Thursday, March 31st, 2005
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6:45 pm
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I've been reading warrior of the light. it makes sense
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Thursday, December 2nd, 2004
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3:47 pm
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i keep getting these weird adrenaline surges. it's weird i get shakey and all the veins in my arms and hands collapse. it's really strange. i'm going to the library to look at math books now. maybe i need to walk a little.
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3:25 pm
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i haven't smoked for sometime, so it's working in that respect but you could have fooled me if you said it was an anti depressant.
school's going good that's all i've really been doing. haven't gotten out much lately. i can't remember the last time i had a conversation with someone. i can't think of anything to say anyway. i don't want to either. probably got a 100 on my lab final today but that wore off.
i was hella worried about financing my africa expedition this summer, but that all worked out. after working from christmas break i'll just need like $300 dollars which i can get through gambling. i'll actually need more like $400.
been having really weird dreams recently. they're really intense and i usually wake up around 3 and am up for the rest of the night.
not really looking foward to going back for christmas break. it's mostly the dingy town that i don't like. being there depresses me and i hate that city. all i would do is read and run and go to the gym which i can do here. so if there wasn't a good paying job i don't think i'll ever go back.
i should be able to get a 3.9 this quarter i don't know what will happen if i don't. schedule sucks next quarter as it starts at 7:30 am. classes all look good though.
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Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
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8:04 am
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i had a dream last night that partly took place during daytime. strange since i've always had dreams take place in night settings as long as i can remember except for once.
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Friday, November 26th, 2004
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5:15 am
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sleep didn't work out so well tonight. i did manage to get a lot of stuff done though including a vigorous middle of the night run. Economics studying should be done tomorrow, then i can get down to where the rubber meets the road with business law.
my final calculation gives;
grad(B(x,y)) = < [G'(x)G(y)]/G(x+y) - [G(x)G(y)G'(x+y)]/[G(x+y)]^2 , [G(x)G'(y)]/G(x+y) - [G(x)G(y)G'(x+y)]/[G(x+y)]^2 >
i don't why i couldn't do this last night, but i still better check it in the morning. i'm prone to making bizarre errors when it gets late like when last night i thought i had solved the first part of my problem, but i realized that early on i had used a form of the digamma function that is only good discretely, which gave something that looked very nice, but i forgot it was only good discretely and subsequently integrated the result which gave a very beautiful but very incorrect final equation
my roommates alarm is now going off so im being payed back for all the times i've had my alarm going when i'm out. i didn't hear it yesterday which means i'm getting to bed later.
taco bell sounds good right now, but they don't open until 9. but i also need to cut my cholesterol. i ate one of those tofu steaks that come in all that water after my run so i have a healthy stomache.
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Thursday, November 25th, 2004
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3:01 am
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does anyone know of the gradient of the beta function? i know you're good with math, claudius ever come across this? it would be immensely useful right now
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Sunday, November 21st, 2004
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10:41 pm - weekend
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This weekend was very productive. i squeezed in 27 hours of studying in which i did 20 pages of math problems and 10 pages of chemistry problems. i'm really nervous about my chem test which i'll get back tomorrow. i feel good about it but the class average is 61.7%.
my math exam is tomorrow at one. i've done all the problems the book has for the chapter, but i still feel like i should do more. i really need to study econ for the final but it's so boring.
i don't understand why the free radical addition of iodine is not energetically favorable. i added up the enthalpies as best i could with the data from the book and i got something like -13 kcal/mol. every step looks exothermic except maybe when the radical adds to the alkene. for Bromine that addition is -3 kcal/mol, for iodine i approximated 0 kcal/mole, and i don't see how it could be very much higher.
i also have problems with the oxidation of trialkylborane. it seems sterically unfriendly, but we'll see after i make models to see how bad it really is.
i'm not going to go home for thanksgiving because i need the 4 days to get ready for my econ final mostly, but also other stuff.
im tempted to take 50 mg of diphenhydramine but i don't want to be hung over for my test tomorrow. 4 has been the earliest i've been able to get to bed for the past few days. it's alright though because i can get in another 4 hours of work.
for a while i had a complete black-out about friday. then i saw my post and remembered that from like 12 to 5 i listened to art bell, read the entire book of enoch, read about simvastatin and pravastatin, but i can't remember anything earlier.
attempts at locating l-dopa today were unsuccessful. i'm going to try gnc tomorrow even though they are horribly overpriced. and i'd also have to buy carbidopa. i think this will help my work induced mood. there shouldn't be any problems at the correct dosage like there was last time.
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Friday, November 19th, 2004
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2:45 am
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oh i feel like samjaza been cut off and cant lift up my eyes
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Thursday, November 18th, 2004
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10:45 pm
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oh yeah dinner was really good today too. clam chowder in sourdough bread bowls
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8:05 pm
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wow bad reaction. took 18 mg of yohibine with 300 mg bupropion. i had read reports that since yohimbine is an alpha adrenergic antagonist it would help with the slowed firing rate of norepinephrine from the bupropion. well it certainly did what it was supposed to, but just a little to much.
in other news, i'm having difficulty thinking. so this is all for now
current mood: over norepinerized
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Tuesday, November 16th, 2004
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10:42 pm
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bupropion plasma concentrations are peaking right on time t+5hrs after 300 mg. . i'm so wired it's ridiculous.
i accomplished like two hours worth of studying in the past 30 minutes. it was wild man. i read this article that said while bupropion binds to the ne reuptake pump it also slows the firing rate of norepinephrine. so i'm going to try potentiating its ne effects by supplementing with yohimbine.
pulse is a steady 85, a marked increase from resting 60. no desire to smoke. i've held the view for a long time that feeding people phenylethylamines will make them happy. i'm glad gsk agrees.
these fuckers are $3.18 per pill. i'm hooked up with 2 weeks worth of samples for now
current mood: studious
current music: Walden inversion -- nu attack
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Monday, November 15th, 2004
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10:38 pm
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i had a nice little chat with my math professor today about a bunch of stuff. we talked about what it is like moving to different countries and cultures (he's japanese). he told me he had two friends in america who were just planning to be in japan for like 2 months, and both of them ended up getting married and now live there full time. he said when you get totally immersed in another culture, some people really like it and don't want to leave.
we also talked about this paper he wrote on theoretical physics that's being published soon. he has interesting idears.
i had this little seed of serious philosophical problems with calculus last year, and now it's a full grown weed. i resorted to some real analysis books last summer to try and fix it, but they still keep coming up. the questions are almost of a spiritual nature which i say in all seriousness.
people are moving away too. my friend moved back to maryland last week, which seemed abrupt. my other friend said he's transfering to ucla next quarter because it's too hick here.
i like clicking on the random users button sometimes. it's weird to get a peak into someone who is just another face in the crowd. and it's a big crowd. lots of information but it really doesn't matter.
hopefully i get my paper back tomorrow. i know pride comes before the fall, but i think it was really well written. i looked at my friend's paper who sits next to me and it sucked. and the person on my right sucked also. but the professor still might have some gripes with our group despite my best efforts to smooth things over. it's definitely much improved from the first couple weeks.
i always wondered what my first livejournal post was. i wanted to compare the first middle and last. comparing things is a huge hobby of mine.
i've also given up on proper spelling for this thing. there isn't anyone to impress
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Sunday, November 14th, 2004
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11:30 pm - i do these to entertain myself
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Layer 1:
name: zarathustra
birthplace: california
current location:california
eye color: Brown
hair color:brown
height:6 and 1
righty or lefty: right
zodiac sign: fish
layer 2:
your heritage: white
the shoes you wore today: air jordans that i found in the trash last year
your weaknesses: nicotine
your fears: i honestly am not afraid of anything
goal you'd like to achieve: go to med school
layer 3:
your most overused phrase on AIM: don't use it that much
your thoughts first waking up: morning? already? fuck
your best physical feature: my booty
your bedtime: whenever i find time
your most missed memory: i try not to think about stuff i miss
layer 4:
pepsi or coke: iced teas
McDonalds or Burger King: Burger King
single dates or group dates: dating is so lame
adidas or nike: asics
chocolate or vanilla: choc
cappuccino or coffee: kofi
layer 5:
-d.o.y.o.u...-
smoke: only for one more week
cuss: not really
sing: sometimes
take a shower everyday: yes
have a crush(es): no
do you think you've been in love: i don't even know what that means
want to go to college: yea
like highschool: yea
want to get married: no
believe in yourself: this is such a lame question
get motion sicknes: when i spin around in circles
think you're attractive: is steven hawking smart?
think you're a health freak: sometimes
get along with your parents: yea
like thunderstorms: YES YES YES
play instruments: sometimes
layer 6:
{i*n*t*h*e*p*a*s*t*m*o*n*t*h}
drank alocohol: yea
smoked: yea
done an illegal drug: no
gone to the mall: sort of
eaten an entire box of oreos: no
eaten sushi: no
been on stage:no
gone skating:No
made homeade cookies:no
gone skinny dipping:No
stolen anything:No
layer 7:
~e>vr~
played a game that required removal of clothing:no
if so was it a mixed company:
been trashed or extremely intoxicated: me? never
been caught "doing something": i'm not sure what this means and no
been called a tease:no
gotten beaten up:yea
shoplifted:yea
ran over a skunk: no
stayed up for more than 1.5 days: yea
layer 8:
age you hope to be married: i don't want to
number and names of childern: none
describe your dream wedding:what is it with this wedding malarky
how do you want to die:never came to my mind
where you want to go to college: asked and answered
what you wanna be when you grow up: doctor in africa
what country would you most like to visit: jungles in congo
layer 9:
number of drugs taken illegally: don't know
number of people i could trust with my life: a few
number of CD's that i own: 1
number of piercings:2
number of tatoos:0
number of times name has appeared in the newspaper: someday
number of scars on my body: some
number of things in the past i regret: the "don't regret anything" is really common, but i do regret stuff, but if they didn't occur i may have a sanitized life, but i would be somewhere completely different. is that good or bad. who knows lets just toss a coin
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10:59 pm
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everything is completely indeterminate and poorly behaved right now. half of me is going off to negative infinity and the other half to positive infinity and i'm stretching out like a spaggetii noodle.
ANYWAYtomorrow i'm hoping to capitalize on MarketWatch's take over . It's trading at $16.79, and is going to be aquired by dow jones co. for $18 per share. YES 7.2% is exactly what i need right now. i told my agent to move in right when the bell opens. i have to find this paperwork i lost while cleaning my room so i won't have to trade by proxy any more.
things i was right about:
ICAP EURO SELECT EQUITY PORTFOLIO up 23% since i jumped in. probably will futher consolidate my position on this
raytheon up 12.92%
bank of america up 8.74%
microsoft up 6.36% which is really good since i only got this on october 28 AND there's a $3/share special dividend on Dec 2. thanks for the christmas present bill i appreciate it
gabelli gold fund 30% (!!)
someone suggested i get in on nevada chemical back in july, but i didn't and they are up about 23%
national oilwell up 10% but if i bought earlier and wasn't a pussy i could have had 30% . noi is no more because i was jittery over their merger with varco.
i think i'm going to be a millionaire by the time i'm 40 from all this. which is weird because i have no desire to be rich, but i just love winning so much
where's my directrix at? i'm getting a haircut tomorrow.
current mood: the general mood
current music: background noise
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Saturday, November 13th, 2004
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6:30 pm
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someone named kristie hooker continually sends me spam about refinancing my home. boring!
i am studying chemistry tonight. all tonight. i got a b on my last test so i have to get an a on this test and the final. just for encouragement, my professor showed us the historical data of class averages on the next test and the final. they were around 60% and 50% respectively.
i'm also going to get some bupropion to quit smoking next week. i still have about half a dozen articles to go through about it and it looks good so far. i've never turned away more extracellular dopamine. i think it will improve my mood which will also be very good.
i'm taking debate next quarter because i want to get comfortable speaking in front of thousands of people for some reason.
now it's time for online banking. got the credit bills today so now i've got to make sure everything is in order with the who online bill pay etc.
beat the looming sickness. echinacea and vit c helped out
current mood: depressed that i have to study
current music: lllllllllllllllocalllllllllllll h
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Friday, November 12th, 2004
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6:34 pm
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i don't know about this business minor. but i do know about it and i don't like it. it's going to add 60 units with all the prerequisites, so it's a waste of my time. and it's so boring.
i sat through an entire economics class finally last wednesday. my imagination just goes to the edge of reality when i'm in that class. sometimes i think about whether i should go out the right door or the left door when i leave. it's that boring.
i'm so tired again and it's only 7 o'clock. i went to bed at 7:30 last night and had wild crazy dreams. the last two nights my dreams have been so intense that i will wake up from them in the middle of the night and be unable to go back to sleep for some time.
i almost died in my dream last night, but i woke up before. i was tossed out of a van, waking up before i met my destiny with the cement.
i've only died once in a dream when this mexican shot me in the gut.
uhh what else. all my dreams take place at night except for one i had in the 4th grade that was with bright blue skies over the ocean. that was also my only flying dream.
what does it mean that i only dream in the dark. i must be a person of the night
my old livejournal had become completely useless and irrelevant. if it was the united nations and a friend was the darfur region, maybe i would have commented to suggest a committee meeting, but maybe not. which is weird because livejournal used to be cool
i've been having these really strange reactions to nicotine. i get stiff muscles and incredibly lethargic which never used to happen. i think it has something to do with my acetylcholine levels. and i won't quit for philosophical reasons, so i'm going to be a burger and buy lights from now on. i feel like i'm going to die when i smoke a camel filter, and turkish gold's aren't much better for me. why do i poison myself so?
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Thursday, November 11th, 2004
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7:15 pm
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i want to have my creatin kinase levels tested. sometimes i feel so weak that i can barely move. it is a huge effort on my part to write this, i can barely move my fingers. i may just be highly neurotic, or all my muscles may expolde in a mighty rabdomyolitic cataclysim. ok that's a bit of hyperbole but oh me.
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2:13 pm
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i'm having a lot of trouble trying to finance my africa trip. right now it's looking like if i went this summer, i would have to take next fall off to make more school money. hopefully, i will get this job at the hospital, then everything should just barely work out
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Monday, November 8th, 2004
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8:51 pm - long vacation
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i am back on blurty. i irreperably changed my livejournal password so there will be no more of that. tried logging back onto it and it won't work as expected which may be a good thing
i feel like a fat man climbing up a cliff with weight no one else can carry except myself. i will make it to the top because i would be grossed out about falling on a bunch of other fat people at the bottom, and the view is much better from the top.
had a few sticks of dynamite that blew up in my face last week. not literally but just the same.
i'm going to work in a clinic in nairobi this summer which i can't wait to do. i just may decide to stay and not come back. i feel like there is more for me on a dying continent smitten with every kind of affliction from aids to genocide than there is here. i think the same fate will overtake me as well which is meaningless.
is anyone still on this thing?
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Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
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8:14 am
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Finals start tomorrow. If I take my chem final down, like down to downtown, then I might get by with an A- by the hair of my chinny chin chin, otherwise B+. Calc on Friday should go pretty well, I'm on top of all that, same with Sociology.
I'm looking foward to the train ride back on Saturday, they're always relaxing and it will be nice to have a few extra hours to get ahead in some reading. The day is truely not long enough, it needs at least another 8 hours. There's been so much stuff I've wanted to get ahead on but time disappears so quickly.
I haven't updated in a while. I had a huge bout of poison oak a few weeks ago which was completely miserable. The big impending concern is finding another roommate so I don't end up homeless next year. Other than that, things are going pretty smoothly.
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