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(Scream at me)

[16 Apr 2005|09:06pm]
Haven't been here in motivation, I guess.

You ever know something. Like really know something. There's no proof, nothing really to support your paranoia. just know.

Today I realized we all die. Yes, I have an understanding of what death is; I'm not 4. But I realized that in the end, there's only black. No heaven, no hell, nothing. And that evrything goes on when you die. I'll never know who my desecendants will be. Or if I ever achieve anything great 100 years from now. I think that's why people cling to religion. They want to believe they'll see their grandma again. She wants to tell that guy just how much he meant to her, but she never got and never will have the chance.

Why do we believe what we do? Why is God real? Have you seen him? No. Have you talked to him? No.'ve seen what he does. It's called science, moron.

I'm an atheist. And I just realized today.

(Scream at me)

[06 Jan 2005|10:49am]
I've lost my faith in people. Yes, I know that's a very played out line. Almost as bad as "You're ruining my life!" School's almost unbearable. Most classes I'm wishing for a school shooting. Just something to make them shut the hell up and quit talking about fucking each other's mothers. Something so they'll stop they're so fucking cool and smart and funny.

(Scream at me)

[11 Dec 2004|11:31pm]
I've been working a lot lately. Been spending a lot of time on my site. It helps keep my mind off of him. I hurt him earlier. I didn't mean to. I'm just not a mean person. I can't just push someone out of my life. There would be too many questions left unanswered. And feeling forced into that, would create a grudge. I love him more than anything. I don't want to hold something against him. That's a problem between them. I'm already in the middle, don't make me choose a side. You know that if it came down to it, I'd chose you; but don't be the one to make me decide.

You know who you are )

(Scream at me)

[06 Dec 2004|05:06pm]
So I sit there. My head passively thudding. My eyes unable to focus. I will the time to pass. The room is heavy and hot, but fresh air is so close. I look around the way I always do, the constant observer. I see him sitting there. And part of me wishes I knew him. What is he like, what does he do. I don't want him in any romantic form. He simply intrigues me. There's a whole world right there, and he's the doorway in.

But I'm dead to that world.

(Scream at me)

[06 Dec 2004|11:52am]
Hello again. I like it here. It's different. I'm not restricted anymore. Not sure what to write. But the urge to do so remains. Today has...potential. Lots of it. I need some excitement.

(Scream at me)

[06 Dec 2004|07:12am]
[ mood | crushed ]

I'm back again due to the urge to write. If only I knew what of.

I don't like myself much. Heh, that makes me one in a sea of millions. I'm not very nice, but then again neither are most high school girls. And I like to think I'm better than most. He deserves much more, much better. Someone who can give him what he wants. Someone who's not fucked in the head. Yet....he chooses me, holds me close. And I love him for it. Every smile, every laugh, every single raised-eyebrow. Every kiss, every sip of a shared drink, every time he lays his head on me and holds me close. As common stated as it is, I'd be lost without him. I'd wander around in a daze, no real method to what I do. I love you. And I'm sorry.

You know who you are.


(Scream at me)

[05 Dec 2004|11:23pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Because of You- Nickelback ]

I've done this before, many times. Each ultimately dissolves to disappointment. I want freedom. To scream, to cry, to cuss, to fuck even. I'm tired of being me. So now I'm Death. But do I want this? The answer is I'm still working on that.

It's lonely here. I want a friend. Someone to tell me I'm not crazy. 'Cuz it sure feels that way.


<Watch what I do>

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