LucYy/ bUnnYy's Journal

Friday, April 15, 2005

9:07PM - hm..

ok the last ime i updated i was angry and sad and on drugs and really pissed off and a lot of bad things we're happening at once.. in case you dont noe wut this is leading to it is this: DONT WANA TALK ABOUT IT. but anyway things r going good and thats all u shud noe.. im mad at phoebe bc she overdosed on her meds.. but shes doing ok now. me and kelly and frankiie r going to New Paltz New York on sunday to spend the day there.. and i am VERY excited bc it is the coolest place in the world. i visit putney again and now it is official that i will be joining the putney crew in putney vermont in the fall and i will be the class of 08.SWEEET but anyway.. things have been going ok.. i have been maing money, school has been going great. things have been weird lately tho.. not to be hippocritical from wut i jus sed.. but their going up and down.. a couple entries ago i recall saying things r great but i noe theyll go down.. or something like that.. things rlike a fuckin rollercoaster right now. hopefully theyll stedy out soon enuf uz i have started taking my meds again.. i have kept after myself eating more protein so that im not fat anymore.. and so that i dont pass out in dance again ( yea i passed out in dance.. dont wana talk bout it).. hmm.. idk.. we'll see how things go.. more later. gona go get on the fone. xoxo peace

xO_`Lucy`_Ox

ps: in a weird mood....

Current mood: weird
Current music: Run-Kittie
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Monday, April 4, 2005

7:12PM - ...

wow.. seriously.. i fuckin hate you all.. i hate my life.. i hate my family. i hate MYSELF. there i said it.. all of you people who talk shit about me or just fuck with me 2 get a rise out of me I DONF UCKIN CARE ANYMORE. u noe wut? ill say evrything 4 u people? yea im a slut, yea im a hwore, skank, bitch, etc I DONT CARE. yea i cut myself yea im fat and whatevr the fuck u wana say bout me say it 2 my face i dont fuckin care anymore.. i jus fuckin hate all of this.. id ont have any real friends and this... this is just FUCKED UP

FUCK YOU

Current mood: enraged
Current music: So Cold- Crossfade
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Friday, April 1, 2005

6:12PM - :)

ok.. i havent updated for a while.. heres whats new:

~dance is going great, bc i didnt make crew team so now im going to take 5 extra classes.. this means im taking dance 10 times a week.. :) i love it
~school is going great, the rest of my vacation was amazing bc i didnt do shit and just hung out and relaxed which was what i needed to do
~schools sucks now that im back in it.. but i think you all knew that
~ i have a boyfriend :).. his name is Francesco Thmoas Serer IV and i fuckin love him..
~ i still have no life.. but once again you guys alredy knew that...

ok let me talk about crew team try outs.. the only word that would describe it would be DEATH. 4 mile sin 1 day.. 4 me? i have asthma and i smoke.. its not a good combination.. if i do say so myself..

ok boring.. something else.. the kids who i was abbysitting 4 (trevor and spencer) their fuckin adorable.. and their family is like my family and i would do anything 4 them.. their father is like more of a father to me then my real dad is..

if only i could keep things this good.. in a couple weeks evrything will be back to normal and ill be a bitch again.. lets take this time to thank god 4 it..

oh yea you love me god.. thanks you ass... hank 4 the good times now.. but wut goes up must come down.. ive learned this after being alive 4 15 years..

more later. peace

x)_`Lucy*

Current mood: amused
Current music: American Idiot- Green Day
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Friday, March 25, 2005

11:36AM - wow

whoa.. ok so last night i go to the movies and i go and who do i see?! rhiannon, sissy, mel, meg, kiely, and so many more people.. it was crazy.. i almost cried of happines.. and also because theyw ere squeezin me so damn tight.. they all cam running screaming over in a flash of colored hair and scented lipgloss and the next thing i know i wanted 2 cry because i missed them so much.. and it was right after dance so i was out of breath and 2 have my lungs squeezed even MORE.. well u can imagine how it was.. so i watched the movie 4 alilb it then hung out outsie on the fone with bobby.. and i see rbyan gundel hangin out with this girl krystal that stevie beat the shit out of.. are they ging out i wonder? hm.. weird.. shes not really his type.. and then i see rbyce and bryce doesnt recognize me except from myspace and the only thing he sed then was 'DRUGS!' hahaha i love bryce.. so funny.. so i finally talk 2 kelvin on the fone and we talked a lot and that made me feel so much better about goin away next year.. and now im talkin 2 erica and this makes me feel so much better 2.. 2 noe that my old best friends r still gona b here evn after 4 years of drifting apart.. we're gona b farther away more then evr now and with 1 of us missing.. we're still gona b tight.. its the happiest highest feeling in the world and it makes me so happy that tears of the little 6th grade girl inside me come back and drip from my eyes.. and i love it with evry1 ounce of happiness in me.. i think i love it evn more than dance.. 4 once things r gona b ok..

i guess god doesnt hate me THAT much..

more later

peace

Luxy*

Current mood: happy
Current music: New Medicines- Dead Poetic
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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

11:45AM - WARPED TOUR

HURRAY!!!!!!! IM GOING TO THE WARPED TOUR THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!! AND IM GOING 2 SEE THRICE, FALLOUT BOY, MXPX, THE TRANSPLANTS, FROM FIRST TO LAST, BOWLING FOR SOUP, AND SO MUCH MORE!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok im done being very excited now.. still no word from john b.. is he working 24/7...? i doubt it? is he scared..?

probably.. but thats him 4 ya...

ok idc tho.. all i can concentrate on right now is that im going 2 see FALLOUT BOY.. AND SENSES FAIL (haha stedy lol ;) lov ya)...

oh yea and i made a xanga and i have a myspace.. wow.. im just a webgirl arent i?

..yea im a loser too..

more later. xoxo **mwah**

xO_`Lucy*

ps: could i have met someone else? :-O.. prolly... bc he seems... *sigh*.. perfect.. :-)

Current mood: excited
Current music: Where Is Your Boy Tonight- Fall Out Boy
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Monday, March 21, 2005

1:12PM - HOLY SHIT

How will you DIE?
Name / Username: LUCY
You will die:  of a horrible disease
At age:  35


PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT SCARY.. WTF...

Current mood: angry
Current music: From First To Last- Failure By Designer Jeans
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1:11PM - HOLY SHIT

How will you DIE?
Name / Username: LUCY
You will die:  of a horrible disease
At age:  35


PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT SCARY.. WTF...

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Friday, March 18, 2005

10:37AM - wow..

wow.. yesterday was the biggest fuckin day of my life.. and the best part is: IT WENT PERFECT!! :-D i was soo happy when i got home.. partly because everything went perfect.. and also because the last place we performed at i had a blast with bridget, colleen, taylor and annie .. they were hysterical. their such great girls.. i love them 2 death. highlights:

colleen slipping and falling on the floor just sitting there laughing while every1 else was like OMG R U OK
bridget: hiccupiping and then queaking while throwing her head back
annie: i wana go home and fall asleep with my kittie :(
me: trying 2 fit piece of cake 1 wih piece of cake 2 in my stomach after the performance ( my mom said if i burped there would be more room)
christian: doing his twist back *aww so cute*
colleen (again): I GOTTA PEE! *does a dance*
me and bridget: doing colleens dance across the dance floor
taylor: trying to teach me the new treble me and me going 'GOD DAMN IT ALL' wen i couldnt do it

god there r so many memories right here... i loved it all.. and i miss everyone so much.. ill see you at the parade on saturday. **mwah** you guys r the best ever.. and id ont know wut i would do without u xoxo

ONLY TIME

peace
xO_`Lucy*

Current mood: happy
Current music: Only Time- Enya
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Thursday, March 17, 2005

5:14AM - dance

wow.. its St. Patricks day.. the single biggest day of the year for me besides my birthday.. know why? IM DANCING ALL FUCKIN DAY IN FRONT OF OVER 1000 PEOPLE INCLUDING TALENT SCOUTS... every year i lose it.. not this year.. everything is going to be perfect..i am going to do great *please god. let me do all right* *sigh*.. god.. ok well.. im leaving now.. i just wanted to write that cuz i dont have anywhere else to.. and hopefully the rest of you guys are routing for me 2 not fuck up today and have some1 notice :-\.. i love u guys.. and thanks
stedy: your the best.. love and miss ya
hannah: I MISS YOU BABY! cant wait til we hang out
sher-bear: this weekend is gona kick ass!
max: COME HOME!
dance girls: only time.. you guys are the best .. lets have a blast today

peace
xO_`Lucy*

Current mood: anxious
Current music: Only Time-Enya
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Monday, March 14, 2005

8:22PM - god damn it

ok so last night im at a dance performance and guess what happens?..
I FUCKING FALL
everyone was just like "ooh" then i got up and they clapped .. i fuckin flipping out and now my ankle is fuckin retarded.. anyway.. im trying not to think about it.. wow.. i never thougt i say this but i think im falling for my best friend... and i told them i wanted to hook up with them.. so now.. ya.. idk.. its weird... w'e.. i dont have a lot to say.. i go tin a fight with my so called 'father' last night.. i wanted 2 hang out with zak my mom doesnt trust me my dad told me to come over so i did and he bitched at me ' this is fuckin ridiculous blah blah lah'. stupid shit like that.. finally i got sick of it and wa slike ' WOW I FUCKIN HATE YOU GOT TO HELL'.. :-\... mom is pissed at me i think.. but anyway..
stedy i hope your feeling better :) love ya
alyssa: i love you.. and will always be there 4 u when u need me.. your awesome
ava: thanks for being awesome and 4 giving me the support and congrats 4 wen i got in2 putney :) your so sweet
missy: i love u my luzzy dear!
dance girls: CANT WAIT 4 ST PATTYS!
beeaan: i miss being your roomie!
max: COME HOME!

xO_`Lucy*

Current mood: blah
Current music: Midnight Show- The Killers
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Saturday, March 12, 2005

5:30PM - BACK

I AM FINALLY BACK FROM EUROPE BITCHES!!!
wow.. it was fucking amazing.. me and emily and caroline had the geartest time from shopping to looking for clubs (that we didnt evn go 2), to getting hit on by horny european guys to walking around in the trenches, and then eating dinner and lookin in all the mueseums... GO THERE IS SO MUCH! anyway.. the catch my drift.. i got kissed on the eiffel tower. i spent over 660 euros on shooping, food, and chocolate.. i got close to people i thought i never would know in my life and .. yea...anyway.. brussels was great. paris and great.. need i say more?
i didnt think so..
moving on.. i got my acceptance/ rejection letters back..

putney: yes
emma willard: no ( those assholes)
stoneleigh-burnham: yes
concord: no
c'bury: yes
... weird choice i know.. and i havent heard back from hartford arts yet.. hm... wonder what they'll say... huh.. anyway... which skool should i go 2?.. i have no idea... not sure yet.. email me and tell me what u think
lucee1010@hotmail.com
xO_`Lucy*

Current music: Dirt Off Your Shoulder- Jay-Z
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Friday, March 4, 2005

7:44PM - SPRING BREAK BITCHES!

wow.. time sure flies ( just like mr. farmen says.... good lord)... and alredy winter term is over and i am on spring break!!!!!!!
well.. tomorrow i a big day: i hav my audition for HARTFORD ARTS in the morning, and then i have to drive like fucking hell to get back to Rumsey so i can leave to go 2 Brussels Belgium and Paris France BITCHES!!!!!! omg.. i am soooo stoked... you have no idea... and then do you know what happens?! CREW!! wow... this rocks... anyway
so me and caroline are cool now, we're actually gona room 2gether.. me and this girl kayla got in a fight and i bitched her out and since then shes been nice to me just cuz she knows (kuz i told her ) i would punch her in the face if she tried 2 get me in trouble again (she tried 2 get me kicked off this europe trip by telling mr. geagan that i had DRUGS.. i know! what a whore right?) but we're ok 2 now and .. yes..
so now im on the fone with my dad and hes bitching at me about stupid shit so i have to go and finish my portfolio...
SEE YOU IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS
or as they say in france: au revoir..
(wow im a fag)
peace
xO_`Lucy*

ps: i wonder who im going to hook up with while on the europe trip..? if i want to...
PSHH
yea.. right!
-tootles-

Current mood: excited
Current music: This Is War- Smile Empty Soul
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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

4:20PM - what to do about nothing

so i start talkin 2 zak tringali again.. and we get to be pretty good friends.... suprisingly ... and then i start talkin 2 john ball again and then he says that zak is talking a lot of shit about how zak talks shit about me.. WTF.. guys r so fuckin retarded....... anyway.. i told john neilson i liked him today.. and as i knew it would happen.. he said he didnt like me back in that way... :-\.. oh well.. i knew that was coming anyway...john ball tells me he likes me again.. so.. hm.. what shall this lead to? i dont know.. as my girls in irish dance say: only time will tell...(<--- i love u guys)..
speaking of which.. dance has been great lately.. i have an audition for the GREATER HARTFORD ACADEMY OF THE ARTS soon.. actually in less than 2 weeks... wow.. i am so n e r v o u s AHH!
i need someone to comfort me and hold me and hug me and tell me that evrything will be FINE..
ugh... whatever
AH and i was fuckin supposed 2 see kaitlin and i didnt get too.. god.. i miss her so fuckin much.. no joke... if anyone helped me the most at 4Winds besides brandon it was kaitlin...SHE IS MY LOVERRR
wel im going to dance soon.. call me
love love love
xO_`Lucy*

Current mood: bouncy
Current music: Strawberry Gashes- Jack Off Jill
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005

2:54PM - *sigh*

if only everything were and beautiful as every writers poem's made it out to be...
i miss a lot of people who i have lost in my life.... i was talin to my friend emily.. *my god*.. she has lost so many people in the last 2 months it makes me cringe just typing it... shes such a great person.. she shouldnt have to go through that much... and im afraid that Alyssa is suicidal over Brian's death.. and Liz is depressed because of Teddy... and im nevr going to get over Jay and i want James 2 like me but he nevr will so im getting over that, and i wana visit Maria cause me n her had a really good connection but shes soo busy and i dont want to bother her with all my bullshit.. shes just a really cool girl... and this whole thing with Bobby.. *god* i miss him so much.. i miss my best friend and the person he was.. not the person hes become... im always sick or im not doing something right and the more i try to help people the more it backfores in my face and the more friends i think i have they somehow always seem to slip away from me so quick before i can evn grasp their hands (figuratively speaking)... i feel like the only people i can talk to ae Krit, Stedy Ava and Jayme.. I miss Hannah and Christa and Steph and Kelvin and Erica and Jordan...
how do i get back to where i want?
..like wen i was smiling.. :-\
....and when u were smiling
im going out for a little bit... im sick and throwing up and i have a fever.. bu ti dont give a fuck... whatever... call if you want: 860-350-2433
love you*
peace
Lucy*

Current mood: crying
Current music: New Medicines- Dead Poetic
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Thursday, February 10, 2005

5:00PM - tiredness

FINALLY FINISHED MY GOD DAMN APPLICATIONS
finally
FINALLY
FNALLY
finally
fInNaLlY
HURRAY!

can't you tell im excited about this?

anyway... so bobby hooks up with caroline and janey during bromley... i dont really care that much.. im just wondering if that was an attempt to deliberatly try and hurt me.. any ideas? ... now i noe why hes been so weird... it kind of all falls into place now.. the only thing im left without is a best friend...
:-\.. it hurts... but i can grow... ill be fine
anyway,
ive been dancing so much... i think im actually starting to LOSE WEIGHT... i seriously need 2..
im
so
fat
....in case you were wondering whih you probably weren't ...
but thats ok..
im going to visit my p.r.i.n.c.e.s.s this weekend.. YAY! and we're gona get high and drunk and go 2 a club and go 2 parties and hang out and have fun just like we usually do... *sigh*
i love it!
max worships me still :-D yay! lol i adore that kid...

funkmasterfrew71 (5:06:06 PM): um do we get to "kiss on V day
aviatorpinkness (5:06:28 PM): maybe lol
funkmasterfrew71 (5:06:37 PM): o ok jsut asking

lol hes so cute
ok.. i have to do work..bye!
xO_`LucYy

Current mood: amused
Current music: Cold- Crossfade
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Saturday, January 29, 2005

3:49PM - jesus

i fucking F L I P P E D last night. i ran away and spent the night at kayla's all because of all the shit thats happend ( if you read my past entries from the past few weeks/days).. i just couldnt handle it anymore.. me n my mom got in a fight about something and i jus let it out.. i wouldnt stop crying.. i was crying from 5pm to 2 in the morning. kayla had 2 like hit me a couple times saying lucy.. SHUT UP. we havent hung out in a while.. must've been weird for her, but im glad she let me stay there the night. i was such a wreck this morning.. not to mention sicker than even before kuz i didnt take my meds and i hardly slept.. all we did was stay up and watch scary movies.. freaky..
i have to stop living like this.. its gettin2 much.. 4 my mom.. 4 my family.. 4 me... and now i know what evry1 says behind my back... evry1 thinks i jus complain about life so much and im depressed and blah blah blah and... i duno.. w'e.. their right... i have 2 change...
shit... this is gona b harder han i t-h-o-u-g-h-t
well, i`m off to babysit my little ones:
Sir Trevor of 5 years `nd Sir Spencer of 2 years
wish. me. luck.
`xO_LucYy*

Current mood: tired
Current music: The Big Sleep- Streetlight Manifesto
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Thursday, January 27, 2005

11:45PM - ugh

long fuckin days kuz ive been fuckin SICK.. it sucks.. anyway hopefully ill be better soon so i can go 2 the taste of chaos concert, and streelight manifesto concert comin up soon.. god im so excited 4 those... i couldnt sleep so i thought id come write more... havent been cutting.. jordan keeps telling me "we`re perfect 4 each other".. its weird... i mean its what ive always wanted.. but now i dont noe whether 2 take the chance or not...i dont want 2... i really like james... but so many other girls like him.. so w'e .. he doesnt care about me.. or at least thats how it seems.. whatever..
i can`t WAIT to see my p.r.i.n.c.e.s.s. ... YAY! its been since the summer, and we're gona have so much fun... i cant fuckin wait to get out of new milford and go to princeton so see my baby.. ava: WHY WE SOOO HOTTTT?! lol love u girly...
jule give me a call if you want 2 talk or anything.. you`re so lucky to be going back... you know my number.. love ya.. ppiasfl
peace
`xO_Lucy*

Current mood: grrr
Current music: Stuck On You- Boys Night Out
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Monday, January 24, 2005

1:41PM - last night

last night i completely lost it and just started freaking out...
i found out that what i thought waas 1 of my good friends caroline talked shit behind my back saying how i was a lsut and a whore blahblah blah... and 4 all i know she could have talked bobby in2 staying away from me...he wouldnt do that thought would he?... god knows... it just bothers me that caroline would say that.. i talked 2 her about a lot of stuff in the beginning of the year about like cutting and stuff.... i thought that made us kind of close?.. guess not...i cant trust anyone any more.... fuck evrything..... i hope god kills me soon.... i wish.. that he kills me soon

Current mood: not sure..
Current music: Modern Morbid Prophecies- Dead Poetic
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Sunday, January 23, 2005

7:26PM - wtf

y does evry1 hate me?
im so lost... yea i have acted like a slut in the pas.. but i dont anymore... wtf?
so pissed right now... prolly gona cut.. i dont give a fuck who sees this..
bye

Current mood: angry
Current music: Breach Birth- Chevelle
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Wednesday, January 19, 2005

4:46PM - brian

this song if for you

late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
red light, can't stop so i spin the wheel
my world goes black before i feel an angel lift me up
and i open bloodshot eyes into fluorescent white
they flip the siren, hit the lights, close the doors and i am gone

now i lay here owing my life to a stranger
and i realize that empty words are not enough
i'm left here with the question of just
what have i to show except the promises i never kept?
i lie here shaking on this bed, under the weight of my regrets

i hope that i will never let you down
i know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound

look around and you'll see that at times it feels like no one really cares
it gets me down but i'm still gonna try to do what's right, i know that there´s
a difference between slight of hand, and giving everything you have
there's a line drawn in the sand, i'm working up the will to cross it

and i hope that i will never let you down
i know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound

rhetoric cant't raise the dead
i'm sick of always talking when there's no change
rhetoric cant't raise the dead
i'm sick of empty words, let's lead and not follow

late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
red light, can't stop so i spin the wheel
my world goes black before i feel an angel steal me from the
greedy jaws of death and chance, and pull me in with steady hands
they've given me a second chance, the artist in the ambulance

i hope that i will never let you down
i know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound
can we pick you off the ground, more than flashing lights and sound


we miss you

i have nothing to say
im just sick of being here...
bye

Current mood: horrible
Current music: The Artits In The Ambulance-Thrice
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