Blurty for Tara.
|Sunday, November 9th, 2003|
You were my everything,
the sun and the stars.
The every constilation in the vast never-ending sky.
Your arms were like a blanket,
strong and willing.
They were wrapped around me in comfort.
Your eyes were like a gleaming fire,
green and full of love.
They peirce my soul with a thousand knives.
Your smile made my day,
beautiful and full of warmth.
It made my heart race with happiness.
You alone made my heart and day filled with joy.
You may not do this to many,
for all you know,
you may have only done this to me.
I'll tell you one thing,
I have not yet forgotten how much you made me smile,
how comforted I felt when around you,
how you made me feel so good,
how you made me feel so loved,
and how you make me feel now.
I love you,
but why treat me so badly?
You hate me and now,
well, maybe I hate you.
But how do I love you at the same time?
You mean so much to me,
even though I don't mean that much to you.
You still have those beautiful green eyes,
and that wonderful smile that made me fall in love with you in the first place.
But somehow you have changed,
you're not the same easy going guy.
Maybe I should just leave.
Go away from this place.
Leave this place and never return.
Maybe it would just be easier on the both of us.
But there is one more thing that I know...
The only way to be apart is by graves.
And I am not ready to die.
I need my life and you need your's.
But for now...
This is a simple goodbye.
Why do you make me feel so good if I hate you and you hate me?
P.S. My life sucks right now...and well I need a boyfriend...a real one.
I haven't had one for eight months, and that was after a two year relationship.
Don't ask who. Because I will tell you one thing...that break up was the hardest.
Well...homecoming sucked ass...obviously I did not have a date and well I like a guy that was
there with a girl that he did not really like and well, you know how bad that makes a person feel.
And well...I guess I really didn't have that much fun. I just did not feel like dancing. And I always
feel like dancing, it was just a really strange feeling. We saw a bunch of people that we knew.
And actually Matt was there and I wasn't expecting him to be there and we talked and he is really
hot now...well he got hot. LOL. It was funny though he was like don't be dissing St Thomas...haha
I thought it was funny because he was making fun of Klein. But he was there with a date. And I
didn't see him much the rest of the night. But dinner was o.k. I ate cheese sticks...mmmmm. It
was really good. Anyways I got home at around twelve thirty o' clock and went straight to bed.
Both Krystal and Shantel looked amazing last night. Shantel got this awesome dress that was
black with pink looking ribbon designs at ForeverXXI. It was so gorgeous. And Krystal wore this
awesome maroon dress that barely had a back. It was so pretty. I am not going to tell you what
I wore though. Because I personally don't think that I looked good and I just don't think that I
should really be all like well, I wore this and this since I don't beleive that I looked good. But Alex
and Natalie were there and they both looked awesome! Natalie wore this black kinda short dress
with a blue curvy stripe down the side and a bow...I think it had a bow on the side. But anyways
It was a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful. Everyone looked beautiful!
I woke up at three thirty o' clock this afternoon and went to Target with my daddy and my sister.
Then right when I got home my mommy wanted me to go to the grocery store with her so I went
with her. And then when we got back we ate dinner. And then I went to my lessons. And now I
am suppose to be doing a spanish paper that is worth a quiz grade and well...I am not doing it. I
really need to though, so I will go now.
Goodnight and I hope no one wrapped their car around a tree last night or anything similar.
|Friday, November 7th, 2003|
It's the Eve of Homecoming! No date and I am a little curious as to how this dance will turn out.
I do have a dress though, and we are going to go shopping for one for Shantel tonight at the mall!
Then come back to my house and stay here and then get ready and stuff and then off to Krystal's for
Hair and make up. Yup Yup. So hopefully we will have a good time!
|Thursday, November 6th, 2003|
You've got your hands over my eyes.
But that doesn't keep me from seeing you.
You think you're not good enough,
You put yourself down.
I can see the true you and I'll tell you one thing,
it's a beautiful site.
You are a beautiful creation.
Don't quit being you,
it's the best thing in the world.
All my fears just blow away when I am with you.
Don't quit doing what you do.
You make me smile.
You make me laugh.
You make me giddy.
You make me happy.
And most of all you make me feel beautiful.
Like I am the most important person in the world.
And I love you.
Hmmm...I wish that that was really true...
I keep having the same nightmare over and over again.
I am running towards you, and you keep backing away.
You leave me in the darkest places.
You hold me for a while then let me go and dissapear.
I love you, I really do.
But why do this to me?
I've got a virus inside of me.
It contaminates my heart.
I need love and I need comfort.
Please, love me.
The room is always spinning
and you're always there.
Why don't you save me from this vortex?
I am trapped in my head, now losing control.
You cause me more and more pain each day.
Just leave me here to rot and die,
for at least in some ways it is a better pain than I suffer now.
I wish for the day when you grab me up into your arms,
and say, "Hey, you're so beautiful and you mean everything to me."
But that is just a wish,
and we all know that wishes never come true.
And I hope for the day when you realize how much I love you.
How can we have faith when we are certain that it won't happen?
I am slipping now.
I want to sleep.
Give me some peace and quiet.
Leave my memories and thoughts alike.
When will you learn that you have to leave sometime,
no matter how much you like tormenting me,
it will soon all have to die out.
So, I guess this is goodbye,
don't cause me anymore pain.
Please, just leave my brain.
I hate liking him. But hey I like another person!
I am over you,
I hate you.
They haunt me.
Every day I wake up and have to look at you.
Listen to your bickering.
Your moaning and groaning and your laughter and cruelty.
Leave me here,
I don't care anymore.
Just go away from me.
You are so beautiful to me.
Why couldn't you just give me one more chance?
Why couldn't you just love me the way that I love you?
And why do you have to hate me?
I did nothing to you.
Your eyes, they kill me.
If I told you this was killing me, would you stop?
Of course you wouldn't.
You don't care,
You’re so selfish that you would kill me for your own pleasure.
Well, at least that's how I feel.
Your beautiful green eyes,
and your sense of humor,
and your personality.
They all get the best of me.
I hate you, but why do I love you?
My heart tells me no and my mind tells me no.
But then my heart tells me yes and my mind tells me yes.
I wish you would say yes.
Why does everything have to be so complicated?
The one and only and in Shantel's words, "The Beautiful One"
P.S. I heart Tour Redeemer + Zach is the bestest for keeping it a secret! I heart you too!
|Wednesday, November 5th, 2003|
Yeah today was really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,
boring! I typed all of those really's. well, I really am happy. Not really. I am just saying that, I am
actually a little, no, really, sad. No one likes me, well no one that I like back at least. I really like
someone. But they like someone else. And I really, really, really, really, really, really, really like
this someone even though they really don't like me, well so I am told. And so I beleive. I hate it.
I always ruin everything. I hate it. I think that I may like someone else, but I am afraid that they
may not like me and they may be like the person that I like now. I hate this, gurrrrrrr. I don't feel
like talking anymore. Goodbye.
How about about the movie coming out...Peter Pan...I think. Oh and watch The Neverending
Story Three starring Jack Black! hahaha. Good movies. Oh and don't miss The Cat in The Hat.
|Tuesday, November 4th, 2003|
I hate this, I am so tired, and I am so afraid that the parentals are going to get divorced.
I don't want that. And I hate the fact that daddy is gone again.
I'll just say one thing... I heart Tour Redeemer.
Oh wait one more thing...Zach is the best!!!
|Monday, November 3rd, 2003|
Well, my monday was O.K. I guess. I am just really tired. I barely got any sleep over the weekend
and I have a major Spanish test tomorrow that I am trying to do good on, but I don't know if I can
do that. But I am trying my hardest.
Daddy moved out, I hate this, my life is falling apart before my eyes. I wish that everything could
be o.k. again. Walks in the park, trips to Sea World, everyone having fun. The fun ended long ago.
But why? We were such a happy family, daddy was happy, mommy was happy, we were all happy.
But now, well let's just say we all need some sort of psychiatric help. I think I spelled that correctly.
My cousin Sean is the best though, I can talk to him about anything, he is the bestest. And he talks
to me, it's really kool. And I never thought that I would be so close to him. He is really cool. I love
him like a brother. He IS the brother I never had. ::smile::
So today, all I have done is listen to Taking Back Sunday, Saves the Day and Moneen. I love 'em
all! I have also been playing my guitar. But that's about it.
|Sunday, November 2nd, 2003|
Well today was boring but last night...whoa!
We (me and Krystal...duh) went over to Eddie's and then Carlos came, and we all were just
chilling and getting ready and having fun. His little brother is so cute!!!hahaha. Anyways were
listening to some ska, I can't remember who exactly who it was, but they were good. We had
fun. And then we went out into the garage and Eddie played the drums ::smile:: he is so good!
And I got to hoola hoop! Which I haven't done since I was like six years old. hahaha. anyways,
his dad got there and we left. I fell asleep on the way up there. I was still tired from Halloween.
We got there and we went in, we were going to get our shirts before Moneen started, but when
we were in line they started so we went to watch them. They were pretty good. I like Moneen.
Actually they were crazy! I really like them! hahaha. And then Taking Back Sunday. They did
pretty good. I liked their performance but none compare to Saves the Day! Their performance
kicked ass! I had so much fun. There was this really hot guy that I was standing next too! He
was REALLY HOT!!! And he was like a hard core Saves the Day Hottie! Yup Yup. We got our
shirts before Saves the Day went on! it was great. We didn't miss a second of their
performance. It was really cool. I am so excited I got two shirts! Yeaya! But they didn't have
any good flyers. So... I didn't get one. We went home and I fell asleep in the car again! I was
so F-ing tired last night. Yes, I was. But we did see Natalie, Alex and Sydney. It was fun!
|Wednesday, October 29th, 2003|
Everything is going good! Holloween is in two days and I am so F-ing excited. Krystal, Shantel, and
Whitley are going to be kitty kats. And me? Well, let's just say two words, PLAYBOY BUNNY!!! Yup!!!
It is gonna be so much fun! I can't wait. And Yes, I like being slutty once in a while! hahahaha.
Today was O.K. it was kinda warm though. I want it to be winter, so I can bundle up. Yup. School is
really boring. Yes it is. Oh well. No homecoming for me. BRANDNEW at the ENGINE ROOM! Yeah!!!
But I am telling my parentals that I am going to homecoming...but really I am going to the concert!
Yeah I know. But hey you gotta live some day!
I heart Tour Redeemer! hahaha! I love that T-shirt!
|Tuesday, October 28th, 2003|
Pretty much uneventful.
Although I did get to wear my scarf today. ::SMILE::
But otherwise my day was pretty damn boring. YUp BORING!
I want to go to Shannon's and get those dickies! But I don't have any money to do so.
BUt that's all I have to say at the moment. Thank you for your time...hahahaha.
|Monday, October 27th, 2003|
BORING! GOTTA DO SCIENCE AND I AM TEMPTED TO PLAY THE GAY ASS SIMS!
THE STROKES LATEST OUT SOON!
|Sunday, October 26th, 2003|
Am I always BLAH now a days?! Yup I think so. Yesirreee. I don't feel like typing except the fact
that Friday I saw The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and that movie was F-Ing Crazzy Ass Scary!!!
Anyways...not much happend this weekend. Though it looks like I'm not getting a bass until next
year, but I do get a Fender strat! YUP YUP! SO I am excited about that yo! YEsiirreee that is still
a good thing. YULP YULP. I went to GUITAR CENTER and there was this really hot guy playing an
IBANEZ bass there. HE was really good! He played some METALLICA and he played THURSDAY!
I was like OH MY F-ING GOD!!! YEAH it was so awesome. He was like I am sorry, am I disturbing
you, and I was like HELL NO!(I didn't really say that) I was like you're pretty good! He was like
what do you play. I told him and he was like no F-ing way! SO happens he plays an ovation too!
He was all like that's really awesome! So now I am going to go there a lot! He said he goes there
all the time...So I do too now! hahaha. OH well... it's cold so...tonight calls for CHILLI! Daddy is
making some so I will go eat some! hahaha.
|Friday, October 24th, 2003|
|Thursday, October 23rd, 2003|
Things were going good.
We were talking again.
For me, everything was great.
Those moments when we gazed into eachothers eyes.
I held back from temptations.
Though my heart was breaking from
having to hold back.
I was happy.
Your eyes blaze a beautiful green,
mine a dull.
I searched for the moment to tell you.
That I have fallen back into your trap.
That trap you call love.
Though truely not a trap.
You love someone else,
and from the looks of it,
you will never love another.
For I never had a second chance.
For awhile before this day I thought now I would.
she was back.
The one that I am most jelous of.
She has everything that I want.
When I say everything,
I mean she has you.
Because you are my everything.
I want that second chance.
This is pretty much self explanitory...
|Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003|
My mind is filled with you.
I try, and try to empty my mind.
But every time that I see you,
I can't help but smile.
When I see your eyes...I am comforted.
The most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.
The greatest feeling in the world;
Waking up every morning to see you.
Your eyes breathe life into me.
Give me hope for the days to come.
A sense of security.
Chills through my body.
A huge weight lifted.
I have never felt this way before.
I try my hardest to make you happy.
To give you space.
To make you feel good.
And I don't want anything in return except that smile.
Those eyes a glitter.
|Monday, October 20th, 2003|
I am so tired.
I am wearing thin.
I cannot understand where you have gone.
You were right there just a minute ago.
I am so confused and complicated.
Please do not tell me that you are leaving me here.
And in the dark.
Why can't you understand how much I want you?
Why can't you understand how much I need you?
To live and to strife.
I do not know exactly what to do with my life.
I can't even beleive that I am still stuck on you.
Still trying to get away.
This is not like me.
I do not know if this is a sign.
But one thing I know.
I love you...and I need you.
I don't know if you feel the same way.
I want to know what you are feeling.
The way that you feel.
I want you to be able to talk to me.
To tell me about all the stuff you want to get off of your mind.
Please open up, even if it means just being friends.
You can trust me.
I am there for you, no matter what.
Sick...Sick...and oh yeah...Sick. AGAIN!!! I hate being F-ing Sick. I feel like shit. I can't sleep.
I keep having dreams about me being alone and no where to run. And a whole bunch of people
jump me and suck the life out of me. I know, it is just a little bit weird but I do dream about
that stuff. ::WEIRDO::::I KNOW:: But ofcourse now I know that if you die in your dreams, it
doesn't mean that you really have to die. So I spent the entire night either dreaming that I was
being killed or looking at the ceiling. Yup. Tell me...is that something that you would like to do?
I mean come on. I hate sleeping now. I either dream something good, that I never want to
wake up from. Or I dream of something that rips out my heart and tears it into a million peices.
And other times...I sneak outside to watch the stars. That is always a good thing. And other
times I contimplate running away. Sometimes I think that if I get away from my house...maybe
I will stop having the nightmares. I am pretty damn weird, but when it comes down to the
basics...I am just like any other teenager in denial.
You know I still think that it would be kool to be a vampire...hahahaha. I would kick some ass!!!
I am going to go now...Leave you on a very very very BORING note...goodbye for now...yup!!!
Blurty for Tara.