Monday, May 28th, 2007
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10:45 pm - Don't call me then F-U
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Fuck it ………..FUCK IT!!!! I’ve had enough of people and their shit!!! I’ve had enough of the pissy attitudes….of the plan out ignorance of people……..they can all kiss my lily white ass!!! As far as I’m concerned to all those people I call and they can’t talk and just hang up and SAY they’ll call me back but never do……or are always sleeping….KISS MY ASS!!! STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!!! I DON’T NEED THIS STRESS. I will no longer be the one calling……..I will no longer be the one to help……..i will no longer be the one to see if you need anything……..I no longer be the one for you to be pissy at……..to keep secrets from …to say you'll call and then the line be busy all night or just not answer it….etc. As far as I’m concerned I am alone…..have always been alone …….and will be forever, I will no longer be the one for you to bitch at when no one else is there for you……. Find someone else!!! I’m PISSED and I”VE had it ………I’m TIRED of you being a jerk!! IF YOU HAVE A FREAKING PROBLEM WITH ME SAY IT……..I SURE AS HELL WOULD TELL YOU!! IF you supposed , friends, family, and who ever suddenly realize I’m not there……..i haven’t called……. I haven’t stopped over ……..think to as to why…….and look at how a fucking piss ass you have been. OF course if “certain” people want to see me……or my son they will have to come here and see us…….because I refuse to stay or go to or spend any time in a place that doesn’t want me there…….OR can even bother to help me when I NEED it. Thank GOD for Jim……..thank you honey…..thank you for being there for me……for listening endlessly to me when I don’t feel well…….and thank you for helping me when I need it even though for both of the aforementioned you don’t want to really help or listen…….. thank you for SOMEONE loving me enough to be there and listen. ? you and Dane. With out the two of you I’d surely go crazy
current mood:  lonely
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Wednesday, May 9th, 2007
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1:37 pm - Mr Reaper You can't have me yet!!!!!
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I had the most unusual day yesterday.
First…. Jim's mom was shopping up in Hazleton (they all live up there) and anyway… as she was going to her car in the handicapped spot a guy pulls in next to her in the part you shouldn't park in and clips her in the leg……the leg she had her knee replacement in…..anyway …he seemed not to even notice ... he window was down and she yells…. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"…….."Huh?"….." You just hit me with your car" …. Then some guy came out of the store and said …I saw the whole thing…..so she puts her groceries in the back of the car and sits there to call 911…..she thought the police would come and she could file a report……….WELL……… an EMT…police car, ambulance, and I believe a fire truck (this is a 2nd hand story) came….. the EMT noticed her sitting in the car and figures that was who he was there for…..so he turned around and started backing up…. Well in the meantime the Old guy was trying to convince her that she shouldn't have called the police because he might lose his license…..he takes her cart back to the store and when walking back to the car walks right into the EMT's SUV that he was backing up and lands on his back. They both had to go to the hospital… hahaahhaaha it just hit me as so funny… it's like when you see someone you know fall in public……it's funny….. you just can't help it!!!
The other two stories involve my son and I……
Story 2 :
I was driving home from work yesterday and stopped off at Coluarusso's to pick up some dinner……I had won a free gift card from work for there…..anyway …. I got the stromboli, mozz sticks, & a hoagie…the sticks and the hoagie were for my son…..anyway….. I'm on 309 turning on Coal and at the light I thought……mmmmm those mozz sticks smell good…..so…..I stole one……now….they were cold to the touch and I thought I'll just steal a bite…..so that is what I did…….a bite, just a nibble, 3/4ths of the stick was still there….. as I chew I realize the outside is cold but the inside is hot as fucking hell…. It's a mutant mozz stick from hell….. this sudden heat causes my neck to spasm…. And pain shot through my back…. Suddenly I swallow…….AH I SWALLOWED…….. it was stuck in my throat……..this hot cheese ……. I couldn't cough it out…….couldn't swallow……. I turn onto my sister's street and head to my sisters…….swerving all over the road……..trying to punch myself to get this freaking hell cheese out of my throat….coughing but not getting this crap out……. Finally I reach down my throat and try to pull the cheese out…..its' hot …..it doesn't work…….. but I succeed in making myself puke…….but……it's stuck in my throat……..now ………NOW ….. I have tears pouring out my eyes….my legs are getting weak…….my arms are hurting…….. I've NOW pissed my pants……. I stop the car in front of her house…….her and the kids are working in the yard……..front yard……. She doesn't notice me……I'm literally dying in the car in front of her house……. I am reaching down my throat again……trying to get out this cheese…….she just looks at me as I blow my horn…….anyway I swallow again……..and the puke goes down……..but I puke again because that just gross….. but at least when I puke this time I've managed to get some of the cheese out……and the rest comes out when I puke… the whole time all this was happening my brain was running wild…….all I could think of was…….FUCK I'm GONNA DIE LIKE MAMA CASS (even though that wasn't how she really died), CRAP….. I'm GONNA DIE AND MY HOUSE IS A MESS, SHIT I'M WET………THEY ARE NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO MOVE ME.(hey, I'm a girl... you always think you're too fat) Oh please don't poop!!...... hahahahaha now I can laugh at the whole thing….. but at the moment I was freaking out…… I told my friend Lori last night and she laughed and said…. See work is trying to kill you J hahahahahahaha LOL PMP but not choking!
Story 3 :
Dane was listening to my stories while he was on top of his skateboard. Now normally that would be fine since the downstairs is a remodeling train wreck right now…….anyway……he was making fun of me when all of a sudden he flips off the board….. he was doing something called a manuel ….. HITS the wall and lands on his back….he hit the floor so loudly that it woke my mom up next door….. he is totally fine except…….. he has a black eye …..and a brush burn on his head from using his face as a trowel on the wall…….but the funny part …….the really funny part to me is….. his ass is black and blue. Karma!!!! LOL
current mood:  amused
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Friday, April 6th, 2007
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10:28 pm - Easter Dudes
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Hey all……. Not sure if anyone reads this….. So here is what is new…..
Wednesday I have to go to the hospital for a Doppler on my legs……having some issues… not to mention my hands and feet are like ……ice.
And a week or two after that I have to go to an eye doctor/specialist guy/thingy because I've been having double vision in one eye and my pupils aren't dilated the same…. (I look really freaky)
And in June I go to a new Kidney guy…… sigh……..doctors suck………..and to BOOOOOOOOOT I'm peeing pink….not sure why…..hahahahaha don't wanna know either………..OH and my pressure is still 140/90 and that is on meds and 1000 sodium restriction…… I'm getting worse all not better.
ON the good side…………..Great sex last night : I need more of that : much much more.
What the hell gives with this weather!!!! The daffodils are blooming and we had snow??? What gives!!!!!! Is the earth shifting or something………I want spring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay……..all for now……..HAPPY EASTER ALL. :
current mood: rushed have to pee
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Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
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2:13 pm
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Monday, February 19th, 2007
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8:21 pm - I'm lame!!!
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Okay so HOW lame am I??? There is no surprise that I love to read……however…..combine that with a love of the subject I'm reading and I'm ridiculous... (Neil don't cringe) I bought the book "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince", book 6 for those keeping up, on Thursday. Well……..that's not the lame part of this 30 some year old……….the lamest part is……. I have completely read the whole thing. YES THE WHOLE THING. That's 652 pages….. And the worst of it all…… I cried at the ending….. I actually cried. SOMETHING is severely wrong with me. I just couldn't put it down…cooking dinner…… trying to rest…blah blah blah…….YES YES YES I'm am so lame…….In fact I surpass Britney Spears trying to change her Redneck hillbilly trailer-park hits Hollywood style (or for you oldies out there…"Tammy goes to Hollywood") into a sad attempt of Sinead O'Connor meets a biker chick……..someone should have told her this has been done before
OH and speaking of lame………what is with the cheating in NASCAR??? YOU ARE D-R-I-V---I-N-G IN A CIRCLE!!!!! COME ON DUDES!!!! A CIRCLE REALLY REALLY FAST…….and you need to cheat??? NO … You need a beer and a very large pillow to crash into.
Okay……. I'm done ranting.
current mood:  crazy
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Monday, February 12th, 2007
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10:49 am - I'm still alive.
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HELLLLLO all....... I'm still alive here in W-B... well Neil new..... I've started a myspace thingy because of my niece. Toooooo all the guys out there ... she looks much older than she is.....she just turned 14 and looks 22.........hands off all.....LOL.
Anyway..... just letting you all know where to find me......if you wish... I check in and read blogs but until recently have had no energy to post anything.
Long to the short.... I been very ill.... started off with cholestrol issues.....then into blood pressure issues big time.....come to find out..... I have one kidney (born with evidently) never knew....and it started to fail... well better to say having issues. Some how it all blends together....on the good side my asthma issues are working out ... finally. Working at the hospital has become too much so not sure what to do... i'm on leave right now.
Well enough crappy stuff........ Had a great weekend with Jim...... who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks......mmmmmmmmmmmm he must do those things more often :) :) If he learned them from someone new.....well. thank you sweetie........ it was great. hahahahahahaha lol
well......... i'm off........to shop.....my least favorite thing in the world to do.
Dane and I are having lunch and maybe hitting Barnes and Nobles....after other shopping is done. YUCK!!!
okay off........hope all has been well with you all.
current mood:  awake
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Sunday, July 2nd, 2006
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7:22 pm - Worst Anniversary ever!!
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Well.......Jim and I celebrated our 4th Anniversary this weekend. He just went home. It had to be the suckiest anniversary yet. ...SIgh ......I don't know where to begin......... Friday I spent the entire night after work running around shopping for him a gift.....I decided on a blue faced Fossil watch and a Bevis and Butthead DVD series thingy with videos...... then I made two cookie trays for my friend for her Bridal shower that I had to miss so we could celebrate.......any way.......I was then up all night getting ready......polishing the toes, Nairing the privates...... (as in I hate to wax......hurts like a fucker).... doing the hair........then finally I got a couple hours sleep before he came over.....SO after lunch on Saturday we ran the cookies to my work for a friend to drop them off at the Shower.....I couldn't wait I had to give him his presents and card........cutest card ever ya know.........I had to get ready to go to dinner at a local sushi place....I got all dressed up..... He had yet to give me my card or present.......he didn't even come with flowers.....humph......OH before going to 8pm dinner we went to see Superman Returns......good movie.......sexy Superman........wouldn't mind seeing his "Steel" .... anyway.....dinner was ........ugh..... I had a crab and tuna roll.....not bad pretty good.......miso soup (they added chicken stock I could taste it, I prefer true Miso) ... anyway..... I had some fried tofu in sauce.....called Age-tofu (best part of the dinner).....then I had shrimp and veggie tempura........being a FOODIE I was aggravated that the tempura was greasy.........GREASY I SAY.....and my veggies dripped with oil..... I couldn't finish it.....not to mention that there was no flavor on anything....I brought home most of my dinner......and even with my tampering of it..... I still didn't like it....sigh.......................what to do what to do.........anyway...... since he didn't have any presents i could see....... I can't help but think that maybe tonight he might actually ask the BIG question........I thought that maybe he had hidden them in the house somewhere....... But NO mistaken.....Not even flowers......NOTHING!! Sorry a card....I did get a generic card.....sigh....... Thought for sure he was going to surprise me.....but no.........I was very disappointed......which then translated into bad sex....... I didn't even want to (cough cough) varnish him.....and I didn't to which he threw a big pity party...he went to bed and I watched TV......I so wanted to call anyone and just bitch at how unromantic Jim is.......I can varnish for hours and He can't even get the foreplay down...........errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! I want a night of just foreplay.......seriously!!!! I blamed it on the new medication I'm on ......that it has to mess up my system before it can fix it. I swear there has to be someone else....... I have my theories.......and he totally would too .....he told me the one nurse at my work was very do-able....errrrrrr.... yes he said that on our anniversary to me!!! Even asked WHO she was.....and wonders why I'm jealous all the time....MEN!!! Anyway...I shouldn't complain but I guess I needed too.......even though I say to him (jokingly) "Hon I know you never will marry me" I wish he would......I wish he could make some kind of commitment to me on some kind of level.....I guess I'm wasting time......I'm just not strong enough to walk away. I'm more terrified of being alone and having no one to love, then being annoyed with him and hurt by him.
If someone ever came along and really loved.......or fell for me....really honestly......and showed me....... I'd leave quick I think.......well .....at least on days like this I would.
THanks for the Vent all....... I needed it..... Ya know thinking about it.... I think that is was more the lack of affection from him then the lack of presents. He was not very loving.....no hugs, kisses, no attacking me because we are alone....I'm still very upset I suppose....me and my dumb issues. Yep...I'm positive there is someone else.
TO ALL THE BRITISH FOLK OUT THERE......WHO THE HELL IS TONY SINCLAIR from the Tangeray commericals???? Is he real.....Is he make believe........what gives???? Okay well.....Back to my show....."Hex".
Hope all have been well.
And so you know.....he got his varnishing in the morning the next day. I felt bad. Unlike him...... I don't have to be in the "MOOD" to please him......I am rarely ever pleased......if you know what I mean. ... I'm also becoming more and more confident that he is okay with people using people.... because I think he is using me.... but there are other things he is okay with that I never thought he would be.
current mood: and complicated
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Thursday, May 4th, 2006
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11:21 pm
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WOW.......so much has happened since I was away. I think it's going to take me weeks to catch up.
Well ......... I'm back........still sick ..........not any better........but hey what's new with that!!!!
Hope Everyone is well............. I've missed you all.... when I have more time......... I have work stories...... they will make you pee your pants and snort!!!! :)
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Sunday, April 9th, 2006
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8:30 pm - Movie time :)
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Off to watch Narnia and then Memoirs of a Geisha......hopefully both anyway.......I KNOW at least Narnia ......
Damn!!! I wish I had some popcorn!!!!
current mood:  cheerful
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Saturday, April 8th, 2006
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6:53 pm - ASBDD = Asthma sucks big donkey dicks!!!
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Today I had the most horrible asthma attack. I felt like I swallowed a bottle of ooze and was trying to breathe through it. Then when I used my inhaler, I kept coughing.......and not just a normal cough either...... I coughed so hard I finally vomited~!!!! okay..... and piddled my pants a little too, but I was wearing a pad so that was not a big deal.....IT SUCKED SO MUCH!!! I don't know what is worse......being able to breathe a little bit or .......feeling like you are breathing through a plastic bag. Damn people and their over powering perfume and hair stuff........errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... there ought to be a law!!!!
Anyway.......that's over with.......chest hurts.....stomach hurts.......all in all........ it's nice to breathe.
current mood:  drained
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Friday, April 7th, 2006
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12:40 am - To worry or Not to worry.......that is the question!!!
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SO .....Yesterday was the big .......exam. OOOOOOOoooo..... Could have been quite a little porno if I wasn't so nervous... Yesterday was the day of the internal ultrasound...........BLECK.... HEY that wand was huge!!!! I think it has to be illegal in at least 40 states.....anyway......she says........just put it in like a tampon...........yeah.......a giant tampon shaped like a hammer head shark.... with a plastic bag on it covered in KY.............. Yeah not even on my good days!!!!! So anyway.......did what she asked......and it ........................hurt like a mother fucker!!!!! Every time she pushed into my ovaries I just about leaped off the table..........SO........when all is over with and I got dressed....... (no dinner no drinks either .......I felt cheap!! ha-ha) anyway.... I asked.......when will I know anything...........OH .......maybe in a couple of days she says.............couple of days huh.....okay........no prob.
WELL......her nurse called today and said.....and I quote......."Hi, Manda. Doctor wanted me to call about your ultrasound. All is well, but she wants you in as soon as convenient for you to discuss your options." ... ummm me, "If all is well, why do I need to come in???" she .........laughs..."hahahahaha oh she just wants to go over your test and go over your options".... SHE LAUGHED!!!!!........ my worry......if all is well.........what options do I have to go over......and ......if all is well.........why review anything........ You just said it was fine!!!!! ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR confused as hell I am I am.
Well........I felt the unnerving need to tell Jim and get hugs. :) My sister was supposed to come to the appointment with me but she ..........FORGOT. Jerk!!!!
Any who........not going to twist my knickers........at least .......try not to :) .... they are kind of riding up though.....haha.
On a side note..........went to the hospital to visit a friend that is having a relapse of Lymphoma.... she has small children at home :( ... it all started with a backache......... she was two years in remission.......she currently is getting chemo 3 days straight, 24 hours a day .....every couple of days......... she is one of those cancer people that look great with no hair.....absolutely beautiful...... my friend April and I stopped in to make her laugh......heheheh we made her side hurt but she said it was worth it......... :) .... she will be leaving soon to go to University of Pennsylvania hospital for a mini stem cell transplant from her brother........ hopefully it will work...... she will be out of commission for a year though.........trying to recover...... from her bed she keeps track of all the kids......and keeps them in order ......it's quite amazing.... we decided to mask up and take April's bachlorette party to the hospital..........of course no strippers..... hahaha we don't want to cause heart attacks :)
Anyway..........that's all sweeties....... I could use some prayers if you have some to spare........and some for my friend too........ I'm greedy aren't I?
OH........Jim's son, Brad's birthday is soon...... he's gonna be 20 or 21 I believe.......HMMMMMmmmm wish I had a clue what to get him......probably money will do :)
current mood:  aggravated
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Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
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11:41 am - MAX
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Max has a new Harley Davidson hat...... yes that is what I said.... He looks so freaking cute in it...I will be posting pics soon. :)
current mood: amused
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Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
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10:37 pm - Gloaty gloat
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I'm so fucking happy :) :) :) :) Jim has awed me again!!!!!!!!! Tonight we planned on dinner, I was going to thank him for the flowers in my special way and he suggested dinner too......... So we tried a new restaurant, "Logan's Roadhouse". Nice ......... you know a typical Bar/steak house where they throw peanut shells on the floor etc.....anyway.......besides the waitress bugging us every 10 mins or other staff bugging us it was ...........nice. Even if I wanted to stab them in the eye and cut their tongues out if they bugged us one more time.....Well half way through the dinner Jim mentions a CD I wanted that no longer is available..... Neil...... You know it.....Divine Comedy/Promenade...well it's because of that midi you sent me is to why I fell in love with the various songs I could find.......anyway..... He paid the bill and for a so so fine dinner I thought it was too expensive....."Smokey Bones" or "Outback" is much much better and priced more appropriate... anyway.... as we left the restaurant to come to my house.... he puts in a CD.... odd because Jim doesn't listen to CD's as he drives....just Brad and I do........anyway........to my SHOCK AND AWE..... What do I hear on the player......."Going Downhill Fast".....? All I needed to hear was a few bars and I knew instantly.... I started going nuts......."Where'd you get this?"..."Is it for me??".....to which I couldn't hold back my excitement and I kissed him as he was driving.......hahahahahahahaha to his shock!!!........anyway I'm perfectly thrilled........ And YES...... I love the whole thing.......of course some of it makes me .....giggle. I am such a happy chicky right now.......and JIM well......................he is beyond happy!!!! In fact he needed two hours to rest before driving home..... An hour for each time :) :):).....wink wink wink.
MY GOD........... I never thought it was possible to love someone even more........ well just to point out........it's not the gifts.......but that he is listening to me as I ramble about things I wish for, want in life, etc..........also......the fact he is putting such effort in all of this........the surprises.......the little things that mean so much more....I have no idea what has gotten into Jim.......but ...............man I hope it stays..... I am enjoying this loving kind sweetheart of a man... and I swear....... he gets sexier every day.
current mood: Fucking Happy
current music: The Divine Comedy - When The Lights Go Out All Over Europe
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Friday, March 17th, 2006
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3:55 pm - He going to get sooooo lucky!!!!
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TODAY .....Worked sucked....... My day started with......forgetting that the 6-2:30 aide do the EKG's when ordered now in the morning along with getting all the vitals of 22 some patients....... it was strip day.......we had two discharges......two admissions and 3 room changes......3 accidents (potty accidents).....and one 95 year old who's blood pressure would not stabilize........so anyway..... it took me a half hour to do two EKG's since the one of the guys would not lay still and I kept getting artifact............ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrr....... and he says to me ......"Did I sleep last night?"..."I took a sleeping pill, but did I sleep?"..........GOOD LORD SAVE ME NOW......anyway .....Amongst my hell....... I get called up front to the lobby....."WHAT THE HELL I SAY??"
SO I jaunt up at our busiest time and to my surprise who is there ...........JIM........ with a Dozen red roses......and he said, " I hear you don't get flowers at work"............okay ..........jello knees :) :) :) :) ......but the flowers were terrific.....but the most wonderful thing was......He drove up to give them to me from work on his lunch.....which is a half hour away :) :) :) :) ....... All I can say is......... I'm still smiling..........and he is SOOOOOOOOOOO going to get lucky!! A varnishing to end all varnishings I think, Yep he deserves that!!! ..........SO girlie happy right now........squealllllllll :) hahahahahahahaha
current mood:  excited
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Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
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4:21 am - HA HA I'm sick
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Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
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3:03 am - It's a Hot time tonight
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Well ........I've been trying to collect myself .........well not so much......just lots of stuff I have to do and that whole miscarriage thingy threw me for a loop....kind of slid into a depression of sorts there..... Anyway.....
A fire broke out a few houses up from mine.....on my side of the street......jumped from one house to the other.....3 homes all together ruined and 3 families 7 children have no home...... I have to say...our fire department sucks.......it took 20-25 mins before they did anything......they were there just not doing anything.......two fire hydrants on the street .........they only used one for most of the night and the fire kept jumping back to life..........duh wonder why......
To my surprise .........Jim and I got into a fucking fight. I, OF COURSE, ran down to the fire to see if I could help..... I'm CPR certified among other things......anyway....... I got there and no one seemed to be in the houses.........no one seemed to need anything more than comfort.....several of the children were in shock.....as were the families......they just stood there and watched.... the kids were hysterical....... I had this idea........MAX...... he has proven to be excellent in situations like these.....as if he knows.....this is an emergency and these people need help....... so I came back and put his harness and leash on him....and took him down....... he was wanting to see what was going on anyway....... he couldn't have been pressed to the window any tighter.....ha-ha....so against my son's wishes..... I took him down.....not all the way to the fire.......but where the crying kids were..... It was like magic..... within 10 mins most of them were giggling.....and cuddling up to him.... as least for a bit there minds were off their home........ the father came and got them and took them to a family members house a few streets over........so that they didn't get lost in the crowd.......and then Max returned to the house with my son.......still pressed to the window..... He didn't bark.....he didn't shake....he didn't even wiggle...well his tail........ He just licked the kids....as if to calm them.........THIS is what Jim and I fought over..... That MAX had no choice in me risking his life...........GOOOD GOSH I want to smack him sometimes............errrrrrrrrrrrr....... he doesn't even like Max....... I think he just wanted to argue....... anyway....... I went back to help herd people back up the street away from the fire.........the smoke was getting so bad..... The street was as dark as night........ you couldn't even see the cars parked there......and my father.......my father takes off up the street.......and they never noticed he wasn't a fireman for awhile....... funny his flash light was much brighter than theirs hahaha that is how I found him in the crowd down there........and btw what a crowd....about 150 people on my little street....... maybe 30-40 actually lived here.........humph ....creeps........ Well can't sleep ......... having my own flash backs of our fire where we lost everything too.......and of course the fight with Jim.......errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sometimes........ I wish he would just shut up....... I think he takes his day out on me....... Dane and I don't have much......but what we have..... I'm giving to the people in the fire... you know.......extra clothes, clothes that don't fit.......extra shampoos, toilet paper........ You know........extras :)
Anyway........ MY follow up doctor's appointment is in 3 weeks....... on the 27th.......not looking forward to the OB-GYN.......bleck bleck.......but maybe she can answer some questions for me that have been bothering me.
Looked at pictures at Jim's this weekend of Him and Brad when he was little.........couldn't help but think of what this baby would have looked like...... and what kind of a Dad he would have been...... I know he feels..... He has too much finical responsibilities right now........ and I know he thinks he couldn't share love for another kid.......and all that is fine....... but ......I just wish that a tiny tiny piece of him wasn't so happy I lost the baby.....I guess ......it's a guy thing... and I'll never understand it. Stupid but I feel as if I wasn't good enough some how to have his kid or something or mine wasn't good enough….. Hey ........sorry for the ramble.....but I needed it :) :P
Anyway, I didn't kill anyone……..all seems fine now…… just…….the street smells like a bbq pit.
current mood:  scared
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Monday, February 13th, 2006
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3:49 pm - corrections
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Sorry for the ramble...........and misspellings.........just kind of.......tired and don't care right now........sorry though.
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3:44 pm
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Hmmmm sometimes I find it hard to say anything at all.............and when I do ... I wonder why I said anything at all..........
all my worrying about pregnancy was for not.........or knot.......or however you say it......... I was at the hospital all day after work...... I had a miscarriage......... called Jim about 10 at night and woke him up to tell him the news.............really quite freaked him out.........where my family knows....... his knows nothing........as is his way.......at first he was an utter ...........ass............about everything.......and now ......he was sweet and loving........but not wanting to discuss anything.......he does want me to go to a "real" doctor...... I have an appointment next month......ha!!! What a joke....... I'm not allowed back to work for a week...........which has me climbing the walls................ well.....................................I must go....and deal with the stress of it all.........
We had a great Valentine's Day though....... I was quite spoiled.........if not sore as hell............... even though it was early in the pregnancy..... It still hurt like hell.........
Oh yeah.........the hospital on compassion.......this is their way of comforting me......... "It really happens quite often, Most women never know they are even pregnant, they think they are just having a heavy period than normal".........okay jackasses..........
Anyway........
don't ask of my emotions.........because I am truly unaware of them right now............ put a baby in my arms and I will cry a river.......but then again I might not....... I feel sad, relieved, confused, sick, and non-complacent all at once.
I guess that makes me a mess.............hmmmmmmm I could really use less drama in my life right about now :)
current mood:  confused
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Friday, February 3rd, 2006
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10:54 pm
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Does anyone besides me find the movie title "Final Destination 3" ironic? ..... and that maybe it wasn't the final destination and should have been named....."The End, Maybe" :)
Just letting you know I'm alive out here in blog land.......just been .......................................working..........ugh!!!
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Saturday, January 14th, 2006
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9:15 am
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for some reason the above words.....are not appearing (at least on my end... I know the coding is correct hmph!!)....... I was trying to say......happy birthday to nothing_lasts.
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