||Idlewild - The remote part / Placebo Sleeping with Gohsts.
OK, i should really update...i just don't feel like i actually have that much to say.
I'm starting to question my grip on reality, infact i don't quite know what reality i ever had any more. CHristmas felt like a big Saga, with me stuck in the middle and not really wanting to be anywhere. Things happened on Christmas Eve, which proved to me im a solitary person at times, and have to deal with things on my own, however scared of those things I am. It was pretty crap.
New Year finally got the better of me, although i had a fantastic time in truth i was unhappy, it all ended with me as a drunken blubbering heap who proceeded to splurge her bad news rather than her intended plan of keeping it to herself. But then when push came to shove, i wanted to be no-where but home. I loved seeing everybody together again, like it used to be, although it was again totally weird because we all had other people and experiences to talk about...frankly it was odd. The there was a whole thing at the beginning of January which threw me totally because i didn't and stil don't know what to do.
Now I'm back in Aber, and nothing seems real, I want to go home again. Today I've sucessfully been sacked, admittedly by a boss who i hate, and he indeed hates me, but its not good, this is a town qith 20,000 students and 10,000 natives, all the students want jobs, and there jsut aren't enough. I need the job! The other problem I have with this, is I didn't say what i though of him, I let him take my number incase they were desprate, and leve me with a parting gesture pay packet...I wanted to go in and scream and shout, and tell him exactly what i thought of him, and how fucking miserable he has indeed made me of the past couple of months. Oh well it means i can go home on sunday for a week rather than being here, which is good.
I have an exam on a subject for which the lectures were utterly useless and the lecturer was an utter TWAT! I have no notes of any relevance, and only have my own reading to back me up...im terrified! Ive had enough of exams and revision, and frankly I'm fucked with university, i want to give up about now! I don't need people convincing me it is the best thing i will ever do, and that i should really stick it out, i need soem good sound unbiased advice, and im stuck on that one. Uni is jsut so lonely and im not sure im cut out for it.
Its sooooo windy here, i nearly got sucked into the sea, and i half wish i could be a seagull and fly on the wind, because it looks fantastic. The sea is wild, except now i'm wary of it, i have learnt that it cannot be tamed and I don't want to tame it, jsut sometimes i want to be part of it.
On a positive side, I have booked a couple of days in London with Deanie, which is very exciting. That and Miss Kirsty says she will do my hair if i want if she comes down to Nottingham for the boys meet...i just need to find a job that dosen't care how crazy my hair is, im not sure how easy this will be...hmmm. We are going to shrewsbury on Saturday to get pierced, i know i want something, im just not sure exactly what yet, hmm decisions decisions.
I know most of this is cryptic, any burning questions jsut ask. Im not going back to revision, and i promise more updates more often.