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i hate michal [21 Sep 2004|11:19pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | soad - psycho [haha thats funny] ]

die michal, die with iddo and pavel!!!!!
she told me im psycho! and crazy! and people who cut themselves dont deserve to live! >

4 wants me to me to try

psychiatrists and psychologists... [20 Sep 2004|09:54pm]
yes i told my parents that i think about suicide. i cant tell them i cut myself. cant. so now im gonna see the psychologist next week. what joy... and i may need in 90% to take meds. well ....
OMFG!!!!!!!! Iddo just sent me a message that he wants to know whats up and i told him...and he told me good luck with everything! WTTTTFFFFFFFF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! and again everybody with me WTF????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! who does he think he is? he laughed at me, called me a freak, why is he like this? why now?
anywayz, im gonna see the psychologist next week and....im gonna go to the psychiatris coz...i need to know if i need meds or what meds should i take. lifes not fair. im getting someone to go with me everywhere and to keep sharp objects far away from me. so now i have someone to talk when i pee or what?! i need help but not like this...
3 wants me to me to try

im gonna tell my mom about it all. [19 Sep 2004|02:45pm]
im going to tell her. yes i am. i am i am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhh i have to do so much things today. i know she wont be mad. im not depressed anymore. i dont feel like it anymore. i have tons of energy just waiting to be wasted!!! finally im happy[er] yeah. lifes getting better but not so much. ah but thats better i guess. yes yes. yes.


your depression levl by me_is_crazz
name
age
parents name
D-O-B
DEPRESSION LEVEl:: 89%
Quiz created with MemeGen!


Are you depressed or hyper? by silverdistortion
Name
Age
You are Depressed: 92%
You are Hyperactive: 89%
# or times you have attempted suiside30
Date you will die or get marriedAugust 19, 2680
Friend who is more depressed than you
Quiz created with MemeGen!


Depression of All and None by bitch24
Name or Nickname
Your current mood
How many times you have cried this yearMore than once a day
Chances you will feel like this forever: 90%
Quiz created with MemeGen!


what? i dont cry!!! i never cry!! yes i do...i cried once last year about iddo because he started to cut himself for me. but thats iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! im gonna stay like this forever nowi can really cry...
try

God [17 Sep 2004|10:15pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

i cant stop moving, i cant stop just cant. i need to calm down somehow but i cant. i dont understand how it all even got into me. its not the first time it happens. it happened to me a few months ago but i tried to deny everything. but now i cant. people say that i have this mania-depression and i just cantbelieve. i cant fucking cant. what if i have it what now? how can i handle it? i prefer to live and not know about it at all. i dont even know what mania-depression is, i mean im not sure. i cant stp moving, some one please you gotta help me stop. everything is racing and i have to run with it i have. i dont know. its out of my control. im not crazy i am not. i am normal. i hate it when people tell me that this behavior is wierd and so unusual. i hate hate hate hate it. i dont wanna cut myself now i dunno. actually i feel good so good that it makes me feel bad. i feel like everything is under my control except for those feelings why cant they dissapear? i tried to pin myself but i dont wanna pin myself and i tried to do something slowly but i cant it makes me mad. its not the first time this happens but i never thought about it as a disorder or i dunno. ok im trying to calm down...breathing deeply but i feel like blood is rushing is moving i need to move! i fucking need to move!! scratching myself wont help anymore. i need something i need something...i need something! i dunno something to do something! i fucking dont what. something for something! i used to lock myself when this happened but they told me to stop doing it. so i stopped! but i cant stop! why cant i stop?!it helps so much to write coz it is something. and then i guess that means i am doing something. yes i am. hmm i feel like going out but i have some guests right now. i dunno. i wanna have some fun. i wanna go out. yeah. i have to go out right nownownownownownow. 12345678909876533221123456789009876323 finally it makes me peace 222345678i0988y7t6r5r432gftr,ku34bvgy38569 i7258956 3pv5830 aejst;pc,0rp3583905b35nm90p;bk50389bhq3p;ckl059vhj503b5h;0w.vikrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrektuw4io3y59w3875vfwh79b67690347bn974957 997 God. i went to the bathroom, i dunno. i wanted to throw up but if i start i wont stop so i guess i wont do it.

i saw the Jews live today yeah they really rocked! my friend told me i was dancing like crazy like im lost in a trance or something. i love being lost in something. it makes you high [makes you hide makes you really wanna go - STOP] i dunno. i have this song in my mind. i have so much to tell right now and i need to do it but not like this. i wanna talk to someone coz it helps. it really helps but my friends to the support group arent there right now. fucking God. please someone talk to me i need it. i really do. i dunno what to do now i have to talk. i have to. my icq is 258084155 please please i need it. i need God i fucking need it. i feel like im losing my mind i just...

1 wants me to me to try

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