say it

My love just goes on and on and on

. Tomas . Me . Vanessa . :: My World::
w/out conditions . w/out restrictions . w/out limits - boundless . cannot b contained in the depths of the ocean - cannot b constrained by the height of the sky - cannot b controlled from the waking of dream can always b seen in the way that i love you - unconditionally is the only way i know how to - unconditional hopes . unconditional dreams . unconditional love

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Thursday, June 5th, 2003

12:16 pm

I finally figured out how to make a background and make it the full page where even my text just goes over it and you can still see the picture ;D yaya......I'll do it later..

Got up at 5:08am and fixed my babie something to eat real fast ..got his gatorade ready for today.. and so on.. .then he covered me back up awwww heheh.. gave me some kisses ;D and left for work.. i love ma babie

i found these icon's yesterday but none that were like GREAT....soo im still lookin for more.. i put one on my aa page..i think it looks good.. im not asian lol but i am a member of their site..you can look at my page ....
http://members.asianavenue.com/lilsh0rtygrl
and then migente at
http://members.migente.com/sh0rty-x-grl

my birthday is a week from today.. ;D it won't be all great but thats how it is as you get holder i guess huh? so anyway.. my sister carmen is having a reception ? thing for her wedding this saturday.. i dont wanna go .. but i guess i am?.. who knows... am i supposed to bring somethin? eh..its at belemont baptist church ..where is that?.... lalal..

i gotta clean up and mow the yard today and so on... how fun huh?.. eh.. blah.. my grass is madd high...
im not pregnant.. i see all these ladies that are pregnant.. or all these people my age... or younger.. and me?... well
i thought i was im glad im not in a way.. but now im lookin at problems.. and i dont want problems.. my sister can't get pregnant
the doctor said... sooo what if im that way? i dont wanna be.. i want kiDS!!!!!!!!!!.. ;( oh well.... we'll see...

vanessas baby is coming so fast.. she STILL doesn't have a name for him.. she better get straight or shes gonna have to stay at her dads house and thenn....... how is she gonna go to school? and what is she gonna do? she dunno how to take care of a baby.. and nobody will watch the little boy when shes at her dads house... anyway i dont feel like typing no more...

Bie ;D

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Wednesday, June 4th, 2003

12:37 pm

// series one - as usual
-- Name: Carla
-- Birthdate: June 12th
-- Birthplace: Chapel Hill
-- Current Location: Graham
-- Eye Color: Blue
-- Hair Color: Brown
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty
-- Zodiac Sign: gemini
-- Innie or Outtie: Innie

// series two - describe
-- Your heritage: white ? lol
-- The shoes you wore today: White adidas
-- Your hair: middle of my back or so
-- Your eyes: sky like blue
-- Your weakness?: hmM
-- Your fears: snakes i guess
-- Your perfect pizza: supreme
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: job and school

// series three - what is
-- Your most overused phrase on aim: LOL, oh, oh ok
-- Your thoughts first waking up: who is online
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Eyes
-- Your best physical feature: eyes? shortness lol.....
-- Your bedtime: Whenever I get tired...
-- Your greatest fear: loved ppl leaving meeeee
-- Your greatest accomplishment: umm dunno
-- Your most missed memory: last summer with vuvu

// series four - you prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: Pepsi
-- McDonald's or Burger King: wendys
-- Single or group dates: only with tomas
-- Adidas or nike: adidas
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
-- Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
-- Cappuccino or coffee: cappuccino
-- Boxers or briefs: boxers

// series five - do you
-- Smoke: no
-- Cuss: i guess
-- Sing well: no lol hah
-- Take a shower everyday: most of the tmie
-- Have a crush(es): no
-- who are they:
-- Do you think you've been in love: Yes
-- Want to go to college: yeah
-- Like high school: no
-- Want to get married: Yeah
-- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: yes
-- Believe in yourself: sure
-- Get motion sickness: no
-- Think you're attractive: *CUTE* i guess
-- Think you're a health freak: No...
-- Get along with your parents: nope
-- Like thunderstorms: i dont hate them
-- Play an instrument: No ...sorta the piano

// series six - in the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: no
-- Smoke(d):no
-- Done a drug: no
-- Have Sex: yes
-- Made Out: yea....
-- Go on a date: if u call it dates//spendin time with him
-- Go to the mall?: yeh
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: ew no
-- Eaten sushi: no
-- Been on stage: No
-- Been dumped: No
-- Gone skating: No..
-- Made homemade cookies: no
-- Been in love: yea
-- Gone skinny dipping: No...
-- Dyed your hair: no
-- Stolen anything: yeh

// series seven - have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: no
-- If so, was it mixed company:
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yeh
-- Been caught "doing something": no
-- Been called a tease: Yeh
-- Gotten beaten up: no
-- Shoplifted: yea
-- If so, did you get caught: no im smarter than that
-- Changed who you were to fit in: No

// series eight - the future
-- Age you hope to be married: soon maybe 20
-- Numbers and Names of Children: i dunno =\
-- Descibe your Dream Wedding: afafa
-- How do you want to die: In my sleep
-- Where you want to go to college: dunno
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: im grown up
-- What country would you most like to visit: mexico

// series nine - opposite sex
-- Best eye color? Blue is sexy but ma babie got brownish black eyes
-- Best hair color? black
-- Short or long hair?: either
-- Best height: as long as they arent shorter than me
-- Best weight: skinny but not too skinny but def. not fat
-- Best articles of clothing: hm shoes
-- Best first date location: to eat and movies
-- Best first kiss location: anywhere

// series ten - number of
-- Number of girls I have kissed in my life: 1
-- Number of girls you have made out with: none
-- Number of girlfriends you've had: none
-- Number of boys I have kissed: done know
-- Number of boys you have made out with: only a few
-- Number of boyfriends you've had: i dont know..serious bf?s more than a few months...4
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: ive only smoked weed and its so gay
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 2 maybe
-- Number of CDs that I own: hmm alot 200+
-- Number of piercings: 3
-- Number of tattoos: none
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? probably none
-- Number of scars on my body: 3 i guess
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: my bitchy ness

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12:14 pm

What a fuckin bitch Not pregnant as of the 21st of May but can't have sex for 2 damn weeks so they can give me another test on the 18th of June to see if I am pregnant or not from then til now. So 2 damn 2 weeks with no sex. But worse of all if I'm not pregnant I have to take a fuckin hormone pill to make me ovulate and have my period. >:\ They took my blood to check my Thiroid? To see if thats what is making me like this.. First the lady did my right arm and the blood stopped coming out !!!!! with only a half of a tube done.. so she had to pull it out and switch arms.. and then my right arm was pouring blood.. ! :( so both of my arms are going to have big bruises on them.. nasty.. :( no fair..... hopefully my thiroid thing is okay....

Tomas went home after the dr appointment he had to go to work. But he called his boss when he was about there to see where they were working at and his boss said he gave everybody the day off since Tomas wasnt coming in.. How freakin gay... so he went all the way there and here i am BY MY SELF.. im going to get some sleep..and do whatever else.. need to pay the few bills i have in a little while..

i got into last night with my mom .. made my chest hurt bad and i was so mad.. upset .. lala cryin til tomas came then he made everything ok ;D heheh.. anyway imma get a job or at least go to school.... lalal thats all i wanna write for now..

Carla Loves Tomas heheh

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Monday, June 2nd, 2003

7:23 am - this is so corny but imma do it anyway since im bored

All About Him...
-His/Her Name: Tomas
-Nicknames: Tomato >>in spanish heh.. big butt
-Age: 24
-Height: 5?2"
-Hair Color: black
--Eye Color: dark brown
-Glasses/Contacts: Neither
-Freckles/Dimples: Neither

Couple Stuff...
-What were your first impressions: Like any other... didn't really care if i got to talk to him or not
-Who asked out who: xmas.he asked me
-Who made the first move: him heh..
-Where was your first kiss: my front porch ;D
-Where was the first place you had sex: my bed
-When did you first say I love you: sometime in january
-When was you first real fight: we haven't really had any fights..arguments about stupid drugs..but we talk it through ;D

On a scale of 1-10...
-sense of Humor: 8
-looks: for me.. 10+++++++ heheh.. for other ppl..lol who cares ;D
-intelligence: i would say 10 but he doesn't use his brain to the full effect or something..he likes to believe he got me thinkin hes not smart
-attitude: 7
-style: 5..lol about like mine
-kissing: 10 aww heh
-in the sack: 10365
-friends: 7 they seem nice but tha drugs XxX noooo lol heh..but i never talk to them or see them hardly so

Do they want to...
-Get married: he asked me ;D
-Have kids: yeh he has a little boy already
-Be their own boss: probably
-Save The World: hmmmm doubt it
-Travel: to mexico

Faves
-Color: red
-Car: stupid neon lol he wants to get his truck..ford ..250
-Band: umm control machete
-Song: i dont know the name of it but i can tell u how it sounds lol
-CD: his control machete but it messed up but hes startin to like don dinero more
-Movie: probably rush hour lol but he likes big daddy too hah.. aww
-Sport: basketball to play.. soccer/futball to watch lol
-Past Time: better be ..bein with me lol .probably smokin weed
-Holiday: Christmas/Easter
-Sexual Position: hah.
-Nickname for you: CiCi
-Family Member: His bro Goyo or Bon

current mood:

bored
current music: la raza - kid frost

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6:55 am

hey babie :D heheh. UMm ma hunni just left me well like 30 minutes ago.. he gotta go to work.. i couldn't sleep last night.. but i'm wide awake this morning.. i think i finally motivated myself to actually going back to school in the fall.. but more than that getting a job this week.. there is this truck for sell..and tomas can't ever save his $ cause he's always lending people money.. sending money to mexico for his parents.. his sisters.. or his little boy.. plus paying his bills..even though he makes madd money... he never seems to have enough.. so he needs to save up $3000 real fast for this truck to help him start up his own business which would let him make more money like he needs/wants... both...so i figure if he sells his rims for the honda he used to have.... he said thats 4 or 500 .. his bro owes him $500 and is paying him in 3 weeks.. then $400 in the bank..he's almost got it.. and if i get a job i can give him the $ every week to help save up for it and he can get it faster.. and hopefully before someone else gets it.. so i really wanna do this for him..
.if im pregnant like i think then i have to go to school now.. because i'll only have about 7 more months... hopefully im not.. but ill find out tuesday if i can get my appointment changed... if not.. ill find out wednesday.. i dont wanna go alone.. but i will if i have to.. he said he'll go but i want him to work so he can save his $....
ah i love this man.. heh.. and when i say man.. yep yep hes a man.. gettin all old .. gonna be 25 this yr... haha.. its oka.. im legal.. wooOt.. and my birthday is in 10 days...yayay.. <3 <3 <3 <3
imma look for backgrounds..i havent had time since he was here all weekend.. xcept for some of yesterday..when me and whitney went to the flea market and then to the mall.. and then to walmart..
i played ddr at the mall ;D this stupid bitch gets on my nerves.. i was showin some lil kid how to play she was like 8..and i didnt put my coins up there...AND THEN.... when the lil grl failed..that stupid white bitch jumped up there and was liek move.. and started playin.. and i kno tha point of tha game is to see how fast u can do it and accurate..but she just makes me want to hurl..
ma sister says she works at burger king in graham... heh.. i dont care tho..shes always in my way.. i dont wanna play againist her she jumps around way too much and bows to the machine n stuff i hate it lol.... i wanna play with my sister or by maself..heh.. oh welllll...
ma big butt is probably gonna call me soon i called him about 6:45 or before but he didnt answer then he called me back i think his phone is dead.... anyway gonna go for now..

current mood:

loved
current music: illegal amigos - spm

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