| so i'm back. |
[20 Feb 2006|12:54am] |
I don't know whats up but I just got an overwhelming desire to write in a journal, and this is the only one I have.
Lately I have developed a huge fear that I'm not doing anything to help or change anyone. I feel like I'm pretty much just existing without meaning anything. And while I dig that, I would dig feeling like I have an impact on anything. My existance is a pretty lonely and unimportant one thus far I think. I was so excited when I developed the ability to enjoy a moment or a friend and then not be affected when it was over or they left, but now I don't know if that is a good thing or not. Now I feel like all I really did was isolate myself from feeling and that is unfortunate because not feeling makes it hard for me to feel inspired to do anything.
That's all I really wanted to say.
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| Sooo..... |
[16 Nov 2005|11:54pm] |
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mood |
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strong |
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music |
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The Magic Numbers |
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So it's been a while and I don't think ANYONE reads this anymore, so I can say some stuff.
It's been a bittersweet week, and i'm proud of myself because i realised a couple things...
1. I can have fun without attaching myself to people i know will dissapoint me, i had fun with these people but when they ditched me, i was pretty cool
2. I can make a HUGE mistake and REGRET it hardcore, or I can spin it to be not so bad, or even a little good.
3. I should NEVER be the drunkest person there, I should probably not get really drunk ever again
4. I can fucking handle bad times because I am an artist and i know how to turn pain into beauty
So, basically, maybe the people around here suck and maybe i'm a big fucking idiot who gets drunk and makes big mistakes, but i can fix it or change or something... i hope. and if not, whatever, at least the majority of the time i can have fun.
now i'm getting all my friends from all over back, the ones i lost touch with will be hearing from me, because i want to know everyone i can know.
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[31 Mar 2005|08:36pm] |
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i have no where else to say this. so i'm goign to use this one last time. i just feel like saying everyone here is useless and that even if you consider me a friend, i'm not, i have two friends and they are not in this state. basically, if you live on long island, i hate you.
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[24 Jan 2005|05:57pm] |
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yea. so nevermind. i guess i kind of overreacted. my birthday was shitty. but now i'm legal and i'm going to London on a pity trip, that i get to bring Shania along on! Plus, i'm finally getting my 16th birthday present going to italy.
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[22 Jan 2005|09:42pm] |
well. my birthday was supposed to be full of sex drugs (hopefully) and rocknroll. do you know what it turned out to be full of? Snow and nothing else. no one but my mom and dad tried to make me feel any better. i spent it at my brothers friends house eating dinner with his parents and my parents... without my brother or his friend.
so i'd like to say thank you to all my "friends" who decided they couldn't even offer to watch a fucking movie with me because of the horrible snow (water. just water.)
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