Sunday, January 5th, 2003

Time	Event
10:31a	I would describe how I feel, weeping wounds that never heal .... It's all my fault I shouldnt have bothered her, I cant talk emotionally or be emotional around people Im such a fucking moron, all I do is waste people's time.. I tried fucking failed, what a surprise. I was shaking the entire time, but I couldnt be all emotional and upfront, just kept shaking... damn am I a stupid fucker Burning is definatly interesting, but I don't think I'll be doing it again any time soon, unless I find a lighter. I think I finally slept a bit last night... after I cut. but it was a little cut, small and hidden. I am worthless I cant cry I am not supposed/shouldnt [to] cut, and bahness. I have too much homework, no attention span, coaching, and tons of chores fuck having fun I'm screwed. I need to get the hell outta here..... too bad that's not gonna happen... fuck I still want to cut Current Mood: discontent Current Music: placebo-day before you came (Comment on this)
2:56p	There must be something fucking wrong with me... or maybe this is the new "normal" got in a fight with the mother over bookshelves for my room, I wanted one I would like but they didn't have any so didn't want her to waste money buying one that just wouldnt work. She yelled at me how we're poor (duuuhhh) and that I was being a bitch by saying our house looked bad (which I never said, me being a dumb twit was enthralled by a sparkly counter-top thing for 5 minutes) So, bleh we leave, I get lectured at in the car about how she wants a pretty house and me looking at counters shows that I must not love her because I am throwing our poor-ness in her face. wooo fun. I kept saying, I didnt mean it like that I just thought it was snazzy blah blah. This worsens my already bad mood. I wanted to cut and I have a vicious headache (taking 5 painkillers the night before somehow did not help this) soooo I took 300mg of prescription ibprofen wheeee (people shouldnt leave their nifty meds all over my house)... my head still hurts bahness... but dear good that adds up too around 800 mg/g of painkillers I have taken in a little over 12 hours... I don't think that canbe too good, well if my head stops hurting it will be... Stupid stupid head. (Comment on this)

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