| 07:14pm 12/05/2004 | |||
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| 11:05pm 02/04/2004 | ||||
Topic 1. Dear old Ex-Best Friend Ilsa, She has struck yet again....I find this very amazing cause for a while I thought I was going to be the only person she would really treat like shit...apparently thats the way she shows her "best friends" how much she loves them....but she has yes indeed struck again...the victim....Elise... A little background follow up.....Ilsa first started to depart from my side when she met sweet Elise....you would think that I would have a bit of resentment against her but I havent cause I know Elise is honest, caring and sincere to everyone she meets...shes one of those beautiful girls that everyone just finds it hard to dislike....but anywho....Elise also soon got a boyfriend, Blake (who is also very nice) after me and Ilsa drifted very obviously appart... Back to striking again...Ilsa, jealous of Elise's boyfriend has started to put her through all the shit she put me through. Accusing her of ditching her, never having time for her, talking shit behind her back, and other bogus accusations. Ilsa has even went as low as to talk shit about Elise to her boyfriend Blake! its crazy. She is like the Jessica Simpson of backstabbing....shes just flat out dumb. But Ilsa has became a pot smoking whore who likes to get liquored up and give blow jobs to guys shes practically just met...I have no respect for this girl anymore. Topic 2. You know for a terrible person such as Ilsa she has created an opportune moment for me and Elise to have a real chance to get to know eachother and become the friends Id hoped we'd be. I have respect for this girl. She is the first high school junior I have met that isnt really into that sex, drugs, and drinking part of high school. me and Elise also share the same morals and take on guys. I look up to this girl simply because she thinks for herself. Carries herself well. and treats everyone with respect even tho they may not even deserve it (people such as Ilsa) I really love Elise she is just awesome. Topic 3. mm k I almost thought it would be hard to find someone for me to really despise as much as I despise Ilsa at this very momeny but I have found someone....Patrick Cahill...Patrick is one of Mike's really good friends. Pat doesnt like me...Why you ask? I dont know, it seems to be an unsolved mystery. Patrick himself doesnt even know. For a while I tolerated Pats disliking of me for no reason even tho I would like for me and him to be nice aquantinces simply for the sake of Mike and the fact that it annoys me when no one likes me for no particular reason when I havent even done anything to them. But ANYWHO...tonight Pat just pushed my buttons beyond belief.....Mike approximately called me about 9:45 cause I had texted him asking him to get online so we could chat like we do every night..well Mike was at Pat's...yeah I know "oh no" you say..."oh no" is right...Well me and Mike are having this nice little conversation (no more then 5 minutes) and all of a sudden I hear Pat in the background going "Man stop acting like a whipped bitch, you dont even go out wth her" "Get off the phone" and all other things along those lines...Mike the gentleman that he is sometimes was telling him to chill out..I myself was getting quite upset...but Pat kept on rambling...so I told Mike he should go and even tho he asked me to stay I hung up...and sadly I started to cry...not sobbing making all kinds of noises cry, the type of crying where u talk fine and tears just trickle down ur face. Yeha i know "what a wuss" but I mean call me highly sensitive but stuff like that just bugs me. I hardly even know the kid AND the fact that I have never done anything for him to have a reason to dislike me. just makes me so upset cause I particularly dont like for anyone to dislike me unless they have a reason and Pat just doesnt...Pat just wants to be an asshole and complicate things for Mike. I just want to scream at him for making things so frustrating. I know I shouldnt care but I do. its hard for me to let things go. Because of all this stuff Im scared that Im going back into my "anger" mode that I was in for such a long time...I used to be so happy and I liked it. but i just hate that arrogant people such as Ilsa and Pat are just eating away at my happiness...Mike says hes going to try and work on Pat. I hope that it works. Cause I really wanna try and be on good terms with Pat. As for Ilsa...Im waiting for her karma to kick in....and I'll be the first to just sit back and enjoy the show. |
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awake| long time no see | ||||
| 11:39pm 05/03/2004 | ||||
To the person Who has made a difference in my life. If I was you I would not take this as a compliment but you have changed my life in more ways than you may be aware of. First of all because of you I’ve become a stronger person simply because of all the drama you have put me through. I think I have cried more because of you than I have laughed. Friendships shouldn’t be about sadness but happiness and don’t get me wrong but I have had fun times with you but they are fewer than you may admit. Another thing about friendships is that you shouldn’t talk about one another negatively behind their back. You may not admit to it but I know you have talked more trash about me then a “best friend” should. Friendships are about believing and comforting one another. I’ve had more people support me than you and it makes me sad even though you give me the title as your best friend even when you don’t treat me like one. Another thing you’ve taught me is that I shouldn’t trust even my closest friends with all of my secrets. Yes you as my “best friend” has probably told more of my secrets than you should have. Not the tiny stuff but the big stuff and both you and I are aware of what those things are. I never did that to you so I’d at least have liked you to treat me the same respect that I did you. Another thing I didn’t appreciate that you’ve done was accuse me of doing things that you yourself were doing. Such as, ditching me, talking about me and getting involved with matters that didn’t involve you. Due to your meddling I’ve probably developed less relationships than I should have, not because I’ve been associated with you but simply because you’ve swayed people into negative opinions about me clearly when I didn’t deserve them. I’ve learned a lot about you that I didn’t know at first to. Such as how you’d do nearly anything for attention, but I don’t blame you if I was as unhappy with myself like you are I’d be trying to get a whole lot of attention too. Even though it took me a while I noticed how two faced you really were. You would act like you were someone’s best friends right to their face but as soon as they would leave you would talk about how much you “couldn’t stand them” or how much “you hated them”. I know there have been times where I’ve acted the same way about you but I don’t do it with every other person I come in contact with just like you do. That’s when I first began to wonder how you really felt about me. I’ve noticed you lie a whole lot more than someone would first notice. About the things you have or are “getting” just to become more accepted with people who already like you. You constantly put yourself down too. Are you aware how unattractive that makes you look? That would probably be the reason to why you haven’t had a steady romantic relationship. Another thing I have learned from you is that you not only are unhappy with yourself but you can simply not stand it when someone doesn’t like something you do and vice versa. Its almost like you’re trying to construct some puppet to react nonchalantly to your every like and needs. That’s not what friendships are about. Lastly, another thing I have learned just by observation, is that you may say you want your friends to have other friends besides you but the thing is that you simply can not stand it when someone actually has other friends in their life besides you. Part of this happening was my fault. Simply because I thought there was something in you that people didn’t see, so shame on me for having faith in you. Shame on me for putting up with your ways longer than I should have. Shame on me for doing what you wanted to do even when I did it only to avoid your whining and complaining. But most of all, shame on me for letting you treat me the way that you did for so many years. Yeah its pretty much self evident where I stand on this matter. everything else...good...made the soccer team and what not me and Mike till the beat of friends ever...i actually got him to stop talking to that "May Jane" chick if u know what I mean...I like such a great influence...Yay me! lol |
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content| the only thing thats real.... | ||||
| 01:50pm 24/01/2004 | ||||
it wasnt what I expected...I had this detailed idea about how it was going to be...it was far from it...I love Mike to death but for once it was weird, I didnt have the Mike that I talked to all the other times about the guys I encountered all the time it was like I didnt have a best friend anymore...jst a boyfriend I felt that I had to censor myself and the things I would usually tell him... Mike was right the first time when he said that it would be best if me and him would be just friends.....but I was too stubborn to listen to it...I chased after what I thought I wanted until i got it and when I got it, it wasnt exactly how I thought romantic life would be. Mike is a great guy to...what any girl could possibly want, nice, sweet, caring and terribly funny. He was the type of guy that u could call up after you had a fight with one of ur girl friends and rant for god knows how long and hed tell you to calm down and things were going to be okay. I felt awful breaking up with Mike, I felt like I had wasted his time and that I was a total bitch for chasing after so long to realize later that it wasnt what I thought I wanted....but Mike understands and like the great guy that he is hes still here for me being the best friend a girl can have! |
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| my paper.... | ||||
| 12:18am 08/01/2004 | ||||
I never really got the quote "Ur |
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amused| grrrr | |||
| 08:57pm 07/01/2004 | |||
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omga I came home yesterday to find my good computer had crashed now im on my crappy one....this bites so bad right now....grrrr just recently I realized how UNATTRACTIVE it is to hear someone put themselves down...I mean it just makes u look as if ur fishing for compliments...one of my biggest pet peeves....ugh |
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| the second greatest thing to learn..... | ||||
| 10:38pm 04/01/2004 | ||||
Cause I know at one point or another we doubt ourselves and we dont think we have qualities that display great character until we have people point them out to us. its like the words are some form of a crutch...they hold u up. Just see for yourself... Sean: u r royalty Me: lol y u say that? Sean: ur whole "thing" (personality, looks, karma, emotions) is so great...it is at such a high level that it makes u seem like u have a touch of royalty Sean: and i think u deserve the best thats all Me: are u serious?....no one has ever told me that before Sean: well.........no one sees u truly then Sean: i see it....... Me: thanks that means a lot to me Sean: kayla~ you amaze me, how u handle urself, ur surroundings, the way u make people happy when they r around u Me: are u sure ur talking about me? lol Sean: trust me..........i swear im not cheatin on caitlin..........and i luv her so much more (no offense)......but its true Sean: yes you..... Me: Thanks Sean....I know u wouldnt cheat on Caitlin Sean: but yeah.........u r stunning in every way Me: why are u saying all this to me?...not that I dont like it an all lol but i mean I never hear it....why are u telling me all this? Sean: exactly....."i mean I never hear it..." Sean: u need to.....and no one else has guts Me: why is that tho? Sean: i care for u as well.......caitlin is not the only one Me: I mean do i come off as the type of person that cant take a compliment? Sean: u need to hear it......because u need to set standards for urself! Sean: and they need to be high Sean: yes im complimenting u.....but it also pisses me off that no one else tells u this stuff Me: lol u are too cute Sean lol Sean: i wish.... Me: wish what? Sean: that i would be cute Sean: i cant picture that Me: omga Sean u are cute lol Sean: nopers! u r Me: yes u are shut up....thanks lol Sean: i cant shut up Me: stop puttin urself down Sean: i dont....i tell the truth Me: u are a great guy...if u werent a great guy Caitlin wouldnt have seen what great things she sees in u.....so stop puttin down urself cause obv u got people that see great things within u Sean: like i do w/ u Sean: i guess but i cant see em' Sean: ill stop Me: like I dont see the things u tell me Me: I mean not to sound cocky but sometimes I think I have those things but when I hear them from other people its whole lot more supportive....I dont doubt myself as much Sean: u cheer people up........u have beauty........u have grace.........u make people around u better........and u r a great friend! Me: lol glad to be of service lol Me: thanks Sean: no prob that boy is just awesome.... on another note.... things can only be describe by a dawson's quote... Growing up sucks. not all kisses are magic n most boys do not live up 2 ur expectations. But there are thosetimes when everything, I mean love, romance, relationships.. It all falls together perfectly, n it's incredible..It's those moments, no matter how depressingly or few n far between they are that make growing up worth it, n it'll be okay." -Dawson's Creek Ive had reached this moment. Im the happeiest I have been in such a long time. Me and Mike go out I get the "buddy and the booty" package like it was once said in Brown Sugar lol its amazing. My girls approve...they actually think hes good for me which is an entirely new first in itself....and things are just peachy no drama and everything is going my way....so please excuse me while I go savor this moment..."no matter how short or long it may be"...Im gonna get the most out of it..... |
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| the second greatest thing to learn..... | ||||
| 06:34pm 04/01/2004 | ||||
Cause I know at one point or another we doubt ourselves and we dont think we have qualities that display great character until we have people point them out to us. its like the words are some form of a crutch...they hold u up. Just see for yourself... Sean: u r royalty Me: lol y u say that? Sean: ur whole "thing" (personality, looks, karma, emotions) is so great...it is at such a high level that it makes u seem like u have a touch of royalty Sean: and i think u deserve the best thats all Me: are u serious?....no one has ever told me that before Sean: well.........no one sees u truly then Sean: i see it....... Me: thanks that means a lot to me Sean: kayla~ you amaze me, how u handle urself, ur surroundings, the way u make people happy when they r around u Me: are u sure ur talking about me? lol Sean: trust me..........i swear im not cheatin on caitlin..........and i luv her so much more (no offense)......but its true Sean: yes you..... Me: Thanks Sean....I know u wouldnt cheat on Caitlin Sean: but yeah.........u r stunning in every way Me: why are u saying all this to me?...not that I dont like it an all lol but i mean I never hear it....why are u telling me all this? Sean: exactly....."i mean I never hear it..." Sean: u need to.....and no one else has guts Me: why is that tho? Sean: i care for u as well.......caitlin is not the only one Me: I mean do i come off as the type of person that cant take a compliment? Sean: u need to hear it......because u need to set standards for urself! Sean: and they need to be high Sean: yes im complimenting u.....but it also pisses me off that no one else tells u this stuff Me: lol u are too cute Sean lol Sean: i wish.... Me: wish what? Sean: that i would be cute Sean: i cant picture that Me: omga Sean u are cute lol Sean: nopers! u r Me: yes u are shut up....thanks lol Sean: i cant shut up Me: stop puttin urself down Sean: i dont....i tell the truth Me: u are a great guy...if u werent a great guy Caitlin wouldnt have seen what great things she sees in u.....so stop puttin down urself cause obv u got people that see great things within u Sean: like i do w/ u Sean: i guess but i cant see em' Sean: ill stop Me: like I dont see the things u tell me Me: I mean not to sound cocky but sometimes I think I have those things but when I hear them from other people its whole lot more supportive....I dont doubt myself as much Sean: u cheer people up........u have beauty........u have grace.........u make people around u better........and u r a great friend! Me: lol glad to be of service lol Me: thanks Sean: no prob that boy is just awesome.... on another note.... things can only be describe by a dawson's quote... Growing up sucks. not all kisses are magic n most boys do not live up 2 ur expectations. But there are thosetimes when everything, I mean love, romance, relationships.. It all falls together perfectly, n it's incredible..It's those moments, no matter how depressingly or few n far between they are that make growing up worth it, n it'll be okay." -Dawson's Creek Ive had reached this moment. Im the happeiest I have been in such a long time. Me and Mike go out I get the "buddy and the booty" like it was once said in Brown Sugar lol its amazing. My girls approve...they actually think hes good for me which is an entirely new first in itself....and things are just peachy no drama and everything is going my way....so please excuse me while I go savor this moment..."no matter how short or long it may be"...Im gonna get the most out of it..... |
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| just call me a coward | ||||
| 09:38pm 29/12/2003 | ||||
Wes ims me on his g/f sn......this conversation better have a purpose... |
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distressed| a litte update... | ||||
| 08:45pm 26/12/2003 | ||||
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giddy| im so happy... | |||
| 05:48pm 18/12/2003 | |||
| I am like on cloud nine.....literally.....no one could BEAT the smile off of my face.... | |||
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| quotes | |||
| 10:42pm 15/12/2003 | |||
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"No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't." - Marilyn Monroe ~"High School, somewhere between the procrastination...and the homework... and the incessant forwards... and the friendships... and the calls to each other complaining about crushes!!! Somewhere between the phone calls to old friends... And the "I miss you's" & the "I love you's"... And the "What are we doing tonight's?"... And somewhere between all of the changing, growing... Somewhere between the classes...And the skipping classes... And the studying for tests... And the pretending to study for tests... And the downright NOT studying for tests... I forgot... I forgot what high school is all about. I forgot what it meant to cry... I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy... And that pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart... I forgot that you can't just forget the past in fear of the future... I forgot that you can't control falling in love... And that you can't make yourself fall in love... I learned that I can love... I learned that it's okay to mess up... And it's okay to ask for help... And it's okay to feel like crud... I learned it's okay to complain and whine to all your friends for a whole day... I learned that sometimes the things you want most you just can't have. I learned that the greatest thing about high school isn't the parties or the drinking or the hook-ups... It's the friendships, which means taking chances... I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget are the things which we most need to talk about... I learned that letters from friends are the most important thing. And that sending cards to your friends makes you feel better. But, basically, I just learned that my friends... Both old and new...Are the most important people to me in the world. And without them, I wouldn't be who I am today... So this is a thank you to all of my friends... For always being there and, I love you." |
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| holy mess.... | |||
| 06:21pm 10/12/2003 | |||
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Parents never listen to kids...we ALWAYS seem to be the one at fault....only b/c were the easiest to blame like with my mom and where Im going or what Im gonna do....I never seem to say what I really said to her...its like she has selective hearing on her part to....today I aksed Mike to give me a ride home and I called her and told her that he was giving me a RIDE HOME....so Im home on the internet...i get an IM from Mike telling me how my mom stopped by his house wondering where I was....HOW EMBARRASSING! omga so for the rest of the night shes gonna be all pissy for something I supposedly "didnt" tell her this day has went to hell ... ....and I was in a good mood too |
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| tests | ||||
| 11:29pm 09/12/2003 | ||||
we dont let guys know that they are being tested we just see what they're natural reactions are when only most of the time we end up hurting ourselves....like recently Im giving Wes a test...after the whole spil and all thats happened Im seeing if he wants to keep a so called friendship and what not esp since him and Jamie started going out....nearly two weeks and not so much as a "Hi" from him...thats okay...cause u just realize how fake and fairweathered people can be.... You know theres a saying that goes something like... "I was okay before I met u and now that I met u I relized Im better off without u"...yeah pretty much how I feel right now... Friendship is a two way street, Wes wont even meet me half way...my mom always tells me that I put too mch effort into things when half that time people dont put in the same effort for me...its alright jsut more lessons i have to learn in life.... this is lesson 2.384....Friends will nearly put anything at risk when they have one thing they want.... Wes who are u going to have to fall back on when uve done nothing but step on all ur friends?...I know I wont be here...im tired of being walked over |
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| have ever | ||||
| 04:17pm 07/12/2003 | ||||
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aggravated| screw hollywood | ||||
| 10:53pm 02/12/2003 | ||||
yeah fuck movies I hate em...that kinda crap just doenst happen in real life.....shame on them for giving us the impression that every romantic aspect of our lives will end up like a fairy tale and u notice how it always seems to happen between two best friends? yeah another highly unlikely to happen circumstance. I just dont get it, it must really be me thats the problem b/c yet again i have struck out with a guy for the second time....but have u ever got a feelin that just everything about u and him seems to feel so right....yeah thats how it is.... Im going to go kill that part of my body before it kills the rest of me... I still heart him tho.... |
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disappointed| im long overdue.... | ||||
| 04:54pm 02/12/2003 | ||||
First....Wes.... I thought you were my bud, my compadre, my amigo, I was wrong....u used me and claimed that u "cared" about me so what happened?...yeah u became a dick....I thought the other girl Jamie was the problem....no shes actually very sweet and I feel bad for calling her a bitch (yes I know bad call on my part) but ya know...for someone who wants things to be all normal again u sure arent puttin much effort into keeping ur mouth shut about some things....think THEN speak...cause I mean ur suppose to be our friend too...dont stab me and the back with some shit and try to act all stupid when I call u on it...ur only making urself look bad...and the advice or things we may say to you dont need to be relayed back to Jamie...ur just fueling the fire...there no need for that....so until u decide to get ur balls in a line and straighten up.....GOODBYEWes....but thank u for letting me realize how fake some people can really be Second....Mike Boy I dont know what it is about you....everytime I thinkg about you I get butterflies and nuttin but a smile goes across my face....I love everything and I mean everything about u...it jsut kills me that u want to be nothing more than friends but the again Id rather have u as a bestest bud than not have u at all! Third...other B/S You know I have come to realize that the people who u thought were ur friends arent as loyal as they seem...most will do anything if the outcome will be to their benefit regardless of the toes they may step on...theres just one thing to remember under circumstances such as these...when the one ur risking everything for turns their back on u...who are u going to have? Yeah in the words of Mr Kelly..."Dont pee in my face and call it rain." it just isnt going to passover..Im smarter than u give me credit for....Dont underestimate me itll be the biggest mistake u EVER make...believe me Ill forgive...but Ill NEVER foget Forth...i love my real friends You guys are my bebbes...without you I jsut might not be able to make it through sometimes I LOVE U ALL! k..I think that about covers it...yeah shitty entry I know but hey...with so many emotions and so much shit that has went on...itd be hard for anyone to make some sense! lol dealing with backstabbers theres one thing I learned they're only powerful when u have ur back turned.... -Eminem |
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| stupid people humor me... | ||||
| 05:09pm 11/11/2003 | ||||
(Little Bit of info) "John" was pursuing this girl who had no intentions of being with him....well one of "John's" friends, "Bill" also became interested in this same girl and got closer to than "John" well needless to say "John" got jealous....and called this girls mother to reveal the fact that "Bill" was a heavy pot user.... which brings us back to the homepage.... "John" talks about how he got sucker punched for something that he wished they could have "talked" through and how if he was not acting like the bigger "man" he would have fought back... Well "John".....YOU ARE A FREAKIN IDIOT YOU GO BEHIND ONE OF YOUR DAMN FRIENDS BACKS B/C UR JEALOUS THAT HE GOT CLOSER TO THE GOODS...I MEAN DAMN IF I WAS THE GUY I WOULD HAVE PUNCHED UR ASS TOO.....U GOT WHAT WAS COMING TO YOU.....AND IM PRETTY SURE YOUR LACKING OF COMMON SENSE IS TELLING YOU THAT IF YOU WOULD HAVE HAD BALLS TO BEGIN WITH YOU WOULD HAVE LEFT THE SITUATION ALONE AND DELT WITH THE FACT THAT U ARENT GETTING ANY! thank you for your time....have a nice day... however on a lighter note..... 2 baby powder fights 983487 ass whippings in Tony Hawk 4 3 slap fights 41548348 ass whippings in pool ...all with the one uve fell for terribly........PRICELESS |
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| ...quotes from the comm. Ive joined | |||
| 01:08am 08/11/2003 | |||
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to love someone is one thing .. but to be loved by the one u love .. is everything It has to be hard to watch someone you love change before your eyes and know you can't do anything about it, but it must be heartbreaking to remember the way they once were what u dont know cant hurt u, it's what u suspect that kills u sometimes when u like someone that much .. u can't really put it into words how u feel .. u just kinda look at them .. and well u just know Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask,"Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." * - Charlie Brown Sometimes your afraid to like someone. Your afraid of losin what you already have with that person.But, life is all about riskz. Don't be a person who has to look back & wonder what they would have or could have had. Noone waitz foreva. So how do you date one guy while you're still in love with another? ~Dawson's Creek~ |
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| best weekend of my life... | |||
| 04:20pm 03/11/2003 | |||
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This past weekend I had my party for my b-day....it went so well I neverhad so much fun in my life... My uncle came down to "chaperone" ha ha what a joke he acts just like a kid our age...all my friends loved him... I dont think anything can top how happy I felt this weekend...but if anything does Ill be sure to tell you... lol |
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xtenderhrtdx |
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