| wow its true!! | ||||
| 10:11am 15/07/2004 | ||||
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bored| survey on cutting .. pick my brain | ||||
| 02:51pm 14/06/2004 | ||||
Who do you hide SI from? yes butu not really n e more Who knows about it? most of my friends How long has it been since you last cut?uhh 2months i tink Have you ever tried to commit suicide before? yes Where do you usually cut? wrist, arm and ankle When you cut, who's usually the first to find out? kelsey What's your worst experience with a fresh cut? it burns and wouldnt stop bleeding 4 3 mins Do you have a fascination with scabs? no Do you like scars, yes or no? sometimes Do you name your razor? no What other methods of SI do you use? cutting,scratching, brusing Do you dislike the term "self mutilation"? no What various ways do you use to hide cuts? cloths bracelets Once cuts heal, do you still hide the scars? no Ever been institutionalized/hospitalized for SI'ing? no What's the best part about cutting to you? relief of everything i was feeling or not feeling... Do you know of any songs that talk about SI? ya some What instrument[s] do you use to cut? scizors pencils, glass What causes you to cut?i feel like its the only place i can turn and control i guess u have to b in the mind set to get What do you feel afterwards? alive ,relieved, almost happy What is your closest Close Call? when i sufficated my self and passed out 4 8 hrs. no one noes How long have you been doing it? 4 yrs Do You keep a razor in your bag? sometimes Ever needed stitches for a cut so deep? no Do you have someone like a therapist you talk to regularly? no Are your parents divorced? no Are you a boy/girl?: girl Age: 14 Age you began to cut: 12 Does anyone know you cut? ya ,some ppl. Does your parent(s)/ guardian(s)? unfortunately yes Do you ever burn or bruise yourself? ya sometimes Do you think that you are depressed? somedays Do you have any other disorders? not that i no of Do you have an eating disorder? no Are you on meds? no Have you been hospitalized or been to the ER for self injury/ suicide attempt? no Have you tried to commit suicide? ya How? suffication pills cutting Does anyone know that you tried? ya 2 ppl Do you do drugs? NO ( sXe) Do you think of cutting as a good or bad thing?its a love hate thing but it brings more problems than it solves Do you wish you could stop? ya but its like nicatine its hard to just stop What are your feelings leading up to, during and after cutting? b4: agony during: release after: depressed When you cut does it hurt?no...not really .. Do you bandage your cuts? sometimes but only cuz ppl would see Where do you most normally cut? wrist and forarm Are you alone?some times Do you have a weapon of choice, do you carry it with you? scizors or mechanical pencils What have you used to injure yourself? scizors or mechanical pencils, glass and pins How do you feel about your cuts/scars, do they tell a story?definitely Have people ever asked about your cuts/scars?all thefucking time is stupid Do you ever design a cut (make it decorative or in a certain shape)? sometimes...when Have you ever cut too deep? 1 time Do you go to therapy? no Do you have trust issues? ya..some what |
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confused| stuff about me | ||||
| 12:15am 14/06/2004 | ||||
Nickname:: Sas, Shirley Age:: N/a Date of Birth:: June 8 Location:: california Gender:: Female Occupation:: Student,punk Screen Name:: xToxicRagex Email:: insanelyawesome@yahoo.com Description Eye Color:: brownish green Hair Color:: dark brown Weight:: 107...u ruse bastards Height:: n/a cuz im growing....finally (5'0) Piercings:: Ears... and cartilage(i did it all by myself) Tattoos:: unfortunetly no.....but soon Shoe Size:: 8 Wearing:: Black Listening:: The Bled Eating:: uhh.....spit? Feeling:: bad....sad.....stupid.....hopeless...ner Family Parents:: yea mom and dad Siblings:: sis "THE QUEEN" Pets:: cat Divorced:: uhhh?...no Music Favorite Band:: The distillers, garbage, atreyu,The bled, orgy, green day,Sex pistols,DAshBoardCOnfessional,The clash,Blinside, the cure, jack off jill, millencolin, from first to last,the soviets, lovwer class brats... Favorite Song:: Hands down, Dismantle me, vow,The love song, all of us, good riddance,p.h.a.h.4.t,smell like teen spirit,paperdoll, geek stink breath, brainstew.....and many more Hated Band:: oh i no this one!!!....simple plan, good charlotte, JET, Yellowcard and the yeah yeah yeahs Hated Song:: 'are u gonna be my girl, the milkshake song, CAROLINE!!! hey ya !! all gc songs Best CD:: apitite 4 destruction,Sing sing death house, Version 2.0,coral fang, distiller,International Superhits......more Worst CD:: all them wannabe punk rockers And KIDS BOP!!!!! cd 1-100000000000000000 Favorite? radiostation:: 105.3, 106.7,9.11, 94.9, 95.5,94.1 Music TV Station: the N, mtv, vh1, FUSE!!! Favorites Color:: BLck, gren,Rd,blu,yelow,plaid,zigzag,stripes Food: i Heart food!! ice cream and mexican and itlaian TV Show:: C.S.I, tru calling,Snl,Degrassi,Daria,Rfr,Simpsons, School Subject:: Naptime or Lunch Animals:: llamas,dogs Movies::Freddy cruger 1-8,tcm old and new, helter skelter,Drop dead gourgess, the displactment factor, Salt lake City punks,idle hands Books:: did i ever say i read?uhh no......but i love edgar allen poe!! and stuff about the holocaust Cartoon:: Simpsons,Daria,bevis and butthead,rockos modern life Actor::Not Johnny Depp!!!!or orlando bloom!! uhh i think its Anthony hopkins or freddy kruger Actress:: uh that chick in that one movie....u no that One movie ya i like her Drink:: pepsi or canada dry GINGERALE ya! Holiday:: i dont domost Holidays..........srry...die commerical Xmas Die!!! Scent:: um good? Pizza Topping:: Pepperoni and sauage Board Game:: Life, Alien Autopsy, Simpsons clue Video Game:: Simpsons Road rage, Old skool sonic Website:: www.geocities.com/Shirleyrocker99/Enter.h Number:: 4,9,13,16,19,99,666 Cereal:: trix, cinnamon toast crunch, lucky charms,Trix Dessert:: Creme brulee, taramisu Ice Cream Flavor:: cookies and cream, vanilla, rainbow sherbert, cookie dough, thin mint,coffee,mint chip,simpsons,spongebob Disney Character:: Malificent Place to Shop: D.A.V. Sd thrift, Hot topic,Trash, Good will, Nordstrums Teacher:: teachers suck Childhood Toy:: my stuffed cat from cananda that i still own i wuv him!! Amusement Park Ride:: rollercoasters............fast ones Candy:: sour starburst, tropical skittles(only ones i'll eat), laffy taffy, nerds, nerds rope, squeese tube, ALL SOUR THINGYS Magazine:: not sure ym and teen people.... Thing to Do:: hang out with friends, talk on the phone, SHOP SHOP SHOP, get money, go on road trips, hang with the fam, do stuff....hehh Hot Drink:: i hate hot drinks Season:: summer and winter Sport:: , swimming, surfing, boogieboarding, dancing Bedroom Wall Color:: wont say Posters: bands Sheets: dunno # Pillows::4 # Blankets:: 3 Size Bed:: Full...fits more than one! Share a room?:: NEVER Snore?:: haha funny NO Drool?:: depends Stuffed animals?:: MANY Either Or Coke or Pepsi::pepsi Doughnuts or Bagels:: donuts Day or Night:: night Coffee or Tea:: coffee Hamburgers or Hot Dogs:: Hburgers Rap or Rock:: Rock......Duh!!!!!!! Punk or Emo:: um...punk?no....emo...dont make me pick! Silver or Gold:: Silver Nike or Adidas:: Adidas McDonalds or Burger King:: Hungry Jack as they call it in austrailia Hot or Cold:: cold Winter or Summer::winter Spring or Summer:: Summer Operas or Plays:: Plays Read or Watch TV:: watch tv CDs or Tapes:: CDs DVDs or VHS:: DVDs Old or New:: old Shorts or Skirts:: Skirts Colored or Black and White:: black and white Mexican or Chinese::chinese Commercials or Informercials:: wats the difference Bikinis or One Piece:: u kidding me? bikini Sandals or Sneakers:: thats a toughie..depends.......but......sneakers most days Dogs or Cats:: llamas Black or White:: Black Ribbons or Bows:: Ribbons Chicken or Beef:: beef Cars or Trucks:: Cars Popcorn or Pretzels:: pretzels Picture Frames or Photo Albums:: both Pens or Pencils:: Pens Opinion Recording Industry:: most of it a joke but the good ones (hellcat tooth and nail facedown) they rock President Bush:: fuckhead Religion:christian baby! Homosexuals:: i aint homofobic but i dont want to c it Death:: not afraid of it, but sure sucks to die Random Words Sponge:: green Yellow:: button Marshmellow:: bus Dog:: pie Cat:: lickle Cruel:: and unusual punishment (ya 8th ammendment!) Phone:: cellular Rainbow:: fags Animal:: rob schnider Queen:: god save the queen Chocolate::eewwie Trivia:: l pursuit Sandy:: errrr overbite!! Soda::suicides Have You Ever: Told a Secret?:: many Broke a Bone?:: ya Got into a Fight?:: damn i right have! Plotted Against Someone?:: haha.....the memories.... Been on TV?:: yea like once or twice Been on the Radio?:: pshhhhhya Been in a Mosh Pit?:: hell ya Been to a Concert?:: ooo yeahhh Taken Drugs?:: DOPE for life! no no really...drugs suck im sXe Drank Alcohol?:: like a sip........a gulp......a bottle Broken the Law?:: haha yea Been to a Rodeo?:: ya actually! Been on an Airplane?:: soo fun Came Close to Dying?:: yeah... Smoked?:: no Been to Camp?:: ummm yes Won a Bet?:: yea! Won a Trophy or Medal?:: oh yes Thrown up in Public?:: ya Bowled a Perfect Game?:: sure..haha with bumpers! Stayed Back?:: from what? Gotten Perfect Attendance?:: LMAO Loved Someone?:: Yes i love <3love<3 Random Three Things Near Computer:: scissors,pick, modem, guitar, amp Hidden Talents:: their hidden....duh! Worst Movie:: family man and the yaya crap one Best Movie:: t-3, i know what u did last summer, i still know what u did last summer all horror movies basically Drive?:: my daddy took me driving once...... i ended up on the lawn..........i was onlt 6tho Sky Dive?:: i wish Believe in Bigfoot?:: uh no funny Lochness Monster?:: yeah okay Yeti?:: i love my yetis! Other Random Monster?:: um no Rooms in House:: 12 Afraid of Roller Coasters?:: o no Believe in Some Higher Power?:: ok Own a Pool Table?:: no Wished on a Shooting Star?:: all the time. Best Halloween Costume:: mechanic and bum or myself thats always good Carry Weapons?:: um do i need them? no Ideal Way to Die?: FAMOUS Way to Release Stress:: scream, listen to music, cut, throw up, beat the pain out of me Artistic?:: ya Untie Shoes Before Taking Them Off?:: noo Strong?:: i arm wrestle baby Last Email:: 5 mins ago Last IM:: i secc ago Deep Sleeper?:: yes Greatest Accomplishment:: i have many....but being loved Best Feeling in World:: love Worst Feeling in World:: Heartache Half Empty or Half Full?:: empty Last Thing Downloaded:: a song Use Online Terms IRL?:: at times..wait wtf duz that mean? Likeable?:: Likeable...?? IM LOVEABLE BABY! Need Therapy?::Yes Need Medication?:: dont think so...i no so Kind of TV Show to be in?: Comedy or horror Favorite Phrase:: love conquers all Favorite Quote:: live fast die young and leave a beautiful corpse- james dean |
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mellow| hi | ||||
| 04:15pm 13/06/2004 | ||||
im starting over things have changed heres 2 poems i wrote X-Cutter I used to cut To free myself from pain I used to cut but then it all felt the same Cutting lead to Crying lead to Lying about it I felt like I was dying inside People found out Then were concerned Why couldn’t they see it before? If they were my friends They would’ve seen it in my eyes As my soul cried out For someone to care I wrote it on my body But not for people to stare It wasn’t a fad It wasn’t to be cool It was for me and not for you You’ll never understand Unless you know How it feels to be alone But I found a better way To stop this internal pain I gave my sorrows away Hoping they burn and decay Never will I see them again I’m proud of I am becoming Pulling away from what I used to be And emerging anew Joyful girl zero joyful girl zero etches pathways wants nothing but to live nothing but to feel nothing but to see the red be at last the beauty blood cry from out of jailed tears joyful girl zero knows she's loved knows she has a lot to live for knows she has a lot going knows she has no real problems thinks she has no real issues just a middle class suburban teenager pre-obsessed with ink lines fading into scratches which slowly drips into cuts she wants everyone to see she wants no one to know the satisfaction she feels the shame in which she glows is too unbearable she wants to see the skin rip apart curiosity and the lack of fear intertwined with terror she wanted to be twisted to destroy some projected image to prove that she could feel now she feels too much with nothing to blame she has everything to cry for with too many reasons to go on she has nothing to die for feeling only desperate caged in and afraid wanting to stop wanting to be sane having no desire to quit searching everywhere so that she could somehow read herself in someone else's books reassured, only to go back to the fact that she's so joyful and this girl is simply zero numb, pathetic, and all too afraid of pain to stop the crisscrosses that run a track of horror in deliberate red streaks across her skin lemme no wat u think |
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xtoxicragex |
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