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music |
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Chevelle..."The Clincher" |
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Well it has been a few days since I have posted...I just came back from training yesterday...it was so boring....I stayed home from work today and slept all day long...I was so tired of sittin from 8am-9pm for 2 days straight...god it about killed me...I finally talked to Em sunday night from 10pm-5am....it felt so good...but I found out that he has been talkin to his ex and I dunno what to do...I am kind of hurt.....he says that that they can never be together but I don't believe him..I never trust any guy..never..this is what he sent to me...see what u can make out of it...weird... :
"Really it hurt me to hear your voice again. I missed you so much but I just figure after everything clears out I will be just your friend. Yeah I had company, but in the past few weeks I have been nice to her. I came up her house one night and visited and everyone was happy to see me once again, her family all teary eyed. I'm just being nice to her, but she knows we can't be together, however I'm sorry for not answering the phone. I know I dont make sense at all. I never expected you to be sweet and sincere to me like you were the other night, it almost made me want to get back to the way I felt for you, but I can't fall back head over heels for you. I came so close to falling in love with you it's not even funny. I felt like I was constantly lied to by you, but no I'm not lying to you, I want everything to go back to normal. I will be honest with you, I grew so cold toward you, no one even wanted to mention your name around me. Everything is so fucked up right now, my feelings are all tore up and I'm fucked up. I hate myself, I hate everything, I have been depressed as fucking hell, I hate my life, I hate everyone in it.. Everything is shit. Everything is wrong, and I do not have the answer for anything anymore. I do know that I missed you. You can call me an asshole, you can compare me to other ppl that you have been with, I guess I wish that you would have claimed me a little bit, if you need me I will try my best to be here for you, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting your feelings, ever. It wasn't what I wanted, and you could see that in my eyes from the first time you met me. If you even paid attention. I could see in your eyes something was different. Maybe I was blind, but I don't think that I was."
OMG how do I respond to that????? I do LOVE him..and I told him that but I dunno wtf to do....he confuses the crap out of me.....I missed him so much when I was gone on my training....
The place that I stayed at had no phone or tv's...kind of like a nunnery or a home for priests..well actually it was..it was a pastorial center....weird.. I know...my job is not even based on religion and I don't belong to church...so I felt weird stayin there...lol..but my boss saved $700 by havin us to stay there so that was good enough for me...so our end of the year retreat shall be wonderfull then....but back to work for me tom...teaching is really gettin the best of me...I love my hours..but god bless....I need a break....I wished that it would snow 3ft....lol...shew I can't wait til i get my income taxes back...whoo hoo... I am goin on the biggest shoppin spree ever for me and my lil angel....lol...I have to take my lil sis to look for a prom dress this weekend...I miss high school....oh well....but I would not go back and go through it all again...lord no...lol.. but I am out.... later....
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