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[21 Nov 2009|11:56am] |
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So its been a while since ive updated..been in and out of the hospital for the past week and a half...ive been so sick and in so much pain, more pain than ive ever been in in my life and I hope I never have to go thru that again! I wouldnt wish that kinda pain on my worst enemy. They said I was havin some contractions, but its nothing to worry about?? I can feel the baby moving ALOT lately, especially at night when im just layin in bed.. Im finally assigned to a doctor now, and have everything straightened out..THANK GOD!! It seems im gettin bigger and bigger everyday but I should be at 5 months! Went to the GYN the other day and the babys measurements put it right at 20 weeks..oh and ITS A GIRL!!!!!!! so now its time to figure out names and get this room ready..i have no idea where to begin! Ive got new pictures ill post on here as soon as I can get them scanned and put on my computer...man, this is so exciting.....theres gunna be pink shit everywhere haha
Dear You
I'm so lost. I can't even put into words how I feel right now. My heart is aching. My mind is melting, and I feel I'm losing you.
Love always,
ME
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[07 Nov 2009|06:16pm] |
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Betrayal is inevitable in any relationship
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[04 Nov 2009|05:00pm] |
Well I finally got a Doctors appointment in Talladega after much running around and useless phone calls. Gunna find out from Fatima how hard it will be to change my address and them maybe I can go to the doctor in Anniston and have the baby at RMC...Its all a bunch of bull and i hope I never have to deal with this EVER again! But Im scheduled at Doctor Phillips which I have absolutely no clue whatsoever about next tuesday November 10 @ 1:30 pm and since Shane will be back on days he wont get to go with me So we wont be finding out the sex of the baby then either because Im not doin it without him. I really just want to make sure that everything is ok with the baby anyway because thats all that matters!
 
Glitter Graphics
 
Myspace Glitter Graphics
 
Glitter Graphics
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[03 Nov 2009|06:44pm] |
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Never thought I could love someone so much. My feelings for shane only get stronger with every day that passes. Gosh I love that boy so much! I will NEVER look for more, I've already got it all because too much of you is NEVER enough♥
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[30 Oct 2009|06:55pm] |
You are every dream and every thought i ever have
you are what completes me and without you i could not go on
you make me strong and no matter what you think you are
the only one my eyes are drawn to, no others. you are all i want
all i need and all i see. You are what makes me get up each
morning, and without you Id sleep my life away. I love to
just lay my head on ur chest, and hear your heartbeat and I know
that you would never do anything to hurt me. When you smile I melt
inside. You could never understand or dream about how much you
mean to me but I can help summarize it for you. You are my life
and without you, Id be dead!
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| NO NEWS IS NOT SO GOOD NEWS FOR ME! |
[30 Oct 2009|04:37pm] |
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Well we didnt get to find out what the baby is today:(, which totally sucks. BUt maybe next week Ill have something official to post on here and then well work on tryin to settle for a name, which ought to be fun ;) and maybe its better to wait alittle longer to find out I dont think most people do til 20 weeks anyway..that way there is no confusion on body parts
Its the night before Halloween and shane just left for work, which totally sucks too Ive never been with someone that I want to spend every second of every day with like I do him. Ive always needed "ME" time and always wanted "ME" time, but its not that way with him I always want it to be "OUR" time. Its supposed to storm tonight and tomorrow and Im so sick of the rain. I have no clue what were gunna do tomorrow for halloween, seeing as we are kinda limited to option and Id like for us to do something because we havent in soooo long, and soon enough were not going to be able to, well Im not anyway. Its just theres so many crazy and dumb people out there that you just cant go out and have a good time without something always happening and I just hate putting myself in the position, and especially now I have someone else to think about and not let anything happen to. IDK maybe we will find somethin to do to just have a good time because it is soooo needed. Im really excited about my paycheck next week, can hopefully buy some things for the little one and MAYBE me and shane can go somewhere and get away from this place for a weekend...thatd be wonderful!!!
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[29 Oct 2009|04:54pm] |
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Well most people who know me, know that I am the type of person who stresses alot!! Over everything. I do think that I am getting better at it. Dont get me wrong I do still stress alittle because I am the type of person who makes sure her bills are paid, and paid on time. I think that I used to stress so much over things like money is because I needed it. I needed it in order to be happy because thats all I had...I didnt have anyone to love or to love me like I needed and so I used money, and bought things to try and fill that void. But now since I have shane, its gotten so much better....I dont need that money in order to feel happy, to feel like i have something. He is my everything and I could not have a penny to my name and as long as I have him I dont want anything else, id be perfectly happy. The only thing I stress about now about money is for the baby, because we want he/she not to ever have to worry about things, we want to be able to give them everything they need and everything we never got to have.I wish we had the money to be able to get married before the baby got here because thats the only thing that will make us complete. I tell myself everyday were gunna be ok. Were gunna be ok.
Hopefully tomorrow we will kno...BOY or GIRL? I kno that Shane is really wanting a boy, and I do to....I know all guys want that boy and I want to be able to give that to him and hopefully have my lil girl later...but whatever the results I hope we will always be a happy family.
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| TO A NEW BEGINNING |
[27 Oct 2009|09:26am] |
So, Ive finally decided to start another journal so that all my thoughts arent just stuck jumbling up in my head. It feels Good to finally want to write again. I am going to try to make it a habbit of writing everyday, even though I cannot make any promises due to my crazy scheduling. So much has changed since the last time I have written anything. I believe its probably been a year or so..if that. When I do say so much has changed, I am particularly talking about my life. I am no where near the person that I used to be a year ago. I can say however that it has changed for the better. While a year ago I was living the single life full of partying and being free to do whatever it is I wished, it was fun..but also lonely. I never could see myself falling for anyone anytime soon and to me at the time that was ok. I hadnt even seen anyone that
I would be remotely interested in at all. I stayed single for about 4 more months..i lived it up and drank it down without a care in the world. Somewhere in between this time last year and 4 months later (which would be Feb) I was still in my carefree attitude, as I arrived at my friends house so that we could go to the mall and shop and grab something to eat. As I walked into her apartment, it was just like any other time I walked in said hey to her and her roomate, but this time there was someone else there...someone I had seen before, but didnt know. But this time was different and I said to myself "omg, thats him" That was the first time my heart had skipped a beat for someone else. But I just thought that was all it
was going to be and that no guy like that would be remotely interested in me so me and my friend made our way to the mall. I remember the day he sent me a friend request on myspace after that and I thought to myself "hmm maybe he was interested". But after a quick scan of his page, it was obvious that he had a gf, and my heart just sank. I had seen his number on his page and quickly stored it in my phone, but knew I could never get up to the nerve to call him, nor would I ever do that With him having a gf. The next time I seen him I had went to a bar in Jacksonville named Brothers. I was having a pretty
good time, It was my first time seeing the band Fly-By and I really enjoyed it. My friend decided she was ready to go home and I was having too good of a time to leave and had some other friends there that I knew I could catch a ride with. My friend insisted that everyone in the whole bar knew that she was leaving me there and that I needed a way back home. One of the people she made sure to tell was him. As we talked alittle i mentioned his having a girlfriend. He assured me ge did not
and that did make me feel alittle better. He did make sure I had a ride, and I hurried off and rode with my friend Linda. As I sat in the backseat on the drive back to oxford, I couldnt get my mind off that boy. So I decided "what the heck" and pulled out my phone and decided to send him a text. We talked for a minute, and that was that. Over the next few weeks we casually talked and one night I went to Birmingham with some friends to go clubbin and stay the night. I remember when I heard that he was going to be coming. I was excited/nervous, but that ended up being one of the best nights of my life. We all had so
much fun just drinking and dancing, and thats the first night we kissed. I was disappointed when he and his friends decided to leave. We stayed there several more hours after they left and then went back to the hotel to sleep. We kept things pretty slow over the next few months. I think we were both kinda nervous, well I know I was and didnt want to seem too needy at first. we went to the movies a few times, and met in parking lots to talk..still seeming too nervous to even hold hands or kiss without the alcohol in our systems to help take the edge off...It was so sweet. Things got a little more serious I think
after my birthday. When I went to vegas for a long weekend, I had alot of "ME" time to think about what I really wanted. When there wasnt a second that went by that I did not think of him, I knew that he was the one, the only guy I wanted to be with, the only one i wanted in my life. Since then, things have gotten better and better everyday. I thank God everyday that he was brought into my life. Sometimes I dont know what I did to deserve him. Hes in every breath I take, Every dream I have. Every waking moments theres not a second that he is not on my mind. I love him more than I ever loved anyone else. When I think about the future, hes all I see...A few months ago we found out that we are expecting a baby. Tomorrow I will be 17 weeks pregnant. Not many people know yet, and I know that he may think that I am ashamed because I havent Blasted it to the world but thats not it at all. Im scared/nervous because I have no idea what to do..Im stressed because I want this baby to have the world. The people that do know so far are a few friends and our mothers and I hope that EVERYONE is as excited about
the baby as we/they are... When I found out I was pregnant, I didnt cry or think of how I could get rid of this baby. I thought about how happy I am that we are going to have our own tiny little family. I do wish we had been married before this all happened..but what is marriage besides a piece of paper. I love him with all my heart, and he loves me and at the end of the day thats all that matters. I know he is going to make a great father, and I want to be the best mother I can be. I look forward to going through all the things that life throws our way TOGETHER. Life is what you make of it. I couldnt imagine anyone else Id rather experience all these things with. My whole motivation to writing this journal (hopefully)
everyday or atleast week, is so that when my baby gets older and perhaps im not around to tell he/she stories, he/she will be able to read this and know truly what a blessing they are..or maybe our tiny little family will be able to sit down and share these memories together.
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cheerful
happy
