| 5:23p |
I don't understand it. Why do I fucking bother? I am only a replacement friend to her that's all I'll ever be. Just wait once anyone else comes along, I get pushed to the side. There is no fucking reason why I should keep talking to her. The only fucking reason I can think of is because she knows how mentally fucked up I am... well kinda, she has a better glimpse than most. Still, and because of that she has the ability to hurt me more, and I dont want to give anyone that power. I want this to be the last entry that mentions her, but I know it wont be.
I hate you mel so fucking much for being like that. I hate that I care what you think. I hate how everytime I see you I start to second-guess myself. I hate how you never replied to that fucking email.
I was a bitch to her today, and I won't apologize. Our fake friendship is fucking over, I'm not bothering anymore. Watch me IM her later, what the fuck.
The star is realllly obvious, it was the first time I cut a shape... Once I came close to writting a word kinda dug out the first letter and then got freaked... so I cut over and over it until is was just one huge bloody scrape. This month marks 4 years of cutting. For four years I have hated doing this to myself, but I couldn't stop for more than a month or so. I want to stop... I want this to end. But cutting is just a coping mechanism... so what the hell am I coping with? I feel alrite... I guess. I feel nothing I think. I don't ever know how I feel... except empty always. There is always a piece missing, it's hard to explain without sounding like a moron so that will have to suffice.
Well, that's me basically. Hello new journal... |