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recovering

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duct tape [04 Apr 2004|12:28pm]
[ mood | elated ]
[ music | cursive ]

no one reads this but jordan. so I shall update for him and him only. today I am doing nothing. I need to do some art but art is getting annoying lately because I do not enjoy being told what to draw. I found my old digital camera today. now I just need the cord and we will be "in business" as they say. I'm going to be a suicide girl* when I turn 18 and anger my mom while getting tatoos drugs and numerous other things. and one day you'll be able to win any agrument by saying that you know a suicide girl. yes I now have a plan for life. and since you can be a suicide girl in your very own home jordan and I can still run off to amsterdam...perfection. if only I could find that cord....daylight savings time angers me to no end. I have lost an hour of my day and I cannot have it back. damn you corporate america for stealing my hour. they probably have an entire warehouse of stolen hours somewhere in rural north dakota. i smell breakfast. i love YOU most

ITY: i think i will take my socks off and then take a steamy shower

*for more information visit suicidegirls.com

7 pretty/ please

[01 Apr 2004|06:16pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | jasmine talking ]

it's been a while with this blurty thing. i like my xanga more. but it's cool. I have some time before ballet. so life has its ups and downs right now. things are getting better though. and also I'm losing weight at a rapid rate....so I cannot complain. AHHH jasmine is here. I must depart. love you all. read my xanga (www.xanga.com/neverfeltsoused)

fucccccccccccccccccccccccccck

please

oh god [23 Feb 2004|10:24pm]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | STOP THE VOICES ]

i'm terrified and oh so lost

3 pretty/ please

it's been ages...so kill me now [21 Feb 2004|10:46am]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | talking to blake ]

alright so I know it's been a while...I've been out of the whole blurty mood and no one really reads this anyway. but it's not for you it's for me to look back on one day and say "ahhh...look at what I've done" yea. like that. so let's see...a few weekends ago tara and emily and i borrowed a car, last weekend was valentines day which was great and emily's surprise party...also excellent and throw in some trips to the movies and you've got yourself a good time. last night was splendid from what I can remember. there was a candle light service and some dr. bold. today I didn't go to ballet...blake and I were supposed to go to the museum but that's not going to work out so I don't know. Sunday apparantly emily and jaydee and I have a reunion planned...muah ha ha ha. I love those girls. so much. and I also love blake. so much. and his family and just every thing about him. it's a scary thing this love. so right now emotionally I'm in a low...that's just the way my brain works though. i need to smoke now...i've thought too much.

friend of mine stay alive dont leave me here

3 pretty/ please

ode to 14 [24 Jan 2004|05:06pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | emily ]

happy late birthday to me. this past week has been fantastic for many reasons...a few of them undisclosed. so I'm 15 now. at last. 14 was a good year...parts of which I wouldn't repeat. I don't know what to update about...these things are getting more and more pointless and less and less people are commenting or even reading it to my knowledge. oh well. the main purpose for this is not for your enjoyment but for my reference. anyway travis got in yet another fight and he's pretty banged up. poor traviso. I went to ulta today...got more makeup...god knows I need it. lost 4 pounds last week...proud of that..11 more and I'll be happy. I have to go now. i love you.

off to see the wizard

3 pretty/ please

love 79 [16 Jan 2004|05:34pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | quiet ]

my birthday is in 5 days. I'm excited. 15...is that all? well depression is on and off. I hate that. I'm at tara's right now. then we're going to the movies. deja vu right there. not that I haven't been going to the movies every weekend of my life since 7th grade. then staying at emily's and getting up early to spend all of tomorrow with her and blake at their tournament. fun eh? yea I guess it is. I need some sleep. sometimes I wish I had the self control to just stop eating all together. 3 day weekend. bravo. I am now going to go sit in tara's car and I don't know. sit.

you suck

1 pretty/ please

whew [11 Jan 2004|10:52pm]
[ mood | sore ]
[ music | ptw-nerdy ]

fridays events I will choose not to post...one of the worst nights of my life. it's all okay now though. yesterday I hade ballet in the morning...then tara and I went to the mall and I found the dress I want for formal, afterwards we went to bueno, then went to her house where I dyed her hair. I am very proud of myself on that one. her mother took me home and blake came over. we hung out and talked and it was good. today I did nothing. nothing at all. blake was here for about .5 seconds on his break from work so he could see the pictures which I will be bringing to school tomorrow for all of you to view. we had chinese for dinner. mother's birthday is thursday, and mine the wednesday after that. I am truely excited. I didn't see emily this weekend. miss her I do. tomorrow it is back to school. yay. no. laptop still isn't fixed...I need to get that done. geez amanda. it's looking like I might not go to spain since I skipped over the part about having 2 years of spanish. I have none. hell. but we'll see. I don't know what else to write about so I suppose I'll stop. I love you and good night and I'll update my many more journals at school tomorrow.

oh how you love.........to hate me.

please

you've gotta admit [05 Jan 2004|08:07pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | talking to emily ]

I used to update daily. so many journals to keep up with...speaking of which I have a livejournal now (www.livejournal.com/users/_onestrawplease) and I need layout codes for it. and a new layout for this one. if you're willing to help it would be appriciated. back to school today...it wasn't that bad auctually. I'm sad to start geometry again, but at least I have a new chance at an A again since I ended up with an 88.3 last semester..which if you look at it in a gpa perspective it's still an A considering it's a 5 point class. but you know...high expectations of myself. anyway you guys don't care. today after school I took a nap and I like naps. blake is stopping by later I think...happy about that. school stresses me out. but it was a good day for the most part. comment please and thank you. I love you more than you'll ever understand.

"she's way better than any dog could ever be"-emily

2 pretty/ please

ice skating on semi trucks [30 Dec 2003|08:18pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | postal service ]

miss me? oh...well then...I guess I was mistaken. someone asked me the other day "what happened to the old amanda?" I simply told them that I killed her...they said in a hushed voice "see what I mean" and I am slightly upset about this...but not enough that it bothers me...just a bit disturbed by it that's all. nothing has happened lately...I've been at the mall more than I would have liked, seen blake less than I would have liked, I stayed at emily's last night which never fails to be a stupendious time, today I went ice skating and fell on my ass...I'll feel that one tomorrow, I haven't talked to someone much lately, I worked, I'm tired..bored...and some twisted version of my old self apparantly. I got new cds today..always fun. Also I ordered my trogdor hoodie, if you know who trogdor is you are probably laughing right now...if you don't then you don't get it and are staring at the screen blankly because I'm crazy. well what can ya do? lol. the world is as it should be...for the most part.

destiny my dear? indeed

3 pretty/ please

tell me what makes you ugly [26 Dec 2003|04:43pm]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | bree's annoying gamecube ]

time flies correct? well christmas was amazing. who am I kidding? it wouldn't be a holiday without a fight in this house...I locked myself in my room most of christmas eve and only left when I was assured brianna was not comming with us. other than that things are good. rosy and joey (cousins from italy) came over with little joey (4) and their new baby jonathan (2 months). that was fun. I love them all. christmas eve we opened our presents...I got quite a few things, I was excited. tuesday blake and I went to see lord of the rings, superb day. Afterwards he took me to the mall and I met heidi and peter there, we shopped some then mother picked me up and the family went out to dinner with gloria (mother's best friend, my second mom) and her family and another one of my mom's friends and their family. monday was the perfect day. I refuse to write about it as to not jinx it or maybe just so it will always stay the same in my head. emily is gone, blake is gone, but heidi is here and her, tara, and I are going bowling tonight then comming back here to watch movies. chick night. anyway it should be good times. read my xanga (www.xanga.com/neverfeltsoused) if you want. if not you don't have to...I'm not making you..geez...anyway have a great night. my birthday is in 26 days.

i'm infatuated with this

ps//the laptop still is failing me...terribly sorry..will inform you when it's up and running again. all my non-love.

3 pretty/ please

whatever that means [20 Dec 2003|09:24pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | shawshank ]

the laptop and I are currently in disagreement. auctually it just isn't working. so here I am on my sister's computer but hell, at least I'm updating right? finals went well if you don't count geometry which was terrible. oh well. I got my turtle from emily, he is named stringbean and he is my pride and joy. lol. he likes to dig. last night emily and I went to the movies but I ended up seeing love don't cost a thing with katy and yocum. it was fun. afterwards we hung out in the outdoors. twas cold. blake and I got in yet another fight, but we're okay now, perfectly fine. today I went to the mall with emily and that was fine but I hate the mall around the christmas season. tonight I watched shawshank redemption, quite sad. tomorrow tim's daughters get in town and we're having christmas with them...real christmas is thursday, we open presents wednesday, emily leaves tuesday, I'm spending monday with blake..wow. I'm so glad we're on break. beth is comming to school with me next semester...well not with me but you know. I cannot wait, cannot wait at all. I love that girl. and our road trip...it shall be perfection. her and jordan and I are supposed to do something anti-social if infact he is granted a leave of absence from his home. anyway that's all I have to write down. I love you, at least today I do.

this world is such a scary place

9 pretty/ please

can someone spell road trip? [16 Dec 2003|09:38pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | singing in my head ]

beth and I are going on a road trip to orting washington for reasons undisclosed. spring break. fuck yea. it is going to be so kick ass that I can't even think of a word for it. I cannot wait. today I went to the doctor (emily you can stop bugging me about it now) and apparantly I have severly pulled a muscle in my back and they thought i had skuleosis (sp?) so I got x-rays but in reality I am fine, just a slight curve that I'll probably grow out of. lately I have been christmas shopping, I love christmas shopping. Also I like getting presents (hint hint nudge nudge) kidding. I would rather give them quite honestly. after the doctor mum and I went to zio's and best buy, then back to school ::sigh:: the rest of the day was busy. I didn't study like I've been meaning to..I'm very good at putting things off by finding a million other things to do. score five points. but tomorrow I really do have to study...unless I go to the mall with blake and mother of blake..oh the possibilities. in reality I will be going to emily's to study. tis cold. who is cold? me. tomorrow is wednesday and that is okay by me. christmas is soon, after doing some snooping I know just about everything I will be recieving from mother. okay no not just about everything but I know a few things. I am babbling. so I will shake it like a polaroid picture (my current favorite phrase) and be gone. I love you all. comment for the LOVE OF GOD! sorry. terets.

just want you in my caddy

6 pretty/ please

such great heights [12 Dec 2003|11:27pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | mxc (fuck yea!) ]

at the request of my loyal subjects I am updating again. it's been a while, it has always "been a while" lately. my condolences. this will be short because I don't feel like updating. things are better since my last entry, yesterday was great...thank you snow. I went to natalie's with her and emily, shannon, travis, jordan, ash, jessica, heidi, and yes...I think that's all. we went to hunter park and got into a massive snowball fight and attempted to hit the ducks and emily hit her head and oh...grand time, just splendid. then we went back to nat's and got in the hot tub where I was payed $2 to roll in the snow in my bathing suit...bad idea...then back inside to watch pirates of the carribean and I did everyone's laundry. yay for me. I love laundry (I'm stupid I KNOW). after that emily and I and mother went out to eat, took emily home, and I came back here and fell asleep. today was school...I felt like shit all day because of cramps and my damn back but I don't want to go to the doctor about that so leave me alone. after school I got my hair cut and was going to go to ballet but I didn't feel good so I stayed home and slept. I haven't been online in a while, it's getting less interesting. and the weird dreams have started again...hell. alright that's all. plans for the weekend-undecided. comment por favor. I love you.

come down now...but we'll stay

2 pretty/ please

good bye to you [04 Dec 2003|04:58pm]
[ mood | cynical ]
[ music | silence ]

hey everyone...yes it HAS been a long time. I'm a wreck. everything is going completely wrong and this was one of the worst days of my life. on a lighter note I would like to thank (in no specific order) emily, bethany, natalie, jen, jaydee, erin, katy, sarah, jordan, jasmine and so many more people who have been nothing but amazing to me. I love you all, and I wouldn't have made it through the past 24 hours without you. I don't really want to get into detail about what happened. but we'll hit on the key points 1. kirby was a huge bitch to me...(see my previous post) 2. blake and I are in an amazingly large fight and it was horrible and I can't take it and I love him...this sucks...3. blake got suspended, although I'm not currently talking to him because I'm trying to figure out what to do, he's going to be grounded for a long LONG time and that makes me sad. there's other stuff that has been going wrong but I don't really want to write about it for all to see. it's cold and I can't feel my toes, that pisses me off. I need some sleep..I didn't get much of it last night, or the night before...insomnia. sometimes I really just want to die, it's people like kirby that make me feel that way...do they really think that pointing out ever last one of my mistakes and telling me what a terrible person I am is going to help anything? the world will never know...I'll see you when I see you. I hate the world.

baby love, my baby love

p.s.//I have decided to leave anonymous commenting on but if you don't leave your name, your comment will be deleted

16 pretty/ please

converstaion with kirby... [04 Dec 2003|04:51pm]
[ mood | cynical ]
[ music | christmas tunes ]

this was kirby and I's conversation last night. read it, comment on it, condem me to hell if you wish but here we go:

L0ve N TRaGeDY x: amanda, you know what you really dont have anything to say. cuz beth admitted that she has a void and you do too, and yes you do try to get w/ a lot of guys
xL0verN0tAFightr: I DO FUCKING NOT HOLY SHIT. I've had what? two boyfriends this year...three if you count stephen. and I've hooked up with how many people that i haven't gone out with this school year? none you say? yea that's what I thought too..I would know and all...but if you know something different than I must have been terribly messed up.
xL0verN0tAFightr: I FUCKED UP IN THE PAST...god forbid I made a mistake...but you are not perfect kirby and you have made mistakes before I'm sure. but if not PLEASE tell me what a fuck up I am
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: okay amanda, you "hooked up" w/ alot of guys then, whatever
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: i dont care amanda, and sure you made mistakes but FUCK, i know im not perfect and i have made mistakes but not as many as you.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: god forbid, something happen that might hurt you
xL0verN0tAFightr: you have no right to judge me if you have screwed up before too
xL0verN0tAFightr: I understand that I screwed up, I apologized, and I am doing what I can to fix it
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: oh so im judging you now, knowing what i know.
xL0verN0tAFightr: it was a long time ago
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: not really amanda
xL0verN0tAFightr: not really what kirby?!
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: it wasnt that long ago
xL0verN0tAFightr: what? what is so horribly wrong with me that you and the rest of the world find it necessiary to have me as the topic of your conversation? that you MUST tear me down in order to make yourself look better, in order to feel that you are a better person because you have not made as many mistakes as I have.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: I DO NOT TEAR YOU DOWN!
xL0verN0tAFightr: and it was almost 6 months ago. if you want to tell me that that is not a long time than go right ahead. a whole world can change in 6 months
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: you are the one in beth's blurty that said im sorry if you have never wanted to be loved
xL0verN0tAFightr: and I suppose you think all that shit you said about me was nice?
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: i said one thing about you
xL0verN0tAFightr: it was not directed at you, it was proving a point.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: but still, im sorry if you have never wnted to be loved
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: YOU DONT KNOW THOSE PEOPLE AND NEITHER DO I!!
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: its liek the raegan girl saying it too.
xL0verN0tAFightr: you're lying. you told blake shit about me in an attempt to get him not to ask me out...you're friends with kala and shannon and that right there proves that you have been around that shit and more than likely thrown your hat in the barrel
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: it hurts me fucking too amanda
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: dont think you are the only person who gets hurt
xL0verN0tAFightr: I DON'T THINK THAT KIRBY
xL0verN0tAFightr: I FUCKING HATE THAT! you fucking think that just because I said one thing that you KNOW how what I'm thinking
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: OH JUST BECAUSE IM FRIENDS w/ KALA AND SHANNON THAT MAKES MEA BAD PERSON!!
xL0verN0tAFightr: I didn't say you were a bad person
xL0verN0tAFightr: I said you talk about me
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: and what "shit" did i tell blake
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: i didnt want you to hurt him
xL0verN0tAFightr: you and the rest of the world whom I've never done anything to but sees it as important to point out what I horrible person I am
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: oh sorry if we are concerned about you half the time
xL0verN0tAFightr: you are not concerned, you want to point out that I am a bad person
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: omg amanda you have your head so far up your ass that you cant see general concern for you
xL0verN0tAFightr: I am not a bad person kirby. I screwed up. the only guy I ever hurt was kendle and I will be forever sorry for that. I was hurt...I am hurt and I've gotten hurt and my past actions give you no right to tell blake every last thing that you think you know
xL0verN0tAFightr: you want to be concerned about me? tell ME
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: WHAT THE FUCK DID I TELL HIM
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: i am concerned about you amanda.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: i have been.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: FUCK!
xL0verN0tAFightr: tell me about it...don't go off and discuss it with everyone but me. that is how rumors get started
xL0verN0tAFightr: "don't go out with her blake, she's a whore"
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: omg, so im the only one that says that?
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: yea. okay.
xL0verN0tAFightr: no you're not
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: amanda if you havent been w/ so many guys and just done stuff i wouldnt think that
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: OKAY FUCK YOU TO
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: TOO&*
xL0verN0tAFightr: THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE THAT HAVE DONE MUCH WORSE KIRBY
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: i know.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: they are not any betrer
xL0verN0tAFightr: but it's their lives kirby
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: so jumping around from guy to guy is your live
xL0verN0tAFightr: no. but I am in control of it..I am able to make those decisions.
xL0verN0tAFightr: I am grown up enough to know what I'm doing
xL0verN0tAFightr: and so is everyone else
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: well, you sure arent grown up enough to see that it makes you look bad
xL0verN0tAFightr: I don't care how other people see me
xL0verN0tAFightr: I care how I see me
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: well good for you
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: im really glad you dont care, but think about it, guys will line up at your doorstep becuase that want something EASY!
xL0verN0tAFightr: I yes I do realize that in the past I made mistakes...I have apologized for them like I said...blake doesn't like me because he wants something and as of right now that is all I'm worried about
xL0verN0tAFightr: I don't go out with guys that want something from me
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: amanda you are so blind
xL0verN0tAFightr: and I've never just done stuff with guys who only "want something" from me
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: phillip
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: he honestly doesnt have feelings.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: trust me i would know, i know basically his whole family
xL0verN0tAFightr: I liked phillip. and I'm sure what you heard was way out of proportion from what really happened. phillip liked me. I knew that
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: amanda, just know that you have a void in your life and you try to fill that void w/ a guy
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: and once you feel it again you move on
xL0verN0tAFightr: I have nothing wrong with my life
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: ok
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: sure
xL0verN0tAFightr: I am a happy person with out without a guy...although my life is not perfect I am content with it
xL0verN0tAFightr: I don't need "god" if that's what you're getting at...I don't believe in god and I don't care to.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: i wasnt goign to get to that
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: but you cant fill that void.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: its a space that was ripped away from you. i have one too but i dont try to fill it w/ a guy.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: i turn to my friends
xL0verN0tAFightr: I have my friends thank you. my so called friends were the ones that fucked me over to begin with
xL0verN0tAFightr: guys don't help
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: oh really, or were they just trying to help
xL0verN0tAFightr: all I have is myself
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: amanda, like i said you are blind.
xL0verN0tAFightr: no they were not trying to help. gossip and hatefulness are not helpful
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: and if you are so "content" w/ yourself, why are you never single for more than a month
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: you need to feel loved.
xL0verN0tAFightr: I was single for 5 months
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: its a drug to you.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: when 7 grade
xL0verN0tAFightr: know what you're talking about before you say it
xL0verN0tAFightr: this summer
xL0verN0tAFightr: I was single from kendle to chris
xL0verN0tAFightr: 5 months
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: oh wow, is that when you turned to real drugs?
xL0verN0tAFightr: another thing you know little about
xL0verN0tAFightr: I have done drugs a grand total of 5 times
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: woo hoo, drug-free amanda
xL0verN0tAFightr: I don't care to be drug free
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: good, i hope they rot you.
xL0verN0tAFightr: but don't call me some huge stoner and say I "got into real drugs" when you don't know anything about that either
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: becuase you obviously dont care about anybody but yourself, emily and blake
xL0verN0tAFightr: you're wrong. I don't care about myself.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: speed and weed. yea, those are real drugs
xL0verN0tAFightr: speed?! are you serious?
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: yea.
xL0verN0tAFightr: never done speed
xL0verN0tAFightr: not once
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: okay amanda, thats why you attacked shannon and were all WOOOOOOO.
xL0verN0tAFightr: attacked shannon?
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: and you told someobyd that night and said you were on speed
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: shannon or kelsey.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: either one
xL0verN0tAFightr: I wasn't on speed. I have never done speed. I have smoked weed 3 times, I have taken 3 xanex once, and I have taken 6 benadryll
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: right.
xL0verN0tAFightr: I know what I've done. and I don't give a fuck at all if you believe me or not.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: weed is still a real drug amanda
xL0verN0tAFightr: understood
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: and you have a problem
xL0verN0tAFightr: a problem? as in one? oh kirby I have alot of problems...
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: oh good, you are coming to admit something
xL0verN0tAFightr: I know I have problems. everyone does. I don't have a drug problem if that's what you're implying. I haven't done drugs in quite some time.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: i wasnt saying that drugs were your problem, i was saying you just have a problem in general.
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: oh about the god thing, are you too good for god or something?
xL0verN0tAFightr: chemical depression
xL0verN0tAFightr: anxiety diorder
xL0verN0tAFightr: yes those would be problems
xL0verN0tAFightr: I don't believe in god
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: i have depression too. big deal
xL0verN0tAFightr: and I don't care to discuss it with you
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: well, i think its funny that you go to 180 and dont believe
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: what do you do when they pray? plug your ears
xL0verN0tAFightr: 180 is fun
xL0verN0tAFightr: and they can pray all they want
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: you have to believe in something. everything didnt appear out of nowhere
xL0verN0tAFightr: I'm around that stuff, it doesn't bother me. they can believe that all they want but I don't
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: thats ridiculous
L0ve N TRaGeDY x: you know what im done talking you. good-bye
xL0verN0tAFightr: don't preach at me now kirby. you are not a nice person so I have no intention on listening to you.
Previous message was not received by L0ve N TRaGeDY x because of error: User L0ve N TRaGeDY x is not available.

14 pretty/ please

kiss me hard [29 Nov 2003|11:57am]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | talking to emily ]

look I'm updating and it's only been 2 days...yessss. haha. yesterday I got up and ate breakfast then everyone left and it was nice to have the house to myself for a bit. eventually I got bored and mother came home and picked me up and her and tim and I went to novel idea book store. I love that place...but they're going out of business I do believe. so I got some stuff for me for christmas and I purchased beth's christmas gift which is crazy cool. afterwards we got bar-b-q and ate it on the way to the nursing home where I stayed for a few hours. mother picked me up and I came home and got ready for the movies. it was so much fun...wow. so emily and i get there and mingle some and travis was there. I was REALLY excited about that because I hadn't seen him in a long time and Braxton got there towards the end, also increadibly exciting because I hadn't seen him in like 6 months. anyway we hung out outside for a bit and then blake my love got there and we went to his car and emily and I stole his keys...muah ha ha ha. we saw cat in the hat (third time! yesss!) and it was still amazing. after a bit emily and I left and moved blake's car and came back to the movies and I made some comment about how he might have trouble finding it and I thought he'd be really mad but he wasn't (::::sigh::::) I'm glad. we watched the rest of the movie and then hung out some more afterwards and froze a bit, well alot. genius emily had forgotten socks. there were a ton of people there...and my fionce was there as well...I love you bethany. jay hugged me which could only be defined as awkward. emily and I tackled eachother...that happens a whole lot anyway though. I have a new addiction to cherry limeaide sherbert...it IS amazing. so this is really long. today emily and I are going to try and go to the game although we're not sure yet. I wish I could see blake...tear...but he has to work. bethany might stay the night. I love you and yours.

and if it's true baby I'm the one in love with you

1 pretty/ please

busy bee [27 Nov 2003|07:11pm]
[ mood | full ]
[ music | friends...great show I tell you ]

wow I'm terribly sorry. I need to update more...I've been busy. We'll start with tuesday. after school I went to guitar lessons and then to the grocery store with mother and then to the movies with emily natalie and crawford and we were going to see the cat in the hat again but they talked me out of it and we went to ihop and to albertsons...that was cool, good bonding time. after that I went to natalie's and stayed the night and we had cake for breakfast yesterday...that was really exciting. we then ran some errands with her mother and then emily and I went to the mall for an hour and a half. Emily went home because her grandparents are in town. my cousins got here and that's okay but not really. Blake stopped by for an hour and that was great because I really wanted to see him. we had fun...god he's awesome. he left and then I think there was some family bonding that I missed out on. whoops. today was crazy, it was the first year that I had a job other than to stay out of the way. so I cooked some food and then we ate and surprisingly there wasn't a fight except for a small scoffle over the mashed potatoes. I'm spending alot of time in my room away from my crazy ass family. joy...lol. anyway we're out on a family excursion to see the cat in the hat (for the second time...great movie) so I best be going. have a lovely turkey day. I love you.

i swear to god i'll get you and make it look like an accident

please

hey friend...it's been a while [22 Nov 2003|08:52am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | the postal service-such great heights ]

yes..bad blurty owner. bad bad. but it's okay, because now I am updating. wednesday I stayed home all day because I was sick. thursday I went to school without my voice that I still have yet to find. it was auctually not a bad day. thursday night was dance. I love dance. yesterday I went to school as well, although my mother didn't want me to because I had a fever, but I needed to go, needed the people. last night...god that was a mess...I was supposed to go to jami's but that fell through, long story there...sorry jami, I'm really sorry. I will call you and explain it all later. anyway I ended up at barnes and noble where my mother left me and rushed off to do what I am sure was christmas shopping. so I tried to do my book report but genius me left the book I need in my locker. damnit. I finished reading dreamland, that was an AMAZING book and I started keeping the moon after that...:::sigh::: one day I will write like sarah dessen. today...in about 15 minutes I have ballet, then off to the nursing home to begin to complete the 25 volunteer hours I need for foriegn exchange. tonight natalie and I are going to the dollar theater I do believe, and then I'm staying the night over there. Blake is comming, although he doesn't know it yet...I should ask him. I love my mum very much. I think you should know that. although sometimes she does in fact try to ruin my life and switch places with satan she is still amazing. the whole time bree and I were sick, she was sick, yet she would still run to the store at 1 a.m. to get ice cream, or bring countless glasses of orange juice back to my room. so thanks for that mum. although I really hope you don't read this because there is alot in this blurty of mine that you do not know. I've been having really weird dreams lately, it's probably all the cold medicine that I'm on...so off I am to ballet class, have an amazing day...I will try and update more I promise.

sleep on portraits painted as perfect as you

12 pretty/ please

if you want love...you got it! [18 Nov 2003|09:13pm]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | empire records...fuck yea! ]

well I have just about completely lost my voice...I am barely audiable but it's okay, maybe this is a sign that i need to listen more. I feel better for the most part though. I haven't updated in a bit...at least not as much as I used to. monday I woke up sick, but went to school anyway because I like it there, and because I wanted to see blake. I ordered my new guitar...I am VERY excited about that, but it's a christmas present. today I came to school in 4th hour because I needed some sleep and I woke up with a headache...yea..I miss travis being at school, he's such a great friend. so after school I had guitar then I came home and worked on art and blake came over and I helped him with his math homework and I laughed and cried and wow...so many emotions over that boy, but I like him...so much. I'm okay with saying I'm happy now because blake isn't going to hurt me. I don't know what else to write about...I'm sick, yea it sucks. so I'm gonna go sleep or something like that maybe or no..I need to finish art. I love you all.

I could stare in to your eyes forever my love

9 pretty/ please

candy kisses [16 Nov 2003|02:03am]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | pirates of the carribean (fuck yea) ]

I'm almost scared to type this out...I don't want to jinx it. but I think i'm happy for once.. anyway I haven't updated in a while...my condolences for that. we'll start with friday since I don't really remember anything before then. well i do but it's pointless to type it. so after school yesterday, seth took tara and I to her house where we hung out for a long while then ran by my house where I changed and THEN we went to IHOP for a bit and met up with everyone. we walked to the movies in the FREEZING cold and stood around for a while and "socalized." blake got there and we went to see elf which was really hilarious and I had a great time because I was with him. a great time. afterwards we didn't stay too long because it was so cold. blake left around 10 and w were gone shortly after that. tara and emily stayed the night and we came home, put in a movie, and fell asleep. I got up early this morning and went to ballet then mother picked me up and we went to sam's and bought a new dvd/vhs player for me because i needed it desperately and it was sample day so we walked around and ate food...some of those old ladies are very stingy about their food. then I came home and watched corkey romano, emily had to leave, tara and I hung out and watched movies all day long. blake stopped by for an hour or so...that was cool since I don't get to see him a whollle lot. after he left, tara and I went to her house and cleaned her room and took a shower. then on the way back over here stopped at zios and picked up some food. we came back here and watched more movies which we are still doing. it's been a great weekend. kels and I had a civil conversation...notice how the whole world is turning around. tomorrow I don't know what I'm doing yet. I might start christmas shopping...just maybe. I do not know yet. but I do know that I am more than content. please comment...I would be so happy. I love you all.

I like you...but you're cr...you're crazy

4 pretty/ please

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