* Ashlee *'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] * Ashlee * [ website | My Website ] [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

*aye* [22 Jan 2007|10:25am] [ mood | curious ] chris totally reminded me of blurty. i used to write alot in blurty! its was the "hot spot" lol, not like myspace. ahh i miss blurty. and damn i havent been on here in a long ass time!! i think everyone should make blurty alive again!!!!!!!!!!! 1 Slice| Cut Me Up

* merry x-mas * [24 Dec 2005|10:03pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | the used ] so yeah, tis x-mas eve, and i havent written in here for awhile. . .tis a sad thing. . .but ehh. . .so yeah, lately my parents are not being douches, when i said i woulod really move out, they freaked and told me they wont sign over their parental rights . . .whatever all that is about. .. umm im feeling pretty lonely right about now. . .ive been doing a lot of *cough* lately, and its sad, cuz my life sucks. . .im just so lonely. . .but being around the actual true few people can make me happy :) well goodnight all. ..im tired. . .plus i have many things i need to do tonite, adios! Cut Me Up

( humm* [08 Dec 2005|08:34pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | death ] my sister might have eye cancer (cause the doctor saw a tumor behind her eye). . .great. . . my parents still hate me, but there focus is on making my sister feel comfortable. . .and she is allowed to treat me like shit now. . .along with my parents. . . my dad is a douchebag. . .its pretty sad. . . where can i go to get emanciapted?? i have a stable job, lindsey said i could stay with her for awhile. . .sooo, where can i do that? taht way, i can have all my other $800 in my savings account be MINE. . .cause ozaukee bank says thats not my money. . .i guess cause i have a custodial account. . .but yeah i need a phone number. . . my life just keeps getting more exciting everyday. . .i'm also getting sick again. .uck. . . 1 Slice| Cut Me Up

* i need somewhere to live * [06 Dec 2005|10:34pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | "remedy" by seether ] seriously. . .today i got home from school to find my dad looking through my purse, in which he found some cigs and a condom (a FREE condom i got from a fair). . .he then started yelling at screaming at me, calling me a dumb slut bitch, i wasted all his trust, im a liar, im just a dumb cunt. . .it when on like that for awhile, and it made me cry :(. . .i hate crying, but lately it's all ive been doing. . . then he gave me the word. i need to find a place and finish paying off the car by saturday. he's tired of my dumb bullshit. . .im really not that bad of a kid. . .i promise, i never get in trouble with the law (usually). . .i get good grades, ive done everything right. . . but anything i have done wrong, its being used against me to get me kicked out. so now i need a place to stay. lindsey said i could possibly live with her, which i would be sooo greatful. . . im crying again, its sad. maybe ill be done now. 3 Slices| Cut Me Up

* im sad * [24 Nov 2005|10:05pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | slipknot- duality ] so yeah, ireally dont update anymore, just because my life is kinda really retarded right now. . .my emotions are so fucked up, that no one can handle me. . .and lately i have been flying off the handle at anything, and random things make me break down and cry. . im crying right now. for nothing. i cry in my car, on breaks. for nothing. everything is tearing me up inside. on the outside im okay, but deep down, i just wanna die. i dunno. im retarded. my emotions are dumb, i want them to go away. i want to feel numb, and have no feeling at all. im so desperate and lonely :(. . . mhm, im tired, so goodnight. 2 Slices| Cut Me Up

* i like partying * [31 Oct 2005|06:49pm] so yeah, lately life has been pretty good . . .this weekend wore me down soo much and im so freaking tired, blah!!....umm on friday i went to the rictus party in cedarburg, which was nice, it was something differnet, and we are going to go again sometime . . .ive been hacked up on drugs alot, which makes me feel goood. . .i like never update this thing anymore, sorry yall. . .umm on a lighter note, i got accepted into marquette. . .oh and im still waiting for madison, lol. . . well thats all....if you are cool you know that im having a good life right now. . .im feelin' pretty good. . . 1 Slice| Cut Me Up

* you pushed my back against the wall * -Atreyu [02 Oct 2005|12:42pm] [ mood | Robo-Like ] [ music | Severed Ties Yeild Severed Head- It Dies Today ] i have to say *WOW*, cause these past 2 weeks have been killer awesome...i dont remember much from the previous week...but i know a lot about what happened this weekend!! haha *friday*- on friday, it was my old school's homecoming, and i still had a friend from down tehre and they asked me to go, cause idk, but yeah, so i take lindsey along thinking, hey! this should be fun to see, cause everyone down there are messed up...well anyways we get there and we park...we get out and im wearing this really fucked up outfit, and i just look really messed up , and i had so many people staring at me...cause yeah...and these preppy people that i once knew recognized me and just stared at me with open mouths, and i was getting pissed, cause its like, fuck you, i never liked you, so fuck off and stop staring at me....but my old school was like really ghetto, cause they don't allow any other schools go to the football games, so we got kicked out cause we were from west bend...which was oober gay...damn idiotic school....so we drove around milwaukee smoking cigs and jamming atreyu while people stared at us on the corners of milwaukee...pretty special i tell ya....then we went to applebee's to eat, cause its like wtf, why not splurge on myself! haha...yeah some old people stared at my handcuffs and gave me really bad looks...well they can fuck off....then we went downtown and walked around...we saw Mr. Penterman, my comp teacher walk into a bar, mr. schlass thinking he's cool cruising downtown, jermey by 6th ave, adam, and ex-boss at burger king sitting in his car...it was really really awkward... *saturday*- umm it started out by going to wal-mart and buying food for a major roadie me and lindsey were taking...we choose port at first, cause yeah, and it was actually pretty cool in port, we met some man in a trenchcoat, it was gooood...then some gangsters yelled at me and lindsey for taking pictures, and some dairy queen employee got offended when we said "port is gay"....i wore a scarf so no one could try and identify me when we would get in trouble...after about an hour in port, we drove north, and i was like "HEY LETS GO TO SHEBOYGAN!"....so we drove to sheboygan....sheboygan is special, when you go to the actual downtown, you have to pay to park, so taht was gay, but we got pics of downtown sheboygan...we also got pictures of the riverfront in sheboygan, and it was sooo pretty, i love parks and i looooove rivers...they are sooooo amazing.....we then drove to sheboygan falls, and that town is fucking creepy as hell!! like all the lights shut off at the high school at once, and it was like something out of a haunted movie....we got pics and left.....we then drove to WALDO....then to CASCADE....then to ADELL....then we past beechwood? yeah i dunno....we then came back to west bend and hung out downtown...haha...and then POOF we bought some robo and went on a robotrip...it was really freaky i dunno, i have never been on a robotrip before, and i dunno how to explain it...lol....all i know is that i felt it...and drinking alot of robo at once can make you puke...but we were like drinking it like gulps....i dunno if i ever wanna do that again...it tasted like shit..... i actually got to stay out all night...next time im planning on sleeping in my car, or getting a group of people and going somewhere totally kick ass awesome...but i dunno im outta here...i wanted to update about my messed up little weekend....i work at 530 tonight, which is gay\... ...im under so much stress, on the top it looks like im doing just fine, that im able to handle everything...but i can never have a hold on anything...everything is killing me on the inside...im emotionally fucked....i want so much, but i always end up losing everything i ever had....mhm....i need a painkiller 2 Slices| Cut Me Up

*this is going to be awhile * [22 Sep 2005|11:01pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Trivium- Dying in your arms ] this is going to be my last update for awhile, cause im not feeling to much into discussing anything thats going on in my life right now...but i wanna let you guys know that i am feeling kinda better, ive been talking to someone about my problems, which i admit, helped me so much....there is SO much stuff that i have buried deep down that i havent told anyone, and i guess it gets just to be too big of a burden....and since i really dont trust people with things, it may be hard to say at first...its not so much shocking, but more of how i could hold it in and act like nothing ever went wrong in my life, cause yes, things have gone bad, and yes, im trying to get over them....i did have a breakdown, after things in my life started accumulating, one thing after another, the last thing just made me break...it had nothing to do with him, it was just time for me to get everything off... ....im so afraid to tell people what has happened to me in my past, cause it hurts so fucking much, and it would hurt me too much to see if i told anyone, how they would react and crap...haha im such a fucking sap...idk, and today during a certain time period during the school day, there were some things sad that hurt me, cause of my past...people have no idea...but yeah ...im done now, maybe one or two of you will eventually understand what the hell is wrong with me, then maybe you will understand this entry....but i just wanna tell you, that i am going to be myself...my usual fucked up self...its just that now some will know things about me that i havent told anyone in my life...its going to be hard :) ...btw i was offered a $4,000 scholarship to a school in La Crosse....and Marquette sent me crap too, i guess i must be doing good in school...im not that shitty of a student after all.... 5 Slices| Cut Me Up

* we dance in misery, we dance alone [12 Sep 2005|07:11am] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | AFI- We Dance In Misery ] yeah...as you can tell i have a lot on my mind about things, life in general...my mental instability is really getting to me...everything little thing is causing me to break, its just like cracking in my life, eventually all the cracks caught up to me, causing this breakdown... ...on the outside when im around friends, i can look so happy, so fucking alrite, but when im alone, everything comes again and again...its not just one issue, its everything that happened in my life i guess...i just can't take it anymore...everything in my past takes a huge chunk out of me...nobody knows... ....but onto a lighter note, me and kevin went to friar tuck's, this really freaky place in fond du lac, we were going to go to hardee's, but got distracted by friar tucks, we ate there and their cheese is creepy looking...we are going to have a party there...yay... ...im at gome btw, yay, my computer is back. kinda-ish. i love you all. not. 1 Slice| Cut Me Up

* sigh [06 Sep 2005|10:42am] im at the library cause i guess i broke the computer, again. for like the fitith time in my life. i really can't stand being at home, i cry sometimes cause i just can't take it anymore, it drives me off the wall. . .and i guess i have a lot of things on my mind. .. alot of things that im afraid to tell anyone cause of how they mite turn out. . .maybe it will be easier writing a letter to a person explaining myself and my thoughts, cause im not mad and im not anything, but i guess im so fucking afraid. . .im just sooo afraid. . .i sound dumb. today was the first day of school. im thinking about bombing it down, and killing all the retarded kids. adios for now my lil lovers :) 1 Slice| Cut Me Up

* sigh * [29 Aug 2005|01:30am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | tyler's stupid egg song. . haha ] im sitting here, at uhh 1:30 am. . .im bored outta my fucking mind. . .someone please come save me! im going to kill myself if im here any longer. . .im kiling myself from boredom!!! ive been having a bad week. an idiot hits my car. i get a nice dent . my tire blows out, at 11:15 pm. i am alone . thank you random guy for putting on my spare. my parents hate me. they think im a foolish little child. i dont know the meaning of debt and spending money. they tried taking my car away. fools. im going insane sitting here. does anyone wanna go out now? im willing to leave. yep, at 1:30 in the morning. anyone up for a ride. haha wow im desperate. time for me to find something to do. love you all. Cut Me Up

* haha * [23 Aug 2005|11:10am] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | lostprophets- Sway ] i got my retarded school schduele. . .lol, i have one off hour first semester, but second i have two, which are 6th and 7th. . .but i guess i don't have to go to study hall on the 6th one, cause its blank, so its kinda like an extra long lunch hour for me. . .ish, i guess. . .who cares! as long as i dont have to go sit with bitchy freshman and sophomores, if ihad to, i wouldnt go. . .they can fuck off. . .lol idk, im taking alot of slacker classes, lol, i really am a slacker, im to lazy to do any work, but at least it should be pretty easy to get really good grades :). . .im really bored im sitting here with a really bad feeling that something horrible is going to happen today. . .my stomach is doing like so many fucking turns and shit, im like shaking. . .idk, its bad. . .i can tell that its not going to be a good day, at least for awhile. . . i feel crappy. im dying. me Cut Me Up

* dar im back * [21 Aug 2005|11:27pm] [ mood | weird ] so yeah, up north was good, at least my family wasnt too insane the entire trip. . .i drove all the way up there, wow, a nice long ass 5 hour drive. . .i was excited to be there so i can sleep. . .we got in at around 10, cause yeah, it was pretty late. . . unpacked everything and enjoyed the cabin for awhile. . .the next day me and lindsey went ATVing and we went swimming int he lake. . .we went to the middle of the lake, which was mucho fun. . .umm eventually i took over 30 pics of random crap, ill get them developed. . .umm one day while swimming in the middle of the lake, we lost our raft, which required us the swim more than half way across the lake to our dock, relying on our swimming skills. . .at least mine are pretty good i tell ya!!! umm i went tubing, i went so fast it was so kick ass. . .umm i built a kick ass fire, which was really tall and really hot. . .yesss!!!! fire. . .at nite, we stayed up late playing cards and games of sorry. . .haha wehave no life i tell ya.. . yeah, many stores, but to long to type, hope ya had fun reading this nite nite * me * Cut Me Up

* im so f-ing retarded * [16 Aug 2005|10:48am] [ mood | thirsty ] [ music | Mountain Dew Commercial ] Me and Lindsey leave for oma wisconsin tomorrow. . .its like a 5 hours drive. . .im going to kill my family in the process, cause they drive me up the wall anyways. . . . . .yay 5 days without ashlee, that shall be sad. . .but then again im so full of myself :). . .i work tonite 6-10, then im planning on going out, then tomorrow i work 7-2, which i leave after that. . .so idk when im going to back, cause yeah. . .right now im going back to bed and then to the dentist. . . * i want soda, my family went all fucking diet after my fucking dad got diabetes. . .fuck that i want regular mountain dew * . . . no really i want moutntain dew, im dying without it....grr- family is dumb as hell...im drinking some cream fucking soda cause we have no mountain dew....grr, fuck this....grr-yeah i dont wanna work tonite, i dont ever wanna work, im so fucking tired, i just wanna sleep the whole day, but i know that will make me even more tired than i was before...im proud that crystal updated her blurty....god im so fucking tired, i feel like death just walked over me....i LOOK like death...haha....yeah i know...im kinda just rambling, so yeah...im going to go now, ill ttyl .....love ya 1 Slice| Cut Me Up

* haha * [15 Aug 2005|12:52pm] [ mood | pleased ] [ music | Simple Plan-Untitled ] well, again, im in another good mood. . .haha i wonder why. . .umm yeah so far, everything's good, cept my family is still driving me up the wall. . .they still are being horribly cruel to me. . .wtf is wrong with them? why do they do this to me? i leave for up north in 2 days with lindsey* it should be exciting. . .kinda, but really stressful. . . im so fucking tired, i feel like im going to die, which i prolly will. . .yeah thats it, im dying. . .hehe* umm yeah idk, there's really nothing else to say, i really dont want to into to much detail in my life, just cause some things i wanna keep private, so now there is nothing. at least for the moment * see a future update tomorrow* love ya* 1 Slice| Cut Me Up

* teehee * [13 Aug 2005|01:41pm] [ mood | excited ] yay im in a good mood today. . .i only work 5-9. . . i also leave for up north with lindsey in. . .4 days. . . 4days without me. . .everybody's life should be sad. . . im so full of myself . . .hehe and, i got a lot of stuff straightened out : ). . .stuff that needed to be. . . haaaaaaaa. . .yaaaaa well, i gotta go some things. . . love ya. Cut Me Up

* haha this is a big week for me * [11 Aug 2005|11:16pm] [ mood | flirty ] i updated it like 2 days in a row, which is a biggie, but ahh oh well. . . im kinda just sitting here, thinking about crap. . .about how one minute i could be really happy, and the next i could be so sad where i just wanna burst out crying and just lay in my bed and never get up again. . .its like on extreme to another. . .it doesnt happen alot, but it does occasionally happen. . .god after reading this people are prolly thinking "holy shit you are one fucked up person". . . yes i know i have issues. yes i know i need to move out of my home. yes i know that i sound fucking retarded. yes i know that i want someone to be MINE mhmm. . .im happy having a few people be there for me whenever i need them, i appreciate it. . . 1 Slice| Cut Me Up

* deep down, you make me go crazy * [10 Aug 2005|09:11am] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | Fall Out Boy- Sugar we're Going Down ] umm so yeah, sigh. . .i really do hate wal-mart. . .it pisses me off alot more now a days. . .and not to mention i got bitched at by a customer, then complained, my day wasn't at all fucking great, it started with family, then work, it makes me just wanna cry and scream "just fucking leave me alone!". . .whatever. . .then im going up north wth my family and lindsey august 17-21. . .god thats going to suck major ass, just because yeah. . .it's stressful with any family thing going on. . .it kills me inside. . .oh well, with lindsey i may be able to keep my sanity. . .i doubt it, but i can always wish . . .after i was done working i hung out with mike, and we randomly went and walked around in this park thing, which is kinda creepy at night. . .but he's fun to be with and easy to talk to, so i enjoy it mucho : ). . .uhh yeah, right now its to fucking early to be up, but i have to go to mequon for some ortho thing. . .whatever, its still to fucking early. . .umm and im really bored and going insane.. . .and my thoughts are all jumbled . . . i really want someone to have, i mean i have friends, iguess i just like the feeling of having a guy who cares :). ..idk. . .im so fucking confused and messed up, but again, thats ME im always messed up.. . hehe im done now, i love you all. . . bitch. 3 Slices| Cut Me Up

* gah, i thought you were dead * [07 Aug 2005|02:27pm] [ mood | angry ] [ music | somebody yelling. . .faints of the used ] so i just got done getting chaised by my sister with an ice cream scooper, she was threatening to stab me with it. . .im like wow, thats just pleasent ain't it. . .my family is really fucked up, i wanna leave so bad, but i dont have a place to go, if i did, id be gone in a heartbead :). . . onto the good shit, yesterday i had mucho fun. ..first we went to random lake, cause i was like "hey lets picka random city". . .god there town is so fucking ghetto. . .like downtown there is shitty as all hell . ..and if you wanna go to the park, you have to pay to park. . .whatever the fuck that shit is. . . then we headed to port, cause i love port, and that is were we got SHRIMP yay i love shrimp. . .we ate there before we had to go back to west bend so my parents could see me before i left for the ozaukee county fair incedarburg. . .after seeing my psycho family, we left and headed to cedarburg. . .we went on some rides, and lindsey was being a tard so she didn't ride the ferris wheel, but me and mike did. . .and i had fun. . .after that we went to the quarry, which is fun, cause we had random shit going on. . .after that we went to covered bridge. . .i had fun riding "seabiscuit" and eventually me and mike ran away from lindsey and decided to just lay in the grass cause it was epacefull. . .when lindsey found us, i continued abusing her with a stick. . .haha, then we kinda just sat there for awhile. . .we then headed back up to west bend, where we went downtown and to taco bell cause i had to pee. . .and yeah, we got random pictures, cause i like taking random pictures of things. . .haha i really like gong to covered bridge cause idk. . .even tho there really isnt anything to do there, its just so fun to be there. . .peaceful. . . ish. . . yeah. . . .and since i didnt work today, i kidna just stayed home for now. . .i think im gonig to KFC in a lil bit, cause im hungry for some chicken!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha yeah, anyways, ill ttyl for now. . . adios my lil lovers : ) 2 Slices| Cut Me Up

* yay * [04 Aug 2005|01:08pm] [ mood | bitchy ] [ music | lindsey and mike arguing ] im at the library cause i rule. . .im at the library with lindsey lou and mike, cause we are bored : ). . . we went to germantown, and thats about it. . . i got like a shitload of books so i can read. . . uh huh im cool and lindsey sucks dick bye Cut Me Up

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