| Interesting day | ||||
| 11:03pm 09/10/2004 | ||||
Kels |
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sick| 07:26am 09/10/2004 | ||||
--Spell your name with band names. K - Killswitch Engage E- Evanescence L- Lamb of God L- Lynard Skynard Y- Yes LAYER TWO: -- Name: Kelly -- Birth date: July 19, 1986 -- Nickname: Kels, Kel, Squish, and bunches of stuff -- Current Location: In my room -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hair Color: Brown and a hint of black -- Righty or Lefty: Right Handed -- Zodiac Sign: Cancer LAYER THREE: -- The shoes you wore today: The kewl Mary Jane's that Eric bought for me -- Your weakness: alot..... -- Your fears: heights, human diformaties, water, and being alone -- Your perfect pizza: homemade pizza baby! 'specaily Grandmum's -- Goal you'd like to achieve: being normal would be a nice start LAYER FOUR: -- Your most overused phrase on AIM: lol, jk, gtg, all that shit -- Your thoughts when you first wake up: "It's weird not having Er here" -- Your best physical feature: NONE! -- Your bedtime: about 8 in the morning -- Most missed memory: .......*shrugs* LAYER FIVE: -- Pepsi or Coke: Diet -- McDonald's or Burger King: neither -- Adidas or Nike: Nike -- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Brisk -- Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla -- Cappuccino or coffee: COFFEE! LAYER SIX: -- Smoke: hahahahahahahaha me, never! -- Cuss: when don't I? -- Sing: Unfortionatly I feel the need to, even though I can't -- Take a shower everyday: Yeah. I can't stand the thought of being unclean *shivers* -- Have a crush(es): On Eric..... teehee don't tell him though, it's a secret. hehe -- Do you think you've been in love: yes -- Want to go to college: yup -- Like(d) high school: oh god no! -- Want to get married: Planning on it =) -- Believe in yourself: Nope -- Get motion sickness: nope -- Think you're attractive: Nope! -- Think you're a health freak: I guess so -- Get along with your parents: My mom sometimes -- Play an instrument: quite a few LAYER SEVEN: In the past month... -- Drank alcohol: Probably -- Smoked: Yup -- Done a drug: does caffine count? -- Had Sex: Yuppers =) -- Made Out: Yup -- Gone on a date: hehe The Arcade! -- Gone to the mall?: Yes -- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Oh good god no! -- Eaten sushi: nope -- Been on stage: .....not that I can remember no -- Been dumped: Nope -- Gone skating: Nope -- Made homemade cookies: Yupp -- Gone skinny dipping: Nope -- Dyed your hair: Not yet -- Stolen anything: hmmmmm *shrugs* LAYER EIGHT: Ever... -- Played a game that required removal of clothing: yeah -- If so, was it mixed company: ---yeah -- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: I can't get drunk!!!!!! -- Been caught "doing something": not anything sexual -- Been called a tease: not that I know of. Not seriously anyway -- Gotten beaten up: Nope -- Shoplifted: Yea -- Changed who you were to fit in: Don't believe in it.... fake people pain me. LAYER NINE: -- Age you hope to be married: I would say early 20s -- Numbers and Names of Children: Rhiannon Page, Gage, Bettie Mae...so three I guess -- Describe your Dream Wedding: teehee me and Er had a huge conversation about this =) *swoons* -- How do you want to die: In my sleep -- Where you want to go to college: =D Juilliard! -- What do you want to be when you grow up: A music teacher... but mostly, a good wife and mother. -- What country would you most like to visit: Ireland LAYER TEN: -- Best eye color? A nice warm brown, or blue --Best hair color? dark -- Short or long hair: depends -- Height: taller than me....which isn' hard -- Best weight: haha "I dig scrawny pale guys" -- Best articles of clothing: a nice comfy oversized sweater/sweatshirt -- Best first date location: somewhere fun and goofy -- Best first kiss location: *shrugs* LAYER ELEVEN: -- Number of people I could trust with my life: very limited -- Number of CDs that I own: *passes out laughing* that's a joke right? We practically have a record shop in our house! -- Number of piercing: 8 in each ear, right eye brow, tongue -- Number of tattoos: 3 -- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: a bunch -- Number of cars your family owns: 1 Fill it out damn you! Kels |
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| In my head the flesh seems thicker | ||||
| 11:05pm 07/10/2004 | ||||
I hate the person that I have become. Not the person I can pretend to be, because that has always remained the same. I still am that person when I'm manic..... I wish I was that person 24 hours a day. I can't stand what the meds have done to me, I can't stand what this E.D. has turned me into. I can't stand the bags that are now under my eyes 24/7 no matter how much makeup I use, I can't stand the empty pain that has become my eyes, I can't stand how my skin has turned this yellow sickly looking color ..... People think it's so glorious...to those people I wish to tell you one thing..... IT'S NOT! Don't let yourself become what I have... Losing your life to a sickness isn't worth any money in the world. And no, this doesn't mean I am going to try to recover. Not by a long shot. Ana is the only thing I have left. She's the only real part of me at this point. I can't pretend that she isn't. I hate to say it, but sometimes the pain that she causes is the only thing that lets me know that I am still here... it lets me know that I can still feel. At times I am so emotionally numb that nothing can get that point across..... God, why can't I just be normal...for one day? It would be so nice to feel again. I would love to not have to deal with this shit all the time. Because it has swallowed all that I am whole. Most of the time the only sanity I have lies in a cigarette, or a razor, or god forbid a hand full of pills. Not the bad kind, but the ones that keep my feet on the ground. Alot of the time though..... those make life seem all too real, and I can't deal with it. I can't deal with having to realize how fucked up I have become....... Kels |
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blank| Stay with me, safe and ignorent | ||||
| 05:42pm 21/09/2004 | ||||
Kels |
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| Read 1 - Post | ||||
| Quizzes | ||||
| 12:43am 15/09/2004 | ||||
 Bondage You love lack of freedom! Ropes, chains and handcuffs are your personal kink. Your bed is a four-poster to make it more convenient to be spread-eagle! You look at hardware stores very differently than the rest of us do. Your motto is Fit to be Tied! Take the quiz: "What kind of sex should you have?" Kinky You like whips, chains..... crazy stuff. You are creative with sex. Keep it going!!!!! I hope you have a partner as kinky as you, otherwise you wont be satisfied. Take the quiz: "What Disney Princess Are You?"  Snow White Your evil step-mum tried to kill you and now you live with 7 men...lucky girl. Take the quiz: "What Kinda Kiss R U?" Lesbian Kiss In my experience its kissing my best friend or imagining kissing sum hot girl. Take the quiz: "How sexy are you?"  OH BABY!!!!! Your on Fire..... MORE PLZ You are the essense of sexy but you need to tune it down a little otherwise people wont take you seriously!!!! Take the quiz: "Worlds fastest sex test" Red Tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is lighted, it may take hours to extinguish. When two Reds get together, the ensuing erotica could make Lady Chatterley blush. Lovers of Red tend to be the aggressors and weaker colors should beware! Take the quiz: "how horny r u?" ur horny alright! dude man thats all i have to say Take the quiz: "What do your anime breasts look like, eh?"  Huge You have huge boobs- they kind that will break your back if you don't wear the right bra. Haha... Big boobs sag. You have saggy boobs! SAGGY BOOBS! Take the quiz: "The MOOD quiz! (With cool blinkies!)"  Innocent You are sweet, smart and kind. You have tons of friends and they all love you. Keep it up, you're on your way to fortune! Take the quiz: "Are you a good girl/boyfriend?" You are the best awwww you are everything they ever wanted. You seem to always make them smile. You never argue. They would never even think of cheating on you. you are the lack of a better word Take the quiz: "What Kind of Pervert are You?"  The Seductive Pervert The Seductive Pervert: You are The Seductive Pervert, you don't have to try! You use only your body and sexual ways to lure someone in an endless dream of sexual fantasies. Although you may use toys, you have your desires, you seem to know what gets to them, you even know their soft spots, woah, wouldn't matter if they had first met you or not! Your ways are unbelievable and quite sensual, you could probably lay anyone you wanted with the way you speak, move, or just motion. Just don't test your abilities on yourself, you might find yourself attracted to even your own body. Let's try attracting another person instead. Hehe! Take the quiz: "What High School Stereotype Are You?" Punk Punk ass kid. You love loud music and beer. You go to shows and have lots of friends who are just like you. Take the quiz: "What do you love about making love?"  Love You are a lover of love. You love to love and be loved. You are perhaps a hopeless romantic but those are rare nowadays. Think of it as a gift. Whether you are saving yourself for that special someone or you have already found him or her. You are part of an almost extinct species of human. The kind that believe in true love... Because love is truly beautiful! Take the quiz: "How big of a penis do you have?" Your HUGE! Take the quiz: "how good are you at sex" fucking awsem Stay away from Playboy manner I want some of the girls two ... Take the quiz: "what type of sex do you prefer?" kinky you'll do anything during sex, and try anything new. If you don't like it, you wont do it again. you, are domineering, you like the whips, and tortue devices, and you also liek being dominated by anyone else. |
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| thingy | ||||
| 02:52am 11/09/2004 | ||||
Smiled?: I'm not sure Laughed?: Water gun fights at RockStar Cried?: Today Bought something?: A soda Danced?: Today Were sarcastic?: Uh, few minutes ago. Kissed someone?: Before I left Florida Talked to an ex?: Tonight Watched your favorite movie?: Last night Had a nightmare?: I don't sleep much A Last time for everything ... Last book you read: Luckiest Little Girl In The World Last movie you saw: Salvia Last song you heard: Listening to "Roots, Bloody Roots" night now Last thing you had to drink: coffee Last time you showered: this afternoon Last thing you ate: I'm a fatass. Do You ... Smoke?: of course Do drugs?: not anymore Have sex?: When I can Sleep with stuffed animals?: yes, and real animals too Live in the moment?: Usually Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Yeah, miss him like hell too Have a dream that keeps coming back?: sometimes Play an instrument?: sax, bass, and piano Believe there is life on other planets?: sure why the fuck not Remember your first love?: somewhat Still love him/her?: nope Read the newspaper?: occasionally Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yup Believe in miracles?: I wish... Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: Yea, if you can remain strong Consider yourself tolerant of others?: I try to be, usually remaining successful. Consider love a mistake?: things that it makes me do can be mistakes, love isn't. Like the taste of alcohol?: indeed Have a favorite candy?: not really Believe in astrology?: sometimes Believe in magic?: yes Believe in God?: *shrugs* to each his own Pray?: To Diana Go to church?: nope Have any pets: lots Do well in school?: Not when I'm not being challenged Wear hats?: yeah. Have any piercings?: yes. Have any tattoos?: yupper Hate yourself?: =\ sometimes... Have an obsession?: ha, yeah Have a secret crush?: nope Do they know yet?: I don't have one Collect anything?: Bettie Page stuff Have a best friend?: a couple. Wish on stars?: yes. Like your handwriting?: not really Have any bad habits?: plenty Care about looks?: not really Boy/girlfriend's looks?: Nope Believe in witches?: Yes, cause I happen to be one :-) Believe in Satan?: Not too sure Believe in ghosts?: Depends Kels |
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| I should play god, And shoot you myself | ||||
| 02:46pm 10/09/2004 | ||||
Kels |
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| 03:15am 04/09/2004 | ||||
Kels |
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| How I wish, how I wish you were here | ||||
| 12:25pm 31/08/2004 | ||||
Kels |
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anxious| Florida | ||||
| 11:08am 26/08/2004 | ||||
Kels |
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sleepy| Soul | |||
| 04:33pm 10/08/2004 | |||
 You have a kind soul! What can be better than cooking lemon-pastries? Only helping out sick kids of course! Congratulations, you have a kind soul. Known for your purity and goodness you follow your heart and your brain. The path you seem to talk on is golden, and your touch can make others forget about their pain. Your always the one who donates to charity, feeds the squirrels in the park, and volunteers down at the shelter. Youre determined to make the world a better place, and be sweet and thoughtful everywhere. You are probably multi-talented, and others love being around you. Be careful though. Dont let them take advantage of you. What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures! brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Is it normal, for it to hurt when you breath? | ||||
| 08:03pm 06/08/2004 | ||||
Because right now it pains me to even fathem breathing. It's an overwelming burning........... And I don't know if it will ever go away. Kels |
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| thing | ||||
| 01:47pm 03/08/2004 | ||||
002) Name?: Kelly 003) Date of birth?: 7/19/86 004) Sex?: Girl 005) Height?: 5'0 006) Eye color?: Brown 007) Hair color?: Brown 008) Location?:Point Pleasant Boro 009) Where were you born?: Jersey City 010) Have you ever failed a grade?: Yes 011) If you have, what grade did you fail?: first two years of high school 012) Do you have crush on someone?: Yes 013) Do you have a bf/gf?: Yes 014) If so, what is their name: Eric (Erock) 015) How long have you been together?: 3 monthes today :-) 016) What are you wearing right now?: My Ozzfest pants, and my little kids ringer shirt 017) Would you have sex before marriage?: Yes 018) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers? Yes 019) Are you a virgin?: No 020) Do you smoke?: Yes 021) Do you drink?: Sometimes 022) Are you ghetto?: No 023) Are you a player?: No 024) What are your favorite colors?: Red 025) What is your favorite animal(s)?: Snakes, spiders, cats and water dragons 026) Do you have any birthmarks?: Yes 027) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: No 028) Who is your best friend?: Cory, Sue, Ash, Michelley, Eric, Dawn.......alot of people 029) Have you ever beat someone up?: Yes 030) Who do you talk to most on the phone?: No one really 031) Have you ever been slapped?: Yes 032) Do you get online a lot?: Yes 033) Are you shy or outgoing?: Outgoing. I don't believe in having shame. 034) Do you shower?: Yes 035) Do you hate school?: *snickers* I don't have to go back until Jan. for college! 036) Do you have a social life?: I would say so, yes 037) How easily do you trust people?: Depends on the person and what reading I get off them 038) Have you ever lied to your best friends?: No 039) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?: No 040) Would you ever sky dive?: NEVER! 041) Do you like to dance?: Yes 068) Have you ever been out of state?: Yes 069) Do you like to travel?: Surely 070) Have you ever been expelled from school?: Yes 071) Have you ever been suspended from school?: Yes 071) Do you want to get out of your hometown?: Sure, why not 072) ARE YOU SPOILED? Only by Eric :-P 073) Are you a brat?: Sometimes 074) Have you ever been dumped?: Yes 075) Have you ever gotten high?: *snickers* that's how I made it through high school 076) What's your favorite drink?: Diet Coke 077) Do you like Snapple?: Yes 078) Do you drink a lot of water?: Yuppers 079) What toothpaste do you use?: What ever we buy 080) Do you have a cell phone or pager?: No, cause I'm poor 081) Do you have a curfew?: Not once in my life! 082) Who do you look up to?: Kassia and Bettie Page 083) Are you a role model?: I don't think so, no 085) What name brand do you wear the most?: Whatever's comfy 086) What kind of jewelry do you wear?: 4 rings, a watch, A LOT of earings, and my ana braclet 087) What do you have pierced?: My ears 8 times, my right eyebrow, and my tonuge 088) What do you want pierced?: Vertical Bridge, lipret (again) and other stuff. 089) Do you like taking pictures?: Yes 090) Do you like getting your picture taken?: Oh god no! 091) Do you have a tan?: Not really no 092) Do you get annoyed easily?: Depends on what it is 093) Have you ever started a rumor?: Yes, but only as an inside joke 094) Do you have your own phone/phone line?: Yes 095) Do you have your own pool?: No 096) Do you have any siblings?: Yes 097) Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: Boxers 098) Have you ever been played?: No 099) Have you ever played anyone?: No 100) Do you get along with your parents?: Sometimes 102) How do you vent your anger?: I don't. I just smoke a lot when I'm upset 103) Have you ever run away?: Yes 104) Have you ever been fired from a job?: No 105) Do you even have a job?: Yes 106) Do you daydream a lot?: Not really 107) Do you have a lot of exes?: *hangs head in shame* yes...... 108) Do you run your mouth?: Sometimes 109) What do you want a tattoo of?: Bettie, my foot piece, and bunches more tattoos :-D 110) What do you have a tattoo of?: A spider (needs to get touched up), the cancer symbol and the eye 111) What are your favorite flowers?: Funeral Lilies, Orcids, and black magic 112) What does your ex bf/gf look like?: Short, fat, and hairy............ 113) What does your most recent crush look like?: *giggles* He's cute 114) Have you ever been bitched out?: Yes 115) When was the last time you bitched someone out?: Sunday 116) Are you rude?: Only if you deserve it 117) What was the last compliment you received?: People at the con that said they liked my costume 118) Do you like getting dirty?: Depends 119) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: Innie 120) Are you flexible?: A little 121) What is your heritage?: Italian, and Native American 122) What is your lucky number?: 6669 123) What does your hair look like right now?: Down 124) Could you ever be a vegetarian?: I am 125) When was your last real heartbreak?: *shrugs* 126) Describe your looks?: Short Fat brown hair and eyes. And I'm mostly a tomboy. :-) 127) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?: black again 128) Would you ever date someone younger than you?: Eric's younger than me. And Ryan was a year younger than me 129) Would you ever date someone older than you?: Yes 130) When was the last time you were drunk?: *sighs* I can't get drunk anymore 131) When was the last time you went on a date?: My birthday with Er 132) Would you rather give or receive oral sex?: both :-) 133) Have you ever given?: :-) 134) Have you ever received?: :-) 135) Have you ever had an eating disorder?: ............... 136) Do you have one now?: ................. 137) How many rings until you answer the phone?: However long it takes me to get to the phone. 138) Have you ever gone skinnydipping?: Yes 139) If yes, when was the last time?: all the time 140) Do you look more like your mother or father?: My mommy 141) Do you cry a lot?: no 142) Do you ever cry to get your way?: That's horrible! 143) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?: NONE! 144) What phrase do you use most when on the phone?: *shrugs* 145) Are you the romantic type?: Depends on your meaning of romantice. A true romantic is someone who is passionate about something. It's doesn't always mean being all lovey dovey and flowers and candle light. 146) Have you ever been chased by cops?: Yes 147) What do you like most about your body?: nothing 148) What do you like least about your body?: Everything 150) When was the last time you threw up?: ...... 151) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: It doesn't matter 152) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: My cons. Blue high tops 153) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: Sometimes 154) What about cleavage?: Nope unless it's a corset 155) Is your best friend a virgin?: No :o) 156) Have you ever fucked someone up?: Yes 157) Have you ever been fucked up?: No 158) What color are your underwear right now?: Blue 159) What theme does your room have?: None it's random 160) What size shoe do you wear?: 6 161) What jewelry are you wearing now?: same as always 162) What is your screen name on AIM?: Inked Ballerina 163) Would you pick a wedgie in public?: Yes I do all the time 164) How are you feeling right now?: Tired and bad for my Eric (he's sick) :-( 165) When was the last time you were at a party?: Forth of July 166) Have you ever given a lapdance?: Yes 167) What do you sleep in?: T-shirt and underwear 168) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: Yes 169) What is one of your bad qualities?: Everything 170) What is one of your good qualities?: I'm too nice 171) Would you marry for money?: Never 172) What do you drive?: nothing 173) Have you ever given or received roadhead?: Yes 174) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child?: I'm independent 175) What does your LJ username mean?: 177) When was the last time you cried in school?: 7th grade 178) Do you wear Chucks?: Hell yea 179) For two million dollars, would you pose for Playboy?: I would do it anyway 180) What time are you finishing this?: 1:46pm |
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| Not any better | ||||
| 01:28pm 26/07/2004 | ||||
Kels |
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annoyed| Shitfest | ||||
| 10:36am 24/07/2004 | ||||
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| ..... | ||||
| 02:04am 24/07/2004 | ||||
Would just make another And then i realized that in life you were Just another mirror The first words you spoke were the ones that i Vaguely remember But tied in a knot all the times that we Haven't spent together And is it your face That's got you down? Or is it your mind (mine) When no one's around? (thinking thoughts of a suicide)" Both...... I've had a really shitty week. My mom forgot my birthday, didn't even say a word. All I want to do, I can't. I have spent the last few days just crying for no reason. I was in the shower and that's all I did. I couldn't stop. I feel a complete lack of control of my life right now. I can't stand that I can't do anything to straighten my head out. Or should I say, The only thing I can do isn't possible at this point in time. I'm really pissed at myself for letting myself gain weight. I'm such an asshole. I can't believe that I did that. It really shows how weak I really am. I'm a fuck up....and it's not ok this time.......... Kels |
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| Ozzfest=Sick kelly | ||||
| 11:23pm 18/07/2004 | ||||
Kels |
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| 06:54am 15/07/2004 | |||
 Industrial rock! Just like Marilyn Manson, you know what you have to say and you just say it! I like you very much...just be careful you don't scare me away... What genre of rock are you? brought to you by Quizilla |
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| I kiss your eyes, and thank god we're together | |||
| 06:04am 10/07/2004 | |||
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Just chillen out at Eric's. Hung out with Sue and everybody tonight....had alittle party at her house. That was quiet fun. Rob and Katie just left. Pretty much a normal night: hanging out than sitting at the diner till 3 am. I'm just really bummed and can't really sleep for some reason. I don't know why really. I've smoked two packs of cigarettes today. That really can't be healthy for me, but whatever.... Amanda called me like 5 or 6 times today to "check up" on me....... I don't know what she thought I was doing really. I really wish I knew. I went to LBI with Jayne today, really just because we were bored and we could. She learned the fine art of peeing in public. It was fabulous. She was mordified by the whole thing. She thought that everyone on the beach was looking at her. It was silly. I have to wake Er up when we have to head over to Michelle's house for her party. Should be quiet eventfull. I wonder if my mom is questioning where the fuck I am....Probably not. She really just doesn't give a fuck anymore. It's kinda lame that the only thing she really says to me anymore is that I need to clean, or do the dishes. Semi-hurtful really. We used to be so close, and now she couldn't give a shit less it seems. They want to move to VA and I told them that there's no way in hell that I'm moving cause I'm planning on going to school in NYC. They don't seem to understand that. But whatever really. They can do whatever the fuck they want. I have my friends here, and I'm not planning on starting over all over again. This is the only place I have been for a substancal amount of time, and I'm not about to lose all I have here. I love Kassia, and I love the hell out of Viola.....but I'm really not prepared to start over again. As much as this place sucks ass.....it's my home. I love it. Not because of anything around here, but because of my friends. It's an amazing thing to walk down the street and have people know your name. For people that have lived in one spot all their lives it's not a big deal, but for someone that has been moved around so much it's an amazing feeling. I can't stand to lose that now. Not after all I have worked for and the family that me and my friends have built. These are people that I could be friends with for the rest of my life, and still love to death. I would take a bullet for anyone of them. They mean so much to me, and I really don't think that they understand that as well as they should. I would be heartbroken if any of us lost touch when we go to collage... I really would be. Because these people ARE my family. If we were all together until the day we died, there wouldn't be a moment that I wouldn't be smiling. TO EVERYONE (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) I love you all so much, from the bottom of my heart. You guys are my sanity. If it weren't for you all, I don't know where I would be right now. And I sure as hell know that I would not be the person I am today if it weren't for all of you. I take away something amazing from every experience that we go threw together....good or bad. I will always be right here. You all are the best friends that anyone could ask for, and that's an honest to god statement. Kels |
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| They don't give a fuck about you, like I do | ||||
| 06:52pm 02/07/2004 | ||||
Kels |
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xxbldflowerxx |
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