| ARE YOU A CHILD OF THE 90's? |
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| 08:14pm 22/02/2005 |
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what you can remember:
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air- Yes
Fraggle Rock- HuH?
G.I. Joe- Yes
Are You Afraid of the Dark? -Yes
Secret World of Alex Mack-Yes
Nightmare Before Christmas- Yes
Welcome Freshman - HuH?
Space Cases - HuH?
Roundhouse -HuH?
The Muppet Show -Yes
Muppet Babies - Yes
Eureka's Castle- HuH?
Salute Your Shorts- HuH?
Legends of the Hidden Temple- HuH?
You Can't Do That On Television- HuH?
G.U.T.S. - HuH?
What Would You Do? - HuH?
Double Dare- HuH?
Rocko's Modern Life - HuH?
All That- Yes
Ren and Stimpy- Yes
Clarissa Explains It All- HuH?
The Torklesons - HuH?
Pete and Pete- HuH?
Stick Stickley - HuH?
Goodburger - Yes
Angry Beavers- Yes
Sponge Bob (haha of course)- yes
Hey Arnold -Yes
Tiny Toons- Yes
Animaniacs - Yes
Pinky and the Brain -Yes
The Babysitter's Club-Yes
Underdog-HuH?
Kablam!-Yes
Gullah Gullah Island-HuH?
Richard Scarry - HuH?
Dumbo's Circus- HuH?
Ocean Girl - HuH?
Mystery Files of Shelby Woo-Yes
Snick Snacks - HuH?
Dunkaroos -YesHuH?
SNICK- Yes
Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?-Yes
Nick Magazine-Yes
The Goonies -Yes
Ernest Movies-Yes
Radio Flyer-HuH?
Disney Watches - Yes
Adventures in Wonderland-Yes
Homeward Bound-Yes
The Adventures of Yellow Dog - HuH?
Milo and Otis-Yes
Neverending Story-HuH?
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?-Yes
The Lion King- yes
101 Dalmations- Yes
The Secret Garden -HuH?
Pete's Dragon -Yes
Hocus Pocus-Yes
Secret of Roan Inish - HuH?
Land Before Time- Yes
Dinosaurs - Yes
Fern Gully - Yes
Secret of NIMH-HuH?
Gummi Bears - Yes
Care Bears - Yes
A Little Princess- YesHuH?
My Little Pony - HuH?
Black Beauty - Yes
Rainbow Brite- Yes
Lady Lovely Locks - HuH?
Candyland -Yes
Sorry! -Yes
Trouble-Yes
Don't Wake Daddy! - Yes
Mousetrap-Yes
Jenga- Yes
Don't Break the Ice -HuH?
Hungry Hungry Hippos- Yes
Tinker Toys- Yes
the castle that made tea sets - HuH?
Polly Pocket -Yes
Lite Brite - Yes
Sky Dancers - HuH?
Scrunchies- Yes
Side Ponytails- Yes
Stirrup Pants -Yes
Jellies - Yes
Saddle Shoes - HuH?
Barbies -Yes
Beanie Babies -Yes
Tamagotchies -Yes
Yo-Yos- Yes
Duncans - HuH?
Choose Your Own Adventure - HuH?
Pogs- Yes
Goosebumps - Yes
Magic Attic Club - HuH?
American Girl- HuH?
Island of the Blue Dolphins - HuH?
Saved By The Bell -YES!!!
Full House - Yes
Step By Step- HuH?
TGIF on ABC- HuH?
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch - Yes
Boy Meets World - Yes
Clueless- Yes
Mork and Mindy- HuH?
Simpsons - Yes
Flipper - Yes
Eerie, Indiana- Yes! |
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| Music Quiz Thingy |
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| 08:34pm 17/01/2005 |
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mood:  cold music: Deadsy
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 | You scored as Indie. Indie.
Indie | | 88% | Hardcore | | 88% | Industrial | | 79% | Classic Rock. | | 79% | Emo & More | | 79% | Indie Rock | | 71% | Punk and Pop Punk. | | 63% | Britpop | | 38% | Ska | | 25% | Hip Hop and Rap | | 17% | Country | | 8% | Mainstream | | 0% |
Music Recommendation
created with QuizFarm.com |
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| December 30th, 2004 |
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| 12:27am 02/01/2005 |
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mood: in pain music: Siouxie and the Banshees
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I haven't hurt as bad as I have today in a very long time. Everything in my life just seems to be going wrong now... like my whole fucking world is falling to pieces. 219 days is such a long time away... Fuck... my fucking head and stomach is killing me. I HATE my fucking dad... and Jessi... and EVERYFUCKINGBODY! It really hurt my feelings when Jessi came and told me that Drew was leaving to go to Atlanta. I felt horrible already and then it kinda felt like he was just leaving me to drown in this fucking sesspool alone... It hurt SO bad. I started bleeding again tonight... I dunno what the fuck is going on... I know I don't want that fucking surgery tomorrow. 1st of all Drew won't be there... 2nd, I'm probably anemic or some shit. My dad is such a fucking heartless bastard. I NEED Drew so much right now. I am glad he didn't go to GA. If he had went, I had planned to just end it all right here and right now, tonight.... He'd probably find it much better down there and never come back. If not, something bad would have happened. I just feel like dying a harsh, brutal death. Tomorrow is going to suck ROYALLY. Even worse than today. My face is broke back out. Those people will probably think I have some sort of disease or something. God, I wish it'd fucking go AWAY! It completely drains me of any self-confidence that may possibly have been here. I feel people looking at it sometimes and I wonder what they are REALLY thinking... Like Drew... It makes me want to cry. I know I sound vain... I used to have perfect skin and I never realized it. Now this bullshit keeps coming back and people probably think I'm all diseased and shit... it's SO fucking ugly and nasty looking! Why won't it go the fuck away!? I don't want my labret ring to grow back either. It can only be out for about 30 minutes. that fucking surgery will be alot longer than that. god, I really don't want to have it. I almost wish I wouldn't wake up. I don't wanna go to Hell. If it's real. It would be better than this though. I just can't wait to be pulled out of this hell, 219 days... it seems like an eternity... |
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| Dec. 29th, 2004 |
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| 12:23am 02/01/2005 |
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mood: sore music: Bauhaus
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I didn't get to write about Christmas and a bunch of other stuff on the last entry. My pen was running out anyway. Christmas was BY FAR, the BEST EVER! I got up at like 5:30 and opened presents. I got drums... TAMAS too! I really got most of the stuff I asked for, but that's not what made Christmas great. What made Christmas great was the fact that I got to see my baby! It was pretty cool of my dad to just be like, "Go get him, it's Christmas!" Most people actually have a heart and that'd be a natural and normal thing... but no, my dad is a heartless, mother fucking, bastard. It was so cute... whenever I got to Mickey's, Drew was still asleep. I gave him a kiss and he jumped and was like, "Are you real?" It was SO cute! That was the BEST Christmas morning EVER! =P He He He... I love him so much! We got home and chilled... it was funny, we kept pissing Jessi off by playing the drums while she was trying to sleep, LOL. Everybody just crashed out, so Drew and I layed in each others arms for a long time. I love the way it feels to be in his arms... I SO needed this time with him. It fixes all of my problems. It makes my insecurities vanish. God, I love him SO much! We tried the absolute SEXIEST thing in the ENTIRE world! We slit each other's throats and drank the blood. OMG! It is the BIGGEST turn on in the entire world! It is SO erotic! OMG! I love him SO much! Angie and Maw Maw came over. Angie was being crazy and perverted! LoL, Nuts! Drew and I are crazy, but hey! They told us to shut the door! LMAO! Okay, I'm never gonna forget banging on the drums! LMFAO! That was pretty goofy! It sucked that he had to go home... That's always SEVERELY depressing. I want us to stay together for an infinite amount of time. Right now, it's not possible, but in 220 more days it will be! I REALLY can not wait! It was crazy how my dad was telling me I was gonna end up pregnant. It made me kinda paranoid actually. I told him that night htat I didn't believe in alot of the Bible. It made me feel pretty good how nice he was being to Drew. It was definitely the BEST Christmas EVER! I can't wait to celebrate Christmas living with him. It will be SO amazing! The next few days were pretty depressing, being away from him really kills me. Nobody really understands just how much! I love him SO much! My love for him is the realest thing ever! My love for him is pure, it is real, it is everlasting and will go on eternally, UNBROKEN. Yesterday, we got to go shopping. Yesterday started out really shitty. I woke up shitting and puking my fucking guts out! It was 11 before I left this hell hole and then I got fucking pulled over! That is why I have been seeing blue lights lately. I felt like I was stupid for even going... because 1st of all, I woke up sicker than hell... then the gas pedal was broke, and the car was on "E" and then I was terrified I wasn't gonna make it to the gas station. thank God the cop was nice. Atleast he gave me a warning and not a ticket. I really TRUELY didn't realize I was going 66. Especially not entering a construction zone. To my knowledge, I never went over 60 or 62 at MAX! Jessi said dad said the speedomiter was broken before. We finally made it to Mickey's, then got Drew and went to Lori's and there was no answer. So we went to Wal-Mart. I fucking HATe that place! It fucking sucks ass... Plus, Wal-Mart just triggers the shuttle down memory lane =(. I was very irritated in Wal-Mart. I even got pretty bitchy with Drew. He had my hand and was pulling me and I jerked my hand back really hard and said "STOP DRAGGING ME AROUND!!!" I felt bad about it later. I can be one ill bitch sometimes. I don't ever want to take anything out on him though. I love him SO much and I know nothing is his fault. We started to go to Charlotte, but we didn't have time and we went to Jersey Mike's, then to check at Lori's again. Nobody was there, so we just went back to Mickey's. It really sucked that I had to keep running back and forth to the bathroom all day though. My ass hurt so bad from shitting my guts out! It fucking sucks! We ened up leaving there late and Drew drove home and I got bitched out about EVERY FUCKING THING! Everything isn't my fucking fault! I know it isn't! Oh, yeah! We found a fucking half a joint in the car! That mother fucker wants to act like i"m so bad for getting pulled over! I could have gotten my fucking license revoked and charged with all kinds of shit if I'd gotten searched! I'm all of the time finding open alcohol containers in there!! Besides, he promised me he wouldn't do that shit anymore anyway, because he knows how I feel about it, and how it's directly tied into my mom and Cory. Fucking liar! Oh, he's so fucking holy and righteous! I hate self-righteous mother fucking hypocrits like him! He should fucking die! There's that dumbass saying "Be careful what you wish for... you just might get it!" When the fuck will I get what I wish for? And he fall the fuck over dead and colder than shit! Fucking bastard! I fucking HATE him! Then Jessi told him we were all layed up under the covers together, and all kinds of shit. It wasn't like we were doing any fucking thing! OMG! James, Mickey, and her were right the fuck THERE! Oh yeah... we were getting REALLY fucking freaky! Fucking cunt muffing shit headed bitchface dog cunt brat fucker! I hate that little bitch as much as I hate that fucking bastard! They can all die harsh, brutal deaths as far as I'm concerned. They fucking deserve it! Despite all of that bullshit, last night turned out REALLY amazingly awesome! OMG, he is SO amazing! I got off like 10 times... he is SO amazing! The setting... a cold, candle lit room was so perfect! We could see our breath, but yet it felt so warm while we were 1. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! The way I've been bleeding so long and everything has happened, we really believe that I had a miscarraige and that is depressing and very painful. I mean... I lost something that WE created. maybe it was for the best. It still hurts and depresses me. I wish I didn't have to worry about that fucking sorry excuse of a dad I have. I really can't wait until Drew and I can have a family of our own... I wish it were now, but I guess now isn't a good time. I dunno... I can't wait to get out of here. I fucking hate this captivity of torment and bullshit. I feel like shooting htem all in their fucking heads and blowing their brains out of their skulls. THem or myself... Somebody's gotta go... and they gotta go fast... Either them or me.... |
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| December 29th, 2004 |
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| 11:15pm 01/01/2005 |
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mood:  sick music: Bauhaus
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Fuck the world! Most of all... FUCK MY DAD... FUCK JESSI! And FUCK BARB!! I guess before I start on the negatives, I will write abou the positives. Christmas Eve was awesome! I had to take little cuntface with me though, but for that one day, she was being excessively cool compared to how she usually is. We went and picked Druid up from Mickey's house and then drove up to Pineville mall. We got stuff, we lifted an ass of stuff as well. I was so glad to finally spend some time with Drew... I severely needed it. We came back here... WE WERE EARLY TOO! Also we brought the fuckheads something to eat. On the way home we saw Ben and Kelly and started fucking with them. I could tell that it was really pissing Kelly off. Then some bitch in front of us all started pulling bullshit and was all flipping us off and yelling out her window as we went by, but that's okay... we were doing the same to her! HeHe... I understand why Drew hates Ben, and I am pretty selfish now that I think about it. I shouldn't even speak to Ben after all that's happened. I wish he wouldn't feel like I still like something about Ben... Ben is one of my better friends... but I've never "liked" him. the only reason I ever told him "yes" for that 2 1/2 days was to not hurt his feelings and because I was confused... It didn't take me long to become UNconfused... the obvious became CLEAR. I really wish that I could erase that... It was really fucked up and nothing like that will EVER happen again! Anyway we got home nad nobody was here for a good 2 hours, so we sat in the living room and wrapped gifts. It felt so good to be able to do that with Drew. It's just little things like that that mean SO much. I really hope he doesn't think I hate Kelly Bundy because of Ben. I've always hated her... Ever since she came up trying to relate to me after Lin said he thought we dressed cool. I would purposely go out of my way to piss her off and make her jealous (ofcourse within extreme limits). I dunno... Is it wrong of me? I would NEVER flirt or cheat on Drew, but i mean stuff like go out of my way to talk to Ben infront of her and stuff. And make it obvious to her that he still has feelings for me, lol. I don't see why... I'm nothing special. Something else I always do is go out of my way to get to Ben and emphasize the fact that Drew and I are together and how much I love him and how we will be together forever and how Drew is the only love and happiness I've EVER known... I do the same to Matt and everybody else that I know likes me... Just to strike nerves. I always talk about Drew anyway, but with them, THAT MUCH MORE! I really love Drew wiht lal of my heart and I want to completely crush anybody who wants to take his place. I'm not so special anyway, but Samuel Andrew Young is the ONLY person for me, eternally. Nobody could ever replace him and NEVER will! So fuck em' all! It was cool on Christmas Eve, because my dad and Barb didn't get ill with Drew and I being here by ourselves with just Jessi. Then we got Twan to come pick us up and went to Lori's and got Ted and went to Toni's and then Shyrl's. OMFG! All of us were so fucking tabbed out and were talking about the dumbest shit in the world! Like Rhino beetles and pinching vines for a living, LMFAO! It was so much fun though! Toni's house is really awesome. I got like $130.00 from his family that night... I felt bad because I didn't have anything for them. It kinda bothered me that Shyrl brought out a FRAMED picture of him and that fucking cunt muffin Melissa! Why would she do something like that? It was intense deja vu though! I've seen that exact picture somewhere before, like in a dream or something... I hope that his family likes me a lot better than Melissa. I really do. I'm nothing like her. I never will be. I do hope they all realize this. The baby pics of Drew were SO adorable though! OMG, he was the most precious baby in the entire world! He was SO cute! He grew up to be the world's sexiest man too!! I love him so much! I wonder what our kids would look like? We left and got back here early then too. I really hope Twan and all of them like me. Nobody else, I would care about, but this is Drew's family we're talking about. And they're not the shitty side either like his dad and Beev. I hate that side and I don't give a fuck WHAT they think or say! But Lori, Toni, and them... I do. I REALLY needed that time with him. I was flipping out from the time away from him. The kisses and hugs that night were the most passionate ever! As much as I realize my love for him... when I have to go without him, I realize it THAT much more! |
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| December 23rd, 2004 |
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| 08:25pm 01/01/2005 |
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mood: uncomfortable music: Nightwish
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God, everyone has been on my fucking nerves lately except Drew! We never jumped down cuntface's throat like we had all planned to. She didn't eat lunch with us and she came in really late and Anna told her to come over there and Jessica was all like, "What are you gonna do... Jump me??" Anna said, "No, would we have a REASON to all jump you?" So Jessica got up and came over there and we all looked at her and were like, "Okay... listen..." and she got up and left, the cunt faced bitch! Had she no reason to leave, she wouldn't have! Stupid cunt muffin! I'm glad we didn't have to go in until 9:45 on Friday. Bitches wanted me to dress "preppy" one time, so I did, only from 9:45-11:35 though... FUCK THAT COUTURE! Disecting sharks was fucking interesting! I love disecting things... I LOVE to cut them open and feel the blade become submerged within the flesh. Shark organs seem so much more humanistic than other gay shit like dumbass frogs and shit! It's horrible, we, well they had some pregnant cats in there to be disected! That's fucking horrible! Fucking bastards that kill cats should fucking be slaughtered! I fucking hate Ashley and them showing up over here... ESPECIALLY whenever I'm trying to sleep and they fucking hassle me and try to wake me up! I was kinda glad she stayed so I could go to the mall on Monday. I was so fucking stressed on Friday, because all of my hopes were high and set on seeing Drew and I was so excited about suprising Drew and being able to spend a whole 2 or 3 hours with him... just us ... and he wasn't at Tracy's =(... That was the most depressing thing EVER =(... I tried to find my way to Mickey's and got lost twice... then I gave up because Drew would have probably gotten ill if I had stopped by without him... then I stood in the bank for 30 fucking minutes... That was stressful. Then I stayed in Target FOREVER! I couldn't hardly pick out shit! I fucking HATE Christmas shopping! It fucking straight up sucks donkey dick! I was late... I was so fucking stressed! On top of that... Drew was at Mickey's and I didn't know! I could have drove until I found it if I knew he was there... I took a Norco for my migrane. OMG! Drew worries me to death... I love him SO much and it kills me to know that he is hurting and doing stuff like cutting himself in attempt of suicide... I just wish there were something I could do to help... some way... some how... I really don't think he really understands exactly HOW MUCH I care. I love him SO much and I CAN NOT lose him! He says he's scared of losing me, but he WON'T... by death he WILL lose me and everything we have... I won't live without him... Things are going to be SO much better! We only have 226 days left until I can move out.... then things will be so much better! I REALLY can't wait... He really terrifies me with how he feels... I couldn't ever bear to lose him... I really couldn't... |
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| Counting Down the Days to Move Out!!! |
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| 06:38pm 01/01/2005 |
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mood: in pain music: Blink 182
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| Dec. 16, 2004 |
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| 08:04pm 23/12/2004 |
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mood:  predatory music: TRUSTCompany
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Get the fuck over it bitch! Daddy's dead... according to your religion he's in HELL... BURNING! I'm sure daddy's REAL fucking proud of you! Isn't he!? Trying to be all, "OMG, OMG my fucking life's so tragic! I'm fucking dark and evil... fucking, give me sympathy dark ones! Anybody, help! HELP! Don't fucking DO something about it that might stop it though! Let me fucking stand up for what "hurts" me when you try to!" People like that DESERVE to complete their task when they attempt suicide. I can't fucking wait! I hope she eats with us because we're gonna fucking tear her right the fuck down at lunch... so she can cry the rest of the fucking day! LOL!!! |
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| Dec. 14th, 2004 |
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| 07:53pm 23/12/2004 |
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mood: discontent music: TRUSTCompany
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I don't want to go to 4th block... I fucking HATE that class! But we have to disect shit and I didn't bring any rubber gloves... Mrs. Jones is a fat ass bitch who thinks she's all high and mighty and bullshit! I miss Drew! I wonder how long it's gonna be before this Norco kicks in... Something that really hurts is when youy have a mouth full of coke and hiccup at the same time! I wonder what that laughing gas is gonna do for me! LOL... I dunno... This whole Jessica and Gregg deal just isn't adding up... Betty is a fucking lunatic! If I even THOUGHT there MIGHT be the slightest possibility that happening to my child, I'd fucking do something about it. That shows what a shitty parent she is... FUCK IT! I don't care! It's her problem... NOT MINE... I'm tired of people coming to me with their bullshit! They all wanna come crying to me when the world comes crashing down on them... FUCK THAT! I'll fucking dance on the fucking rubble! I'm tired of the world and all it's problems... people act like they have it so fucking bad... for stupid reasons! They don't even know fucking problems! Live my fucking life and they'll be introduced to fucking problems! I'm constantly getting fucking smited! |
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| 12/13/04 |
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| 07:46pm 23/12/2004 |
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mood: melancholy music: TRUSTCompany
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Omen is SO fucking hyper! I just thought about something... I curse ALOT... Oh well... I wanna see this cat on cat nip or something... It's INSANE! I really miss Drew... I wonder if I'll get my money from Rob, Michael, and Ashley by this weekend.... Hopefully! Because I want to get Drew that JtHM sign for Christmas. I wish I had $1,000,000 to spend on JUST HIM! It really pissed me off tonight when Gregg got on the phone trying to talk to me... That fucking bastard! I don't really want Jessica spending the night over here... I want everybody to see how loco Omen is though! She is completely nuts! She's all trying to climb my fucking curtains tonight! I really want ot see "A Series of Unfortunate Events" It seems like it'd be quite entertaining.... |
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| December 13th, 2004 |
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| 07:36pm 23/12/2004 |
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mood: depressed music: TRUSTCompany
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Last night, Drew and I talked about being taken advantage of and being molested and raped. I get the feeling that Rob and Jeff both would do something like that... Ever since Drew told me that Melissa said Rob was molesting her in her sleep and she woke up, I hate her less... I don't like her because she took something that belonged to me... but it made me feel differently about her... It was messed up of him to do that to her... He really does strike me as someone who would... I'm just going to stop... before I start to allow myself to feel sympathy for her and some sort of relation or connection... I really didn't want to come out and say I felt that way about Rob because that's one of Drew's best friends... I get the same feeling about Matt, Jeff... Mickey's a perv, but I don't believe he'd ever force himself on someone unwilling... BUT, I do believe if she was drunk and willing, (only because she was drunk), he would use her... Gary doesn't strike me as someone who would... Doug doesn't... he'd rather waste his time playing video games and smoking pot... I don't know about Timmy... from what I know about Toes... he may be that way... Travis Baxley is someone who would be like that... I KNEW there was something about Betty's boyfriend Gregg, that I hated... I fucking KNEW it! I warned her and she ignored my fucking warning! He fucking molested her last night! She came out the door crying this morning and something otld me not to be completely coldhearted to her today... I KNEW this would happen! She should have taken my fucking advice! She doesn't even want to tell anybody! She's so stupid! What a dumb bitch! If she doesn't it WILL happen again! I KNEW I didn't like that guy! Especially when he started saying shit about ME! He has the same aura as Cory... I fucking KNEW it! Fucking BASTARD! What man tucks his girlfriend's 15 year old daughter in? Why does she come crying to me when she ignored my warning? Is that what she's gonna next time around too?! FUCK THAT!!! |
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| Dec. 13th, 2004 |
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| 07:34pm 23/12/2004 |
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mood:  mellow music: TRUSTCompany
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I had a lot of stuff that I wanted to write about last night, but I kept crashing out... SuXoRs! A lot of that stuff goes all the way back to Friday... Like the whole cutting deal... I wish Drew weren't so bothered by that... We'd always talked about cutting each other and drinking the blood... especially during making love... I thought he'd like the fact that I cut myself for him... Especially my chest... I dunno... that confused me... A lot of the time I don't even cut myself to release pain... I love to watch my blood and feel the blade go through my skin... Not TOO deep though... It just fascinates me... It makes me feel ALIVE... I dunno... I want to do it all of hte time... There's some sort of gratification in that for me... I hope Drew doesn't mind that once we start living together... When we do... I REALLY want him to cut me... Prefereably on my chest... That is my favorite place to cut... I really didn'tw ant Drew to leave on Friday night... I wish he could have cuddled right up next to me and held me all night... safe and warm... I feel so shitty... I feel like it was my fault that he had to sleep outside.... I feel like a lot of the hell he goes through is my fault... And if it weren't for me, he wouldn't have to worry about all of it and he wouldn't have so many problems... I feel like I drag him down a lot of the time... I love him SO much... I know it's A LOT of me to ask him, but I REALLY pray that he doesn't give up. I wouldn't for him... Maybe I'm just selfish... BUT I CAN'T HELP IT!! I love him so much... I would give my life for him! I just need him SO much and it hurts so bad to be away from him... For even a little bit... I have so much love for him that I feel like I could explode... Sometimes I wish I could to show what's inside because it's unexplainable... It really bothers me that I can't ever find the right words to explain my love... It drives me crazy! I love him SO much! Saturday was just depressing... my dad is such a dick! I HATE him SO much... This book will probably end up being 90% full of how much I hate that bastard! I NEEDED Drew so bad Saturday and he said he needed me too and I feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world because I couldn't be there for him... I feel like our conversation brought us even closer... I hate it that he felt like we were falling apart... I would NEVER change my feelings for him... EVER! It kinda struck a nerve with me when he said it takes a filthy pesron to be cold hearted and not care, because I don't... I don't feel bad about being mean... It kinda bothered me that it "made him feel bad" about trying to get to Melissa. There's a voice inside tormenting me... It's always telling me that somewhere down inside, he still cares about her... That kills me... I tell myself it isn't true, but somethings always telling me he does and that I'm not good enough... I fucking HATE that voice inside... I KNEW she was gonna get in touch with him... I told him that a while ago too... I figured when he added Matt that he was going to be mean to him, so I was pretty suprised when he was nice to him. I really wasn't trying to get him to argue with me... I just wanted him to vent... I believe he would have felt a WHOLE lot better if he had went off on me... I just want to be there for him in every single way! When we're living together, if it makes him feel better to pick up a steak knife and cut me, I want him to do that... It makes me feel better to blow up on someone whenever I'm angry, but I avoid doing that to him. Whenever I hurt, I want everyone else to suffer. I feel like they deserve it... I have never really kept anything other than the fact that I was bi-sexual and how I am to people from him... I was scared he'd hate me for being that way... Plus I didn't want him to not want me to hang out with anybody... I'm far more prone to find girls attractive than guys... I really wish Drew wouldn't worry and feel threatened by my guy friends... I wouldn't EVER cheat on him with ANYBODY... but DEFINITELY not a guy. I never did do anything more than kiss a girl, but before I met him, I always wanted to try stuff with a girl... I never had feelings of love or emotion... it was more of the idea of everything of the act... I feel slutty for ever feeling like I wanted that... I NEVER felt that about a guy, except Drew... I believe sex is something for 2 people IN LOVE... but I don't really see 2 girls together as sex... more just fooling around... still it's wrong I guess... I feel abd for ever even THINKING about it... I don't even like the idea of Drew even thinking another girl is even attractive, muchless fooling around with anybody... I hate knowing that i've ever felt some things about girls that I have... Ugh... I wish I could erase it alll... It makes me feel better knowing that Melissa was the ONLY person he's ever messed around with... I just wish he hadn't have told me 3... That hurts bad enough that he did with Melissa, muchless 2 other girls! So what if other girls didn't want him! Nobody better not eer TRY to have him! I would want him if every other girl in the world despised him and told me I shouldn't... FUCK EVERYBODY ELSE! I don't live my life by everyone else's tastes... I love him SO much! It felt so good to sit and discuss stuff like how we're gonna raise our kids and what not... I can't wait until we're living together and married and starting a family... I really can't wait until it's just him and me... things are gonna be so awesome! |
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| Entry From Dec. 12, 2004 |
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| 06:40pm 23/12/2004 |
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mood: dreary music: TRUSTCompany
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Well, it's almost midnight and I'm laying here listening to Hanson's Christmas C.D and missing Drew. God, Drew almost made me cry tonight... A GOOD kind of cry... I am SO lucy to have him! Geez, I'm so friggin' sleepy! I have no idea why! I suck now! I used to be able to stay up until 3 or 4 in the morning! Now I always crash out around 12 or 1. I was gonna take a Norco... but I'm not severely in pain right now... they really need to last... I hope Drew and Rob are right and they will call more in! I'm still kinda noid about the surgery... It will have to be AFTER Christmas though... which is cool.... I want more pills and time out of school! I wish I could get a constant supply of those and sell them! I bet I could make some really fast cash! I want Drew to hurry up and get back on his feet... I hate him being stuck in the horrible position that he's in... I wish I could help him more... I really wish he'd take my stuff back and put that money towards car funds and what not... He's hard headed when it comes to that though... LoL... I love him SO much! I'm really glad that I got to see him on Friday... I hate the circumstances though... Our dad's BOTH need to be SHOT! It's fucke dup that Drew had to sleep outside in the freezing cold! GOD! They need to fucking DIE! Long, slow, completely MISERABLE deaths! I feel bad for not showing Drew a whole lot of emotion that night... but that pill had me completely fucked up! I know Drew really loves me alot to go through all of this bullshit ALL of the time... JUST TO SEE ME... I'm SEVERELY tired... I'm dozing off... I'll write more tomorrow! |
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| Entry From 12/10/04 |
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| 06:25pm 23/12/2004 |
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mood:  ditzy music: TRUSTCompany
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It's so hard to believe how fast this year has gone by. Drew and I have been together long enough to have a kid, had I gotten pregnant when we very 1st got together. 9 months isn't too far from a year... 3 more months... I know we'll make it... We BETTER anyway... I love him SO much... God, he better not break my heart. That would kill me. I really can't believe how fast this year's gone by! I mean... it's almost Christmas again. Last year this time I was hardcore into punk. Sex Pistols... Ramones... Rancid... the Clash... the Casualties... all of the good punk bands... This year I'm more into metal and stuff like Slipknot and stuff like Tool & A.P.C. I'm actually more universal in my tastes now. This time last year, if it wasn't preaching straight up rebellion and anarchy, I didn't want to hear it! LOL... I'm glad that i'm willing to explore and appreciate more types of music than punk and metal now... As for instance... I'm listening to Coldplay now... "Clocks"... I LOVE this song... It's very special to me... I see beauty in many other genres nowadays... Anyway... this is gay! Why am I talking about it? I guess because I can... I'm just bored... I love Christmas music. The feeling of Christmas Spirit is absolutely wonderful! I can't wait for Drew adn I to be able to celebrate it in our own unique way! That will be so great! Listening to "Mambo #5" and watching everyone frollick around the gym is funny... I really wish Drew didn't hate DJ so much... DJ is no threat to him at all... I'd never ever have feelings for him... He's one of the coolest people here at Lockhart... one of the ONLY few actually. I mean... I can understand how the 1 time DJ and I "talked" but we were never together and I NEVER CRUSHED on him... Drew and that Crystal chick were together for awhile... actually going out and they're still friends... I hate the fact that he ever even just messed around with anybody before me... kissing is bad enough... He's just my property... I want him ALL to myself!!! |
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| Entry From Dec. 10th, 2004 |
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| 02:36pm 23/12/2004 |
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mood: sick music: TRUSTCompany
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I'm gonna miss sitting in here (Contemporary Issues)... this class has actually been fun! It's hard to believe that it's SO close to Christmas... I wish my dad weren't such a dickwad... I really want Drew to spend the night on Christmas Eve and be there as soon as I wake up on Christmas morning... I don't see what my dad's deal with drew is... I fucking HATE that guy! He's always looking for any little flaws he can possibly find. Why is he such a mother fucker!? He talks all of this hypocrtic bullshit and "aww, he don'tw anna lose me when I turn 17!" Well he's well on his fucking way to losing me for fucking ETERNITY if he doesn't change his bullshit ass ways! He made me want to slice myself up into pieces SO bad yesterday! Yesterday sucked... I'm terrified of getting htis surgery... I want Drew to be there. Why does my dad have to be such an asshole? I think he's jealous of Drew. He knows how much I love Drew and care about him and he knows I completely despise that mother fucker! I mean... I'm having fucking SURGERY! It's only wisdom teeth, but STILL! It's SURGERY! They're gonna put me to sleep... What if I never wake up!? I don't want his punk ass to be the last person I saw! I want it to be Drew! God, I love him SO much! I can't wait until we can spend forever together... just the 2 of us... That will be so awesome! I don't want for Drew to see me all stupid and drooley looking and junk with no makeup and jewelry and my mouth pryed all wide open and junk... I hate my teeth and it'd suck for them to be all in the spotlight with him sitting right there... I wonder how I'll be on laughing gas... LOL... It's gonna suck waking up with gauze and shit in my mouth... And the IV in my hand... I'm terrified of that... piercings don't bother me... but when there's a needle with a tube hooked to it, pumping stuff into my body... that's just WAY different! I don't want to have it done... but I know I have to... |
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| Another Entry From 12/7/04 |
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| 10:04pm 22/12/2004 |
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mood:  pissed off music: Bauhaus
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Jessica is really starting to piss me off! What doesn't she get!? I don't want her to fucking be like me! The fucking poser! "But all she's ever done was love me!" Fuck her and her love! I can't believe I ever had a crush on her! I'm not fucking naive... I read through people quite easily, plainly knowing their ways and motives. I choose to look past them until I just can't fucking take it anymore! That's why I'm not good with friends. One minute I like them, and then the next I want them to fucking rot in pieces! Why!? Because people = shit. I wish everyone else but Drew would die. Even though some people are tolerable, they're still PEOPLE! I don't think anybody really understands the extent to which I hate humanity for simply existing! This hate is consuming me. My love for Drew outnumbers my hatred for everything else...so I guess it's evenly fair right? Fuck it! I don't give a fuck if it's fair or even right... It's how it is... Why can't things be okay? Why can't I just be with Drew and be happy? I won't have time to hate while I'm constantly showing him love. Sometimes I'm scared of my own fucking self. I am scared that the other side of me will take over and I will lose control of this me. It's so hard to hold on sometimes... I'm constantly fighting myself. Drew is the only thing that makes me win the fucking war.... |
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| Journal Entry from December 7th, 2004 |
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| 09:53pm 22/12/2004 |
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mood: itchy music: Blindside
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So I'm sitting in Driver's Ed right now... DJ and I were talking about the 12 year old girl that was murdered and found on the side of the road in Chester last night. Thats odd... nothing like that ever happens in Chester. I had a weird vibe last night followed by extreme paranoia, almost like a fear of getting caught, something that made me feel guilty, like I had done it or something... Why the fuck did I feel like that!? I didn't kill her! Yesterday was weird. From like 4 or 5 something, to almost 7, I forgot, like I lost time completely. I rememebr waiting on Drew to call and I must have fallen asleep. I don't rememebr getting to talk to him again after that... Which really sucks. I miss him so much. I really need him. I love him SO much! I really can't wait until we are engaged and then married. I won't have my life any other way. I WILL spend it with him, or I won't spend it at all. I'll rot eternally, staring at the backside of a coffin top. I really hope to God that he doesn't hurt me. It kinda hurts my feelings that he doesn't trust me. I would NEVER hurt him. Why won't he believe me? I mean, I understand why, that fucking bitch Melissa fucked him over pretty bad. I'm not fucking her though! I'D NEVER DO THAT! I'm not like other girls... I'm REALLY NOT. It hurts to think that he might think I'm like all other girls. Why doesn't he realize this? |
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| blah... long long time... |
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| 09:50pm 22/12/2004 |
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mood: high music: Alanis Morrisette
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Okay, it's really been forever since I've updated at all, so I'm going to update from my ACTUAL JOURNAL entries.... |
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| Quizzies! |
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| 06:52pm 06/11/2004 |
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mood: sad music: Dry Cell
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Your mysterious..... Like you have a secret but,
everyone has secrets that they don't want
anyone to know. So don't be ashamed if you
think you weird but, your not. It's cool being
mysterious like you might have cool
techniques:)
What Type Of Girl Are You???(Amazing Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
E:Your Beauty lies
in Mystery. Captivating, mysterious and alone. You
are the girl in the little
black number that no one seems to know, the eternal
mystery girl. You make it a
point to never let anyone know more about you than
you want them to and do a
very good job of it. You're there one minute and
gone the next leaving them in
wonder of who you really are. A mature and normally
calm individual, quiet and
enjoy spending many hours of the day on your own,
most likely preferring night
to day . You love the dark and some may find you a
bit strange. You seem to be
rather distant and cold making hard for people to
get close to you, though you
probably like the distance they usually keep. You
probably wear make-up, but
concentrate more around your eyes than anything.
You know the effect you have
and enjoy keeping people in wonder.
Some Things
That Represent You:
Element:
Dark, Water Animal: Panther Color:
Black, Maroon, Dark
Tones Song: In The Shadows by The Rasmus
Expression:
Sly Smile
Gemstone:
Black Diamond Mythological Creature: Demon,
Vampire Sign:
Scorpio Planet: Venus
Hair Color: Black Eye Color:
Garnet
Quote:
"In the shadows for all time."
Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Amazing Pictures And Ten Detailed Results::.. All Fixed!
brought to you by Quizilla
You're a witchy woman! Chances are that you see
Morticia Addams as a role model, and your
wardrobe sports a fair amount of black. The
other mothers at school pick up may look
askance, but your kids already know that the
judgement of others isn't what counts.
What kind of a freaky mother are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Category V - The Lone
Wolf
Though you'd be welcome in most groups, you prefer
a more solitary path.
What Type of Social Entity are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You came from the darkness. Non-trusting, you most
likely will spend most of your life alone.
Where did you come from?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are pure love. Pure and deep. You not only want
to but NEED to find your one true love. You are
not afraid of any challenge for your love, and
it is something to truly treasure.
What kind of love are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You represent... angst.
You have an extremely cynical outlook on just about
everything. It's okay to sulk and be
depressed, but life is short, and you only get
one. It's only what you make it, and only you
can make it improve.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
I'm sure it's no big surprise to you that your
romance is The Princess Bride. A heartwarming
tale of "Twue Wuve" that has giants,
Spainards and swashbuckling. You really do
think that love can overcome anything. You may
be a touch naive but your heart is certainly in
the right place. You've probably got one of
those relationships where proper nouns have
been replaced with "Snookums" and
"Pookie Pie". Eww. Beware a cuteness
overload.
What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're a Winter. You very much enjoy your time
alone but do like other people's company
sometimes. You just need your space. You have a
few priviledged friends who saw past your
colder exterior to find the true you. You can
have pretty bad mood swings (though you hate to
admit it) so you could be soft one second then
storming around the next! But over all, you're
a very pleasant person once people take the
time to get to know you. You're a good friend
for in-depth talks. You're very talanted when
it comes to creative things.(If you can't see
tje pics, go to my homepage and look near the
bottom and find your result)
What season are you? (pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
You're a Vampire. Vampires were the creatures of
the night that were believed to live off of
human blood. Count Dracula, being the most
famous vampire, set the stereotype. They had
dark hair and pale skin from being away from
the sunlight. If they actually existed, it's
very possible they had the skin disease that
made you allergic to the sun so whenever the
sunlight would hit it, it would hurt like
crazy. They were usually snobbish and control
freaks and kept werewolves as pets. (If you
cannot see the picture, go to my userpage and
look near the bottom. There should be the
picture and description for all the results)
What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
Your a Dark Angel...and hey, you probably knew it.
Dark angel are in truth, very malicious, but a
sign of one also is very sad. Dark Angel all
used to be pure angels, but something went very
wrong with their life. Either it was the
sudden, murder of a loved one, betrayl, or pure
torture to them, dark angels have commited
their life to Satan himself. They are silent,
and their wings are dark black feathers, or
blood red. Dark Angels appear when there is
someone dying, or a murder. If you see one, it
means the death of a loved one is expected.
Dark Angels cannot actually harm a human, but
they love to see the suffering of one.
What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla
Anger. You are angry and not afraid to let the rest
of us feel the wrath of it. It's eating your
insides like fire and will eventually consume
you if you don't curve it.
What's on the inside?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Survey Time! Bleh! |
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| 11:43am 02/11/2004 |
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mood: cold music: Blindside
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"If" Survay | Created by frenchtoast666 and taken 222 times on bzoink! | | ~~~If~~~ | | If you were to be granted one wish, what would it be? | That I could get away from this hell hole, and me and Drew could be married and living together. | | If you could ask God any single question, what would it be? | Why did you put me through all of those things I went through? | | If you could see anyone right now fully naked, who would it be? | Druid!!! | | If you had toname the worst job, what would it be? | Being a janitor and cleaning public toilets! | | If you could choose the best telephone call you've ever have,which was it? | Any call where Drew tells me he loves me during it... | | If you had to sell your soul for one thing, what would it be? | Drew | | If you had to pick the worst television series ever made, what would win? | I don't watch TV... so I don't know... | | If you had to describe your worst medical expirience, what would it be? | I don't really remember alot, but I guess, busting my head open carrying the dog up the steps when I was like 4 (I don't remember doing that, but I have a scar) | | If you had to describe the best kiss you've ever had,how would describe it? | Me & Drew, and full of passion... | | And that kiss, who was it with? | Drew!!! | | If you could tell Hitler one thing, what would it be? | Nice mustache... NOT!!! DIE YOU NAZI BITCH!!!! | | If you ask Bush one thing, what would it be? | What's it like, knowing you're the leader of a nation full of morons?? | | If you could say one sentence to the current pope, what would it be? | What are you doing here??? | | If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, which would it be | Umm.... I dunno... I like chinese, and I kinda like double cheeseburgers from McDonalds... they are SO good... I don't know... | | If you could teach your mate to do one thing, what would it be? | See himself as I see him... | | If you could change one thing about your mate, what would it be? | That he would see himself as great as he really is, like I see him | | If you had the chance to propose to the love of your life, where and how? | Under the stars... I don't know exactly... I've been through this before sorda... | | If you had to drown in a liquid other than water, what would it be? | sprite... that would be trippy | | If you could kill ONE person and get away with it, who would it be and how? | Cory. Slice him up & down & drip lemon juice all over him. Dip him in gasoline and set him on fire. Just 1 of the ideas. Not enough room to put others. Ask & I'll tell | | If you could decide what will be written on yer gravestone,what would itbe? | I don't know right off hand... | | I'm done. | *whew* That was intense... | | Okay? | | Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! |
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