||[27 Apr 2004|03:39pm]
i'm going to vent in this entry. you don't like it, don't read. thank you very much.
i fucking hate my life. nothing ever works out for me. i'm always getting hurt. i have so much pain that i don't even know what to do with it. i walk around with this big weight on my shoulders and it hurts so bad! can i EVER be happy for once? i haven't felt that overwhelming happiness for so long. i hide everything. i make it seem like i'm happy, but i'm not. my heart has been bruised and torn apart so many times, and so many tears have been cried, i'm just sick of it. i'm sick of feeling this way. i'm sick of putting other people before me. sometimes i just feel like saying i don't give a shit about you. but i don't, because i care about other people. yea. you'd think it'd be mutual. but no. nothing ever is for me. i'm the bitch. i'm the pretty conceited girl. i'm the slut. they've said it all. i try not to let other people's judgements of me bother me, and usually they don't...but they still hurt. it doesn't leave you.
you know, i hate games. he seems to be playing games. yea well i'm
fucking sick of you. you can do whatever the hell you want, choose your own friggin lifestyle, but you're making stupid choices and it's only hurting the ones that love you. whatever. sometimes you make me wish i didn't care about you that much.
i just want to be free. from everyone. my bad friends, myself...i want a change. if i could, i'd leave this town. start new. fresh. next year will be different. the people who didn't give a fuck about me, i won't give a fuck about them. how many times can someone's heart be wounded? it only takes so long before they leave.
and i'm telling you. i am ready to leave.
i walk around with this smile on my face.
fake smile that is. sometimes it's real. other times, no. i'm the "happy girl", the one who has it all.
where'd you hear that lie
i'm not trying to make you all feel sorry for me. don't feel sorry for me. i can take care of myself. all i'm saying is i'm sick of the shit. the drama. i'm only one person. i can only handle so much.
i'm not a perfect person
there's many things i wish i didn't do . . .
hope i didn't waste your time. later.