Wednesday, June 16th, 2004

Time	Event
12:19a	More precious than silver, more costly than gold. Though the title was extracted from a Christian song, the topic for the night shall be the price of LIFE. There was a point in my life that I felt that since I'm going heaven anyway (yes, i believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth, ... <--1st digression: I was made to translate the Apostle's creed from English to CHINESE in the test earlier!!!!), there really wasn't a need to worry about death. And that time, I was rather plagued by some matters of the heart, the mind and the soul, to really just want to take the easy way out. The most convenient way to die then? SARS. And most wonderfully, almost planned by God, I had booked a trip to China. With dad of course. And since Dad also think that it's easier to die from lightning than SARS, and I was way past caring about death, I was really all set to go, despite the pleas and wake-up calls by friends who really didn't wanna visit me in TTSH. I pulled out at the last minute. Because even if I really wanted to die, I didn't want my dad to die with me. After all, he deserve a good life on earth, esp when I wasn't sure if he's going heaven, provided you believe in the heaven concept. And a close friend reminded me... it's terribly sad to die of SARS. You don't get visits from friends, and you can't even talk on the phone, nor have the strength to SMS. BLEAK. OK, so after a long time of trying, I eventually placed myself back on track to treasure LIFE. Life is precious, more so than anything, because whatever we have lost, we can earn it back, but life, once gone, it's permanent. Which is why I've adopted the philosophy on how suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. What I've learnt through the darkest times of my short life is that we all get torn down by the storms of life sometime. Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone I know had some painful past that is better left buried, unturned and forgotten. When we get shipwrecked, there's really no need put some temporary plastor all over the Mast and put an "I'm OK!" sign all over the boat. Take the time to dock at a harbor, find some rest, and really repair the ship. For this is the same vessel that will bring you through many more adventurous journeys in the sea of LIFE. For me, I found a great shipyard, and a superbly skilled fitter (that's the correct term for ship repair men who work with metals... for my dad used to be a fitter) called Jesus. Even then, the repairs weren't instantaneous. But I chose not to dwell on the slowness, or the seeming lack of progress in repairwork. Instead, I walked around the shipyard, had some great chats with other travellers - some also shipwrecked victims - and actually forged comaradeship with a couple whom I really liked. Now that my vessel is back in the sea, I know where to dock periodically to have my ship serviced, and what name to call on should I ever need help again. Help is really only a tear drop away. To be broken before God, I can always be strong before Man. Current Mood: thoughtful (1 Comment | Comment on this)
10:28a	Highlight of the day As the sun rises to a noon-day peak... Yenew: *dials an unfamiliar number* - RINGS - Callee: Hello good morning, XX Research Consultants (total corporate voice, albeit a little too cheery) Yenew: Hello... err ... er..... where is this place again? Callee: *in a helpful tone* XX Research Consultants Yenew: Oh! *in full surprise* This is not Xpress Flowers? Callee: HUH? Xpress Flowers? No no, I think you got the wrong number. Yenew: Oh, like that ah... do you know what number I should call to order flowers? Callee: *stunned* Sorry I'm not sure, maybe you can try the Yellow Pages (in a sarcastic tone) Yenew: But but... I wanna order flowers for WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *canned laughter* We had a good laugh, a great 5min chat. And hey, probably some transcribing work with Xpress Flower shop to replace some Mr Cuteesy. *smirks* *** After note to explain the above: What happened in the above, was that I dialed Wee's office number! And she talked to me, not knowing it's me (I didn't even have to fake my voice), until i acted all goofy and pissed her off. Finally, the last part when i said i wanna order flowers for wee, only then she realised that the phone call is from a friend who loves and adores her! but she managed to get my name out in the midst of her laughter. Good one! pity on one understood the joke. HAHAHAH! Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
11:21a	The Next Penalty Kick I first understood the significance of training for penalty kicks in World Cup 1994, in the game where Italy dramatically lost to Brazil in the penalty shoot-outs. Baggio, the man who single-handedly led Italy to the finals, failed to deliver in the penalty kick that led to the cheering of of the entire Brazil nation and the Brazilian fans worldwide. That game ended at 6.35am, on a weekday morning, Singapore time. I was in Sec One. The stress of taking penalty kicks couldn't have been lighter than trying to score in a regular 90-min game. Because you have been fouled, and thus given a chance to gain an upperhold in the game through the awarding of a penalty kick. Everyone expects you to convert that chance to a goal. Countless people have done it, and so must you. Yet, we've seen how heroes of the game missed their most important penalty kicks. The recent Beckham case against France in their opening group match is an example. I never figured how to do a proper penalty kick in front of the goal post. The way I flicked the ball was never forceful enough, if ever it flew in the direction I willed it to. But I digress. The pressure to perform in a penalty kick could just be the next stumbling block. Because the opportunity is too good to be missed, and we really couldn't bear the shame and the guilt of missing it. Just like missing the next boat. We miss it, it might never be back. We yearn so much for the opportunity, only to lack the courage to face it. When we have to take it, we fear the repercussions of losing it. So much uncertainty, so much anxiety, and worst of all, so much fear. But never shall we allow past misses to limit the chances of conversion for the next one. Courage is not the absence of fear, rather, how we deal with the situation despite the fear. When the next chance comes, be sure, be firm, be sharp. The ball will find the net, should God be willing. (Comment on this)

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