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Music [05 Aug 2003|04:39pm] [ mood | good ] [ music | Pierrot-Paradox ] Heheh, I'm finally able to upload music from my computer and JUST figured out how to add music to my Blurty... ^^ 7 comments|post comment

I wish it would rain. [03 Aug 2003|07:36pm] [ mood | gloomy ] I'm so depressed it's sickening. I don't know why I feel so down today. I'm convinced that I'm just PMSing. I was all right earlier, but a few hours ago I just started to feel so... miserable... for no reason. I'm just.. gah! When I woke up this morning I was really tired. I came downstairs anyway. I was on the computer for a little while, and my mom came in. "I'm going to get you sister out of bed. I think I'm going to take her to see Bend It Like Beckham. Do you want to come?" "No, thanks." "Too bad. You're going anyway." So I went and saw it. Please, PLEASE, don't be mad, but I didn't like it. I was bored, and I kept looking at my watch. Don't get me wrong, I didn't dislike it. I'm hard to impress, and I don't really like anything, so you can't go by me. I can see how it might appeal to people, but it didn't hold my interest. When we got home, I felt kind of sick. I hung out in my room for an hour or so. When I started to feel better, the day was mostly over. I don't feel like doing ANYTHING, and there's nothing to watch, so I'm just sitting here. When I'm done typing, I'll just stare at the screen for a while. I guess it's just one of those days... I feel like I should be in school. Summer isn't supposed to be like this. Guh, no school... x.x 7 comments|post comment

I wanna try something... [31 Jul 2003|09:39pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Dir en Grey-ZAN ] --edit-- Hey! It showed up! At least... it's showing up now... post comment

RAWR! [30 Jul 2003|09:53pm] [ mood | enraged ] Someone stole result images right off my quiz and is using them as their own in: ~*~What Kind of Person Are U~*~. Grrr, this kind of stuff makes me so angry. I'm all enraged right now, so I had to let that out. e.e;;;; The text in my images doesn't even answer the question of the quiz... "What kind of person are you?" "Loneliness!" *sighs* -.-; But it's not that important... huh? *blinks* 11 comments|post comment

I made another quiz, buuuut it's not very good... [30 Jul 2003|04:10pm] [ mood | okay ] Nope. I may delete this quiz. ~.~ You are a selfish lover. You don't want to fall in love, and you don't want to put any effort into relationships. You can be cold and downright manipulative. You aren't even sure if you believe in love, but it's become common practice to lead on those who love you. What type of lover are you? brought to you by Quizilla I love fortune cookies... -A friend asks only for your time, not your money in bed. -You may attend a party where strange customs prevail in bed. I really like that second one. 3 comments|post comment

I wanted Kyo! ~.~ [29 Jul 2003|07:15pm] [ mood | blah ] Which of the Samurai Deeper Kyo Cast Are You? brought to you by Quizilla post comment

^^; [28 Jul 2003|09:51am] [ mood | busy ] I changed my layout to something very simple. New icon too. ^^ Sorry I haven't had a chance to update much lately. I was trying to update last night, but my sister's kitten was running back and forth behind the computer desk. She was tripping over wires, and in the middle of my entry, the computer was shut down. -.-; It seems to be working okay now. I'm not sure what she hit, so I'm hoping there's nothing loose that's about to mess me up again. At least she hasn't been chewing on the wires as much as she used to. ^.^; 10 comments|post comment

Journals [24 Jul 2003|09:48am] [ mood | rushed ] I have so many journals. x.x;; I thought it might be easier to read my friends entries if I had some people friended on more than one journal. Other than this one, I use Livejournal and Ujournal the most. If you guys have one there, add me so I can add you too. ^^; LJ= kitsune_youkai UJ= kawaiihakai 6 comments|post comment

-.-; [23 Jul 2003|08:34pm] [ mood | blah ] Today was kind of a long day. I can't really explain why. I guess it's just because I got up early but didn't start doing anything until late afternoon. ^^; I saw our old house in Stone Harbor today. It was freshly painted and looked really nice. They rebuilt all the balconies. I thought it was nice before, but now it looks great! I think it's going for 350,000 dollars. -.-; We walked around town a little while. It was unbelievably crowded. I kind of felt like I was walking through the hallways of school. You've gotta love the people who just stop in the middle of everybody and look around. After all, there's no one else in the world but them. It was hot and uncomfortable, and we only stayed for half an hour. I wanted to go to Ocean City. I guess because I never go anywhere, I'm not used to getting stared at... or maybe people back home are just used to me. Whatever the case, I had so many people just STARE at me today, as if their eyes were glued to me. It's mostly nosey, middle aged women and scantily clad teenage girls. Someone call the fashion police! It's the opposite back home. I get creepy compliments from men and small children. Usually I don't even notice when people are giving me sideways glances, but when they actually stop in their tracks and look over their shoulders to stare at me... it really pisses me the hell off. People are so rude. They don't even try to be subtle. It wasn't as bad on the boardwalk. By then I just found the glares of snot-faced women amusing. Those who were bold enough to look me right in the eye or stare at my makeup (If I were going to stare at someone like an ass, I think I'd try not to make eye contact with them. They might as well just stand there and point at me.) recieved a broad grin and a friendly wave of my middle finger. Five hours ago I was thinking, "I'll give you something to stare at" and wondering if it were possible for me to rip out a human heart with my bare hands. Calm now, though... ^.^ I know I shouldn't expect to not get some looks, but honestly... have some self-control. On a completely random note, my website is gone. It's just... gone. it was replaced by adds or something. I hate the internet. 7 comments|post comment

I want pocky. >. [22 Jul 2003|07:15pm] [ mood | weird ] I found out last night that I can't get Tech T.V. here. That was somewhat distressing. I got an email from my mother today. Emailed her back and also asked her to tape Gate Keepers for me. ^.^ I don't think she got it, though. ;.; Anyway, I finally finished that stupid book for English today. *thrusts her fist into the air triumphantly* Wow, it was really horrible. It's nice to be done. I'm not even worried about starting the other one yet. I'm going to read something that I want to read now. *nods* I went to the mall today. My grandparents wanted to buy me clothes for school. I got one shirt. ^_^ A Lord of the Rings shirt. That's all. ^^ Couldn't really find anything else I liked, and I didn't really want them to spend a lot of money on me. I'm going to kick myself when school starts. I wear the same thing every day. (Wow, that thunder's loud.) I've got on a tank top, boys' shorts, and a studded belt. It's like.. the most comfortable thing I own. *smirks* I stopped by Suncoast Video. I wish we had one near us. They had some great stuff on sale, and I finally bought Samurai Deeper Kyo. o--^.^o I haven't watched it yet. I never did hook up my Playstation. Other than that, there's really nothing new. *nod nod* I'm in a good mood. I have no reason to be. o^.^--o I think typing entries in my journal can make me happy. Maybe it was the dancing little emoticons... post comment

Er.. [21 Jul 2003|09:18pm] [ mood | blah ] Hi, everyone... I spent most of the day today on the computer. It's really quiet around here. I feel really lonely. It's not like me. Usually I love being alone. I can't explain it, though. I don't feel unwelcomed, I just feel like I don't belong. Maybe I should have just stayed home and left everyone alone. I can hear a conversation going on in the other room. It's about me. I'm "quiet" and "go about my business." I'm all nervous that I'm acting like my cousins. Their personalities are seriously lacking. I don't want to seem boring and make everyone feel awkward. I kind of miss home, but it's okay. I'm a poor conversationalist, but I try. *grimace* I also don't want to be online to much, but I'm actually being told to use the computer. For some reason, I don't like that. Um, I tried reading one of my books for school today. It's so short, and I'm never going to finish. It's too boring! Every time I go to read it, I fall asleep. I NEVER get tired during the day. I have trouble sleeping and don't ever take naps, but that book never fails. I read five pages, and then I'm out for an hour. It's going to take me forever. I don't know how I'm going to stay awake long enough to finish it. I'm not exaggerating. I've never had this problem before. Not even with Dickens... post comment

Boys Of Summer in my heeeaad... [20 Jul 2003|09:18pm] [ mood | lonely ] I'm at my grandparents' house right now. I'm not sure how long I'll be staying here. My mom and my sister left me. ^.^ I guess It's pretty obvious that I have access to a computer. They just got one. It's all new, and the keys on the keyboard are a little tough to work. I miss having cable internet. Don't like AOL much... >.< I won't be online as much as usual. Sorry if I don't update or comment much this week. I don't want to tie up the phoneline, and I don't want to be rude and never go downstairs. I'm not sure what the plans for this week are. I feel like I should be doing something now... don't know what. I'm feeling kind of down. I don't feel too well, and this is one of my low self-esteem weeks. I used to be okay in the esteem area, but for this past year, it's been periodically biting me in the ass and making me all depressed for a week or so at a time. I've been moodier than ever this year, and summer hasn't helped me relax as much as I'd hoped it would. I don't know... can't explain it well. Every now and then I get the feeling that I'm "trapped" in this body and this life. It's like I'm waiting for something to happen, but I can't get to that moment because I'm so caught up in the routines of daily life and this weak human body. Now I just sound ridiculous. I'm going to go watch a movie or play Playstation or... something. I need to immerse myself in someone else's world for a while. Which Brendan Leonard Show cast member is your match? brought to you by Quizilla I used to be REALLY bad with taking quizzes. I got better for a while, but I'm obsessed again... not so much as I once was, but still... 2 comments|post comment

Nothing nowhere [19 Jul 2003|10:06pm] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | The Proclaimers-I'm Gonna Be ] Heheh, I drove today. Drove my mom and sister around a bit... We went all the way to Cherry Hill just to go to Tower Records. I was hoping they'd have what a wanted. Out of a list of about twenty artists, I found nothing. We stopped at Best Buy on the way home. They didn't have anything I wanted either. At least their anime is cheaper. I finally got the Cowboy Bebop movie. I almost felt guilty for not having gotten it sooner. It's supposed to be my favorite series, and I JUST got the movie. It was only $20. Liked the series better, by the way. Still, it was good. I earned some extra money yesterday cleaning all the bathrooms. I think that's my least favorite chore. Even though I had a busier day today, yesterday was more tiring. I stayed up until three because my sister wouldn't get out of my room. The lights were off, my mom was already asleep in her room, I was in my bed, and Becky was crawling around on my floor chasing her cat. She's been really giddy this week. I got up late this morning. It kind of shortened my day, and it seemed to fly by. We were going to visit my family for the weekend, but my mom didn't want to leave the kitten alone over night. We're going tomorrow morning. They're leaving me there after they come back home. That reminds me... I didn't pack. I'm kind of glad to be going away. Nothing I do there will be so different from what I do here, but the change of company and shore atmosphere make it feel almost like a short vacation. I'm going to bring lots of reading material and try to smuggle my Playstation. My grandparents got a computer. I have to teach them how to use it. -.-;;; I'm really looking foward to seeing my aunt and uncle. They're young and don't have any kids, and I find them pretty easy to get along with. I like being close to my family. By the way, guess who's driving tomorrow... I used to avoid driving as much as possible. I still suck, but I'm for some reason more confident. It's a big deal, though. It's a long drive. I'll probably tire after half the trip and let my mom take over. Maybe I should charge my batteries just in case. I'll bring my headphones. Ack, I haven't packed yet. It's late. Not what I feel like doing... Megumi Kurogane! You're often overlooked and you feel that nobody understands you. So you turn to unlikely people for support Which character from Gate Keepers/anime are you? brought to you by Quizilla post comment

Behind The Wheel: Day 2 [16 Jul 2003|04:24pm] [ mood | annoyed ] Anything I said about Biff earlier I'd like to take back. I hate him. He stops to smoke way too much, and he needs to shut the hell up. I began noticing, somewhere after one of the k-turns, that I only do things perfectly when he hasn't been telling me what to do. As soon as he assumes I need his "help," he starts shouting shit at me, I try to do ten things at once, and everything is fucked up. I don't know why he was so annoying today. I ran out of patience before the first four hours were even up. He can't hear the turn signal. He shouts at us to put it on when it's already been on for a good five seconds. I starting slamming the thing as hard as I possibly could without breaking it. All my frustration was taken out on the poor little turn signal. He was driving us both crazy. I had to do ten laps around a traffic circle. He kept telling me to keep my head towards the entering cars, and then yelled at me if I started to drift. I can't look one way and drive another. Just because my head isn't turned doesn't mean my eyes aren't looking that way. He tells me to inch up at stop signs so I can see. JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SEE, DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T. He tells me, "Move up more. What are you doing?! You're supposed to come to a complete stop. A COMPLETE stop." Which is it!? I can't stop until I've moved far enough up! o.o;; He's the most senile old man I've ever met. Biff: "What Kind of highway is this?" Mark: "..." Me: *shrugs* Biff: "What's the speed limit?" Mark: "50..." Biff: "WHAT?" Mark: "50." Biff: "I asked you the type of highway! Not the SPEED LIMIT." Mark: ~____~ Me: o.O; He won't tell you which way to turn, then when you ask, "I said turn right!" After I turn, "SPEED UP. Speed up right away! NOW!" That's fine, except I'm still turning, and we're not trying to go through the walls of that house... Guh. It's just annoying. I'm so glad it's done. post comment

Behind The Wheel: Day 1 [16 Jul 2003|08:26am] [ mood | crappy ] So yesterday was my first day of behind the wheel. It took six hours, and even though I was only driving all day, I was so tired when I got home. It felt more like I had been out running all day. I did the "homework" Biff had assigned to me and went to bed. I was in bed by ten last night. o.o;; I'm actually not that horrible of a driver, and Mark wasn't great either, so we were matched pretty evenly, and I didn't need to feel nervous. Biff (That's what he tells us to call him *shrugs*) doesn't yell as much as everyone made it seem. He just comes off as a little rude, but because I was expecting him to be a slave driver, he didn't bother me at all. He doesn't stop for smoking breaks every fifteen minutes. That was a lie too. He expected us to remember all the rules we learned in Driver's Ed. I had it first marking period last year, and Mark had it third. I couldn't remember any speed limits while he could, but that was my only weakness. Other than that, I answered more questions than he did. I never realized how quiet he could be. If you get one question wrong for every ten you get right, Biff still tells you that you shouldn't be on the road. Mark just tunes him out, and I laugh at him. It wasn't bad, but I didn't exactly like it. I have to go again today in two more hours, so I should be getting home again about eight hours from now! This'll be my last day. Our first stop is supposed to be at the DMV in Salem... so... I guess nothing else we do today matters! See you guys later. 6 comments|post comment

^^; [14 Jul 2003|11:28pm] [ mood | distressed ] Gah! It's really hot in here, and I don't have much time. I feel so stressed. Mainly because tomorrow I start Behind The Wheel. ;.; I'm nervous when compared to how most might feel about it, but this really isn't much worrying for me. I have a tendency to freak out and let things like this drive me crazy, but I think I've been acting pretty calm. No complaining, overly dramatic falling onto cushioned surfaces, buring my face in pillows.. no maniacal wringing of hands, no rubbing my eyes, and no complaining of stress-induced headaches... heat-induced, yes. Car-induced, you bet... but none of the stress variety. As tomorrow is drawing closer, I'm starting to fret more, but I'm sure I'll be okay, right? o.O;; I finally saw The Pirates of The Caribbean today! Woo, now I don't have to keep mentioning it anymore. ^_^ I decided that Johnny Depp was really the best part of that movie. Please don't get insulted. We all know how I feel about Johnny, so I may be somewhat biased. ^^; Captain Jack Sparrow was quite a flighty pirate... yes, a swashbuckling drag queen, but that's why I found him so endearing... Unlike the majority of people who saw the movie, I didn't gain a huge amount of respect for Johnny Depp. I already thought that he was the most talented actor in existence and still stand by that opinion. (Don't beat me up. You're entitled to disagree and favor whomever. ^.~) The film did however inspire me to seriously consider pirating as a possible future career. I just realized that I forgot to practice driving. With it being 11:12 at night, I'm not counting on that happening. I wish I wasn't so bad at it. Wish me luck on my test thing tomorrow, okay? ^.^ 3 comments|post comment

o.o;; [13 Jul 2003|02:55am] [ mood | blah ] I got up this morning and made breakfast for my mom. Then we went out, and I drove for a little bit. I really have no desire to drive. I quite dislike it, actually. I feel so sick again today. I thought it'd be tough to drive with a headache. I'm horrible to begin with, but being sick actually made no difference. My grandparents are over for the afternoon, and I'm finally supposed to see The Priates of The Caribbean tonight with Kiran. I feel like shit, but that won't keep me home. I realized that I would have absolutely no desire to see this movie if my favorite actor weren't in it. Heehee, I'm still a Johnny Depp fanatic. It's kind of weird. It could be my imagination, but it seems like because of this movie, everyone is suddenly Johnny Depp crazed. I like it because he's everywhere, but at the same time I don't because it just becomes overwhelming. He has so many great movies other than this one that people should see. ^.^ Honestly, I want to go back to bed. This past week has been killing me. July seems to be the month I get sick. Last year was definitely worse, though. ---edit--- I've given up all hope of feeling better. I still have a horrible headache, (which the computer probably isn't helping) and there's an awful feeling in my stomach as if I'm going to vomit. -.-; I never got out to see my movie... again. ^.^;; Perhaps I wasn't meant to. Kiran and I may go tomorrow. She saw it once and said it was great. Most everyone seems to like it. I feel very deprived. Am I the only person who hasn't seen it [Pirates] and wants to? o.O;; I've been waiting to see it since before they even began advertizing. I don't really deserve to see it. Like I said before, I'm only going because it's a Johnny Depp movie. -.-;;; I feel like all of a sudden I have a ton of things to do. It's almost the feeling I get when I'm in school. It's summer... I shouldn't feel stressed. Maybe it's because I'm nervous about driving on Tuesday. Six hours is a long time. Same thing on Wednesday. Heh, today I pulled out of a parking space, and my mom said, "You're lucky the only car near here is far enough behind you. You could have taken out at least three of them." I was really trying to be careful and avoid the imaginary cars, but I failed. My thirteen-year-old sister is a better driver than I am. That's because she cares about driving and has practiced with my stepmom's car in back of my dad's house. Unlike most, I have no desire to drive. Actually, I'd rather not. I don't go anywhere. I don't need or want to go anywhere. I don't want to concentrate on the road. I want to look out the window and daydream. I want to listen to my headphones as loudly as possible. I have to look foward at all times in the car, and I can't sit in the back. It gives me a headache.. Then again, so does everything... I was trying to drive backwards with one hand while looking over my shoulder, (I know there will be cones there on Wednesday, but I just wanted to get used to it.) and it just made me feel incredibly... bad, for lack of a better word. Incredibly bad. I'm not ever going to get a summer job after all. ^-^ Money would be nice, but I don't need it. Oh, well. I haven't done any more reading for school. The first book I tried to read was so boring that I decided it would be at least another month before I attempted to do any more school work. Next week I'm going to visit family. Hooray. As long as I'm not expected to fry in the sun, all will go smoothly. My mother definitely isn't mad at me anymore. Uh, what else is worth briefly mentioning...? I moved my website to a new host. My mom said I'm losing weight which is bizarre. I'm probably less active in the summer than I am any other time of year. I hardly eat anything, but I hardly ever eat anything. Maybe that's why I'm always sick? o.O;; Anyway, my weight's always been so low. >.< I don't even notice any changes unless someone points it out to me. My mom always does that. She's very good at detecting the slightest drop. Last summer, I stopped eating entirely. She was constantly on me. ..I always feel like I'm complaining every time I type an entry. I'm really not. -.-;; All is going according to plan. >.> post comment

Me=nasty [12 Jul 2003|11:10pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Gravitation-Super Drive ] I'm always sick in the summer. I'm tired of saying that I don't feel well. It gets annoying. Today was a really horrible day. My mom and I both wanted to see The Pirates of The Caribbean. We were going to go today, but first we stopped so I could get a hair cut. I wanted to get it cut short, but my hair dresser talked me out of it... shouldn't have let her. I decided that I just wanted a trim, but she never listens. She started just hacking away at the front, and I was like, "What are you doing?!" "You have long layers, and they're so jagged and spikey. I'm just making your layers softer and giving you more style." o.O Eh? Yeah, nevermind what I ask you to do. Just do whatever to my hair. Um... well, I started crying. I cry all the time. I felt helpless. I told her to stop cutting, and she said that it was too late. I wanted to run away or punch her in the nose or something, but I'd run the risk of either getting jabbed in the head or losing more hair than I already was. It's a little too short, but it's really only just a shorter, uglier, more awkward version of what it looked like before. Still able to pull most of it back into a stubby, wiry little pony tail, so all is well... Eh, not quite. My mom said that I didn't need to get such an attitude while I was getting my hair destroyed. She's probably right. I didn't even know I had a bad attitude. Sometimes when I get mad I do it without intending to. She was seriously pissed off. We went directly home. In the car I was thinking, "I'm going to get smacked..." When we got home, I stayed in the car. I didn't want to be inside with her and her fury. I sat in the car for an hour... an hour... A very long time considering how hot it was, but I couldn't think of anywhere to go. I lay in the backseat with the door cracked, wasting the battery, and counting to 1000. I reached 990 when she finally decided to come out and get me. (I actually broke into song around 700 and sang until 990.) She didn't seem mad anymore. Kiran wanted me to see the movie later, but not surprisingly, I wasn't allowed. At least I'm not in trouble anymore. I'm such a bitch. I should probably never get another hair cut. you are "yaoi" you sick sick twisted person. What type of manga are you? brought to you by Quizilla 7 comments|post comment

o.o;;; [10 Jul 2003|07:36pm] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | Boa-Duvet ] The phone rang today, and my sister got it. It's usually for her. She disrupted my sitting around time by yelling for me to tell me I had a call. I screamed back, "Who is it?" "MR. BAKER?!" I had a small fit. He's the Behind The Wheel teacher. Even though I passed my written test in October, I had to wait until my birthday in April to sign up. Then, of course there was a waiting list, and I just got called to go on Tuesday and Wednesday. He seemed nice on the phone, but every time I see him around school, I'd think, "Man, that guy is scary." Plus, everyone always talks about how he yells at you. I get nervous enough about this kind of thing... I don't need him yelling. He said I'd probably be going with Mark U. That could be better or worse. I don't think he likes me much. He's probably expecting me to freak out and/or cry. Bet I will... Raison d'etre Shinya. Coulda been worse. Which one of Shinya's costumes are you? brought to you by Quizilla Shinya... *.* post comment

Meh. [09 Jul 2003|06:19pm] [ mood | blah ] My mom is at an Eagles concert, and I got left here with my sister and her little friend. I can not find the words to express how much I hate... HATE my sister's friends. They're all snobby little bitches. All they do is whine and say mean things about one another. They can't keep secrets, but they love to spread rumors. They're all so petty and stuck-up. It makes me uncomfortable when they're here. I've always distanced myself from people like them. They're all supposed to be friends, but they're all always mad at one another... usually because "She can't like him! I like him, but he likes me anyway," or "She only bought those shoes because I had them first. She's such a poser." They can't treat each other nicely, and they're disrespectful towards me. It's my fucking house, and they act like I'm the annoying little sister that won't go away. I have to declare my presence from the next room every time I want to enter. They're all younger than me. Leave me the hell alone before I stuff you up the chimney. *mutters* Eh, I'm too dramatic. Right now, though... they're out riding bikes which is good. At least I think they are. I mean, they're not here. Becky asked if she could use my bike. I told her "no," but before she left my mom let her. She needs my bike because she lost hers. How do you lose a bike? I don't want someone who loses a bike riding mine. o.o; I am a Dragon of Earth, what are you? Which Dragon are you? Take other quizzes at Newsies Meets Anime...Anime Meets Newsies... I got to pick who was on my quiz results. >.>; Kakyou... 11 comments|post comment

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