*miss amanda's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
*miss amanda

[ website | caressing gateways of the mind ]
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[10 Nov 2003|08:01pm]
She stares into the mirror;
does not like whom she sees.
The girl she's looking for,
is whom she'll never be.

This waste cannot complete,
the tasks her life has demanded.
The pain, it will defeat;
heads the advice recommended.

Whispers to her reflection,
"Stay the fuck away from me."
Outcasted by rejection,
she's become her own enemy.

Amanda Kenney - 2oo3
12 shed a tear † cry your fuckingeyes out

a lonely escapade in outer space [27 Oct 2003|06:23am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | * space ; something corporate ` ]

Octubre veintisiete, dos mil y tres

Okay. Where to start. Today was a long long day. It started out to be an okay day. But then after I gave my one true love a hug, and went to walk to class, he got jumped by this guy named Joe. He got socked in the jaw and his braces cut a deep gash into his lip and cheek. Blood shed out upon the concrete and my boyfriend stood there, half-conscious. Joe and the other guy Clay calls Pizza Face ran over to my friend Zack. They tackled him and Zack fell hard on the concrete. He curled into a ball, holding his chest with his arms crossed tightly. Despite his attempt to block the painful stabs, Joe and Pizza Face kicked Zack repeatedly in the gut, ribs, and chest. I didn't want to see what happened next so I walked away. My substitute teacher in 2nd period let me and my friend Alexx take the attendance and Clay and Zack were in the hall with the P.E coaches telling them the story. [from what I could see and overhear, the coaches were taking their side] Well, me and Alexx went back to class. My friend Alison is a dean's assistant and she came and got me and I had to be a witness. I was shaking I was so nervous I'd mess up and say the wrong thing and land my boyfriend and a perfectly good friend in prison. This was no time for fooling around with my words. I fumbled out that Joe came out of no where and just started socking punches and kicking painful blows into Zack's already bruised ribs. Yeah, so I went on with my day and we had another bomb threat during fourth period. I had just finished my Math test. We went outside and sat in the cold, rainy weather. I worried about Clay and Zack the whole time I sat there shaking. I couldn't figure out if I was shaking from the temperature or the pure heartache of the fact my boyfriend may have been hit a little too hard. I came home, and worried some more. My brother Scottie called Clay's house and his mother answered. She said he was in the hospital getting stitches inside his mouth. He came home and called me. He couldn't remember anything about the oh-so-perfect night we spent together. He couldn't remember that the black Ibanez guitar sitting on his bed was given to him yesterday by Zack. I cried, and cried some more. His memory did slowly come back though. He still doesn't remember seeing me at all today. Oh well, as long as he's okay. The weirdest thing was, I could feel his pain. I could hear his thoughts. He thought about me

1 shed a tear † cry your fuckingeyes out

cause everything that you thought i would be is falling apart right in front of you [20 Oct 2003|09:43pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | * numb ; linkin park ` ]

nothing explains my love for Clay better than this song. Nothing that can be put into words that is.

Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep
This air is blessed, you share with me
This night is wild, so calm and dull
These hearts they race from self-control
Your legs are smooth as they graze mine
We're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me, so I die happy
My heart is yours, to fill or burst
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry
Whichever you prefer

The words are hushed, let's not get busted,
Just lay entwined here undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions..
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close
they can't hear, so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me, so I die happy
My heart is yours, to fill or burst
To break or bury, or wear as jewelry
Whichever you prefer

Hands down, this is the best date I can ever remember
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
The dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair
That you twirled in your fingers
And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
And this walk that we shared together
The streets were wet and the gate was locked
So I jumped it, and let you in
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
And you kissed me like you meant it
And I knew that you meant it
That you meant it, that you meant it
And I knew that you meant it, that you meant it.

cry your fuckingeyes out

here we are now.. entertain us [19 Oct 2003|06:15pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | * smells like teen spirit ; nirvana ` ]

Schizotypal:Very High
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

cry your fuckingeyes out

look into the people of your mind. just know that hes coming for you [18 Oct 2003|11:17am]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | * coming ; momento ` ]

long survey.. stolen from Erin.. hey you, yeah you.. the small one.. click me! )

cry your fuckingeyes out

isolate. back in pain. dug up, leveled. [18 Oct 2003|01:12am]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | *isolate ; who the fuck knows ` ]


Which month are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

fuck yeah

cry your fuckingeyes out

a week past johnny finally got courage [16 Oct 2003|10:09pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | *punk rock girl ; off by one ` ]

how I love picking moods I have no fucking clue to what they mean.

long survey.. read me though please? pwetty please? )

1 shed a tear † cry your fuckingeyes out

hands down this is the best date I will ever remember [15 Oct 2003|10:42pm]
[ mood | loved ]
[ music | i wish my phone didn't go dead :( ]

-sigh- I am in love. LOVE man... wow.

Clay: There is not a word to describe how much I love you. And if there was, it'd be fuckin powerful.
Clay: Can I be with you forever?
Me: I don't know... Can you?
Clay: If you permit me to.
Me: <3
Clay: Let's say I love you until the phone goes dead, so it will remain in your head for the time I am gone. And you will not be lonely.
Clay: I love you.
Me: I love you too!
Me: Damnit!

cry your fuckingeyes out

you took the world with you, so what is left for me? [15 Oct 2003|11:02am]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | * post script ; finch ` ]

to her own reflection she says,  )

Mm.. well good morning. What's up??? Nothing really much here. I just found my Finch collection on my computer and started listening to it... Damn.. I was missing out. Haha. Well, today.. I think I am going to work on cleaning out my room and throwing some of that old worthless shit away. Easier said than done. I happened to be attached to some of that old, worthless shit. Hmm, I talked to Clay for about 4 hours last night on the phone. He told me he wanted to be with me forever. The strange thing is, I knew he meant it. So, sunday, we are gonna go deep sea fishin. I'm going to catch the largest catch of the day. I am determined to. Clay thinks I'm just gonna sit back and watch, he's got something to be surprised about. I love fishing. I get very competitive. Hmm, well Friday I am going to the fair. Might be taking Scottie and Erica. I know I am gonna see some of my other friends there. I wish I could take Clay, but he's going camping :(. Tomorrow I have my first official guitar lesson. I have to take a folder with notebook paper. I thought this was supposed to be fun, not involve school-like work. Oh well, the price to pay for glory. Later

cry your fuckingeyes out

okay .. soo I have a new obsession~ [14 Oct 2003|04:58pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | none ]

you're the shiznit! YOUR A TRUE THAT 70's SHOW FAN!

are you a real that 70's show fan
brought to you by Quizilla

Your man is Hyde. You like your man to be a little dangerous, but loyal to his friends and good to his woman. If you got Hyde as a result, you kick!
Your man is Hyde. You like your man to be a little
dangerous, but loyal to his friends and good to
his woman. If you got Hyde as a result, you

What That 70's Show guy is right for you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hyde, Beer drinking smart ass not afraid to do much
bosses anyone who's a Kelso around

Witch 70's Show Character are you?((now with pics))
brought to you by Quizilla

Steven Hyde
Steven Hyde

That 70's Show - Which member of the gang are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

1 shed a tear † cry your fuckingeyes out

fold the corners, break the silence. [14 Oct 2003|10:11am]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | * perfection through silence ; finch ` ]


Heheheheh, stolen from the beautiful Ashley!

A - Act your age - Heh, most of the time.
B - Boyfriend - Yup yup!
C - Chore you hate - I don't have many chores, but I hate laundry.
D - Dad's name - Kim.. R.I.P
E - Essential make up item - black eyeliner
F - Favorite actress - Erm, Kate Hudson?
G - Gold or silver - silver.
H - Hometown - Pensacola, Florida.
I - Instruments you play - Geetar!
J - Job title - student.
K - Kids - hopefully, some day.
L - Living arrangements - With my mom
M - Mom's name - Sheila
N - Number of people you've slept with - none.
O - Overnight hospital stays - none, well when I was a baby!
P - Phobia - Iatrophobia...
Q - Quote you like - If you can't shoot for the stars, atleast reach for them. You never know what you'll achieve until you succeed!!!!
R - Religious affiliation - I was baptist, but now I am Catholic. I believe in God, but I'm not sure I fall under one religion.
S - Sibling - none.. well my bubba from school, Scottie!
T - Time you wake up? 6 on schooldays..usually around 9:30 on the weekends.
U - Unique habit - uhm..I move my fingers when a song comes on.. and it looks like I have several strings attached to my fingers that are attached to a puppet.. They are invisible though.. So is the puppet.. haha.. I'm weird.
V- Vegetable you refuse to eat- Colloflower..
W - Worst habit - Umm.. I bite my nails
X - X-rays you've had - I dont know
Y - Yummy food you make - Chicken and Dumplings
Z - Zodiac Sign - Aries

1 shed a tear † cry your fuckingeyes out

turn it up [12 Oct 2003|08:09pm]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | varsity blues ]

Yeheeee LOOK!!!!!

Read more... )

cry your fuckingeyes out

my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me [12 Oct 2003|02:20pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | *i am mine ; pearl jam ` ]

So won't you kill me, so I die happy. Haha, anyways. What's up everyone? Nothing much here.. I think Clay might be mad at me since I couldn't go over there today. Okay so yesterday was Alison's party.. It was a blast. I love the water... and I can't resist not getting in it. I was standing there, with my clothes on.. staring at the ocean... Amber goes, "whatcha thinkin bout?" and I ran and jumped in and a wave pounded me. It was fun. Then we were walking back to the hotel and Savana was all happy cause she was dry, and I ran up behind her, jumped really hard into the water behind her, and soaked her. We got back to the hotel and we were standing by the outside pool.. Everyone thought it was really cold so they didn't wanna get in.. Well, being as fearless as I am, I ran and jumped straight into the deep end. It was awesome :) Wahoo.. anyways, we went back inside and Savana and Erin gave me some clothes. We started playing games included, Mafia, Through The Green Balloon, To The Club, Magic Camera, and 10 Fingers. Yeah it was a bunch of fun. Hey ya'll, I wan't you to try something for me.. go to a doorway.. stand sideways like you were coming through it, reach your arms out down beside you and touch the top of your hand to each wall.. push really hard like you're trying to hold the building up.. turn sideways and let your arms relax.. If you did it right, they should rise and you should be able to feel it.. It's awesome. Well, later!

cry your fuckingeyes out

how was I to know you'd never leave [09 Oct 2003|09:22pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | *everyone ; socialburn ` ]

*random conversation to show how luccky I am

Me: hey
Tania: im so mad at u
Me: why?
Tania: because u didnt go to skool today
Me: im sorry
Tania: and u cant take that test tomorrow in Mr Rileys
Me: I know
Me: I get to wait til after fall break :-)
Tania: shut up
Me: haha I am so sorry

Teehee, I love my best friend

2 shed a tear † cry your fuckingeyes out

and I hate the way I feel inside [09 Oct 2003|02:43pm]
[ mood | cynical ]
[ music | *the way I feel ; 12 stones ` ]

::hug:: Oh my God, isn't Ryan like totally fine?!
Oh sure, Summer is a tough chick who knows
exactally what she wants...we think...but below
the surface of this raging beast beats the true
heart of a great friend.

Which character from The OC are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

cry your fuckingeyes out

Everybody's talkin' bout' blowin' up the neighborhood [09 Oct 2003|02:16pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]
[ music | *stuck in america ; sugarcult ` ]

Is it just me, or does no one ever comment anymore? -tear-

1 shed a tear † cry your fuckingeyes out

you've got your manipulations, they cut me down to size [09 Oct 2003|11:11am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Brackish - Kittie ]

Hey everyone.. What's going on? I decided to stay home from school today. Didn't feel all that well when I woke up.. so my mom let me go back to sleep. Tomorrow is the last day of school before fall break. I'm glad.. cause Friday's always go fast. I have a Spanish and a Math test tomorrow though, since I didn't go today. But anyways... sorry that it's been awhile since I've last updated. I'm pretty busy with school and homework. Clay can't talk to me on the phone anymore after school. He's in trouble cause his mom caught him talking to me after 9:30. You know, I'm sorry.. but I don't know if I like his mom too much. His dad rocks, but his mom is just a little bit on the weird side to me. So, now I can play three songs on my guitar. Seven Nation Army, Brackish, and Pretty Girl. Only the intro's though. That's pretty good considering I didn't know how to play it so I just started looking up tabs. Anyways, I miss Clay. I should've gone to school today to see him. I miss Tania too. Well, yesterday we had school pictures, y'know, for the yearbook? Well, I was walking up the bleachers in the gym and I fell... NO ONE SAW IT THOUGH.. Damnit, I wanted them to see it. Well, Terri saw it.. and was about to die from laughing. It was awesome. I think I am gonna go try to study for my Math test and then clean my room up. Until then, later!

--- * ---
she is not scared to die
best things in life drive her to cry
crucify then learn
{take so much away from inside you
makes no sense
you know he can't guide you
he's your fuckin shoulder to lean on
be strong}
sit & watch me burn
{take so much away from inside you
makes no sense
you know he can't guide you
he's your fuckin shoulder to lean on
be strong}
she's taught to believe
that it be ok
look at your face
scarred in dismay
now times have changed
& so have you
i think i'd rather crucify than learn
i'd like to take you down
and show you deep inside my life
my inner working
to smell & lack of inner pride
to touch upon the surface is not for what it seems
i take away my problems
but only in my dreams
{take so much away from inside you
makes no sense
you know he can't guide you
he's your fuckin shoulder to lean on
be strong}

cry your fuckingeyes out

you taught me how to rip hearts out [05 Oct 2003|06:44pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | *i hate everything about you ; three days grace ` ]

Hey everyone. <3 GUESS WHAT!??!?! I got my guitar.. I am so HAPPY. Although I can't play it that well, I still love it. Okay, well I was getting my eye brows done and I was about to pee in my pants because I really wanted to go see my guitar again.. We got to the music store.. and I couldn't find it. I was about to cry. I talked to Tommy, the sales manager, about it. He said they had one left and it was in the back. He brought it out and I asked how much it was and he told me $399. That's way more than I have saved. I was ABOUT to cry. I went over to my mom and told her it was the last one and told her the price. She had this sad smile on her face, you know the one you can already tell she's about to say no? Okay, well she said outloud, "The price isn't that bad, but you only get a guitar... what about an amp?" Tommy cut me off from saying something and he said, "I could throw in an amp, a case, headphones, and some picks for free... she's just so cute and so devoted..." I love him, he's really nice. Okay, besides that... I had a kick ass time at Megan's last night. I made her a really cheap looking journal though.. but check it out.. baileychicklett.. okay well anyways.. We went swimming, in the COLD ASS pool at like 12 a.m.. then I slept inside in a tent.. haha.. I can't remember much other than that.. -wink, wink- told you it was kick ass. Well, I've got to jet. Later.


Lookie, I found a picture !!!

<3 My Baby

Straight String Pull Headstock
Quilt Maple Top
Basswood Body
25-1/2"" Scale & 1-5/8" Nut
Grover Tuners
Chrome Hardware
Dean Pickups
Floating Tremolo
Bolt-on Construction
Maple Neck & Fingerboard
Dot Inlays
MOP Pickgaurd
22 Frets

cry your fuckingeyes out

and I could die in your arms right now [04 Oct 2003|11:18am]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | *going under ; evanescence ` ]

Eee! New layout. I like it lots and lots. Alicia is being the usual sweetheart and making me a better icon though to go with this. Thanks to, http://www.soup-faerie.com for the background <3. Anyways... Today I am gonna go to the guitar store and possibly get my guitar that I have been longing to hold. Haha, sound weird? Yeah, I was supposed to go to the Escambia High School football game last night but I had to clean my room. It made me really depressed but then my mom told me I could probably get my guitar today if my room was clean by 12 p.m central standard time. I'M SO HAPPY CAUSE IT'S CLEAN!!!!! Haha, tonight I am going over to Megan's house and we are gonna be dorks and have SO MUCH FUN! Yeah, we made up. I told her that if our friendship was going to work out then Michael would never come up in a single conversation. And since then we've conversed about 15 times and she hasn't said anything about him. I guess that worked... Oops, I was supposed to call Clay back ten minutes ago. Oh well, I don't want to bother him. He said he might go to XPark [skate park] today but he didn't have anyone to go with. But he said Chris would probably go... So he went over there 20 minutes ago and told me to call him back in 10 minutes but I got so excited about my guitar I forgot. Bad me. Okay, well I've got to go get ready to leave. I'll update again and fill you in on the details.


The Way We Get By )

cry your fuckingeyes out

7 Days until You Miss Me [01 Oct 2003|10:03pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | *go with the flow ; queens of the stone age ` ]

mm. Good day today! I really don't like it when Clay's high, but it was really funny this morning. He walked up to Scottie with his trombone case.. pushed it into Scott's back, Scottie turned around and Clay like opened his mouth and goes 'wazzzzzuuuuup!?' It was so great. Hmm, well in P.E today me and Tania got in trouble cause we didn't dress out so we had to sit outside. We were unsupervised and we started tumbling and stuff. I was doing a back-bend out of my handstand and I hear this mediocre decibel clapping. I turned around and the guys, [Clay, Zack, Brian, Josh, and Ari] were standing there cheering me on. I was like, DUDE. And then Tania tried it and like a dork she knocked the breath out of herself. It was great. So me and Tania were laying on the ground, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, but we were acting like there was. I was like, "Look-- that ones a bunny rabbit!" and then this huge rock came flying over my head and I screamed "ARMAGEDDON!" Then Hunter came over and was like, "what are ya'll doing, looking at the stars?" and Tania goes, "yep, they're so purdy" Anyways, yeah... the rest of the day I was really hyper and Brian squirted me in the butt with this little water squirter thingy ma bobber. It was SO cold. I fell asleep 7th period. Not good. Oh another thing, Alicia is GORGEOUS!!! She's so pretty. Well, I'll let you guys go. Peace Easy and Rock ON!!!

1 shed a tear † cry your fuckingeyes out

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