| 9:00p |
I hate being ignored, I hate when they dont reply. And havent you ever noticed that it ALWAYS happens when you need to talk to them? Fuckers. fuck me. it gets to me waaay too much. I should grow up.
I cut again... 4 times... now by 4 times I mean I cut on 4 separate occasions with a certain amount each, I don't count cuts, thats kinda sick... I did count scars once, last year cuz I was REALLY bored... over a 100 visible is all I remember, a lot more now :/ I need to get over this.. I need her to reply. come on goddammit am I really the replusive? oh wait I am.
Feel like crying again, but didnt really before. Feel like cutting again but the new ones still hurt. Feel like throwing up again, but the house is too quiet. Feel like running again, but I'm not allowed too. I want to go to sleep... but still have to study. Im so stupid.
Erck, I really feel like I should be hurting... fuck. I'll get this right one day. Longing to slit my wrists, but I know it wont kill me, and dont want to have to make up an excuse about the scar... might as well abstain. God there is nothing to do... she still hasnt replied, dont I feel fucking loved. what else should I expect. Im so dumb...
Why dont I kill myself and get it over with? Why am I too scared of failure to take that plunge... A bottle of asprin bottle of stackers and I'd be fucking gone. Why dont I? I know I am a failure, I know nothing will get better. Why the hell am I still here? All this is fucking useless, I want out. |