A Little Q&A About Me   
11:23pm 27/02/2004
mood: bitchy
music: Evanescence "My Immortal"
A friend of mine asked me to fill this out and put it on my journal so I did.

[ + ]first grade teacher's name: (Mrs. Vandavourt)
[ + ]last words you said: (Do you wan't me to get you a Vanilla Coke, while im up?)
[ + ]last song you sang: (Dashboard Confessional "Till The Day I Die")
[ + ]last thing you laughed at: (Owen Wislon trying to sing sexual healing on "I Spy")
[ + ]last time you cried: (When James and I broke up over something really stupid about 2 months ago)

[ + ]what's in your cd player: (a burned, mixed cd of all my favorite punk songs)
[ + ]what color socks are you wearing: (not wearing socks)
[ + ]what's under your bed: (a shoe box of memories)
[ + ]what time did you wake up today: (at 9am cause I had to work at 10)
[ + ]what is your career going to be: (Well I wanted to be a fashion designer originally, and have my own line of clothing, but now I want to own a cafe someday)
[ + ]where are you going to live: (probably in a house here, but not in phoenix maybe in Scottsdale or Mesa, but I'd love to live in Hawaii for a while)
[ + ]how many kids do you want: (at the most about 4)
[ + ]what kind of car will you drive: (um....probably my BMW)
[ + ]current hair: (long, light brown, pretty curls...need to get it cut)
[ + ]current clothes: (Old Navy blue tank top, with some old gym shorts)
[ + ]current annoyance: (have a really bad cough, had it for the past week)
[ + ] current smell: (my Tommy Girl perfume I sprayed on me earlier)
[ + ]current longing: (to not feel alone or be alone, and get depressed again)
[ + ]current desktop picture: (a pretty baby unicorn)
[ + ]current favorite music artist:(I like a lot so its hard to choose just one)
[ + ]current book: (Ghosts And The Supernatural--non-fiction)
[ + ]current worry: (my cough getting worse)
[ + ]current hate: (a rip in one of my favorite dresses....Oh and Lisa >=o)~)
[ + ]story behind your username: (a friend of mine made it up for me cause I couldn't think of anything, doesn't have a story behind it)
[ + ]current favorite article of clothing: (my new short jean skirt, with a cute belt to go with it)
[ + ]favorite physical feature on a girl: (girl? lol well how bout we change that to guy for me, I like smiles, teeth, hair, eyes, and muscles, but the smile is my favorite, the other things are important too)
[ + ]line from the last thing you wrote to someone: (im mad at you because you didn't call me back earlier)
[ + ]i am happiest when: (im shopping, and out with my friends having fun and not worrying about everything else)
[ + ]i feel lonely when: (its late at night and im awake and everyone else is asleep)
[ + ]favorite authors: (don't have one, don't read books much, but I do like the Chicken Soup books)
[ + ]famous person you have met: (just one? I've met so many, but the most recent one was Dan Marley (if thats how you spell his name) he used to come into my work every Saturday)
[ + ]do you have any regrets: (doesn't everyone?)
[ + ]sex or love: (sex yes love no)
[ + ]favorite coffee: (Starbucks)
[ + ]favorite smell: (Axe, on guys, drives me crazy)
[ + ]what makes you mad: (people getting up close to my face makes me really mad when im in an arguement)
[ + ]favorite way to waste time: (Dance...time flies by so fast)
[ + ]what is your best quality: (my eyes...cause they're green)
[ + ]are in currently in love/lust: (I love someone but its not deep enough to be in love with him)
[ + ]what's the craziest thing you have ever done: (wow I can only name one? lol probably having sex in a bowling alleys private pool room on the pool table)
[ + ]any bad habits: (gettting involved with the wrong guys...very bad habbit)
[ + ]do you find it hard to trust people: (with most people yes, it takes a lot for me to trust someone)
[ + ]last thing you bought yourself: (a new purse, and shoes)
[ + ]bath or shower: (bath, and showers, but mostly showers)
[ + ]favorite season: (summer)
[ + ]favorite color: (Green)
[ + ]favorite flavor: (Cherry)
[ + ]favorite time of day: (afternoons)
[ + ]gold or silver: (wont wear gold, yuck)
[ + ]any secret crushes: (yes ofcourse, everyone has secret crushes)

[ + ]how many coats and jackets do you own: (probably about 5)
[ + ]do you wear a watch: (nope I find watches annoying, if I need the time I'll look on my cell)
[ + ]favorite pants color: (jean)
[ + ]most expensive item of clothing: (my sexy red dress costed me about $130...thats the most I've spent on any article of clothing)
[ + ]most treasured: (My Marilyn Monroe tank top)

[ + ]do your friends know you: (would they be my friends if they didn't know me?)
[ + ]what do they tend to be like: (busy, most of the time they all work, and go to school, and live kinda far, but I spend as much time with them as I can)
[ + ]can you count on them: (always thats why their called my friends)
[ + ]can they count on you: (yes, anytime)

[ + ]last book you read: (Ghosts And The Supernatural)
[ + ]last movie you saw: (Dickie Roberts....good movie)
[ + ]last movie you saw on the big screen: (50 First Dates...very good movie)
[ + ]last show you watched on tv: (Elimidate)
[ + ]last song you heard: (Dashboard Confessional "Till The Day I Die")
[ + ]last thing you had to drink: (Vanilla Coke)
[ + ]last thing you ate: (white chocolate reeses peanut butter cup)
[ + ]last time you showered: (this morning before I went to work)
[ + ]last time you smiled: (I don't know I didn't keep track, but I smile a lot)
[ + ]last time you laughed: ([ + ]last thing you laughed at: (Owen Wislon trying to sing sexual healing on "I Spy")
[ + ]last person you talked to online: (an old friend of mine can't say his name, but he makes me laugh a lot)
[ + ]last person you talked to on the phone: (Chris, and he was supposed to call me back and never did)
[ + ]last thing you smelled: (my perfume Tommy Girl)

[ + ]smoke: (No)
[ + ]do drugs: (No)
[ + ]drink: (Yes, occasionally)
[ + ]have sex: Yes
[ + ]sleep with stuffed animals: (Yes, a giant velvety stuffed polar bear, when I don't have anyone to cuddle with)
[ + ]have a crush: (yes....stop asking the same questions)
[ + ]have a boyfriend/girlfriend: (nope, not at the moment I don't, just recently ended with one)
[ + ]have a dream that keeps coming back: (Yes I have dreams about before Jonathon left and I was so scared I was pregnant, I dream about it a lot for some reason)
[ + ]play an instrument: (nope)
[ + ]believe there is life on other planets: (yes)
[ + ]read the newspaper: (if I see something that interests me, I do)
[ + ]have any gay or lesbian friends: (no, not that I have anything against it, im just not friends with any)
[ + ]believe in miracles: (yes)
[ + ]consider yourself tolerant: (hmm....I don't know)
[ + ]consider police a friend or foe: (friend, and foe depending on the situation)
[ + ]like the taste of alchohol: (yes some of it, but I can't stand the taste of beer unless its that hornsby cider beer stuff)
[ + ]have a favorite stooge: (nope, but I loved watching the stooges)
[ + ]believe in astrology: (no, and your crazy if you do)
[ + ]pray: (yes, when I remember to)
[ + ]go to church: (no not lately)
[ + ]have any secrets: (yes, doesn't everyone?)
[ + ]have any pets: (1 dog, 3 cats)
[ + ]go or plan to attend college: (Yes I plan on going when I move out of here, and get my car)
[ + ]talk to strangers: (sometimes)
[ + ]have any piercings: (yes)
[ + ]have any tattoos: (no not yet, but I want one)
[ + ]hate yourself: (no, why should I?)
[ + ]wish on stars: (no, maybe when I was like 5 years old)
[ + ]like your handwriting: (not really)
[ + ]believe in witches: (yes, Lisa the girl that made James think I was gonna cheat on him is an evil witch)
[ + ]believe in ghosts: (yes)
[ + ]have a second family: (my friends are my second family)
[ + ]trust others easily: (trusted the guys I fell in love with easily, but other than that no)
[ + ]sing in the shower: (yeah sometimes, when im hyper in the shower lol)
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Last Weekend   
09:49pm 26/02/2004
mood: bored
music: Yellowcard "Ocean Avenue"
Ok, last weekend was such a busy weekend for me, I went out looking at apartments with a couple friends of mine. I hung out with James quite a bit and did things with him it was fun I miss being with him all the time. Which I forgot to mention in my journal we had broken up for a while, we will probably get back together though. Another thing I had to deal with, last weekend one of my girl friend's she loves to meet guys off the Internet and most of them are asses. Well, she will sleep with them the first day if she thinks their hot enough (skank) lol anyway...she was talking to this one guy and she was telling me about him. This guy sounded so familiar, it turns out he was one of my guy friend's, friend and from what I heard about this guy he is not the kind of guy you want to get involved with. I guess he likes to sleep around and he goes online looking for girls to sleep with, I told my friend that she shouldn't mess with him and I told her about him, but she is so naive she will believe what ever a guy tells her. I just hope she doesn't end up getting some nasty disease. I am starting to dislike her as a friend because of all the drama she drags me in to.

Also last weekend I found out I have another wedding to go to in August in San Diego which im excited for, I also have my grandparents 50th. anniversary party to go to in July. In April I am going to Vegas for my 21st. birthday and I will have my BMW yay!!!
30 Secrets Every Woman Keeps From Her Man   
09:43pm 17/01/2004
mood: cold
1) My best friend knows everything. She knows all of your vitals -- from the size of your bank account to the size of your other, um, holdings -- and she knows how both compare with those of every other man I've ever dated. I have done a hand-comparison measurement so I can divulge size and girth with a high level of accuracy. When my friend smirks at you knowingly, you are not imagining it. She knows. So just know that she knows, and deal with it. (It's not going to change.) Ask her about me, or chat with her about our relationship, at your own risk. She will tell me. Even -- in fact, especially -- if she promises not to. This is not always a bad thing (e.g., if you happen to be telling her how much you love me). But, in general, remember that she is my confidante first, and yours never. (True...girls always tell their best friend everything)

2) Just looking at your hands can turn me on. (not true....at least for me but, a guys strong hands is sexy)

3) When you go away, even for a day, I sleep in your favorite old T-shirt because it smells like you. (True...when my ex went away for awhile id smell and cuddle with the bear he gave me cause it smelt like him)

4) I'll never tell you exactly how many men I've slept with. No matter how sincere I appeared when I answered your question, chances are I wasn't. As an unscientific guideline, when a woman says she's slept with four men, the real number is actually closer to seven. Her fib is partly intentional (she doesn't want to appear a floozy), but mostly it's sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet. Common excuses that lead to such an omission: The actual sex lasted only a few thrusts; or she was drunk or on the rebound. (not true....im always honest with stuff like that, not like I have anything to hide im not a skank lol)

5) I fantasized about being with you at least a dozen times before we actually first got naked.(true)
6) I still think about my ex-boyfriends and compare them to you. Mostly you win. Sometimes not. (true.....all girls compare their boyfriends to their ex's, they just don't know about it)

7) I have Googled your exes. (not true...for me)

8) When I'm falling in love with you, I completely lose my appetite. (very true....when I fell in love with my first I wasn't ever hungry I barely ate)

9) My body really isn't naturally this hairless and smooth all over. But I will never allow you to see any indication whatsoever of all the shaving, tweezing, waxing, exfoliating, and moisturizing that gets it this way. (sorta true....except I don't wax, or use lotion my body is naturally moisturized all the time)

10) I only appear to have it all together. My true organization (or lack thereof) is revealed in my closet, my makeup bag, my desk files. (not true, im always well organized)

11) I have discovered your porn stash and your frequently visited porn Web sites and think the things that turn you on are hilarious. (not true....I hate porn, and I don't like guys that look at porn...but I can't tell my boyfriend not to do it)

12) When I say, "I'm ready," I'll need exactly 7 more minutes to get ready. Don't try to cheat the system by showing up 7 minutes later; I will still need an extra 7 minutes. (huh?..when im ready I say im ready, when im not I'll let ya know)

13) When I say, "I'll meet you in 15 minutes," I mean I will leave in 15 minutes, and thus won't actually arrive for at least 30 (but probably more like 40).(not true....I wont say I'll meet you in 15 if im not going to meet you for like 30)

14) You've made me cry more times than you'll ever know. (true...but he will never know)

15) I obsess about when you're going to call me again. The period of time between our first date and your "Thanks for a great night; when can I see you again?" always seems stretched into slow motion. So don't worry about looking too eager. Call. Even if you only wait until noon the day after, it will feel like a lifetime to me. And don't send me an e-mail unless you want me to put you in the figurative trash can along with your message. (true....but not obsess, just wonder a lot when im going to hear from him again)

16) I want you to talk a little dirty. (very true)

17) At the beginning of our relationship, I save all of your voice mails and listen to them (and make my friends listen, too), repeatedly. (true....I used to do that but not anymore)

18) I might wear granny underwear and purposely not shave my legs because I like you. As crazy as it sounds, the more I like you, the less likely I am to sleep with you on an early date, because I don't want to sabotage having a "proper" relationship with you. So I just might purposely hunt out the ugliest underwear in my drawer and not shave my legs -- all to prevent myself from getting naked with you too soon. Sometimes I might get a little tipsy or carried away, and this plan will backfire. (Not true....I wont ever sleep with a guy on the first date just out of respect for myself, and because I don't want the guy to not respect me or think im easy like that because im in no way like that at all)

19) I split the cost of my fashion purchases over two or more credit cards, so you don't notice the gargantuan deficit. (Not true....if its my money why should I worry? besides I wouldn't spend my boyfriend/husbands money on my personal stuff)

20) I'm constantly testing you. I observe, analyze, and judge every action, word, gesture, e-mail, and facial expression. When I ask you if you want to have a threesome, I don't mean it. If you want me to speak to you again, let alone sleep with you after this conversation, the answer should always be, "Why would I want to sleep with another woman when I have you?" (very very true....I couldn't have said it better myself)

21) I check out your butt every time you leave the room. (true....butts are sexy lol)

22) I need constant indications that you want me around. That's why it's better, for example, to say, "I want you to come away with me for the weekend. Could you come with me?" than to ask, "What are you up to this weekend?" (true)

23) I love it when you get a little jealous. So if you ever see me flirting in front of you with the waiter, the bus driver, or another guy at a party, know I'm actually flirting with you -- through him. (not true...for me, but I know a lot of girls like that, I just think jealousy is unattractive...and I would never be out with my man and flirt with someone else)

24) Even though I may complain that I don't see you enough (or that you work too hard), I find nothing sexier than watching you put on a suit in the morning and rush off to work. (not true...for me)

25) I start fights with you because I'm feeling ignored. I'm trying to force emotion out of you. Don't retreat into your cave; just give me what I want: some attention. And never tell me to "calm down," unless you want to guarantee that I absolutely won't. (true...sometimes lol)

26) Even if I insist on paying or splitting the bill on our first date, I'll think you're cheap if you let me. (not true....I've always believed in everything being equally split down the middle)

27) I may find your best friend repulsive, but I've fantasized about sleeping with him. Not because I want him, but because I want a piece of a guy who is so close to you. (eww....not true)

28) If I'm going to break up with you, all of my friends know way before you do. I've been talking about it for 2 weeks. (true)

29) When we do break up, I put all photographs of you and mementos of our relationship in a shoe box and store it in my closet. Just in case I get nostalgic. Just in case you come back. (so very true! everything is put in a shoe box under a dresser near my bed)

30) I want you to take control in bed. Yes, I have a successful career, I'm financially independent, I live on my own, and I don't need a man to make me happy (in theory). I still want you to pick me up, carry me to the bedroom, and take without asking. (true....but sometimes I like to take control)

I found this on AOL, and wrote what I felt about all of them, which ones were true about me, and which ones aren't
Out Shopping   
09:14am 15/01/2004
mood: bouncy
music: Sneaker Pimps "6 Underground"
OK, today I went out shopping after work cause I needed to get some things, so I went to "Desert Ridge" (huge outside shopping mall). So while I was there I wanted to go into "Starbucks" (my all time favorite coffee place) well, this guy walked by me (very cute guy) and I smiled at him and he smiled back at me then I just kept walking. Next thing I knew someone was tapping me on my shoulder, I turned to my side and it was that guy, im like um...hi, I was shocked I didn't know what to say. He was like "This is embarrassing, but can I have your phone number?" I was like "yeah sure" and I took out my little notebook thingee I keep in my purse and my pen and wrote down my number and gave it to him. I smiled at him and he walked off, then he came back and was like "Sorry, I forgot to tell you my name, im Lance" I was like "Hi Lance, im Trisha" and he said "hi Trisha....very pretty name, so I'll give you a call sometime OK Trisha?" I said "OK cool, talk to you later, bye" and I smiled like I always do and walked off.

So I gave a guy my phone number, and I feel so bad for it, almost guilty, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to date this guy or anything because I've already gotten so far with James, and I care about James a lot (plus James is cuter lol). I think what im going to do is just tell this guy when he calls me that I have a boyfriend, and that James and I are just in the middle of working out a bad situation. Maybe he can be like a new friend or something, if he wants to that is....
Back To Being Single Again   
05:35pm 14/01/2004
mood: sad
music: Evanescence "My Immortal"
Well, since James and I have been broken up I have nothing to do, I can't go hang out with my friends because most of my friends are his friends too. So I guess I'll just sit at home and be bored, and do nothing but worry about stupid things. I was so much happier when James and I were together, but who knows maybe things will work out for us and we will get back together.
Fun Friday Night   
04:09am 10/01/2004
mood: happy
music: Fiona Apple "Criminal"
AHHHH....Friday night, another fun filled Friday night (big smile), I had a great night, James and I went and played a little pool but, he was too tired to go out dancing with me. After pool we went back to our friend Brandon's and hung out with a few friends, and had some drinks. Then we came back to my place (nobody was home...*evil grin*) so we decided to watch "Underworld" which I might add is a very good movie, so if you haven't seen it, you should....anyways as I was saying we watched the movie in my bedroom, after the movie was over..since no one was home we got a little freaky, and did some things lol (too graphic to say). It was a really fun night, and tonight when James kissed me he literally took my breath away it was so awesome, and that only happened to me when the other person really loved me. So im all happy and stuff, and can't stop smiling.
Female Circumcision   
08:40pm 05/01/2004
mood: shitty
Tonight I was watching a show called "The Day I'll never forget" it was about female circumcision. At first I didn't have a clue what they were talking about because it was in a foreign country so it was all subtitles. They were talking about this girl who's parents sewed up her vagina so she wouldn't sleep around before she was married because it was their religion. Well, she had gotten married and went to have the stitches taken out, and the doctor couldn't take out the stitches without putting her under anesthetic (I don't know why they couldn't because I wasn't paying attention at that part lol). Well, putting her under anesthetic was against their religion. So this poor girl and her husband can never have kids, or sex all because her parents wanted to be cruel. I guess in their culture all the girls all get sewed up until their married, its so sad. They were also talking about their periods, and how they pee'd, they were saying it was normal but it just all comes out really slow. That is so dangerous I mean you can't clean yourself properly with your vagina sewed up, that is a major risk of infection, you could probably even die from that if the infection gets bad enough. I feel so bad for all those girls that have to go through that, it must be horrible. Thank God I live in the US where that doesn't happen.
Last Night   
11:05pm 04/01/2004
mood: squeamish
music: Rosie & The Originals "Angel Baby" old old song
Last night I was watching "Law And Order SVU" well it was about a guy that molested a bunch of teenage boys, my sister, and Kimmy were watching it too. Kimmy's dad is in jail for molesting some little boys on her brother's little league team about 3 and 1/2 years ago, well she was watching it, and she just started crying and asked me to change it. I felt so bad that I let her watch it, when we started to watch it I totally forgot about what happened with her dad. It must be horrible to have a dad that did something like that, that would mess me up so bad, and I'd be so embarrassed if anyone else knew about it. I feel really bad for her, but im so glad that no one in my family has done anything bad enough to go to jail for.
03:38pm 03/01/2004
mood: tired
music: Linkin Park "Numb"
James and I took a trip to Sedona on Thursday morning, we were going to go stay at this resort for the day, that my grandparents are members of. On our way there he got lost, had no clue where the heck we were, so him and I started arguing it was turning out to be a bad day. So I called my dad and told him where we were and asked him where we needed to go to get there, it was so hectic. We finally got there but after all the trouble getting there I didn't even want to be there. After a little while things were ok and we had fun, too bad its winter though cause they have a really nice pool there. Well, at least we got to go in the Jacuzzi, and we had a little barbecue, walked around, and looked at the waterfalls, swung on the big bench swing that goes over the water across to the waterfalls. So the day turned out ok I was just dreading the trip back home lol
07:59pm 30/12/2003
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Bad Case Of Hives....   
07:36pm 30/12/2003
mood: distressed
music: Sugarcult "The Way(Pretty Girl)"
I must have ate something or touched something that didn't agree with me, cause I have a nasty case of the hives, for about 3 days now I have been itching all over the place. I even used some itching cream and that didn't even help, so now I took some Diphedryl and its starting to go away slowly and im not itching anymore. I was so embarrassed infront of James I didn't know what he was gonna think of me after seeing all these red blotches all over me. I even had it really bad on my face, I woke up Sunday morning and when I went into the bathroom and saw my face had all these red spots. I thought I was getting bad acne, and that scared the shit out of me. One of my worst fears is acne, and I take good care of my skin to try and avoid acne outbreaks. Well, I showed it to my mom and she told me it was hives an allergic reaction to something I ate or something I came in contact with that im allergic to (I trust my mom, she did go to medical school) so I was like phew its not acne. I just hope it goes away soon, its really annoying not to mention James acted like I had some contagious disease. What a nice boyfriend huh?
03:05am 28/12/2003
mood: thirsty
music: Prodigy "Breathe"
Christmas was really nice this year, I actually felt comfy for once with my moms side of the family. I had lots of fun, we all sat around and talked, and watched slides of past Christmas's, we also had such a big dinner, and got to open presents, drank coffee, ate pie, and cookies. There was about 15 of us so not too many people were there. Oh and James spent Christmas with me =o) which was really nice, but I didn't get any on Christmas Eve, or day.

Today all my dads family came down and we spent our Christmas with them, we had a Christmas after Christmas sort of thing. That was really fun too and I got some more neat things.
Stupid Sales Lady   
05:22pm 18/12/2003
music: Blink 182 "Feelin This"
OK, today this lady called for my sister, and I had answered the phone....she asked for my sister and my sister wasn't home so I told the lady to hold on so she could leave a message for me to give to her. Well, the lady got rude and started accusing me of being my sister, I guess my sister was trying to avoid this b*tch. This is what I said to her "I am not Sabrina, and how dare you call my house accusing me of being someone IM not, you don't even know me" and then she started to say that she had been trying to get ahold of my sister for a couple months now, and she can never seem to. I was like "Well, I don't care who you have been trying to get ahold of, you don't call my house accusing me of being my sister, that's just rude" then I hung up on her. I know I sound and look like my sisters but, damn!

Anyway I am redecorating my room, getting a new floor rug its gonna be leopard print, and purple velvet pillows, and a purple comforter. Also I have my Marilyn Monroe poster and now I need to get my Betty Boop poster. I have my dragon collection all across the top of my computer desk. My rooms looks so awesome.
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My New Poster   
11:40pm 17/12/2003
mood: ecstatic

Isn't she so adorable, I just got this today, I need more Marilyn posters.
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble....   
11:30am 17/12/2003
mood: bitchy
music: Addictive "Truth Hurts"
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains.......

It seems everyone has bigger boobs than I do, my friend Felicia is like a 38'D and she is only 18 years old, im 20 years old and I have 36'C's I don't think their gonna grow any bigger lol. Well, I have to say I'd rather have small boobs cause then I can fit into more shirts, and I wont have back problems. At least I will never get fake ones, I think girls with fake tits are so nasty.
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Pirates Of The Caribbean   
07:34pm 16/12/2003
mood: bored
I finally got to see "Pirates Of The Caribbean" and all I have to say is Johnny Depp, and Orlando Bloom, can we say yummy? lol I thought the movie was really good, it wasn't what I expected of it, but it was better than what I expected, awesome, awesome movie. I give it ***** stars, and people were saying that Johnny Depp played a terrible Pirate? I thought he was great, and he was funny, and lets not forget he's sexiest man of the year lol

Anyway moving on......tonight was boring, had nothing to do whatsoever wish my boyfriend was here.
09:33am 16/12/2003
mood: Hungry, mmm...cookies
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And they're like, "It's better than yours"
Damn right, it's better than yours,
I can teach you, but I have to charge

I've had this song stuck in my head for the past 2 days now, oh well its kinda catchy I like it hehe.....

This morning I woke up way too early, James spent the night he is asleep in my bed, im just sittin here eating oatmeal cookies, and drinking chocolate milk. For some reason I woke up hungry this morning, which never happens, maybe its from the big workout I got last night (evil grin) anyway im gonna eat my cookies and try to go back to sleep for a little bit. No work today YAY!!!
Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture   
07:16pm 15/12/2003
mood: tired
music: Outkast "Hey Ya"
This weekend was horrible, I had to put up with my friend, and her boyfriend all over each other it was so disrespectful, and they totally ignored me all weekend. We went out and played some Pool and hung out, I thought it was going to be fun well....it wasn't. I had to sit there and watch them get freaky infront of me and other people, and then hear them talking about making each other horny before Chris (her BF/my friend) had to go to work it was so boring, and embarrassing. I was stuck with them I couldn't go do anything else, and not to mention when we came back to my place all Kim (my friend) did was talk about Chris till he got off work, then she called him and talked to him for a couple hours. I was so tired so I just went to sleep escaping all that crap. At least when I woke up at 11pm Saturday night she finally shut up about him and wasn't talking to him. So we listened to music and messed around and played PS2 games till about 1am then we went to sleep. Oh and James is gone till next week so that's why I didn't see him all weekend.

Yeah so that was my weekend...wish I could rewind it and do it all over again, maybe I wouldn't have gotten stuck with them.
"My Dream"   
04:18am 02/12/2003
mood: guilty
I had on new clothes, New sneaks on my feet.
I was there for class on time,
Went to the back and took my seat.
Yeah, I'm moving up, I'm already grown.
Soon I'll be graduating, And out on my own.
I talked to some of my friends,
We were all having fun.
Said some things I shouldn't have said,
Did stuff I shouldn't have done.
I knew I was different.
I felt God touch my heart,
I knew I should set a standard,
But then I'd be set apart
Walking to the bus, I was not looking for strength. I heard the car tires screeching, But now it's too late.
I'm standing in this room, And I can see the heavenly gate.
Oh no! I never prayed.
I thought I had time to get it straight.
An angel walked to me,
He had a book in his hand
I knew it was the Book of Life,
When would this dream end?
I told him my name, And he began to look.
Then he looked at me sadly and said,
our name is not in this book.
Angel, this is a dream,
No, I can't be dead!
He closed the book and turned away,
He whispered - You cannot proceed ahead.
No...no this can't be real,
Angel, you can't turn me away.
Let me talk to God,
Maybe he'll let me stay.
He led me to the gate,
Jesus came to me.
He did not let me in but said,
Beloved what is your need?
Jesus, I cried, please,
Don't cast me away from you.
Tears ran down his face as he said,
You knew what you needed to do.
Lord, please I'm young, I never thought I would die. I thought I'd have plenty of time, Death caught me by surprise.
Lord, I went to church, Please Jesus, I believe.
He said you would not accept me, My love you would not receive.
Lord, there were too many hypocrites,
They weren't being true.
He took a step back and asked,
What does that have to do with you?
Lord, my family claimed to be saved,
They weren't real. You know.
He said, I died for you, Now I have to go. I fell to my knees crying to Him,
Lord, I planned to be real tomorrow.
I couldn't make Him understand, I had never felt such sorrow.
Then it hit me hard, I said,
Lord, where will I go?
He looked into my eyes and said, My child you already know.
Please Jesus, I begged, The place is so hot.
It seemed to trouble and grieve him,
Lord, you're supposed to be love,
How can you send me to damnation?
He replied, With your mouth you said you loved me, But each day you rejected my salvation.
With that in an instant, Day turned into night I never knew such torture could be, Now too late, I know the Bible is right.
If I can tell you anything, Hell has no age. It is a place of torture,
Separated from God and full of rage.
You know, I thought it was funny-a joke, But this one thing is true. If you never accept Jesus Christ,
So please, ask Him into your heart.

This was sent to me by my cousin, it really makes me think, I need to start going back to church, and change a lot of things in my life. Although I believe in God, and I pray sometimes but not everynight, but is that really enough? I think I need to really start going to church more often.
Bringing Back Memories   
05:19pm 26/11/2003
mood: confused
music: Dishwalla "Counting Blue Cars"
Last night I had a dream about something that happened like 3 and 1/2 years ago with my ex Matt. It was one night when he was supposed to come over and we were going to go out, he called me up about an hour before he was supposed to get off and told me he had to work late. Well, I looked at my caller ID and it said some guys name on it, so I thought that was really strange but I didn't think anything of it. So anyway I was doing my hair getting ready and stuff, and I had to call him and tell him something, so I called the number on my caller ID and a guy answered, im like "can I speak with Matt please" then I realized he wasn't at work. Well, I was on hold for like 5 minutes I could hear these people in the background and these girls laughing, right then I got really angry......next thing I knew someone hung up on me. So I called back and was like "Listen this is Matt's girlfriend and im getting very angry so stop f*cking around and put him on the phone" The guy was like hold on he is in the bathroom and he puts the phone down for another 5 minutes. I was getting so impatient and frustrated, I was almost in tears I was so angry....I was going to hang up and call back but as I was getting ready to someone hung up on me again. After that I sat in bed for a few minutes thinking and getting more angry. I called back again and this time I started yelling "Hey asshole put Matt on the phone or im gonna come down there and kick his, and your ass" so...he put Matt on the phone, when he said, hello (like everything was alright) I broke down and started crying, and screaming I was a total mess. He told me he lied to me because I gave him an attitude on the phone about him having to work late, but he was already at his friends before he even called me. So he tried to make up all these lame ass excuses making me feel 10 times worse. After about a half hour of arguing on the phone I said "F*CK YOU" and hung up on him. What really happened was he wanted to go hang out with his friends at a party, and didn't want to call and tell me that he was canceling our plans that's what I think happened. Well, he called me back apologizing and I was just so hurt that I didn't care what he said cause I thought it was nothing but lies. My heart was aching so bad so I was like "I am leaving so don't call me back" and he was like "Where the hell are you gonna go" I told him not to worry about it, and I hung up and left my house.

I walked down the street and I kept walking for a long time just thinking and feeling hurt and crying. I must have walked at least 4 miles from my house before I stopped walking. I stopped at a gas station and used the pay phone, I think I had like 45 cents on me at the time cause I didn't bring my purse. So I put in a quarter cause that's how much it cost to use the payphone then....anyways I was going to call home but I ended up calling Matt, well the payphone ate my quarter and I couldn't call anyone so I called the operator and told them that the payphone took my change, and I assumed she was going to let me make a call but....she asked me for my home address and that they would send a refund in a few days by mail im like "What the hell I do not have a couple days that was my only change and the payphone took it how am I supposed to get home bitch?" and then she hung up on me. So I spent about 2 hours sitting outside of some auto place at 2am in the morning, in the winter, I was so cold but I didn't even care. Then I started to walk home and I wanted to get home so bad, so I ran home the rest of the way.

I got home everyone was so worried about me, I even had friends over listening to what happened the whole time, and I just went straight to bed and cried trying to go to sleep....next thing I know the phone rings I pick it up not expecting him to call and it was Matt and he sounded really sad and upset. He said he was really sorry and that he was sitting on the corner of my block, debating on coming over to see me or not because he thought everyone in my house surely hated him by then. So I told him no one hated him but me and told him to come over so we could talk and hung up. A couple minutes later he knocked on the door, as soon as he walked in the house my mom punched him in the arm and said "Don't ever do that to my daughter again or I'll hurt you" haha...I laughed so hard when she did that, he was so shocked that my mom hit him. Anyway we went in my bedroom, I laid on my bed and he laid beside me and put his arms around me, and I saw tears roll down his cheek, he was like "Im so sorry" I told him not to do it again, that if he wanted to hang out with his friends all he had to do was tell me ahead of time before I get all dressed for nothing, and I'd be fine with it. I never stood in the way of him and his friends I don't know why he thought he had to lie to me about it. I think it was cause he had already made plans with me and knew it would have been messed up to tell me that he made plans with his friends, and he wasn't going to come over to see me after we had made plans first. Which would have been messed up and I would have been so pissed off at him.

So yeah I had a dream of that, kinda strange...that happened like so long ago, I almost forgot about it until I had a dream about it. Wonder why I had a dream about it, does it mean something?
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