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A Victim of This Damned Life.

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Akhhh. [18 Jan 2004|01:50pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Pi was okay. It was really..weird. Not what I expected. I don't understand the scenes where he is imagining the girl moaning, and he starts attacking himself..Is he horny/sexually frustrated cause he can't get laid? Lol, I seriously don't understand that part. But the movie was kind of too complex for me. Not my kind of movie, but I still liked it at the same time. Requiem For a Dream was a much more better movie. I guess more modern, something I've seen before in life, something I can relate to. I don't relate to their same exact problems, but you know. Other stuff. It made me feel dirty though lol. Espically the nasty parts with the girl. Disgusted me really..And the old lady's eating disorder was so sad..I was thinking, "I hope I'm not lonely and depressed when I'm old. I hope someone will always be around..." I cried a lot too. It was a sad movie, real good.

I'm in the mood to actually do some work. Get homework done, clean, and make myself look prettty ;D. I'm going to the movies tonight with Kayla, Amanda, and her little sis Elora. I think we're going to see My Baby's Daddy or Along Came Polly. So yah, that's pretty much my day/night today. Anyway, Have a good day/night everyone. <333333


Much Love,
-Nora xoxo

(2) Infect the Innocent.

Bleh... [17 Jan 2004|10:49pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | Commercials... ]

Today has been pretty uneventful. I woke up this morning around 10:30, went down to Elora's house in my PJ's, just went into her house while everyone was asleep, ate some cereal, took the movie Scream out of her DVD drawer, and went back up to my house. lol. I love having a second home. So all I did today was clean, internet and watch movies. I called my mom at work at 5:30 and they said she had already left at 5:00. So I called her on her cell, and she said she was on the way home. An hour passed by, and she still wasn't home. So I called her again, and she said she was at Starbucks getting some coffee. It was obvious she was with her little boyfriend. She never just randomly decides to go to any coffee place by herself and just sit. And plus, it's by a lake, and her work is only 20 minutes away, and she was gone for two hours. See, I put shit like this together. You don't just go to Starbucks for two hours and just sit unless someone is there with you. And I know my mom, she wouldn't want to sit by herself because she doesn't want to look anti-social, even though she kinda is in a way. Anyway...So my mom finally got home around 6:45, and she decided she wanted to go to the mall because we have another religious holiday coming up soon. I bought a couple of shirts and that was it. After that we went to Best Buy so that I could use one of my $20 gift cards. I couldn't find any good CDs for some reason, nothing I really wanted to get. I looked through the DVDs, and bought Requiem For a Dream, and it came with the movie Pi too for $16.99 which isn't bad at all. I haven't seen either movie, so I don't know how it's gunna be. I heard from random people that it was really good, and my Sociology teacher recommended it last year. So I don't know. I'm gunna watch it tonight, ALL BY MYSELF, after my parents go to bed. I hope it's good or that's $20 wastedddd.

Khalid wrote me an email last night and told me he was really sorry for not being able to answer the phone because he went to go help his boy change a flat tire. I believed his story because he told me to call him as soon as I can. So, I'm not mad anymore ;D. God my life is so boring.

Today was the first day my dad told my mom he didn't care about what she does anymore because it's 'over'. That's kind of...I dunno the word. But my mom was just like, "Take it easy.." So, maybe it's final AND NO ONE IS TELLING US. I dunno, who gives a shit.

I'm gunna go get some water and watch Elimadate. It's playing all weekend, WOO! I love that show ;x. Goodnight everyone. <33333

Much Love,
-Nora xoxo

Infect the Innocent.

Fuckkk. [16 Jan 2004|09:34pm]
[ mood | content ]

I was ready to go to bed around 11:30 PM on Wednesday night, and my dad called me into the den and I was thinking, "Ohh shit, I hope I'm not gunna get yelled at for anything." So I sit down, and he says that my mom says the divorce papers are coming in sometime this weekend, or the begining of next week. And I'm thinking, "Shit, I didn't think she'd do it THIS soon." I thought maybe she'd wait till we got back from Jordan. But no, she didn't. Her man is already going through a divorce, and now it's her turn to get hers so they can live happily ever after, or so she thinks. I was planning on living with my mom when all this shit is final. I know she treats me like shit, but I have a little more freedom with my mom..See, if I live with my dad, I'd be like the fucking wife/mom in the house..It'd make me feel uncomfortable. I don't want the resposibility. But I also feel bad for my dad at the same time because he didn't want the divorce, and my mom is the one who tore the family apart and made it hell for all of us. And in the end, she gets everything, and he ends up with nothing. So the good guy loses everything, and the whore gets everything. Half my dad's money, the man she wants, and the kids. She doesn't really want us because she enjoys being around us, but she wants us so she can show my dad that she can have what she wants without him. So I don't know. It's a fucking hard decision. My dad said to me, "I know she treats you guys like shit, I've seen her yell and scream and insult you all. You know that I know how to talk to you and make all of our lives easier. I will even change my work hours from 9-5 so I can be home and we can all do stuff together, cook, clean, etc." He sounded sincere, but at the same time, I don't want that. I know it's not all about me, but this is my life, and I have to be with someone I am more comfortable with. I really do believe my mom will change after the divorce. She won't be a bitchy cunt after she realizes she's free from my dad. I'm positive. She's been pretty happy the past couple of weeks because of the fact that she has filed for divorce and he'll be out of her life soon. Out with the old, in with the new, huh. lol. Akhhhh. Whatever, I need to think about this some more. I know who is the BETTER decision, but that isn't really what I want..? It's confusing, shut up.

I called Amir today. He was kinda busy cause he was at work. We only got to talk for about 30 minutes, then I said I'd let him go so he could work. Then I called Khalid the stupid fuck. I talked to him for 20 minutes and he said "Hey call me back in 10 minutes, I need to pee and wash my face and stuff." So, I called 15 minutes later, no answer. I called 10 minutes after that, no answer. You guys are assholes. If you don't wanna talk to someone for some unknown reason, TELL THEM. Don't say 'Call me back' and never pick up the phone. That makes me mad, because it's so disrespectful. Espically coming from an Arab guy. Alriiight.

Kay, I'm gunna go, goodnight everyone <333333

Much Love,
Nora xoxox

Infect the Innocent.

[14 Jan 2004|07:36pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]
[ music | Ghostkillah Ft. Jadakiss - "Run" ]

Yah, I met the best guy in the world. He's Arab. I met him a year ago when my cousins came to visit from New York. He is friends of the family. He's 19 now. He's Yemeni. We've been talking eversince last year, but mostly email and IMs, never really on the phone considering he lives in Brooklyn. We were just friends up until a couple months ago. He knows everything about me. And I know just about everything about him too. He's a real philisophical guy. Real smart, mature. He's in school now. He might not go to a four year school or anything, but that's not what makes a person smart. Atleast not to me. He tells me he wants to have a future with me because I have everything in a girl that he looks for. I know I'm kind of young, but if you think about it, I'm not in the Arab world. I'm ready for marriage according to everyone else. But really, I'm not, they just think I am. See, I'm not there yet. Mentally. I'm still a fucking kid. But ughh. Amir is so yummy. He's so sweet, and cute, and smart, and mature, and I want him sooo bad. We haven't done anything but talk to each other for the past year. And me and him both want more then just talk, if you know what I mean. Haha. He talks jokingly talks about having kids and stuff too. It doesn't freak me out cause he's joking when he says it, but I know he wants that, WITH ME. So I'm sooooooo happy I talked to him today. He really put in the best mood I've been in all month. Okay, I'm going to stop this sappy shit, and go. Have a good night everyone.

Much Love,
Nora xoxo

P.S (Amir has a sexy New York accent too. I love guys with NY accents.

Infect the Innocent.

=( Asshole. [11 Jan 2004|08:33pm]
[ mood | angry ]

I can't stand my dad right now, he's such a dickface. He thinks so low of me, and I've done nothing for him to get that impression of me. I've always been a good girl in his eyes. I don't know why he changed. He told me he'd get me a digital camera since I've wanted one for a while. But now he doesn't because he thinks I'm going to be tempted to hook it up to the computer and show people my body and sell pictures of myself or some stupid fucking shit that I would never even think of doing. Oh yes baba I'm going to make my own website, and have daily shows for everyone to see! Sorry, I don't have that kinda time, AND I have some fucking respect for myself. God, I can't believe he thinks I'm so fucking stupid. He think's I'm a little skanky ho or something. I went to my room and just cried because he thinks that of me. I don't give a shit about the camera, but what my dad thinks of me means more. I thought he respected me and trusted me. When the fuck did he start thinking this shit of me? I just like taking pictures. I'm a creative person. He just doesn't understand that. He just thinks, "Oh she wants a camera because she's a slut and wants the whole world to see her body." Fucker. I'm so mad. :(

xoxoxox
-Noraaa

Infect the Innocent.

Damnnn. [10 Jan 2004|06:23pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | Arabic lovey dovey stuff...=P ]

I haven't really had too many deaths in my family. Except for my cousin, and grandma. I've only had one friend murdered by his own mother. But these people were really close to me. But how about the people who you don't really know, but you talked to them on a daily basis cause you had a class with them. This guy I knew, Josh, died on Sunday night. He was riding his bike in the street, doing some tricks, and fell onto the ground and had a concussion in the middle of the street. His friends saw this happen and tried to stop the car that was driving down the road. But ofcourse the driver didn't see them, or Josh considering his headlights were off, and it was 10PM. So the car ran over Josh, and dragged him 40 feet till he realized there was something big on the back of his car. So he gets out and finds a dead Josh. I don't see how the guy didn't realize it..Josh was a big guy. Huge even. He's like 6'5'' 350 pounds. He dropped out a couple months ago, but before that, I saw him everyday. I've known him since 7th grade even. I don't know. I haven't even cried yet. It hasn't really hit me, that he lost his life. I kind of avoid it in my head. I don't think about how he felt when it happened, or his family, or his friends. His best friend sits next to me in Contemporary Issues..I was wondering why he was so out of it on the second day back from our break, (He was out the first day), then I found out and damnnn. Anyway...

I'm about to go to the movies. I better clean my mom's room before she comes home and freaks out on me before I leave. I got online waiting for someone, but ofcourse not on. They'll sign on 2 minutes after I sign off. That's how it works, lol. Have a good night everyone. <33333

xoxoxox
-Noraaa

Infect the Innocent.

God, I love sleep and I never get any. [07 Jan 2004|05:34am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I swear I did not get any sleep. I stayed up till 1:00AM thinking about stuff in my bed. Then I fell asleep. Then around 1:40 I woke up cause of a nightmare. Then I said Quran and went back to sleep. *If I don't say Quran the bad dreams keep going all night long. I know from experience, lol* Then I kept waking up around 3AM cause it was so cold. And I couldn't go back to sleep till 3:30. Then around 4:30 I kept waking up, for no reason. I didn't go back to sleep till about 4:45, then at 5:15 my alarm went off. Akhhh, what a good way to start school, with no sleep, and my head on my desk on the first day back in my new classes. Ohhh well, Have a good day everyone <33333

xoxoxox
-Noraaa

(2) Infect the Innocent.

I'm baaack. [06 Jan 2004|09:11pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Nothinggg. ]

Alright, so I haven't been updating like I used to, but school is starting again tommorow, so everything will be normal. I've done so much this break, but I don't feel like getting into it. In about six months I'm going to Jordan, and some surrounding countries. It's gunna be sooo awesome going over there for the first time in 5 years, and seeing how much everyone's changed. I mean, even in the past six months I've changed so much. It's unbelievable, seriously. My musical taste, the way I dress, the way I think, the way I deal with things, everything changed so quickly, I'm just realizing it. Anywaaay, I've done nothing productive today. All I did was cook and clean, download music, and burn CDs. Boredom. Elora and Kayla came by to drop off a late Christmas present for me from Kayla. I got a journal. I got like three journals this year. And I won't use them, ever. I hate sitting down and writing my feelings on paper. I do so much better on the computer. But it's the thought that counts ;D. Anyway, I think I'm just gunna go work out and try to sleep early. Shit it's already 9PM, and I feel like I wasted the whole day. Goodnight everyone, much love <333333

xoxoxox
-Noraaa

(4) Infect the Innocent.

Akhh ya alby. [02 Jan 2004|01:06am]
[ mood | depressed ]

I've felt so weird lately. My moods keep changing and I don't like it. Just in the past couple of days espically tonight, I feel like I've done nothing in my life. Which is true. What have I done? Nothing comes to mind. I feel out of place, and lonely. I just want someone in my life so bad. Someone to share everything with, someone to always be there, someone who understands me. I kind of hate myself right now, I don't know. I feel like I'm just wasting my life away worrying about stupid bullshit like getting grounded if I come home late, or if I don't clean the bathroom cause I don't feel like it. I want to do something more, see more, do more. But I can't. I feel so locked in, so trapped, I just can't. I wish for just one day I can fucking go and just do what I want to do without worrying, without responsibilities, without having to be a mother to everyone. I'm only fucking 16 years old, and believe me I have more responsibilities in this family then my mother does. I won't sit here and explain it cause I know. I just don't like having to always be the mature young adult of the house. I don't always have to play that role. I shouldn't have to play that role. There are two real adults present, that is their job. They had their teen years, they got married, they had kids, they need to step up and fulfill that role. My dad has, and I love him for it. He works his ass off, and I respect him. But my mother doesn't. My mom has mental issues, and it is obvious to me, my dad, and even her. She's admitted to it. But she isn't mentally retarded, and she definately knows wrong from right. I really don't understand the way she thinks most of the time. When I say I'm going bowling, that means I'm going fucking bowling. Bowling doesn't stand for an orgy, does it? Cause that's what she thinks. When I say I'm going to a friend's house, it doesn't mean I'm going to Atlanta to go fuck a random 40 year old man for 20 bucks. There is no fucking trust and I hate it. NONE. When she doesn't believe me, she makes me drag along my little sister when I go out. What the fuck, when I want to go out by myself sometimes with people she knows, I only want to be responsible for myself, not my little sister as well. I don't have a door knob on my bedroom door. But she has one on her closet. Why? Cause she doesn't trust me, or herself. She locks all her secrets away in her closet, and wants mine to be exposed for her own pleasure. To keep bitching at me for something. My mom always acts like she loves us in public, and is always hugging us and kissing us as long as someone is watching. But behind closed doors, that's when the real monster comes out. She's fucking crazy. She didn't do anything to me tonight or last night or the night before. But this was always how I felt about her. I have journals that I've kept since I was 10, and every page was about how much I hated her, or how much she hurt me. Since I was 10. I remember screaming at her telling her I hated her when she beat me, in like second grade. And I remember her saying, "If you hate me now, I wonder how you feel when you're 16, or 25." Well here's how I feel about you mom, have you made any progress? Fuck no. You only get worse as you get older. She has pushed everyone away from her life. Everyone who has only tried to love her and help her. She keeps crawling back to the ones that reject her, and I just keep losing more and more respect for her. I don't even know how I feel. I don't know if I'm angry, or if I feel sorry for her, or if I feel sorry for myself. I know I don't have it that bad. I have a house, clothes, food, and a family that is still together for the time being. But there is supposed to be something more in a fucking family that makes it a good, happy, healthy one. I know we all have our problems, but usually they try to work it out. My mom doesn't want to change for the good of the family. She wants us to change for her own benefit. She wants the fucking kids to be better for her own sake. Well first off, I don't drink, smoke, fornicate, or make bad grades in school. I'm always here when they need me, I'm not a bad kid. So how much better does she want me to be? She just wants me to treat her with respect, slave around the house for her, do this and that for her, and she still wants to mistreat me just because she feels like it. When I ask her why she's yelling at me for nothing, she says, "Because I feel like it." Okay, well I don't feel like respecting your ass anymore. You have lost all respect. All my respect. All of it. You treat me and the whole family like shit, you are having an affair and think it doesn't effect me one bit that I know. And she knows that I know, I confronted her. She just acts like normal. Like nothing happened. And she doesn't give a shit and she's not even willing to talk about it. She doesn't bring it up. How the fuck can she think this is right? She's a fucking Muslim woman for goodness sake, keep your fucking name clean. This is like the worse thing she could do. She could atleast have a little fucking respect for my dad who has given her everything, and divorce him before she starts a relationship with a white, Christian man. What the fuck is wrong with her. God I wish I could just go into her fucking mind and just read her. See how the hell this woman thinks.

Akhh, I'm so leaving for good. My mom has lost me. I don't think she'll ever be able to get me back after all I know, and how I feel about her. I don't even think she'll even try to get me back. I guess I'm like the brick wall between her and her lover, and she'll be glad to get rid of me to have him. She likes our distant relationship so I don't dig in and find more about her. Fuck, I don't want to know more believe me. Does she even think about anyone else in her life but this fucking man? Is he everything to her now? He must show her a lot of fucking love for her to mistreat her own family the way she does. I really don't get it. I just really really fucking hope I learn from her mistakes. I hope I don't do this to my own family one day when I have one. I don't even think about the future cause I don't feel like I have one. I kind of feel like I am stuck in this phase forever. That I'm going to always feel like this, cause this is all I know, and ever will know. I know it's not true, but I will never know till the future comes, and I hate not being ready for it. It's going to be hard. But I am a very strong person. So bring it on. Goodnight everyone<3

xoxoxox
-Noraaa

*I'm sorry for not commenting or reading anyone's journals lately. I will catch up soon. Goodnight.*

Infect the Innocent.

*pukes* [31 Dec 2003|12:30pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Look at what my mom's lover (NOT MY DAD) wrote her:

Send a message to my heart,
on a soft summer wind.
I want to hear your sweet voice saying,
you love me again.

All this time we spend apart,
makes me realize,
just how empty this world is,
without you by my side.

Baby, please think about me,
when you go to bed tonight.
I wish that I could be there,
to kiss and hold you tight.


Anyways, my dad invited Elora's whole family to go out with us tonight. We are going to some Persian restaurant that has sheesha and bellydancing lol. I'm there for the bellydancing not the smoking. Amanda invited her friend Amir. I met him ONCE and he's so fucking hilarious. He's big and black and has a european accent, haha. It kinda makes him look like a pussy, but thats just me.

Last night me and my cousins went out to see Radio at the dollar theater. It was realllly good, I think. When my dad came to pick us up, he bitched at me for my clothes cause they were "showing my ass" when they WEREN'T. I was wearing two fucking shirts, and jeans. And I had to sit in the front seat with my little cousin, and she was already standing there, so I had to like stick my ass out to the side to get in, and ofcourse my back is gunna show, but he had to exaggerate and go crazy about it. He was like, "Unless your ass isn't showing, you aren't happy." Akhhh fuck you, you don't know what the hell I want. He thinks when I get ready to go to the movies where no one is going to see me, I go to my closet and think, "HMM, which pants would expose my ass more, this one, or this one?!"
Uh, no. If it looks good, and if it fits, it goes on. My dad is so dramatic.

Some Arab girl I know said people were talkin bout what's going on in my house. She said some ladies were sayin that my mom was going through a hardtime and some other random bullshit that they are assuming is going on. They don't know anything. My mom doesn't talk to anyone, my dad doesn't, I don't, no one does. So how the fuck would they know what's going on in this house. They don't. But when they are bored and suspicious about something, they will talk right out their asses. They won't do anything good in their life, but talk shit about people, and make up rumors. This is why I hate Arab women around here sometimes. They are nice to your face when just yesterday they started a rumor about your own fucking family. Which isn't even a little true. They are assumptions of what MIGHT be going on. And they have no fucking clue. Oh well, what goes around comes around, right? Yah.

Anyway, I'm off to the shower and the mall. Have a good day everyone. <333333

xoxoxox
-Noraaa

Infect the Innocent.

Pics from last nigh..eh. [28 Dec 2003|02:49pm]
[ mood | lazy ]
[ music | Weezer - "Only in Dreams" ]


Kissy kissy.

(2) Infect the Innocent.

Heyy. [27 Dec 2003|06:24pm]
[ mood | hyper ]
[ music | I don't know what it's called. ]

Yay my last day being grounded. This whole week, I did more while grounded then NOT grounded..Haha. Well, I went to the zoo today, I just got back. It was funnnn. I think I'm going bowling tonight with Kayla and Drew. Anyway, I'll have a real entry tommorow, my mom is coming home now so I can't type a long ass entry like I usually do. Alrighty, have a good night everyone *muahs* <33333

xoxoxox
-Noraaa

Infect the Innocent.

Akhhh. [23 Dec 2003|09:00pm]
[ mood | good ]

I'm at my uncle's house right now. Just got back from the mall. My parents are getting divorced for real this time. My dad was supposed to sign some papers today which is probably why he dropped us off here today, so he can talk to my mom...I don't know why he doesn't want a divorce. He hates her. Anyway, I got grounded on Saturday night. Someone invited me to go see Lord of The Rings, and I left the house not giving a fuck about anything. I left the house dirty, I didn't call or anything. It felt good to be irresponsible for once. But too bad I fucking only get in trouble when I do the unexpected, ONCE IN MY FUCKING LIFE. I told my mom I knew about her affair. She admitted to it, then tried to make herself look innocent. And that it was okay that she was cheating on my dad. She told me I should be ashamed of myself for having the balls to tell her what I know with a straight face. I told her she shouldn't be ashamed of anyone but herself for lying, and cheating on her fucking husband, and not giving a shit or having any respect for him what so ever. She could have gotten a divorce first, but no. She just had to cheat on him instead. If anyone should be ashamed, I should be ashamed of her. Not vice versa. She shouldn't be ashamed of me, I didn't do anything wrong. She goes, "IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY, THE DIVORCE PAPERS ARE COMING IN ON MONDAY!" Which was yesterday. I was mad cause she didn't even TELL any of us about it. UGH. Anyway, I don't care. I won't be online, or commenting on journals for a while considering I'm grounded. Have a good night everyone, and Merry Christmas to whoever it applies to.

xoxoxox
-Noraaa

Infect the Innocent.

This world is forcing me to hold your haaaand.... [19 Dec 2003|05:47pm]
[ mood | good ]
[ music | No Doubt - "I'm Just a Girl". ]

Like whoaaaa. The semester is overrr! 18 days of sleeping in. Yummy<3 Yah, I drank so much tea to get rid of this flu that I'm practically pissin therma-flu. I'm feeling better though. Just a dry cough, and the muscles in my stomach are sore from coughing soo much. But other than that I'm good. Got home early cause of finals on Wenesday, Thursday, and Friday. We were dismissed at 11:40, I got home at 12. I was locked out of my house today so I went to Mike's house to call my mom at work. She told me there was a spare key in a shoe outside. Aren't I supposed to know about these things? I live there too damn it! Mike took me to get something to eat. He keeps saying I love you, and I don't know if he's for real. That wouldn't be good if he was serious...I really can't think of him like that anymore. I'm so over him, it's impossible to go back. But that's good right? Helll yah it is. Feels good.

Last night I went shopping for my buddies. I couldn't tell my mom though cause I'm not allowed to go out cause we got in another fight on Wenesday. Dude, the fight was sooo fucking pointless. I had told my mom me and my sister were going with Paula and Elora to the Dollar Tree and we would be back in 2 hours. So we left at 8, got home exactly 10. What's the problem you ask? My mom and dad fucking yelled at me cause we went to two other stores RIHT BESIDE THE FUCKING DOLLAR STORE. Hallmark, and TJ Maxx. They were all in the same plaza. They were like, "YOU SAID YOU WERE ONLY GOING TO THE DOLLAR STORE." I was like, "I DID BUT THERE WAS NOTHING THERE BUT COLORING BOOKS, CHEAP CRAYONS AND WIG SHAMPOO. THE OTHER TWO STORES WERE RIGHT BESIDE IT IN THE SAME PLAZA!" They were like, "THAT'S NOT WHERE YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING." And anyway, Mrs. Paula took me, and my mom knew that. She was nice enough to take me along. She had to go to Hallmark and TJ Maxx to buy some of the presents she put on hold. I told them that. God they are FUCKING ANNOYING. And my dad took my mom's side cause she was still mad at him from Sunday's fight, and he wanted to score some brownie points. THANKS DAD, YOU JERK. And I was like, "OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HEARING THIS. IS THIS REALLY WHAT'S PISSING YOU OFF? IS THAT I WENT TO A STORE THAT I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GOING TO? OR ARE YOU TAKING YOUR ANGER OUT ON ME? YOU WANT ME TO STAY HOME, AND SLAVE AT YOUR FEET, AND PLEASE YOU, AND WORSHIP YOU ALL DAY? YOU THINK YOU DID ME SUCH A BIG FAVOR LETTING ME STEP FOOT OUT OF THIS HOUSE? YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW STUPID AND POINTLESS YOUR ARGUMENT IS." My mom was telling me to eat shit in Arabic while I was talking, but I kept going. Then when I was done my dad yelled,"SHUT UP!" And I just layed on my bed and cried for fucking 2 hours because they find the most RETARDED things to yell at me for and punish me, and make sure that my ass is always in the house at all times so I can do things for their lazy asses 24/7. My mom usually works from noon till 6 or 7, and she wakes up at like 9. She doesn't do ANYTHING in the house before or after work. She got used to making it as messy as she can, and leave it to me. Even her room and bathroom and everyone's laundry. I know in our culture the oldest girl does just about everything, but all those girls are miserable. Espically if their parents are dickfaces. And I never get a thank you, and someone bitches about something I did wrong, and I get attacked by my parents about the stupidest shit anyone's ever heard of. Is any of this fair to me? No. But who cares? Not them. It's not even worth doing all the work. Espically when she's always telling people I don't do anything, and I only do little things here and there to make herself look like she's such a great mom doing everything, LIKE SHE'S SUPPOSED TO, but doesn't. God I'm mad now, I'm gunna stop there.

Amanda's 21st birthday is soon and her and her family are going out to Atlanta to eat at that sushi place we like. Amanda only wanted to bring two people, and she invited me! I felt so special ;D Oh and some girl named Tiffany. I don't know if I'll be able to go considering my mom is a...GRRR. Plus, Amanda called and said her dad might not have the money to take us tonight, so we might have to wait till next week. Sooo, that's what I'll be doing tonight, hopefully.

Sorry about how all my journals have to have some bitching in it, and a lot of personal stuff, but oh well. This is the only place I can go to let it out and fume. That's why I got it. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, GET OUTTT! Haha.

I'm thinking about saving my money for a digital camera. Those shits are expensive. The cheapest one I saw was like $85. I want a good one though. The most I'll spend is $250. If anyone knows of any good places with good quality cameras for cheap, comment, pleaseee. Thanks ;D

I made a 94% on my Physics paper! I'm so awesome. Really.

Alright, I'm gunna go change and go down to Elora and Amanda's house before my mom gets home. Have a good night everyone <3333

Pimp bones in mah body. Oooo weee.

xoxoxox
-Noraaa

(1) Infect the Innocent.

Blah blah blaaah... [15 Dec 2003|06:13pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Sublime and No Doubt - "Total Hate" ]

Today was supposed to be a good day. But was it? Not really. On Sunday, my throat starting getting that itchy feeling. So I knew I was gunna get sick soon. Then around 5th period in Physics, I started feelin reaaal shitty. I got a headache, felt dizzy and lightheaded, my eyes hurt, my tummy felt funny, and my muscles were sooo sore. I was coughing a lot too. So I'm thinking, "Great! The flu!!" I came home, took a 3 hour nap. I felt a little better. My muscles are still sore, and my head hurts, but not as much. It's bearable.

I have a 72 in US History now..If I fail that class I'm just gunna drop out. I went from a 78 to a 72 in ONE FUCKING DAY. It's cause I got a 45 out of 90 on my Final Exam ESSAY. I thought I did good on that fucking thing, but did I? No. I hate my teacher too, by the way. If I liked him, I would pay attention. The teachers make a difference to me. He's always insulting me in class, and I just can't put up with it. I know it's my grades, but he just makes me sick, and makes me lose all intrest. So fuck him. I need to make atleast a 54% on my Exam to pass. Think I can do it? Let's hope so...

I can't wait till this week is over. All my exams OVER. This semester OVER. Goddd I can't wait.

I'm going Christmas shopping for my friends today and tommorow. That's gunna be fun, SPENDING ALL MY MONEY! Heh. Anyway, I'm gunna force my dad to get up now. Have a good night everyone.<33333

xoxoxox
-Noraaa

Infect the Innocent.

Hjfknfnfnds [14 Dec 2003|09:29pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I had a dream about running from a bunch of tornados with my mom, aunt, and cousin in my mom's car. Dark clouds, wind, big feilds, hills, the whole deal. When I woke up this morning, I looked up what it meant in this dream book I have and it said something about emotions, and feelings of hatred were about to be confronted or something..hell yah they did...

This moring around 10:30, my mom got pissy cause we didn't have any egyptian rice to cook Dawali. So she took it out on me and everyone else in the house. She stood behind me and asked me to close the pressure cooker. So, I'm trying to close it. It's hard. She's screaming at me, and hitting me over the head. She probably hit me over the head 3 times, and slapped me 3 times, and I got so pissed. The pans fell, and I picked two up, and she slapped me again, and I got up and started yelling. I tried to stay quiet, but I couldn't after that. So the pans are atill in my hands, and I'm crying and yelling at her. I'm like, "DON'T TOUCH ME! I'M TRYING TO CLOSE THE POT, AND IT'S ALREADY HARD TO CLOSE WITHOUT ANYONE SCREAMING AND HITTING ME BEHIND ME." And we got in this biiig fight, and she threatened to move to Jordan, and she said we don't respect her enough, and we're bad kids, yadda yadda ya. She asked me if I wanted her to move away..I was like, "I'm not gunna say yes, I'm not gunna say no.." even though on the inside I was like, "YES YES YES YES YESSSS!" She got in a fight with my dad and bro too. And I told her, "DO YOU SEE US TREATING BABA (dad) LIKE THAT? NO, CAUSE HE RESPECTS US AND DOESN'T YELL AT US, OR HIT US FOR STUPID OR NO REASON AT ALL. IF YOU WANT RESPECT, RESPECT US TOO. YOU CAN'T ASK FOR RESPECT AND GIVE NONE BACK. YOU TREAT US LIKE YOU WANT US TO TREAT YOU. YOU CAN'T EXCPECT THE KIDS TO CHANGE FOR YOUR OWN SELFISH REASONS, WHEN YOU WON'T CHANGE AT ALL." And so on and so fourth. So now we are getting the silent treatment/cold shoulder. Yay..

So because of that, I decided I wanted to go to work with my dad. Red asked for another $100 advancement, and so my dad fired him. He doesn't work right, and asks for advancements every week. So my dad gave him 3 weeks worth of money since he didn't give him a two-week notice to look for a job. It wasn't enough..so while they were arguing, I put $75 in Red's car to atleast pay for a small bill..oh and my dad said, "STOP THAT NIGGER SHIT." And I got mad he said that. So I wrote him a note with the money that said, "I know it's not much, but it might help a little. And don't listen to my dad. Sorry he was an ass to you. Goodluck finding another job. Love, Nour." Yah, I'm a fucking sweetheart. It's okay though, I don't regret giving it to him. He's going through some tough shit, and he's trying his best to deal with it. He's got bills, and no job. He's got a girlfriend, and using her to have a roof over his head, cause her parents are paying most the rent. Two of his newborn kids died. He's slow in the head too. Probably cause his mom was an alcoholic when she was pregnant with him. I'm just helpin him a little. Anyway, Goodnight everyone. Love you all, *Muahs*<33333

xoxoxoxo

Infect the Innocent.

Akhhh ya alby, ya majrooh... [12 Dec 2003|05:54pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Trapt - "Echo" ]

Well, I was fucking updating my journal 5 minutes ago, and I was almost done with the entry when some Arab asshole guy sent me a chat invite, and I pressed ok, and this AOL ERROR #39478948 message kept popping up and I kept pressing okay and it wouldn't go away. Then all of the sudden it stopped, so I copied what I had typed in my journal..then the error started popping up again, so I thought, "Yay, I already copied it, I'll get off AOL, and sign back on, and paste it.." So I got back on without restarting, and I tried to paste, BUT THERE WAS NOTHING TO PASTE!! :( So now I'm re-typing everything.

Like I've said before, plans never work out as planned. I'm basically doing everything I planned except in reverse. Me, Cindy, and Sephora were supposed to go out tonight but can't until Sunday cause Sephora has to go to Atlanta tonight and my mom wants to go to the movies..But I'm still going to see the Christmas lights, yaaay. They are sooo pretttty.

I'm in a really good mood. I don't know why. I just looked outside and smiled for nooo reason.

Man, I was locked out of the house today cause I left my keys in my locker at school. Cause my purse was small, and my keys have 5969356 keychains and so I stuck em in my locker. So I walked down to Elora's house, (which is also where Drew, Forrest, and Amanda live...they are all unrelated, long story) and nobody was home cause they were all at work or school. But they always leave their door unlocked, so I walked in since I practically live there. So I walk in and get attacked by their fucking dogs. GOD I HATE THOSE DOGS. I CAN'T STAND THEM. THEY'RE BIG, UGLY AND EAT CATS WHICH IS WHY THEY CAN'T GO OUTSIDE CAUSE THEY'VE ALREADY EATEN 5 FUCKIN NEIGHBORHOOD CATS! I came in and they started barking and growling, and jumping on me. So I let them out, cause, uh, I didn't wanna die that way. Then like 5 minutes later, Amanda comes home, and she's like SHIIIT THE DOGS ARE OUT! I was like, "Uhhh, I'm sorry, I opened your door so I can come in and call my mom, and they ran out!" lol. So we ended up chasing them around for a fucking hour. Hah..

We have to return some DVDs today at blockbuster and I wanna buy Finding Nemo ad Pirates Of The Caribbean(yah that's probably spelled wrong..). Listen to this gay Blockbuster deal.."BUY THE SEASON'S HOTTEST NEW RELEASES FOR JUST $12.99!" Then in little letters under the 99 it says, "With DVD trade-in." So in other words, I give them a DVD that I spent like 15-20 bucks on, and I get a new one, but I pay another 13 bucks, $14.50 WITH tax. And on top of that, I'll still have the same number of DVDs, instead of more. That's fuckin bullshit. I'll jut spend the extra 5 bucks, and buy it at regular price. See, I don't have any movies that are old..Everything is basically new. The oldest I have is like a year. We didn't buy DVDs till the beggining of this year..We only used to get videos considering we only had a VCR and not a DVD player until March, when we got a DVD/VCR. So yah, this is a gay deal. Fuck you Blockbuster!

I'm gunna get ready to go, have a good day everyone <3333

xoxoxoxo
-Noraaaa

(1) Infect the Innocent.

Fuck. [11 Dec 2003|10:03pm]
[ music | Hurting. Pissed. Sleepy. Sick. Fuck. ]

Well, I can't really say tonight has been the best night. I'll spare you the details.

(2) Infect the Innocent.

Fa la la la la...la la la laaa [11 Dec 2003|08:52am]
[ mood | good ]
[ music | Nothing :( ]

Well, I supposidly have a full weekend. Sephora and Cindy recently asked for my number again. They knew it this summer, but I guess they forgot? We had gone to SixFlags together, then we never kept in touch after that. We only talk in the hallways if we see each other. So we're going to hang out Friday night, either the movies, or the mall for Christmas shopping (I Christmas shop for friends, lol..I don't celebrate Christmas)or both, since they are right across the parking lot from each other. I'll probably go to that dollar store in the mall that this nice Palestinian guy works at. I think he's Christian though. I'm gunna ask him next time. He talked to me and my mom last time we went in there cause he saw the Palestinian flag on my purse. But when I went there on Eid, he was working, and his daughter and wife were there too. Not dressed up or anything. Just working like a normal day. And his wife doesn't wear hijab (scarf/veil) either. But neither does my mom, so I dunno! We'll see! He's a good lookin guy though, for 28. If he's Muslim, I'm hookin up with his younger brother. ;D Haha. So yah, Friday = Movies/Mall. Saturday = Christmas lights at Stone Mountain with Elora, Drew, Forrest, and Amanda. Sunday = Little Five Pointes with the same people plus my brother since he's friends with Elora too. Sooo yaaah. This weekend is gunna be alright. But nothing will compare to lasssst weekeeend ;x.

Ughh, I'm in Computer Applications right now, and we're gunna be here for two and a half hours cause the Seniors are taking an Economics Exam from the state...So, here I am doing this Microsoft Publisher and being bored out my ass. I'm gunna go now, have a good day everyone, *muahs*<33333

xoxoxoxo
-Noraaaa

Infect the Innocent.

Boys boys boys... [08 Dec 2003|09:47pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]
[ music | FunnyArabic song about Chocolate...? ]

I never got to tell you guys about my awesome weekend. I hung out with Rami <33 and his sister and my brother at the mall of Georgia this weekend. Him and his sisters spent the night, and he was sick :( So I took care of him. My parents wouldn't guess that we like each other since we grew up together..I don't know why..maybe cause they think we are more like brother/sister..ANYWAY..and we got a lot of movies, and he asked me to massage his head, and play with his hair, so I did that all night long. From like 12AM till 4AM. I really liked hanging out with him..he's not like, a horny fuck who just wants to grab my ass and look down my shirt. He was happy with just holding my hand, and hugging me and putting his arm around me. And he's so sweet to me..he looks out for me, and defends me a lot. And when I get on the couch, he puts the pillow under my head for me, and gives me more of the covers, and plays with my hair, or my hand or something. It's just really sweet...Ugh and the way he looks at me and just stares...I don't know..It's so weird. I've liked him since I was like 10! Anyway...

Today, Mike was talking to me, and he was practically begging me to kiss him, and be with him. He was like, "You are everything I want Nour. You're so easy to talk to, you're so beautiful. I don't feel like you judge me when I'm speaking to you, I just feel so comfortable. I love your body, your hair, your cute lips, and your eyes. I love you, and I want you so bad." I was like, "WHOAA..Mike, calm yourself." And we kinda laughed. I was like, "Mike, I don't like you like that anymore. You pushed me away too many times, for someone else when you knew you couldn't have me. I lost intrest. You're more like my good friend/older brother now." He was like, "Damn, you're playing hard to get. You're so strong..I'm rubbing up on you, and professing my love for you, and you still won't even give me a kiss on the cheek. If a girl was doing this to me, I'd be all over her." I was like, "Mike I told you, I'm over you. I have been since you were with Crystal. It would be so much better if you got a girlfriend so our relationship will only be friendship like it was.." He was like, "Well can't we just start over?" I was thinking, what the fuck. Haha. But I said, "You're still Mike though. I know you too well now..I just don't have that intrest, and I don't think of you in that way anymore. Just forget it, it's not gunna happen." I don't know. I'm glad I told him everything on my mind. So happy. I don't want to lead him on, or let him keep thinking I like him, when I don't. So I'm happy.

I've been in such a great mood lately. I'm so giddy and happy, and energetic. I love feeling like this. I don't like being tired and sleepy and having a migrane all the time. I like feeling energetic, and light headed and happy and jumpy. It just really brightens my day, and motivates me a lot and keeps me going through the day. I don't know what made me this way..maybe cause of this weekend. It ws my first time seeing him in 6 months. Well I saw him the week before that too. But this weekend we actually gt to hang out more than a couple of hours. I'm sooo happppy, it's kinda sickening..lol. Goodnight everyone, sweet dreams, sleep well. <3333333

xoxoxox
-Noraaa

Infect the Innocent.

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