Sometimes I wonder why I was put upon this earth. It is a mystery to me. Because really what in the world would a person like me belong or be apart of something great? I`m confused. They say that the high school life is suppose to be your best years of your life. so far mine has sucked. Like last friday i had milk threw on me and tori. which sucked. the only part i liked was that i threatned to find whoever did it and kick there ass right in front of the principal. no one really expected that out of the quite little me. well im not that really little either. and that bugs me sometimes. mostly beacuse i see all these other girls beautiful and skinny and i notice they get away with more plus they seem more happy. i dont know why but they do. maybe i just need a life and i dont know....
maybe the whole thing with my looks is because i`m around all these people all the time and i feel so aqward and i do not know how to get ride of the feelings. it seems that they are always there. maybe i need to see a shrink or something...i dont know.
then i think i am finally making friends to discover that i am not. which sucks, now i just feel all alone again in this big place. Tori said she thought that we where going to become great friends. and just for a little while i thought and hoped we would. however i do not think i could really becoming as great as friends with her as she thinks maybe we could. that is probably some of her and my fault. mostly hers though. because for some reason i get this feeling that i am being used, and blew off when i ask her to do things with me. ok for ecample i keep asking her if she wants to hang out and come over. but it seems everytime she makes a excuse or something comes up on the day that she is suppose to come over. maybe i will never make friends here. and sometimes i feel as if shini-chan and i are drifting apart. then it just seems as if everyone else i considered my friend just forgot about me or blows me off anymore. not that i had that many to begin with...maybe i am just one of those people that is destoned for lonleness for the rest of my life. it sure feels that way.....

Apathy, well I can say your lucky, in some ways.
You see Apathy is no emotion, basically you
don't care. But that does not make you a bad
person. Some of my friends are apathetic and I
love them, but it wouldn't hurt to care a
little more. Trust me life hurts, most people
who are apathetic do it cause they were hurt.
But don't worry, life is pain, its also
pleasure. Good luck. (please vote)


What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Date:	2004-10-19 18:46
Subject:	the quiz world of today
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained
Music:	the used "cut up angels"

Destruction, the sixth of The Endless, you are a
rebel. You abandoned your realm, refusing to be
held responsible for all the disasters in the
world. You roam forever, trying to escape what
you are. Always on the run, and never facing
the truth, you live in denial. It's not your
responsibility, it's not your fault, and it's
not your problem, even when it is.


Which Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


I really dont think that is right..*shrigs* but who know anymore. everything is screwed up in this world. I think only the depressed can actually see through the lies in this world.

YELLOW You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

i really dont think these quizes get me at all.....


Which deadly sin do you represent? (Angel Sanctuary Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla


now finally a quiz that tells the truth about my iner self..lol...


You represent... apathy.
You don't really show any emotion. You can be
considered cruel and cold, but you just don't
really care about anything. This is just the
way you are... you're quite a challenge to get
close to, and others may perceive you as
boring.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

two quizes that are me..hay thats not bad in this joint..

Date:	2004-09-11 23:09
Subject:	Ouiz
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	tv music

What Goth Are You?

*meow*


What fuzzy creature are you?

Quiz Title

What geek are you?

Power-Pole Extend!
What's Your Anime Weapon?

Sexy
What Anime Bad Boy Are You? Quiz 2

What Anime Bad Girl Are You?

From "Chrono Cross"
What Video Game Villain Are You?

What anime hue are you?

I've come to take you.
What character from a creepy anime are you?

Find out if you are gay, bi, or str8.

I have been so bored with life that I try to find something wrong with myself to make up for it. It sounds dumb I know. However I believe that if I can find faults in myself maybe I will be able to look at other people and maybe think that I am normal and human too.


But the thing is it seems that i can always see faults in myself and have everyone else me normal and worthy of the very breath they breeth

Date:	2004-08-27 21:13
Subject:	forgiveness
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed
Music:	simple plan perfect

I have not wrote in a while. Mainly because I have started school, and I just did not have anything really to say. It seems I have all these thoughts inside of my head. The thoughts some times will not go away. Curling up in bed and going to sleep still does not make them go away. When I wake there they are. Still inside my head, making me deal with them. I think that now that all this information is inside of my head from school, that all that information should occupy most of the thoughts going on. Not true. It seems that everything but school is inside of my head.

I have bottled up my feelings for so long. I do not think that I could hold them anymore. Yesterday I woke up with my throat hurting. it felt better during the day tho. But when I woke up all I could do was cry. or want to cry. So I slept for four to five hours. This morning I still have the sore throat thing going on. My dad does not believe me. Thinks that I am faking it or something. He starts yelling at me. and I just curl up under the covers in a ball and cry. All I want to do at that very moment is die. I keep thinking about how much better everyone will be off without me in the world. So I cried my eyes out. and all in all. out of my dads yelling the only thing that I heard and got out off it was that I am a burden O him. if I am such a fucking burden why do people keep me around. and why cant I die...
I tried to over dose today/ gods. it fucking didn't even work. I took some pills. not a whole bottle. maybe I should have. But I took enough that I should have overdosed. I thought I was going to die. I felt dizzy feeling until I laid down. then it just seemed like blackness was surrounding me. the fucking shity part about the whole thing is I woke up three hours later. my head hurt. that's all that happened. SEE I CAN NOT DO ANYTHING RIGHT ANYMORE!
I`am just tired of life. and yeah I know I`m complaining and I probably do not have anything to complain about. and that pisses me off. that I have no reason to be complaining. there are people who are worse of than I am. why cant I just die?

Date:	2004-08-07 17:37
Subject:	my favorite poem
Security:	Public
Mood:	blank
Music:	anything

I have this favorite poem by Robert Frost...

Fire and Ice


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice
From what I`ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if I had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destructon ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Kool huh?
hope you like it

Date:	2004-08-07 17:33
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	hard to handle by black crowes

hiya everyone!

ok I think that everyone should download the song Hard to Handle by the black crowes....LOVE THE SONG.

The shrews b-day is tomorrow. So if your Reading this Happy birthday....

ok `im sooooooo happy. anyways i wish shini-cahn would get online tho..grrr...

Date:	2004-08-07 14:28
Subject:	BILLS Bills Bills
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic
Music:	A gay tecno song my Cher

AHHHHHHHHHHH

OMG!OMG OMG! I LOVE MY NEW CELL PHONE!

ok its 10cents to text message. per text message...um if u call me it will be a long distance call for you. if i call you it will be a long distance call..and i would have to pay 48cents per min that we talked..i have 500min day time i have 1000min 9pm-7am....really strange but i love the cell. its sooo kool. i can make my own ring sounds and everything...the games on here suck tho...but besides that its ok....i can set an alarm on it..and i have this place that when ever important dates comes up the thing beeps.

i was up until 7am playing on the phone. I know how to work every part of my cell now. so does my dad..but that confusing and weird. because he still can barely work his own cell phone...
but me soooo happy with the cell....grrr....and i`ll be able to keep it as long as i do not abuse the power of the cell..*whispers*plus go over my 500min a month and 1000min nite rate......i just want to post my cell phone # and maybe get all these calls from different people that i dont know. be like hey u dont know me...i dont know..nevermind that was really weird

Date:	2004-07-26 10:02
Subject:	LOL
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper
Music:	Monsters Of the Midday- Gay Pride Parade Day Song

SAY MY NAME BITCH!

ok gomen. i just wanted to say that...

C`mon LAUGH YOU BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehee
yeah its another one of those i just had to say things....i names a CD bastard. yeah. you know how you title your cds when you burn them. well i named one of mine bastard....

Date:	2004-07-26 09:51
Subject:	Blah
Security:	Public
Mood:	exhausted
Music:	gay music

was thinking about it. Even if the power went off I would have light. My dad has enough oil lamps to light every room twice over. Well I have two oil lamps too. One is green and the other is blue. I love using them. I like the smell. Is that weirdness?

Yeah well I had my power out once more was sooo embarrases about it. It always seems that we never had power. Well that was not as bad as the whole we lost water for a while. I went and camped out at Beth`s house. It suckes so much.

My dad just called me a freak because of my opinions and views. Just because I say some things that are off the wall every now and then. He said i was a freak and not normal. Didn`t you say that once? Maybe it`s true. I wrote this poem called My Suicide. It`s posted on www.Fictionpress.com there is like two chapters to it. well at least I think I uploaded the second chapter to it. It was suppose to be a song for the Rk vampire fic. However you probably can see it did not turn out that way. Why do we always push ourselves to be someone or something, someone else wants us to be? If we don`t care as we say? Why do we go through all the pain for just the acceptance? Even knowing it will never make us happy and turn out the way we wish it to?

Have you heard the song Only Happy When It Rains. It`s by Garabage. I love it. I think it is true. Because of late it seems I can not get happy unless it`s dark and gloomy... Is that really Weird? Does that make me a freak and not so normal? Sure it does. Why do I care? I dont know. Maybe there is something embeded in our brains telling us to find someone to except us for who we are.

I was talking to Beth today. She pissed me off. She signed offline. Well yeah thats no reason to be mad but i did anyways. I think it was mainly because she acted like she didnt want to talk after such a long time..

The whole dad calling me a freak thing over an opinion. Yeah that really pissed me off so bad. How could he call me a freak over my opinion. I do not go calling him and idiot because he believes in God, now do I? The whole thing was me complaining about how boring it is here. I was talking about how i missed my friends up in KY. I made the comment that I did not want Friends down here. I wanted normal friends that I had in KY...Well he asked me to describe normal in my opinion. My opinion of normal up there is parties, hanging out with friends, raves, and so forth. Well he said that was not normal. It did not happen here. And me thinking like that was not normal. Oh yeah that`s when he said that if just living for the moment or the next hour you where stupid. That made me pissed off anymore. Because some times that is how I live. Sometimes I do not care passes those minutes I have in the present. Then me and him started argueeing about it. He ended up calling me a freak. Well he did not come out and say it. But it was implyed. Jerk..Then he asks me what a normal teenage girl thinks about. Why? Because he said he had his own idea and I was no where near it. My dad said that the way he pictured a normal teenage girl was not me. No where near me. I was some where out in the left field. I don`t know. You can probaly see why I was pissed now....what`s your opinion. Am I really a freak?

(_E=mc2_) always be a smart ass and never a (_o_) that`s been around...lol...ok i don`t know if you got that or not... you should since your smart...

WELL LA-DE F%@KIN` DA

But why have things str8 when you can have them gay?

lol

I run around the house repeating things I heard of the Buff cuse site. like Wank. and rectum..

I don`t know. Now that`s just bugging me. Grr....shit head.

Peep This..

The kairiness of me....

:)

^_^

^.^

PEEP THIS!



ooooo
oo oo
o o
o o
o o
o o
o l ~~l l ~~l o
o U U o
o o
o V o
o o
o o
o o
n o o
oololo o o
o o o
o o
o o oo o
o o
o o
o o
o o
o o
o oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
l l l l
l l l l
l l l l
/ \ / \
/ l l \ / l l \





Ok that looks gay. I was trying to do a Chic flipping people off. It did not turn out so good. Oh well anyways....


if anyone can do better please do and send it to me

Date:	2004-07-26 09:28
Subject:	dont know
Security:	Public
Mood:	complacent
Music:	nothing

I was comlaining the other day. Because I still do not have a car, and my dad is going to be driving to school. There is nothing wrong with it. I just would prefer if I had a car. That way I could drive myself where I wanted. Then I also would not have to keep asking for someone to drive me. I hate asking someone to drive me here or there...

I do not mind riding on the school bus. It`s just to crowded sometimes. At the old school I transfered from sometimes we would be trying to seat three or four to a seat. And we still had some people standing up sometimes...

LoL. That is pretty funny about all the porno stuff. At least that is not as bad as the teenage boy that got caught masterbating in class. He was sitting there masterbating and the only reason everyone knows is because of the noise he was making. He was like grunting and the teacher asked him to stand up in class. OMG! Well i guess you can imagine the rest. I don`t know if that is as bad as what happened to me once. I was asked to video tape to people having sex. I thought I was going to die. It was really embarrassing for me at the time. I just hope nothing like that ever happens again. My sister bought this movie once. And i do not remember why, but it ended up to be a porno movie making front of Lord of the Rings. There was this dude in it that made a joke. He went around saying spam spam spam..Now my friend, sister and I go around saying spam. I do not know. It is all weird...

The darkness of souls. Or as some would say the darkness that is us. Being in touch with your dark side is not always a bad idea. When i first started writing my RK vampire story is was in this mind set of gothic and depressed. Sometimes getting in touch with your dark side and letting it out is

You did not freak me out. I do not think you could. I wanted to go to the whole hit man way. Actually this guy used to go to my school. He claimed that he had something to do with the mafia. I just thought he was really weird.

One of my friends was raped last year. No one really knew what to say to her after that. She was on medication to help her sleep. She lost weight and was so pale. You could see her shake when every she was around to many guys or sometimes just one. She was at a pary when it happened. Her friend that was with her left her with this guy in a room alone. no one thinks that she will ever be the same. And it is partically true. She will always have that memory.

And then This guy that everyone thought was so kool in school attempted rape on someone I am very close to. Sometimes she just has flash backs to remind her. And some other times it is just if the song that she was listening to when it happened sets tremers and shakes off... It`s scary to know that stuff like that can happen so close to you.

I think you might have heard of my school. It was on the news about these two boys raping a girl in the boys bathroom. It was such a big deal at the time. What scared me after it happened was I used to hang out with one of the guys who did it. It just shows you, you never really know someone...

Kairi

Date:	2004-07-24 11:33
Subject:	Bananas
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious
Music:	Simple Plan

WOOOOOOOOOOOOT! ok i`ve done another stayed up all night. Which is not suprising sice i went to sleep around 2pm yesterday and slept until 2am. so yeah. i`m eating ice cream for breakfast. really it`s a banana split. sooooo..weee. sugar. maybe i`ll wake up and be hyper or some shit like that.
the other day i had a dream that i got suspended from school on the first day. which would be kool and stupid.. but still kool. i got into this fight with a chic and beat her ass..that`s about all i remember of the dream. except some how i found myself back in Ky in the J.R.O.T.C. room. lol...i have problems.

want to hear something i thought was funny? well my mom thinks that by me moving back to where i was born that i would be better or more comfortable in my person/skin. yeah right..she also thinks i was hanging out with some bad people at school up in KY so that me moving down here will stop me from doing really something stupid.
ok for one everyone that i hung out with was nothing like the people i hung out with in middle school. ok the people i hung out with in middle school where always drunk or high ok. so every weekend i stay out all night friday and saturday come home drunk or high. mostly drunk. i`ve never been into the whole drug, drug thing. but i`m into drinking...ok that sounded so wrong...
so yeah the people in high school did nothing like that. well ok my freshman yr me and shadow-chan drank a couple of beers, but we did not get drunk and me and this chic kayla row drank almost a whole bowtle of snobs, but snobs isnt really a drink. its a well i dont know. but its not that heavy stuff like whisky and moonshine....
OMG! i found moonshine in our house. lol...i drank some. i thought i was going to die. it was soooo sick. i did not think anyone had any of that stuff anymore...

grrr...well damnit! where the hell is shini-chan. i`m bored, cold and need to talk to her. she`s going to be my beta for my fics now. thats sooo kool. neways..until she looks at the chapter i just emailed her im not going to post it on ff.net
which by the way is not being so gay anymore. i can review now. well i could two hours ago. i have not tried it since. knowing my computer and internet that will not last long.


Hoechi men...lol..in rotc i was trying to write hochi men and well..um thats what i got. we could not stop laughing about it for days. but the bad thing abou that was i did that during a test me and shini-chan could not stop laughing so tyler got on us about it. oh well. i dont think he would have got it anyways if i had told him about it...

last night or this morning rather i told shini-chan there was some things that i was not ready to tell or explain yet...which is about right. maybe one day i`ll tell someone. but not right now. i dont think i even know and understand that is in my own mind....
ok i`m going to go read fanfiction and try to write another chapter to TAME THE BEAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and shadow-chan better update soon on her journal. her not updating is getting on my nervs...grrrrr.....

Date:	2004-07-23 12:41
Subject:	MWAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH
Security:	Public
Mood:	ditzy
Music:	Elictrix 6 -gay bar

i love this author called Laurell K. Hamilton. she`s great. she has two searies, Merry Genrty and Anita Blake. I love them both...But there are just characters in the Anite Blake serious that will just *sighs dreamily* well ya know...anyways i was sent this "Which Anita Blake character is your ideal mate?" quiz by one of my email buddies. when i first tried the quiz i was trying to get micah...what a sexy man *fansself* ok anyways..i tried it again today and got erll jason..which aint bad either...


Jason


Which Anita Blake Character Is Your Ideal Mate?
brought to you by Quizilla


ok am i crazy. i`ve stayed up all night so far. it`s 12:25pm...and i`m bored as hell. if i dont find something to do i`m going to go to sleep.
well at 9am this morning i get the idea i`m going to go swimming. so i did for about until 11 am. gods was the water cold. well that was not as bad as what happened while i was in the pool..grr. ah hell.
i have this bathingsuit..well it has straps. and i didnt not want to get tan lines. so what i do. i pull the straps down. so its like tucked under my arm,ne? well i get up to turn over on my stomache to get a tan on my back. i`m trying to balance on the float hold my top up and not fall in the water. well like a dumb ass when i was about to fall i let go off the top part. i flashed the neighborhood. well not like anyone was up anyways.well except old pervy guys joggin. which was gross and still is if you think about it. plus its not like i have anything. i flashed people \my nonexisting breast.

you know trans people have these hormones injected into there body to make there boobs grow? maybe i need to do that. b/c i think your not really a woman with out all the curves..ya know. for some reason the breast is a part of the sexualtiy.. whatever anyways...

after i changed out of the bathing suit i went to hang it up on the clothes line outside. i had just my robe on. *shudders for anyone who knows me*....anyways i raised up. and normally the robe only comes to about midthigh. so well tou guys can guess i flashed everyone..well EVERYTHING! i wanted to die..

but that was ok. well b/c i came back to my room and was ranting and raving. i was yelling wank and rectum and penis...lol..that was fun

well hell i just looked at all possibel result on the quiz i was talking about up there...at the beging..anyways you cant get the option for micah...well how gay.but we love gay so thats ok....


Jean-Claude


Which Anita Blake Character Is Your Ideal Mate?
brought to you by Quizilla
ok anyways.........................................FUCKING FF.NET!

ok it wont let me post reviews...screwed up people

Date:	2004-07-15 23:10
Subject:	FOOD!
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated
Music:	Italian love songs

well of course it`s me again. and bored. I have no life. I have I ever told anyone that before, well I don't. I slept 10 hours...weee. well I was not feeling good either. but still. me better now.
I just finished cooking diner. it`s great. this new recipes that my grandmother have me off the cooking channel.
Items you need...chicken..1pc for every manicotti shell you`All use. one slice of tomato for every 1pc of manicotti shell you use. cheese. and well spaghetti sauce, I prefer the prego with mushroom and garlic mixed in. but that`s just me...

Instructions...
if you use chicken you have to cook..cook it first..you also can use chicken sliced lunch meat...I do...but if you are cooking the chicken make sure you lightly season it with garlic salt..a little pepper and that's it....you really don't ant to cook with a oil. sometimes I add three tsp. of water and put a lid on the pan to let the moister when it evaporates circle around..it keeps the chicken moisturized...
cook the manicotti shells until softness to ur liking.
take piece of chicken some cheese and one slice of tomato.put them in the middle of the manicotti shell. if it rips just roll it...do that until all manicotti pieces you are using are rolled or stuffed. after that put however much spaghetti sauce you want (if you use it) on the manicotti shells. add some cheese. then heat it to melt the cheese and warm the sauce....you can microwave or oven.. I do microwave so I can fix garlic bread while it warms....
then your ready to eat...
it`S good to drink a nice white or red wine with it...but if your under age and your parents don't even let you drink it with food try water or a nice creamy tasting drink....

us fat people know how to cook I tell ya..

anyway's...HA! my dads like this porn star,,,,ewwwwww....I caught him....EWWWWW!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

anyway's I`am going to go throw up my diner now....blah

my dog peed on my cloths I just bought. they have to be washed a second time now....grr.that ass hole. I mad my dad clean it up...*wrinkles nose* that's gross dude....

Date:	2004-07-15 06:09
Subject:	ranting
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy
Music:	the musics inside my head

i was dreaming of well nothing since i have not been to bed of late. why?! because i have this headace from hell! THAT`S WHY!!!!

ok gomen. i read this medical thing where this women had a headace sooo bad. well then she started teh fever thing with the headace. before anyone new it she went into acoma and was having mini strokes...which was weird...but she had some disease or something wrong with her brain. then i started thing.. woe wouldnt that be kool if i had that and i liked dies..i dont know.

on going with this headace i`ve been contaplating death. but not just death wher i see myself slitting my rest. Why is it everytimes i think about me dying i see myself slitting my wrist? i have problems anyways. while i was thinkin` about death i was wondering about how ppl would fined me.
once i thought about shini-chan finding me on my couch when we had no power that one time. like she just comes in the house becuase i wont answer the phone or answer the door..and well im laid out on the couch with my arm hanging off the couch with blood running out of my wrist on to the floor. pretty morbid if you ask me.
then i had this image that i was well same thing except parents walking in. and mymom walks in looks. then walks off and goes to bed..

i had one about spiders. i have been having weird dreams about dying from spider pbites lately too. thats weirdness all around. o well... but i think i got it from this scary spider movie called Hangman`s curse..creepy. tho i could have gotten the idea from this movie i saw and i cant remember the name but spiders mad there homes out of humans bodys and pops out after eating all there insides. it was a kool movie..
but the point is every time after the "DEATH" thing its like no one cares. wow i had shini-chan show up at the funeral. which is kool because yeah i have no doubt she`s like my sister and everything. but my family and everyone else jsut was not there.. that`s weird..b/c i know that momo-p and shadwo-chan and my dad care. well at least i think that my dad cares. its hard to tell with him.......

GRRRR! enough of this....

how about this...i have dandruff..yeah gross..im usign head and shoulders tho.soooo should be gone soon. but right now i can go want snow here just let me scratch my head for ya...

*sets mouse traps* damn shini-chan keeps feeding the spirit mouse in my desk it wont leave. *gets battousai ready* see! see! SEE! shini-cahn i have battousai to kick your ass the next time you go to feed my mouse. maybe i should get Bubba Whoop Ass Wilson instead tho..hehehe

GAY PRIDE!
BI PRIDE!
LESBIAN PRIDE!
STRAIGHT PRIDE! (even tho its better to be bi *winks* you get the dick and pussy..so you always have ready sex for you)...
omg that was soooo wrong..

i told shini-chans cousin good nite and dont hump the pillows....omg! what is my perverted mind coming to? im converting the cousin to pervertness...welll maybe not *purses lips* shini-chan might have done that a long time ago...the cousin still might be a closet perv.....

i want dick mints.. you know from the porm places...lol

Date:	2004-07-14 23:54
Subject:	ranting people
Security:	Public
Mood:	weird
Music:	i dont know the title

i understand what you`re saying about your dad not understanding you. about the only person i think that understands me is my best friend shini-chan...it`s like we`re soul friends if that makes any scense at all. well it used to be i live with my mom all yr except on certain holidays like x-mas and summer break i visit my dad. that was the only time i saw him. he would send care packages eveery once in a while. hoever that`s changed since i moved here with him. where i thought he understood me i realize he could not even have a clue about what im about. i stay in rooms away from him. because it seem everytime we start some converation i get a lecture or we end the talk by fighting. which is not kool.

now even tho i lived full time with my mom she still does not understand me. i have a 19yr-old sister. we got into a fight once and i told my mom that i was going to kill my self being all dramatic and everything. she looks at me and say "what do u want from the grocery store." i just pulled the couch pillow to my face and yelled. i`ve got where she ask how my dad was i go "why would you want to act like you understand" so she gave up trying to talk. we just mumble or yell back and fourth between rooms about stuff....when we want something we just go around the house yelling the question. she yells back the answer..it`s stupid sometimes..

ok now that was boring talk. i like that you talk and what you say is not boring at all. it`s kool to talk it out. instead of writing it or i dont know i just mumble to my self now. my dad asked me what i was saying i just told him i was being my own theripist...i just got this weird look from him...

i went to the site. it was kool. ty again for sending it.
yeah went to the doctors yesterday.lol. it was fun i guess...except when im up on the bench thing i always feel as if im going on trail. "do u pledge to tell the truth and nothing but the truth" kind of thing. they had to take blood. and i asked the nurse if she was going to poke me with it.. she kind of looked at me with this look. i was thinking i found a closet pervert...lol. im retarded sometimes.

there is this gay pride song that i like.. Bubba Whoop Ass Wilson Gay Pride Parade Day" it`s kool. well at least i think it is. and i can not get it out of my head. so i`m singing it out load. people look at me weird (hell they do that anyways) and start scooting away from me...

i have not took art class. i take JROTC..well at least i did before i moved. i dont think i`ll take it anymore. because i`ll have to many classes im going to take. i have to have 28 credits to graduate...not much but still that means i have to have all the class spae filled with actual classes. and now i have 8 periods instead of 7. that`s ok tho. no big deal....

earlier i was trying to write this love scene for one of my stories that i am writing. well the scene takes place out in the middle of the road. i keep seeing them argueeing and then she goes to walk away. he calls her back she turns around. now here i was going to do a big kiss scene. but however i keep picturing a simi coming buy and hitting her. that`s wrong on all counts...maybe i do need the padded room. huh shini-chan?

im listening to this song called well i dont know what it`s called. h/o..im going to look it up. yeah i found it. it`s by aqua..*snickers* yeah i know...
here are they lyrics...
FREAKY FRIDAY

S?ren Rasted/Claus Norreen
? 2000 Universal Music Publishing AB

...howdy people. Here's a little story 'bout an oooole friend of mine
and to
all the weak folks out there, this is hardcore 10-4....

Freaky friday, things ain't going my way-everything is gone, my life is
a
country song

Oh-Oh,

I jumped out of my bed this morning-then I heard this crunchy sound
from my left leg that was broken-and a note was laying on the ground

baby I am leaving you this minute-took the car and the cats and dogs
got the boots and the rhinestone stetson-nothing's left but the note
you
got, you suck

Freaky friday, things ain't going my way-everything is gone, my life is
a
country song
Freaky friday, go play on the highway-everything is wrong, what the
heck is
going on

Oh-Oh,

On my way through cross town traffic-I was hit by a giant truck
I came late to work and got fired-then suddenly the thunder struck

Oh-Oh,

baby I am leaving you this minute-took the car and the cats and dogs
got the boots and the rhinestone stetson-nothing's left but the note
you
got, you suck

Freaky friday, things ain't going my way-everything is gone, my life is
a
country song
Freaky friday, go play on the highway-everything is wrong, what the
heck is
going on

Life's a country song-hardcore 10-4
What the hell is wrong- yiiii-ha
Life's a country song-hardcore 10-4
What the hell is going on

....Well folks, thats all for now, life is just a god damn country song
and
that's a big 10-4...

there is this new song im listening to now....grr.. i`m bored.

Freaky Friday Soundtrack Lyrics

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Artist: Christina Vidal Lyrics
Song: Take Me Away Lyrics

Yeah,Yeah

Get up, Get out
Move on, move on there's no doubt
I'm all wrong, you're right
It's all the same with you
I'm too thin, too fat
You ask why
So why,
So why,
So why,
So why

On and on,
And on and on,
On and on,
And on and on,

[Chorus]
Don't want to grow up
I want to get out
Hey, take me away
I want to shout out
Take me away,
Away,
Away,
Away,
Away,

Round and round here we go again
Same old start, same old end
Turn my head
And turn back again
Same old stuff never ends
Do this, do that
Can't deal Can't deal with that
I tune in, tune out
I've heard it all before
Hello, goodbye
Never asking me why,
Goodbye,
Goodbye,
Goodbye,

On and on,
And on and on,
On and on,
And on and on,

[Chorus]
Don't want to grow up
I want to get out
Hey, take me away
I want to shout out
Take me away,
Away,
Away,
Away,
Away,

[Chorus Repeat 2x]

Round and round here we go again
Same old story, same old end
Turn my head
And turn back again
Same old stuff never ends


see both those songs kind of represent my life i have another..too ok i cant find the lyrics to the other song. but i will i promise u...hehehe im such a dork.

ahhhhhhh! that person i thought i like loved. that you know thats my bud and everything. THE WHORE! ok telling me about her weekend with her boyfriend at her house and how big of a dick he has..grrrr..bitch. but i dont think that im in love with her. more of like this huge crush but the thing is grrrr...i dont think im mad becuause she spent the weekend with him at her house. its more of the point that ya know she`s getting laid am im not..WOW! that`s one weird confesion to tell the whole internet surfing world people. not that anyone every reads this except shini-chan anyways....
but still..GRRR! I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT DICK IM NOT GETTING!...

j/k....at least i think i am..whatever...she`s only been going out with him three weeks...and she`s already slept with him...grrr..anyways.

im ranting....

Date:	2004-07-10 20:17
Subject:	Big news yet again?
Security:	Public
Mood:	cold

ok wow! its been awahile since i updated.im eating a spam and tomato shandwich...sounds kind og gross. but truely it`s good. well i just pick the spam off and eat the rest...
there is like a spirit of a mouse living inside my chair. it went from my chair to my desk. now my desk sqweeks when you touch it. it`s weridness i tell ya.
i got to talk to shadow-chan yesterday. and play spite and malice with her. so that was kool. tho we had nothing to say. so that really sucks. it`s hard to talk to people when you have no life. im serious people. how are you suppose to talk about something if they heard it the day before. GRRRR!
i figured out why i do that soooo much..you know the whole grrr thing.it`s because of that monster thing that always runs across the screen after the first series of Buffy The Vampire Slayer..that`s really strange. Michelle geller..or however in the hell you spell her name is hot. i always watched her breast when she ran and when she kick or something i be watching her ass. until recently i thought i watched the show because i liked it. which is part way true. but i mostly watched it to see buffy`s body. not that`s weird. you idolize this person and soon after realize you just want to screw them..lol. well for the whole girls thinks a guys cute thats great. its a little weirder when your a girl and idolize this person and your thinking..."Dios i want to screw her." so yeah a little weird for me.

on with the story of today.
yesterday my dad comes into my room (nothing bad u perverts) and ask me if im awake enough for some news. im like still in la la land and he wants to give me news....so i look at him and he tells me my mother went into the hospital nothing serious mind you. so no one freak or feel sad. her lips just went numb and some other fucking reasons. anyways..i look at him and say you woke me up just for that...i`m going back to sleep. and i did. that makes me heartless to somepeople. but that`s just me..
then after i woke up and remembered my first thought was ""see your fat ass should have got more exercise". i swear. that`s the first thing that came to my mind. i think that`s maybe a little mean but it was...but on the phone call last night the first thing she asks me is DO I HAVE MAIL?.....! fuckin A..that puta...grrrr...i hung up the phone. she called back adn i refused to talk to her. she told me that she loves me and i told her to tell it to someone who actually might believe and stop with the bullshit...and the strange thing is i do not have one single sorry bone in my body..lol...that`s not right. i`m suppose to feel sorry right about now, arent i?....

ok anyways..um. well....oh yeah my fav author for ff is going to dedicate a chapter of my fav story of hers to me. that is way awsome and koolness all around. ok that was dumb.

um i went online and bought some more e-books...yeah im a book worm. if im in the hospital i be asking people if i could play with needles and the scaples. good thing im not a doctor. "did you know your bleeding? i need to stich you up. would you prefer the nice shrap needle or the dull one. well teh sharp on does not have anypain the nice and dull one does. i recomend the dull pain for you fun for me..." OMG! I`M NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe i do need to be some place with nice padded walls.
i dont feel bad about my mom. i want to scream in the phone at her that she is a hoe.
i found out a nice bit of information today...Pyjama..history and facts on them the word is persian. from to urdu words. pa and jama. meaning sexy love-pants....lol..i like that. i thought it was funny. anyways....

we anyways..i`m going away now..

Date:	2004-07-03 20:28
Subject:	My Translations
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm
Music:	Zen reflection

WOW! the relaxation tapes really do work well right now its a walmart bought Zen relfection tape. still has the same affect on me.

i`ve got some translations for you. from English To Italian. I love Italian even tho i really can not speak it. It`s pretty tho. and i like. whatever...anyways.


ENGLISH: ITALIAN:

Hi_________________________________________Ciao
Lover______________________________________amante
Happy_____________________________________felice
I Love You__________________________________L`amo
I Love You Sister_____________________________L`amo la Sorella
I Love You Dad______________________________L`amo il babbo
I Love You Mom______________________________L`amo la mamma
i Love You Friend_____________________________L`amo l`amica
Bitch_______________________________________femmina
Beloved_____________________________________amato
Expensive____________________________________cara
mine_________________________________________mia
My delays_____________________________________mia more
Heart_________________________________________Cuore
My Love______________________________________il mio amore
Hope________________________________________speranza

A poem that i wrote and had translated to Italian
My Love:
Piango delle lacrime per la sua felicit? per essere le miniere. Se ho avuto un cuore lo darei esso. Se ho avuto un'anima sarebbe il vostro. Faccio non nonostante. Ma desidero essere tuttavia il vostro. ? domani un altro dire a me. Con fuori da lei non ho niente. ? per favore mio domani?

the translation to My Love:
I cry tears for your happiness to be mine.
If i had a heart I would give you it. If i had a soul it would be yours. I do not though. But i still wish to be yours.
Tomorrow is another say to me. With out you I have nothing. Please be my tomorrow?



Ok now to the other language `im having a little fetish over for the time being...FRENCH>>


ENGLISH: FRENCH:
Heart_______________________________________________coeur
My Heart____________________________________________mon coeur
My Friend___________________________________________mon ami
My Sister___________________________________________ma soeur
My Mom___________________________________________ma maman
Love______________________________________________amour
Good Morning_______________________________________Bonjour
Good Morning My friend_______________________________Bonjour mon ami
Good Morning My Sister_______________________________Bonjour ma soeur
I Love You_________________________________________je vous aim
Hope_____________________________________________espoir
The Love That Transcends Time_______________L`amour qui Transcende le Temps

my poem..My Love in French
Je pleure des d?chirures pour votre bonheur pour ?tre des mines. Si j'avais un coeur je le vous donnerais. Si j'avais une ?me ce serait le v?tre. Je pas bien que. Mais je souhaite encore ?tre le v?tre. Est demain un autre me dire. Avec hors vous je n'ai rien. S'il vous pla?t ?tre mon demain ?


and you already know the translation to it. so i dont have to type it again...

ok if you want more translations you have to go to www.FreeTranslations.com

ok i`m writing this letter to a friend and dont know what to say. but i do have this new hobby i guess you could call it. im decorating envelopes with make up. some of them actually look pretty kool....