Star No Star's Blurty

Well, even though I really wanted to cut last night I didn't. So I finally made one day. Yea big friggen accomplishment, but maybe I can make a week, then a month... I want to make a year.
So what else should I write about? Hmm. how bout the story of the first time I cut... that has never been written, it's really blurry to me... it was this month four years ago. wow thats a long ass time. Well, I was really upset about losing a friend because she believed in a rumor. This was not the first time, you see this chick had been spreading rumors that I had said shit behind people's backs, something I never did. I was basically outcasted cuz of this girl's lies. And on top of that my 'rents were yelling at me for not being social enough. I was depressed, and I wanted to disappear. And then I honestly considered suicide, but I still wasn't sure; didn't know how deep to cut and whatnot. So I took the art-blade that I was using for a college and tested it's sharpness on my shin... it cut but I wasnt pressing hard so it didn't bleed, but the skin tearing apart was enough. I still felt shitty but not as badly... I made to more small cuts and went to bed. So after that I began to cut.
Wow, I am pathetic.... but that's why. I'm sure there is more to the story that I don't remember...
Self-harm started early, I would pick scabs until they bled or tear mesquitoe bites with my nails. I would hit myself or dig my nails into my skin when I did something wrong or was nervous (I thought I was stupid to be nervous)... but it wasnt serious or even really self-harm just a kid being a kid... right??
ugh, I'm still tired

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: the cure-watching me fall