.She.Looks.Beautiful.Bleeding.'s Blurty -- Entries
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.She.Looks.Beautiful.Bleeding.

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.3 Bit The Bullet . || . . Pull The Trigger .
You're so good at pretending everything is alright. [03 Jan 2004|06:53pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | MatchBook Romance-All Else Failed ]

I love how you play it off like everything is alright.

Baby,
I'm so sorry to break it to you, Love's just a game,
That you we're stupid enough to play.





P.S-The greatest lovers were murderers first.


Love Always,
Ms. Nikki

. Pull The Trigger .
click click, bang bang, IM EMO. [30 Dec 2003|09:34pm]
HOLLER..

. Pull The Trigger .
Hi.. [30 Dec 2003|09:23pm]
Blurty was being really gay...
So, I switched to livejournal.

I'll update this thing every once and while I guess.

Hmm...nothing's been going on really.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/xblack_roses


Holler..

-Nikki

.2 Bit The Bullet . || . . Pull The Trigger .
Keepin' it gangsta. [30 Nov 2003|09:07pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]
[ music | Poisen-every rose has its thorn ]

Wow, this weekend was mighty gay, I missed Evan so fucking bad mannnn! Tomorrow I get to see him ^_^
Okay, so anyways, me and luke got into a fight today, dude, he doesn't even say hi to me anymore. Yeah, let me tell you. I'm his "bestfriend". Whatever, if he didn't want to talk to me he could have told me. I'm not going to apologize this time. I'm not giving into his stubborn ass.

Kelly got me to write today, i've been trying to write for so long, but I get writers block. She was like..provocing
(spelling?) me, it was cool. She was like "Tom hurt you didnt he? He took away every bit of emotion you had" and I freaked and I started writing. Thanks Kelly!

In 3 days, it will be a year since I first fell in love. December 3rd 2002, one of the best days of my life. God, you people don't even know. I was so in love with John, I don't know what happend. I wish we wouldn't have broke up though. We we're so good for eachother. We know eachother so well, we just..don't get a long anymore. It's sad. He claims to still love me, but I dont love him. It's quite depressing.

On a lighter note, I want to put up christmas decorations. Fuck, I dont have anything to write, so i'm gonna go. Later.


I <3 Evan Rinker.

Love Always,
Nikki

. Pull The Trigger .
Quizes! [28 Nov 2003|10:31pm]
[ mood | HOLLA! ]
[ music | Zao-If these scars could speak ]

Artistic
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla


Nihilist Bear
Nihilist Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


^riiiggght. I DO TOO CARE! FUCKER!



fdss
Hello, (insert name here)! The whole world would
know you by your birth name. You would not have
a special name, or you would not be unknown.
Everything you do would be recognized. You
would leave things in the open. You hate
getting caught in things you do, since it may
tend to happen a lot. That is why, I must say,
that you would probably get caught faster and
easier than usual. You may just be famous for
your slaughters, and then forgotten after
you're off the streets.


What Would Your Serial Killer Name Be? What Would the Public Know You As?
brought to you by Quizilla



surprise
You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Yayy! I heart Evan Rinker!!!!

Bruce Almighty was funny!

Jill is a chode!

My parents found pictures of Jills leg with a giant penis on it..HOLLA!

My mom called me a skank because of the rest of the pictures...HOLLA ^2!

My dad is in the mob...I think. Hahah.

Evan Rinker is fuckin' hott. I heart him.

John Santora is gay.

Tom Gray should be shot.

Did I mention Evan Rinker is hott, and that i'm OBSESSED?


I love Liz

And Paulina

And Jill

And Marleen

And Colleen

And Luke

AND EVAN! ^_^

AND ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS!


Okay, i'm done. Holler!

{Rock Out, FUckers!}
-Nikki

. Pull The Trigger .
The Greatest Fall Of All Time. [28 Nov 2003|02:08am]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | John Lennon-Imagine ]

Hey Journal. I can't sleep, and I realized I didn't write in my journal and update you on my oh so interesting life. A lot of things have happend and I have a lot to say. So here it goes.

I finally talked to Evan. Incase you don't know who Evan is, or if I didn't mention him;Evan is this guy that I am like..crazy about. Evan is 16, he's in my Math class. I've liked him since last year. But I didn't like him this much last year. It took me 3 days to get up the nerve to say something to him. My friend Mandee told me he liked me, but I wanted to find out for myself. Evan is EXTREMELY shy, so it was up to me to do all the talking. I went up to him and asked him if he liked me, he got embarressed and shy and said "I don't know" and then I said a few things and he admited that he liked me and that I was "cute". I was so happy after that. Now, all I have to do is get Evan to be..atleast a little un-shy around me. Get us to call eachother, hang out. Then if all goes well, go out.

As for everything with Tom. I truely hate him. I just can't get over how incredibly bad he fucked me over. Matt went to his mom's boyfriend for Thanksgiving, and he came here until dinner time. I didn't want Tom to come so I told Matt to say something, and he did. He told Tom that if he came to my house, that i'd beat the shit out of him. It was true, I did say that. So Matt was leaving today, and I was walking to the front door with Matt, and I was laughing about something. I get into my living room and I look up; and Tom Gray is standing in my fucking living room. I was about to KILL him. My family got scared because the look I gave him looked like I was going to rip him apart. I hate him so much!

My daddy came home today, I am grounded. Oh well, I don't really mind, because now I can really concentrate on my school-work. Which I really want to do. I want to show my parents that I'm not a complete dumbass. I think I just might be grounded until progress reports come out, which is cool. Because it isn't that long from now. I wouldn't want to go out now, because i'm sick. My stomach hurts, I feel like i'm going to throw up, my nose is stuffy and all, and my throat hurts. I told Luke..he told me to drink cat piss..haha. He's so stupid. But I love him.

Speaking of Luke..me and him kinda..drifted apart lately. As well as me and some other people. I miss Luke. We're gotten into a lot of fights lately. I hate that me and him aren't as close as we used to be. I miss me and him being stupid, and switching clothes; and making forts on my tredmill. And him pretending i'm his mom and saying "mommy and daddy have the same mommy and daddy..". I miss my hunny bunny. Hunny Bunny, where did you go? Where's my bestfriend? Where's that loser that I hid in a shed with for 3 hours?

Not only have I drifted away from Luke, but Tyler,Johnny,Louie, and a few others who had a big part in my life. It sucks when you drift apart from people that really mean something to you. Me and Johnny talk every once in a while, but not as much as we used to. I actually talked to Tyler today, he's with Liz. I'm glad. They're both happy. I wish me and Tyler we're like we used to be. He's the only one of my ex-boyfriends that actually stayed good friends with me. He was there for so much, I got arrested when I was with the kid! Did he go and talk shit on me for it? Nope. I love his parents and his little sister. Me and Tyler have so many memories. I miss you Ty!

I just recently started talking to Paulina and Liz a lot. I love both of them. As soon as I'm ungrounded i'm hanging out with both of them. Me and Paulina plan to have an "80's party" since she's obsessed with the 80's. We all have to dress like we're from the 80's. Me and Liz have a lot in common, i'm not really sure about me and Paulina but we ger a long really good.

*sighs* The holidays are here. Finally. At the moment I'm not that excited. I'm hoping i'll be with Evan by Christmas. I'm getting a bass for Christmas. I love playing guitar, bass. It's soo...relieving. Ever since my cousin Ryan taught me how to play, i've been in love with the guitar.

I've been thinking a lot lately. And Johnny was right. Its IS my fault that my life is shit. I'm the one who got bad grades and got grounded. It's not just my parents being gay. My parents are rude to me because i'm rude with them. I always end up fucking myself over because I don't think things out before I do them. Today, When I walked in and saw Tom's gorgeous face and his pale blue eyes glistening in the sun, I felt as if I we're under a waterfall. When I saw him, all the "love" that I had for hom came tumbling down, but at the same time, all the hate and jelousy I had came down too. I felt weak and I felt like I was going to fall.

I've realized life is like building blocks. You know, the ones your parents give you when your like, 3. You try to make them stand as high as possible, not knowing that eventually they'll fall because of too much weight. Yes, thats what life is like. "What gpes up, must come down". Thats so true. You spend so much time trying to make things perfect and make things right, and you finally do, and just when you think you have it, it all comes tumbling down. Yes, Life IS like building blocks.

Not only do I feel as if i'm drifting apart from friends and family, I feel like i'm drifting away from the world. I feel like, i'm not here. I feel like, while world is spinning fast as hell, i'm standing there and its going right through me. If that even makes sense. I don't know. I want to make things better for myself, I don't want to lose myself.

Love Always,
Nicole

. Pull The Trigger .
bitches need stitches..or something like that. [23 Nov 2003|07:45pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Bright Eyes-The 'feel good' revolution ]

Okay...last night I watched House of 1000 corpses and I have one thing to say about that movie; Rob Zombie is one sick,demented,fucked up person. Oh my god, that movie was so fucking sick, it wasn't even scary. I was eating while I watched it and I almost threw up. I made my mom watch White Oleander. She said it was stupid, she must not get it. She said I was a weird child, i'm so different from everyone in my family. I talked to my Dad today, he's in West Virginia. It's weird without him here, he's gone 'till Thanksgiving.

Today, I babysat my little cousin Sean..while he was sleeping I went downstairs and played my cousins bass. I'm in love with that guitar. I'm getting one for Christmas. When I play I relieve so much stress. I love playing, althought i'm not that good. I know i'll get better..because I promised myself I wouldn't quit. I'm actually looking forward to school tomorow. I get to see and talk to Evan. He has the coolest name. Evan...thats just..so cool. Evan is awesome. I'm kinda nervous, 'cause i'm shy when it comes to people I like. I'll be okay.

Jill and I haven't really been talking. It feels like we're drifting apart. It sucks, she's like my BEST friend. She knows every single thing about me. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. Anyways, I'm probably not going to be grounded for my report card because I made a deal with my mom. If I don't bring up my grades by the middle of the marking period I'm grounded for two marking periods. Okay, well..i'm gonna go. Later.

-Nikki

. Pull The Trigger .
Click Click bang bang KISS THE SIAMESE GUN! [22 Nov 2003|09:20pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | Blood Brothers-Siamese Gun ]

Dude, I'm having a pretty good weekend, besides the face that i'm grounded. I got the movies I wanted..I bought make-up and shit. Clarified that Evan likes me. John and Matt havent called, my mom is being cool. And I have my favorite fucking ice cream. Mint Chocolate chip..And Mark Wahlberg is so fucking hott. Even my mom said so. AHHHH...I'm happy. I'm going to talk to Evan on Monday! Yay, I can't wait to see him!!!!!! Dude, Bright Eyes and Blood brothers are like my new favorite bands. I really like them. They're songs are great, they lyrics are awesome. They're good looking..and ahh! Dude, Mandee dressed all punky on thrusday, I'm proud of her! Haha. Awww man, I owe her for saying something to Evan! Dude everyone who reads this MUST download this song----- The Blood Brothers-Siamese Gun. Okay, well i'm out..i'll write later! Laterrr!


Separate the sparkle from the stars and put them both on trial.
"order in the court!", the judge pukes up a putrid smile.
tear the tingle from the touch
and lock them both in a windowless cell.
the D.A. fingers the jury like the snail fucks the shell.
clik clik bang bang
kiss the siamese gun
clik clik bang bang bang.

exhibit A: the trail of the womb tears the blinking genitalia.

exhibit B: a death leather towel to mop the blood and saliva.
every smile is evidence,
and lifting a proud tentacle his honor howls your sentence
"death to the accused the scum the human menace."

exhibit C: your journal sewn with pony hair and claws.

exhibit D: your cancerous smiles our equations can't solve,
those teeth can't be tamed they can't be proven,
load the siamese gun shoot shoot shoot it!

sterilize the black widow of it's web silk,
drain piano island of it's pineapple milk.
pave the sea, divorce the fish from the fin.
the gavel pounds...the audience hisses for skin.
order yeah! order yeah! order in the court!
let the extermination begin...
the executioner's thighs widen like a grin let the execution begin.
and in a flash every face twists electric octopus,
hungry, anxious for pain.
clik clik bang bang kiss
the siamese gun...

exhibit E: you're on your knees.
choking on the barrel of the siamese gun!




_KiSs tHe SiAmesE guN!!!!_
-xoxo-
*Nikki*

. Pull The Trigger .
Shameless. [22 Nov 2003|09:15am]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | Blood Brothers-The Shame ]

I broke up with John. I feel like shit, but I had to do it in order for me to be happy. I really like this guy Evan, and I've been told he likes me. I want to talk to him and all. Yesterday in lunch I was told that Evan likes me. I got really happy, I was having a pretty shitty day. Matt isn't calling me 50 times a day anymore, thank god. It's because he has a new girl named Nikki to annoy.


They're going to prom together. I don't care. Atleast he isn't all over me. Anyways, I might not be grounded for the whole marking period, I talked to my mom. I still have to talk to her about more stuff. I'm gonna be able to really talk to her since my dad isnt going to be here 'till Thanksgiving. He left, he went to West Virginia. Which is cool. Because he was starting to annoy me.


I'm supposed to ask my mom if I could go to Christina's suprise 16th birthday party. Christina is this awesome girl in my gym. We kinda have groups in the sophmore gym class. It's Mandi,Manda,Kelly,Christina,Michelle,and Me. Then there's a few guys that are always together..and then some other people and some other girls that we don't talk to. But Manda (Howell) called me last night...telling me about the party. She also was supposed to call Evan (since he's friends with her brother) and find out if he really likes me and all. I'll find out in a little bit when I call her.


My mom and I are going out shopping later, which should be fun. Anyways, I gotta go. I have to straighten my hair and do some other things. I'll write later. Byeee

rock out, fuckers!
-xoxo-
*Nikki*

. Pull The Trigger .
Stuff.. [20 Nov 2003|09:07pm]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | Bright Eyes-A perfect Sonnet ]

Yeah, I decided to make a new journal because I don't like my old one. *sighs* I might be grounded for the marking period because my douche bag teacher like dislocated her big toe or something and wasnt here the whole year, and she gave me and F. Blahh...I really don't have anything to write. I'm going back out with Johnny. I missed him a lot. He's in my science class now..it's just like last year! Yeah, when me and him broke up I had a real hard time getting over him. It sucked so bad. I don't think he reads my journal, oh well. He's a good boyfriend, I'm so glad we're back together. I'm really tired..so i'm gonna go. Oh wait..if anyone that reads this likes Bright Eyes and you haven't heard the song A perfect sonnet; go download it now! Thats one of my favorite songs. Bright Eyes if such a good band. And Conor Oberst is soo fucking hott.



lately i've been wishing i had one desire
something that would make me never want another
something that would make it so that nothing matters
all would be clear then
but i guess i'll have to settle for a for a few brief moments
and watch all dissolve into a single second
and try to write it down into a perfect sonnet
or one foolish line
because that's all that you'll get so you'll have to accept
you are here and then you're gone
but i believe that lovers should be tied together and
thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather
and left there to drown
left there to drown
in their innocence
but as for me i'm coming to the final chapter
i read all of the pages and there is still no answer
only all that was before i know must soon come after
that is the only way it can be
so i stand in the sun
and i breathe with my lungs
trying to spare myself the weight of the truth
saying everything you have ever seen was just a mirror
and you've spent your whole life sweating in an endless fever
and now you are laying ina bathtum full of freezing water
wishing you were a ghost
but once you knew a girl and you named her lover
and danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer
but autumn came, she disappeared
you don't remember where she said she was going to
but you know that she is gone because she left you a song
that you don't want to sing
we're singing i believe that lovers should be chained together
and thrown into a fire with their songs and letters
and left there to burn in their arrogance
but as for me i'm coming to my final failure
i've killed myself with changes trying to make it better
but i still ended up becoming something other than what i had planned to be
now i believe that lovers should be draped in flowers
and layed entwined together on a bed of clover
and left there to sleep
left there to dream of their happiness

^ that is the BEST song ever!!

Okay, i'm done. Later.

RocK ouT fUckeRs!
-xoxo-
*Nikki*

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