OMG!   
10:45am 14/07/2005
 
mood: amused
music: Baby Bash- Baby, I'm Back!
I lost this one a long time ago too! I uhh... am bored so I decided to update. Well, not really. I am only updating to say that I am surprised they haven't deleted this thing! I think I might update sometimes just so that they can't. I'm out.

I have an LJ too by the way. username is only_ashley or ashley_drake (I don't use the ashley_drake one because there is no Ashley/Drake anymore. But occasionally it gets an update.) Check em out if you're interested!

♥Ashley		  
     

(slit my wrists)
 
I'm at it again...   
03:47am 01/01/2005
 
mood: sad
music: Law & Order: SVU on USA
It seems that the only time I update this thing is when something goes wrong and I have to vent. So, I wind up here typing to no one in particular. I don't even think anyone reads this damn thing. Well, except Drake and hell the only time I write in here it's about him anyways. Ahh, the point I'm going to get to tonight....

Is it wrong to feel like no one cares about you even though you hear people tell you everyday that they love you? I mean, people tell me everyday that they love me and yet I still feel like no one really gives a damn about me. See, there are times when I feel on top of the world. Then something always happens to bring me down. Whether its something stupid like accidentally hitting my toe on something or if its bigger like being made to feel like I don't matter. Something always happens. The other day I lost my job... they closed the store down. So, I'm a free-loader once again. That's not what is bothering me though. It's something that Drake said tonight.

As you've probably guessed (don't know who I'm talking to...), me and Drake got back together. Yeah, I gave in and got back with him. But, that's not the point. The point is... I think that he makes me feel like shit on purpose. Like, he tells me he loves me all the time then he proves yet again that there are more important things to him than us. Example: Tonight he said that he wished he would have been able to stay 'with his friends' tonight so that they could have partied. He openly admited that it would mean that he wouldn't be able to stay on the phone with me long but it seemed that it didn't faze him at all. Like he just didn't care as long as he got that all important high. It's funny that I've never really told anyone this although I've been feeling this way since we got back together... and here I am telling some stranger that doesn't even exist. Knowing my luck, Drake will read this and I'll have to explain why I never told him how I was feeling. But baby I've tried to. Everytime we get into the discussion of your "habit" I try to explain. But you always think I'm mad at you and you just cut me off before I get the chance. Like tonight when you told me to find something to talk about and I said that you would just cut me off. That is what I really wanted to say. Is that even though I know you love me... I don't think that I could ever compare to your "habit". Is that even how a relationship should be? Knowing that no matter how hard I try it's never going to be enough? I know that you have cut back a lot and I'm thankful for that. And hell, I don't care that you do it. But when It cuts in on our time... it's just not fair for me. Fair trade remember?

How would it make you feel if I ditched you as many times as you ditched me to hang out with my friends and do the exact thing that has caused so many problems between us? Neglected, not loved, or maybe you would feel loved but just not important. You know, I never REALLY knew what it felt like to be unimportant until I started having these feelings. I know that we don't really talk much when we're on the phone but when I don't get to see you all day and then you call, just knowing that you are on the other end of that phone line... I feel at peace. Then of course, that changes because you spend all day with your friends getting high and are to tired to stay on the phone and let me have that peaceful feeling.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you more than anything on this earth. You mean everything to me and I'd do anything to keep it that way. But, honestly, is the feeling mutual? Can you honestly say that I'm more important to you than anything else? I can. I can honestly say that you are the most important thing to me. And the only thing I would put above you is my family. And I know that you would put your family above me... and I respect you for that but what else would you put before me? Because I can name a few things that have been put before me way to many times.

I don't want to break up and if I have to go on feeling this way to keep you... then that's fine. I'll put my feelings second to you. It's weird to know that I care for you more than my own feelings but I guess that's what love is all about.

Love Always,
Ashley		  
     

(slit my wrists)
 
HAHA!!   
03:43am 26/09/2004
 
mood: crazy
music: Drake is GAY!!

Drake, You're Gay!

  
     

(1 cut | slit my wrists)
 
Well...   
11:45pm 07/09/2004
 
mood: cold
music: Avril- Happy Ending
Life still sucks. I think it always will. I'm still working at the video store. Me and Drake aren't together anymore. We made it to 5 months and 3 days though. I think we might try to be friends though. We have a lot to talk about before I'll be completely civil towards him but... who knows. I'm watchin a couple movies tonight so I guess this update is a quickie. While I was gone I had a birthday though. 19 years old. I really think I'm getting to old for my own good.


TTYL!

~Ashley		  
     

(2 cuts | slit my wrists)
 
It's been a while!   
03:49am 30/07/2004
 
mood: sleepy
music: Hoobastank- Unaffected
Hmm... nothin to tell really. I'm now working at a video store, me and Drake are back together (4 months on the 1st), uhh... my life still sucks big ass. That is about it. To be honest, I've forgotten all about this journal. I have a LJ that I never update and another Blurty that is used for nonsense ( I update it sometimes though). I never have time for the internet though. Except late at night (like right now it's 8 minutes til 4am.) Yeah, I'm not worried about it though. The only person who reads this damn thing is Drake and we talk everynight anyways. Work is okay though. It gives me extra money and pays the internet bill. Which is kinda pointless since I never have time for it anyways. But 20$ a month isn't bad so I don't care. Hmm... I dyed my hair again. It's black and brown and red and blonde and I'm sure you could find other colors in there if you really tried. Ahh, that's all really. I guess I'll update again in a few months! Bye!


Ashley		  
     

(2 cuts | slit my wrists)
 
Hey!!!!   
12:42am 01/04/2004
 
mood: anxious
music: Tell Me It's Real- K-CI & JoJo
Hmm... where do I start? Well, me and Drake are "talkin" again. So, I guess we are going to get back together sooner or later. *YAY* Yeah, so I'm really excited! I wonder when we are gonna get together? I think this month sometime would be good... yeah... like April the somethin. That sounds great. So, anyways... I've been doing pretty much nothing. Seeing Drake some. Which is wonderful. I don't really have much to say. I'm such a boring person huh? Yeah... so... I guess I'm gonna go... BYE!

Ashley Loves Drake

Drake: I love you baby! Can't wait until we get back together!		  
     

(3 cuts | slit my wrists)
 
I'm here once again!   
12:18am 23/03/2004
 
mood: confused
music: NoNe!
Hey all. Yeah, so I'm only writing to kinda get my feelings out there. See, I'm having a hard time right now. Everytime I talk to Drake it's like my whole world comes crashing down. But in a good way. Is that possible? It's like he means everything to me but I can't have him. It's not that we aren't willing it's just that we don't have the time and stuff. We can't really see each other because he's got school, I might be getting a job, and we won't really be able to see each other either. I have a way of seeing him whenever I want to but I would have to go to Jessie's a lot and if I do that I'll feel like I'm using Jessie to get to Drake. I can't do that to my best friend. It's not right. I miss him way to much to just forget about it though. I love him with everything in me and it's hard to let go. There is no way possible that I would ever let go of everything that we've had. I just hope he knows how much I really care. Me and Jessie were talking earlier and she really had me thinking. She thinks that if we really loved each other then we wouldn't care if we didn't get to see each other that much. Just knowing that we are together and no one else can have what is our's should be enough. But to me, it's not. I want to be with the one I love. To be able to call and say "Hey I wanna see you." and know that that is going to happen when I want it to. Not when it's convenient. Jessie said that she wouldn't care if I "used her". She just wants to see me happy. How can I be happy if she's not though? I couldn't stand sitting in HER room close to the person that I love and seeing her alone. It's not fair. If I get that job tomorrow then that cuts down even more time with him. Also, some things happened between us before and I don't know if I can really trust him at school without me there. His ex gf is there and everything. I'm just scared and I don't know how to feel about it. What am I supposed to do? Please, tell me that one. What would you do? The one person you love is so close but yet so far away. It hurts. Just hearing his voice hurts really. But I love the pain. I love it when we are talking and even though deep down I'm dying a little more with every word, I don't mind as long as he keeps talking. Wow, I'm saying some pretty deep shit ain't I? LOL... I've never said anything so deep in my life. I just don't understand my feelings. I know that I love him but what's all these other feelings going on inside me? I just don't get it anymore. I'm lost with no map and no road signs to guide me. All I have is Jessie sitting in the passenger seat telling me that she knows this is the way back home. But is it? How can I be sure that I won't get lost in a desert and slowly start dying? I just don't know anymore. If there is any help for me... I would love to find it. I have nothing to look forward to though because no one ever comments on here anyways. I just want to put it all behind me and make the right decision so I can get out of this mess. But it's so hard to make a decision that I'm not a 100% sure of. You know what I mean? I guess I'll go... I'm sleepy and I need to get up early.

Drake: Baby I love you and I always will. Never forget that. I miss you and I hope that we can work things out to the way they are supposed to be. I know that you had no clue I was feeling this way but I am. I can't help my feelings. I just hope you feel the same way. I love you!!
Everyone else: I love Drake!!!

Ashley Loves Drake		  
     

(1 cut | slit my wrists)
 
I'm back!   
02:01am 19/03/2004
 
mood: bored
music: I Hate Everything About You!- 3 Days Grace
Okay, so here I am. I've been giving it a lot of thought and I've decided to open a new journal. I'm still gonna keep up with this one as much as I usually do. The other journal is gonna be for the fanfic I write. I'm really nervous about letting people read my writing because to be honest... I think it sucks! BUT, I don't think I'll mind getting a little feedback on them. I was thinking about doing that with the LJ that I already have and like never update but I changed my mind. Yeah, so... I'll put the name of it down in here when I figure it out.

Yeah, so moving on... What to talk about? Hell, I have no clue. I'm in Roanoke again. I haven't got anything else stuck through my flesh. When I go home I plan on finishing my fic and posting it. But I already have one finished to post. I have been thinking about getting an account and ff.net also. I don't know about that one yet. Yeah, so I guess I'll go.

Shoutouts because I've never done this:
Jessie- I'm sorry that I missed your appointment Tuesday... I'll explain it all when I get back. I miss you sis and I'll call ya in a few days!
Britt- Get over him! Please!
*HIM* LOL- I still love you and I want you to come back home!
Bobby- I miss you soooo much and I can't wait to get your addy
Drake- Sweetie, I love you and I miss you bunches. I'll let you know when I'm home.
Drew- because I gave you the link.... I wanted to give you a shoutout and say ummm. HEY!!! LOL.

With Love, Ashley		  
     

(slit my wrists)
 
I'm here again!   
03:47am 02/03/2004
 
mood: cold
music: Evanescence-My Immortal
For the second day in a roll... *YAY* for me! Okay, so today was fun... I went out and got my eyebrow peirced... wOoT... then we went shopping. Well, we went and bought some new barbells and stuff for my eyebrow. I talked to Bobby earlier... Sooo sad. I didn't cry though... yet. I will in a little while. I can't believe he is gone... I won't get to talk to him again until August. Well, we are going to write to each other but it just isn't the same! I haven't talked to anyone today but my mom, dad, vince, and my sis. I talked to VA for like a second but just to ask for my dad on the phone. I can't wait to get home tomorrow. I'm going to call Jessie and tell her about my eyebrow! She knows how long I've been wanting to get it done. I think I'll call Drake too. I wanted to talk to him before I left but I didn't get a chance. Maybe I will go stay with Jessie for a night! Anyways, I guess I will go... bye guys! LOVE YA'LL!!!!

Ashley		  
     

(2 cuts | slit my wrists)
 
Shit!   
01:23am 01/03/2004
 
mood: depressed
music: MISS YA BOBBY!
Okay, so here I am again to talk about Bobby! He is leaving tomorrow. I was wanting to see him today but I left with my mom before I had a chance. That means that I have to wait until August to see him again! He is one of my best friends. I don't know what I'm going to do without him. It's really sad. It's like someone has just stole something from me that didn't belong to me in the first place but it was something that meant a lot to me. We have always been there for each other. I know that when I was going through my hard times he was there for me. We've had our ups and downs but everything was okay in the end. I feel like I could have some how prevented him joining the Air Force?!?! I don't know... something just tells me that I could have stopped it. I guess I'll never know. But, I hope he knows that I love him and I will always be here for him whenever he needs me. I know the same goes for me. I cried... can you believe that? After he got offline a little while ago I actually cried! I haven't cried over anyone leaving in forever! I didn't even cry when my mom moved away! But, I'm really sleepy so, I'm going to go.

~Shoutout to *HIM*- Thank you so much for being there for me tonight even though we didn't really say much. It was nice just to know that I had someone there for me. It meant more to me than you'll ever know and I love you for it. I am so glad that we are finally friends without me being a dumbass. Thank you for everything. ~Everyone: This guy ^ is a wonderful person. ((I know my tone has changed since a few months ago but, I'm okay now)) I love him to death.
~Just remember, *HIM*, I will always be there for you too. No matter what it is, I will do my best to help. I love ya babe.

*HIS* Freak, LOL
Ashley
Wish I was to dead to cry
I'm going to miss you Bobby! I love you!		  
     

(slit my wrists)
 
Hey...   
11:30pm 16/02/2004
 
mood: cranky
music: Slipknot-Heratic Anthem
Hmm... long time no see. Yeah, so anyways, I am pretty sad right now. Bobby leaves in 2 weeks... don't know how long he's gonna be gone. That is upsetting. I just hope he keeps in touch, which I know he will. I don't know anymore. Once again I'm being fucking bugged about going to college. I guess that is what I need to do to get everyone to shut the fuck up. I just hope I can get financial aid back. There is no way in hell my family can pay for my tution even if it is only for two years at a community college. I'm sick and tired of everyone expecting shit from me. I'm not fucking smart! I'm not going to do anything with my already pathetic life! I don't know, it's like everyone expects me to be somebody! I can't amount to anything! Fuck I didn't even take Algebra 2. I cheated to pass Geometry! And I barely passed English! What the fuck can I do in life without Math or English!?!? If anyone knows the answer to that question.... let me know. If you know what I can take in college that requires no Math or English courses, then please fill me in. I'm not that good on computers, I'm not good with technology, I can't afford a really good camera for Photography (which is what I really wanna do), they don't teach Interior Decorating at the college... I also would like to do that. Yeah, so moving on... I went to the movies with one of my friends a few weeks ago and he asked me to be his girlfriend a few days after that... I said no, and he hasn't talked to me since. The main reasons I said no is because 1. One of my best friends is in love with him and I wouldn't do that to her. 2. We dated before and it didn't work. 3. I think that he would be to clingy. I hate it when I'm dating a guy and he thinks he has to be up my ass every second of every day. Ugh! I just can't stand that. But I do want a boyfriend now. I just hate being single. I need someone to be with. To bad huh? Yeah, anyways, ((I say that a lot don't I? Oh, well!)) I don't have anything else to talk about. So, I guess my last thought will be that I will miss Bobby a whole bunch. I don't know what I'm going to do without him. :( sadness

Ashley!		  
     

(slit my wrists)
 
Depressed   
01:55am 22/01/2004
 
mood: depressed
music: Tell Me It's Real- K-CI & JoJo
I want my baby back. To Fucking bad though huh?

Yeah, so... I need to get out of this house. I'm going crazy without him. Why do I always do this? I suppose you're wondering who I'm talking about... well, for once it isn't *HIM*. Thank goodness, I've gotten another pre-occupation. Well, I had him and then I lost him and now I want him back! Oh well. Anyways, I guess I'm gonna go update my LJ. I'll probably whine on there too but it's friends only and no one is on my list so it will not bother anyone. Bye!

Ashley!		  
     

(4 cuts | slit my wrists)
 
   
01:49am 21/01/2004
  ( Read more... )  
     

(slit my wrists)
 
Shew, long time no see....   
12:28am 21/01/2004
 
mood: bitchy
Yeah, so I'm pretty pissed right now so I'm probably going to use the F-word a lot. Sorry Jenny. Anyways, in the time that I've been gone... nothing happened. I went and stayed at the college with Amanda and Michelle. I stayed with Jessie a couple of nights too. Ummm... other than that, I've just been really lazy. Yeah. So, on to why I'm pissed. Well first off, tonight just isn't my night. I should explain that it's that time of the month and I have every reason to be a bitch. Okay, I am a Tennessee Vols fan... my dad is a Kentucky Wildcat fan. Those two teams are HUGE rivals. They played each other tonight. I thought it was going pretty good... I thought for sure that Tenn. was going to win. I was wrong. They went into overtime and Kentucky scored and beat em. I was very upset by that. Okay another background, I let Jessie's brother borrow my Harry Potter book (We all know that I'm a HUGE fan). I had only read it once and I thought that he was pretty trustworthy. Okay anyways, he has had it for months now so I asked Jessie to get it back for me. He told her that when he got snowed in at his girlfriends that he took it in to read it and accidenatly left it there. Well, now they are broke up. So, I know this guy that she is pretty good friends with and he was online so I asked him if he would get it back for me and just take it to Jessie at school. He said that he thought that Jessie's brother had bought it for Ameisha((the ex)). I said no that I just let him borrow it. He said that I should talk to him about it because she wouldn't be willing to give it up if he gave it to her. I told him that I had already talked to him about it and he said that he had accidentaly left it up there. So Josh((the guy online)) said he would ask her about it. Now, I'm stuck sitting here waiting to hear if I'm going to get MY fucking book back. If I don't someone is going to be in some big ass trouble. I don't fuck around about my shit. Especially when it comes to Harry Potter. I'm gonna wind up busting some ass if I don't get it back soon. Michael((Jessie's bro)) needs to fucking straighten his shit out and get my book back. Grrrrrrrr!! I'm so pissed! I don't fuck around about shit like this even when I'm not raggin. And they wanna fuck with me while I'm on the rag! The worst part is, the book was a present from a friend of mine. It cost him almost $30. And to top it all off, he is leaving in March for the Air Force and I think it would be nice to have the book that he gave me! So, I'm not a happy person nowdays. Grrr! I need to calm myself down and ask Michael about it before I start getting all bitchy. I also need to talk to Jessie about it and get everything figured out. But, I guess that you have heard enough and probably could care less about my problems BUT just in case I would really enjoy some feedback on this one. I mean, am I being stupid here or is this all some big bullshit? Well, I guess I'll go... BYE

Ashley!		  
     

(2 cuts | slit my wrists)
 
Hmmm...   
11:47pm 06/01/2004
 
mood: busy
Does anyone know where I can find an image of a crying eye preferably with their mascara running? That's what I want on my background. I see it so many icons and I want it on my background. I think it would look very nice. Okay... bye! If anyone can help please leave me a comment.

Ashley		  
     

(2 cuts | slit my wrists)
 
Hey kids!   
12:36am 06/01/2004
 
mood: bored
music: Viva la Bam
Well, here I am once again. I'm still looking for the pic I want on my background. The problem is... I'm not a big fan of anyone or anything. I'm kinda confused right now. Me and Drake have been talking a lot and I know that I can't get back with him but that bothers me. I don't know anymore. I think that being single has kinda fucked me up. See, I was gonna use the 3 months that *he* was in jail to get over him and move on. I can't seem to do the getting over him part and if I can't get over him then I can't move on. I hate myself for that. I think I just realized the image that I want on my background... now i just gotta find it. Then I can contact Marilu and ask her to do my journal the way I want it. *YAY*. Gotta go... I'll prolly update again in a few. LOL. BYE for now!

Ashley		  
     

(slit my wrists)
 
Happy New Year!!   
11:37pm 31/12/2003
 
mood: lonely
music: MTV!
Hey everyone! Well, I'm here for a quick update. I don't have much to say. I guess I should just say

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

It sucks that I am here all alone. Oh well, I guess that's the price I pay for being such a loner?!?! Anyways, if anyone wants to come kidnap me to celebrate the New Year you know where to find me... or do you? Ummm... okay, I quit... BYE!

Ashley!

BTW: Does anyone know where I can find a suitable friends sign? AND how can I make my writing different colors?		  
     

(2 cuts | slit my wrists)
 
Bored   
01:47pm 23/12/2003
 
mood: sleepy
music: None!
_You Stuff_
001. What is your full name: Ashley Nicole C******
002. Spell your first name backwards: yelhsa
003. Date of birth: 08/22/1985
004. Male or female: female
005. Astrological sign: Leo
006. Nicknames: Ash, Ash-ee, or Ashlee
007. Occupation: well, i was a sales clerk until monday..
008. Height: 5'6
009. Weight: No CoMmEnT
010. Hair color: Brown
011. Eye color: Greenish-blue
012. Where were you born: Kentucky
013. Where do you reside now: Virginia
014. Age: 19
015. Screen names: Litsetaure, malfoy_chick2003, and malfoyxchickx03
016. E-mail addy: malfoy_chick2003@yahoo.com
017. What does your screen name stand for: uhhh... ICQ is my Elvish name and the others are well HP
018. What is your blurty name: xpinkxdarknessx
019. What does your blurty name stand for: no clue
020. Pets: NoNe
021. Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake: 19
022. Piercings: 4 navel, tounge, ears
023. Tattoo's: Not Yet
024. Shoe size: 10-11
025. Righty or lefty: righty
026. Wearing: grey jogging pants, grey tank-top
027. Hearing: Law & Order SVU
028. Feeling: sleepy
029. Eating/drinking: Mountain Dew Code Red

~Guys/Girls/Love/Kissing/And Other Stuff~
061. Have you ever been in love: yes
062. How many people have you said "I love you" to: Everyone
063. How many people have you been in REAL love with: 3
064. How many people have you kissed: A LOT
065. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex: does truth or dare count... like i said before NO Tounge!
066. How many people have you dated: Bunches
067. What do you look for in a guy/girl: I'm not gonna lie... I like something nice to look at, nice personality, have stuff in common with myself
068. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex: mouth
069. What type of guy/girl do you usually go for: usually the guy that don't care to be a smart ass
073. Do you have a crush right now: Does my bf count?
074. If so who is it: Drake!!
075. Do you believe in love at first sight: nope
076. Do you remember your first love: ummm... yeah, don't you?
077. Who is the first person you kissed: umm... Jeremy in 4th grade
078. Do you believe in fate: yep
079. Do you believe in soul mates: yeah
080. If so do you believe you'll ever find yours: sure, someday

~Family Stuff~
104. How many siblings do you have: 1 sis
105. What are your parents names: Sherrie and Jr.
106. What are your siblings names: Ciara
107. How many siblings does your mother have: 3
108. How many siblings does your father have: real or adopted... no clue... A LOT
109. Where are your parents from: dad: KY mom: VA
110. Is your family close: no
111. Does your family get together for holidays: yeah, Christmas... not Thanksgiving though
112. Do you have a drunk uncle: yup
113. Any medical problems run through your family: nah
114. Does someone in your family wear a toupee: hmmmm... nah
115. Do you have any nieces or nephews: nope my sis is to young
116. Are your parents divorced: yup
117. Do you have step parents: Soon I will.
118. Has your family ever disowned another member of your family: they threatened to disown me!
120. Did some of your family come to America from another country: I don' t know

_Music Stuff_
121. What song do you swear was written about you or your life: I don't know
122. What's the most embarrasing cd you own: I think I still have an old Hanson cd somewhere...
123. What's the best cd you own: my burnt cds
124. What song do you absolutely hate: Peaches by The Presidents of the United States of America!
125. Do you sing in the shower: *blushes* yup
126. What song reminds you of that special someone: Mine and Drake's song KC and JOJO-- Tell Me It's Real

_Okay, I Name An Artist And You Give A Lyric From Any One Of Their Songs!_
127. Pink: It ain't easy growin up in world war 3
128. Aerosmith: Pink is my favorite color
129. Madonna: like a virgin... touched for the very first time
130. Korn: Something takes a part of me. Something lost and never seen.
131. Backstreet Boys: ummm... i want it that way
132. The Beatles: i wanna hold your handddd
133. Sublime: no clue
134. J.Lo: dont be fooled by the rocks that i got
135. *Nsync: ummmm... bye bye bye
136. Limp Bizkit: i wanna eat you alive
137. Stacie Orrico: there's gotta be more too life
138. Creed: with armsss wide opennn
139. Britany Spears: i'm a slave for you
140. Good Charlotte: this is the anthem
141. Christina Aguilera: wanna get dirrty
142. Eminem: lose yourself in the music
144. Kelly Clarkston: Miss Independent
145. Kelly Osbourne: I feel unhappy I am so sad
146. Mandy Moore: I'm missing you like candy
147. Eve: gangsta lovin
148. Aaliyah: i feel like im on dope
149. Nelly: it's getting hot in heere, so take off all your clothes
150. Alicia Keys: i'm fallin'
151. Incubus: I bite my tongue everytime you come around Cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground

_Favorites_
152. Color: pink
153. Food: chicken
154. Song: Heratic Anthem-- Slipknot
155. Show: WWE Monday Night Raw
156. School subject: i hated school... does sleeping in gym count?
157. Band/singer/artist: Slipknot
158. Animal: monkey?
159. Outfit: pants and shirt?
160. Radio station: eletric 94.9
161. Movie: uhh... HP and LOTR
162. Pair of shoes: Pink Converse
163. Cartoon: The Simpsons i guess
164. Actor: Orlando Bloom
165. Actress: Reese Witherspoon
166. Potato chip: doritos
167. Drink: water
168: Soda: Dr. Pepper
169. Holiday: christmas or Halloween?
170. Perfume/cologne: Lucky You
171. Pizza topping: Everything
172. Jello flavor: strawberry
173. Lunch meat: ham
174. Card Game: solitare?
175. Video game: True Crime: Streets of L.A.
176. Website: www.mugglenet.com
177. Book: HP & PoA
178. Computer game: Freecell
179. Number: 2
180. Cereal: Apple Jacks
181. Comedian: Adam Sandler
182. Dessert: banana pudding
183. Disney character: Goofy
184. Clothing store: Hot Topic
185. Past time: internet, reading
186. Teacher: it was... Tammy, Coach Webb, and Nelly (coach nelson)
187. Childhood toy: barbies
188. Carnival game/ride: Cyclops
189. Candy bar: Milky Way
190. Magazine: I don't read magazines very often
191. Salad dressing: Ranch
192. Thing to do on the weekend: sleep?
193. Hot drink: Hot Coco
194. Season: Summer
195. Sport to watch: Football
196. Person to talk to online: Drew!

_Your Bedroom/Sleeping Habits_
197. What color are your sheets: white i need to re-decorate my room
198. What color are your bedroom walls: white
199. Do you have posters on your wall: yup
200. If so of what: HP
201. Do you have a tv in your bedroom: yup 2
202. How many pillows are on your bed: 2
203. What do you normally sleep in: shorts and a tanktop
204. Describe your favorite pair of pajamas: the grey paint stained pants i have on now
205. What size bed do you have: full
206. Do you have a waterbed/bunkbed/daybed: no
207. Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom: nope
209. Describe the last nightmare you had: dunno
210. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: yea 1
211. How many people can comfortably sleep comfortably in your bed: 2
212. Do you sleep in any unusual positions: i think so
213. Do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling: nope
214. Do you snore: nope
215. How about drool: nope
216. Do you have an alarm clock in your room: yup
217. What color is the carpet in your room: pink for now... but when i redecorate it will be black
218. What's under your bed: two duffle bags and an old printer

_This or that_
219. loser/wannabe: loser
220. Doughnuts/bagels: doughnuts
221. Day/night: night
222. Wicked witch of the east/wicked witch of the west: west
223. Heaven/hell: hell
224. Make love/have sex: make love i guess
225. Coffee/tea: coffee
226. Hamburgers/hotdogs: CHEESE burgers
227. Rap/rock: rock
228. Britney/Christina: christina
229. Swiss cheese/american cheese: american
230. Real World/Road Rules: Real World
231. Backstreet Boys/*Nsync: if i had to choose... nsync
232. Silver/gold: silver
233. Nike/Adidas: Adidas
234. McDonalds/Taco Bell: Mickey D's
235. Sweet/sour: sour
236. Punk/emo: punk
237. Hot/cold: hot
238. Winter/summer: Summer
239. Spring/fall: Spring
240. Operas/plays: plays
241. Read/watch tv: read
242. Cd's/tapes: cds
243. Dvd's/vhs: dvd
244. Old/new: new
245. Shorts/skirts: skirts
246. Pink/red: pink
247. Colored pictures/black and white photos: both
248. Meat/vegetables: meat
249. Mexican food/chinese food: Mexican
250. Commercials/infomercials: commercials
251. Scary movies/comedies: scary
252. Bikinis/one piece bathing suits: bikinis i guess
253. Sandals/tennis shoes: sandals in the Summer..tennis shoes when it's cold
254. Dogs/cats: dogs
255. Unicorns/fairies: fairies
256. Water/land: land
257. Sugar/spice: sugar
258. Black/white: black
259. ribbons/bows: ribbons
260. Chicken/beef: chicken
261. Colored christmas lights/regular white christmas lights: white
262. Cars/trucks: trucks
263. Austin Powers/James Bond: Austin Powers
264. Popcorn/pretzels: pretzels
265. Hip/hop: hop
266. Passionate kiss/peck: passionate kiss
267. WWE wrestling/ real wrestling: WWE wrestling!
268. Back rub/foot massage: BOTH
269. Picture frames/photo albums: frames
270. Pens/pencils: pens

_What Is Your Opinion Of The Following_
271. Eminem: He don't give a fuck and that's cool
272. Virgins: that's cool
273. God: real
274. The Osbournes: Cool
275. Reality TV: sucks ass
276. J.Lo: I think it's good that she's not all up in the spotlight anymore.
277. Religion: good
278. Emo music: ummm... okay
279. Valentine's Day: The worst fucking holiday ever!
280. Christina Aguilera's comeback: whatever
281. Homosexuals: thats their choice
282. Abortion: against it... if you are gonna spread your legs for somethin to go in then be prepared for somethin to come out!
283. Inter-racial relationships: fine with me
284. Murder: bad
285. Death: part of life
286. Obesity: exercise
287. Pre-marital sex: its a choice that everyone has to make... i don't know my thoughts on that yet
288. Terrorism: fuck terrorism!
289. Pornography: ahh... whatever floats your boat
290. Fortune Tellers: i guess it'd be fun to like go to one, but you can't really believe it
291. Threesomes: fuck that too
292. Prostitution: thats their choice... its nasty though
293. Politics: fuck politics
294. Country music: is annoying
295. George W. Bush: stupid fuck head
296. Cloning: thats cool i guess as long as im not cloned
297. Britney's boobs: Fake
298. Gas prices in America: too fucking high!!

_Name Game_
What Do You Think Of When You Hear These Common Names?...
299. Jack: and Jill
300. Tiffany: lives in inman
301. Ben: and Jen
302. Maria: West Side Story
303. Jennifer: Aniston
304. Nicole: my middle name
305. Amy: my old nickname
306. Adam: jessie's bro
307. Richard: nixon
308. Justin: swiney
309. Arnold: Hey Arnold!
310. Tom: Felton?!?!
311. Melissa: who?
312. Charlotte: 's web
313. Harold: thats an old persons name
314. John: Goodman?
315. Joel: Billy Joel
316. Vanessa: that girl from school
317. Michelle: williams... whos that? i know this.... hmmm...
318. Kevin: Tiffany
319. Brent: he moved
320. Jake: the snake
321. Billy: bob
322. Sarah: lee
323. Natalie: cole?
324. Christy: bitch
325. Nick: nicholas
326. Linda: i think thats a name in a book i read
327. Taylor: my baby girl
328. Jordan: taylor?
329. Jamie: presley?
330. Adrian: Monk!

_Have You Ever...._
331. Mooned anyone: yup
332. Been on a diet: nope i should tho
333. Been to a foreign country: not yet
334. Broken a bone: nah
335. Swallowed a tooth/cap/filling: i think so
336. Swear at a teacher: yep, many times
337. Talked to an blurty member via emails or instant messages: Jessie, Nikki, and Jenny
338. Got in a fight: yup
339. Dated a teacher: nah
340. Laughed so hard you peed your pants: nope
341. Thought about killing your enemy: yeah don't we all?
342. Gone skinny dipping: nope
343. Met another blurty member in the flesh: yep
344. Told a little white lie: everyone does
345. Told a secret you swore not to tell: nope
346. Stolen anything: yeah
347. Misused a swear word and it sounded absolutely stupid: probably
348. Been on TV: does the local channel count?
349. Been on the radio: nope
350. Been in a mosh pit: no
351. Been to a concert: yep
352. Dated one of your best friends: i dont remember... i dont think so
353. Loved someone so much it makes you cry: yes
354. Deceived somebody close to you: no
355. Broken the law: yeah
356. Been to a rodeo: no
357. Been on a talk show: no
358. Been on a game show: nah
359. Been on an airplane: not yet
360. Got to ride on a firetruck: no
361. Came close to dying: yep
362. Cheated on a bf/gf: once... big mistake
363. Gave someone a piggy back ride: yes
364. Terrorized a babysitter: nah
365. Made a mud pie: yeh
366. Had a dream that you're falling off a cliff: yupp
367. Snuck out of the house at night: yeah
368. Been so drunk you don't remember your name: yes
369. Had an eating disorder: yup
370. Felt like you didn't belong: all the time
371. Felt like the 3rd wheel: yeah
372. Smoked: yeah
373. Done drugs: yeah
374. Been arrested: nope
375. Had your tonsils removed: nope
376. Gone to camp: yeah
377. Won a bet: yes
378. Written a love letter: yes, i love writing
379. Gone out of your way to be with the one you love: yes.. i think
380. Written a love poem: not really... maybe once
381. Kissed in the rain: i think i might sometime....
382. Slow danced with someone you love: nope
383. Participated in an orgy: no
384. Faked an orgasm: yup
385. Stolen a kiss: sure....
386. Asked a friend for relationship advice: of course
387. Had a friend steal your bf/gf: nope
388. Watched the sunset/rise with someone you love: nope
389. Gotten a speeding ticket: nah
390. Done jail time: nope
391. Had to wear a uniform to work: yep
392. Won a trophy: yeah
393. Thrown up in public: yeahh
394. Bowled a perfect game: nah
395. Failed/got held back: naw... but ive failed classes, not grades tho
396. Got perfect attendance in grade school: yeah a couple times
397. Roasted pumpkin seeds: no
398. Taken ballet/karate lessons: nope
399. Attempted suicide: no comment
400. Cut yourself: no....

_Childhood Stuff_
401. Did you play with Barbies/G.I. Joes: yeah
402. Did you own Treasure Trolls: YEAH!! Fuckin A!
403. Did you watch Beverly Hills 90210: a couple times
404. Did you play Simon Says: yeahhh
405. Did you watch Fraggle Rock: no...
406. Did you wet the bed: twice
407. Did you believe there were monsters in your closet or under your bed: yes thats why i peed in the bed i was afraid to get down
408. Did you wear the underwear with the days of the week on them: yep
409. Were you shy: sometimes
410. Were you spoiled: yep
411. Were you abused: no
412. Did you go to the circus: no
413. Did you go to the zoo: yup
414. Were you in a car accident: yeah
415. Did you build snowmen: yeah
416. Did you cry when you scraped your knee: i might have...
417. Were your older cousins mean to you: yes
418. Did you think slinkies were cool: yeah
419. Did you think the Ninja Turtles really lived in the sewer: yes!
420. Were you afraid of the dark: nope
421. Did you have slumber parties: yup
422. Did you have New Kids On The Block sheets, curtains, sleeping bags, dolls and pajamas: i wouldnt go that far... but almost
423. Did you tease your hair out like Tiffany: who's that?
424. Did you believe in the Easter Bunny/Santa Claus/ and the Tooth Fairy: yup

_Randomness_
425. Do you believe in aliens: nope
426. Name three things that are next to your computer: lamp, pictures, lotion
427. Do you have any hidden talents: i dunno
428. Do you wish MTV would play music videos: yes
429. If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be: probably Drama
430. What would your movie star name be: Ashley
431. Do you play any sports: used to play Tennis
432. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen: Thirteen Ghosts
433. What is the best movie you've seen in the theater or rented recently: HP POA
434. What is the dumbest movie you've ever seen: Legally Blonde 2
435. Do you drive: nope
436. What is your dream car: Black Dodge Ram thats really big... even though its a truck
437. Do you think your good looking: no
438. Do others think you are good looking: yeah but again they're BLIND
439. Would you ever sky dive: maybe
440. Do you believe in Bigfoot: nope
441. How many rooms do you have in your house: 5
442. Are you afraid of roller coasters: no
443. Do you believe in God: yeah
444. Do you believe in Satan: sure
445. Do you believe there is a heaven: yes..
446. Do you believe there is a hell: yes
447. Do you own a pooltable: not yet
448. Do you have a pool: nope
449. Do you have a dishwasher in your kitchen: yeah
450. Do you like chocolate: LOVEEE it
451. Who/what is on your 2004 calendar: HP
452. How many U.S. states have you been to: 5
453. Ever wished on a shooting star: yup!
454. Best Halloween costume you ever wore: Some kinda mask that bled
455. Do you carry any weapons on you: yeah... a pocket knife
456. What is your weakness: Drake
457. Name something you can't get enough of: reading
458. Describe yourself in 3 adjectives: stubborn, funny, bitchy
459. How many kids do you want to have: 3
460. Future daughters names: Destiney Rae
461. Future sons names: Blayton Isom
462. What is your ideal way to die: doesn't matter... old age?
463. How do you release stress: a good cry once in a while is always good and hitting shit
464. Do you consider yourself a trendy person: fuck no
465. Are you an artisitic person: sure....
466. Are you a realistic person?: yeah
467. Do you un-tie your shoes every time you take them off: nah
468. Are you a strong person: sure
469. Are you a strong willed person: sure
470. Who is the last person to e-mail you: Meli
471. Who is the last person to IM you: Drew
472. Do you hate chain e-mails: yeah who doesn't?
473. Are you a deep sleeper: yup especially when i'm not feeling good
474. Are you a good story teller: no, prolly not
475. What do you believe is your best quality: I'm funny?
476. What is your greatest accomplishment: i have none
477. Do you like to burn candles or incense: yes
478. Do you do yoga: not yet
479. Do you have your own credit card: nope
480. Let's say you win the lotto. What do you do with all that money?: buy stuff
481. Do you have a check book: nope
482. Do you like your drivers licence: not yet
483. Do you tan easily: not really
484. What color is your hair naturally: brown
485. How many fillings do you have: a few
486. How many cavities did you have at your last dentist visit: one i think
487. Worst feeling in the world? broken heart
488. Best feeling in the world: being loved by the one you love
489. Is the glass half empty or half full: half empty
490. Last thing you downloaded: a screensaver
491. Do you catch yourself using online terms in your real life?: nope
492. What do you think people think of you: imma freak
493. Are you a likeable person: no
494. Do you need therapy: yes
495. Do you take medication for a chemical imbalance: no but I probably should
496. Do you love you're gf/bf: yep
497. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge would they call it FED UP: sure why not
499. When are you moving: no clue
500. What's your favorite phrase: 'fraid of
Time Finished: 5:36AM

Woah, that was a lot! Welp, gotta go!
Ashley		  
     

(slit my wrists)
 
Hmmm...   
10:27pm 21/12/2003
 
mood: bouncy
music: None!
Welp, I'm back once again. Nothing much to say really. Ummm... I went and stayed with Jessie Friday night and umm... we had fun. So, I stayed again Saturday. Saturday, I got really pissed off because the whole day was like about Drake. When I woke up, I looked out the window and seen him and his mamaw passing by. Then later, me and Jessie was sitting on the couch and Mine and Drake's old song came on. Then, later we went walking to the store and he drove by. I was screaming that I hate my fucking life and shit. It was like I couldn't get away from him. Then I just started feeling weird. Okay, anyways, Jessie might be having a party sometime soon... to get her house broke in... It should be tons of fun. Well, except for the fact that since I'm to stupid to find a boyfriend I get stuck with Drake all night... *yay* ((Note the sarcasm)). Yeah, but it won't be that bad... maybe we can start being friends again. And, I'm going to tell him that if he gets back with Amanda that I'm beating the fuck out of him. I'm just not very fond of that girl. Yeah, so anyways... ummm... I don't know what else to say. My mamaw let me have my pants that she got me for Christmas... I'm gonna wear them to her house on Christmas Eve. Yeah. Well, I think I'm gonna go... I'll try to update more often. I'm just to damn lazy. Okay, Bye!

Ashley
~*ANC*~		  
     

(slit my wrists)
 
Pissed and Depressed   
11:39pm 09/12/2003
 
mood: depressed
music: Avoid the Light-Pantera
Isn't life just so fucking wonderful? NO! I can't take all this shit anymore. Is it wrong to feel upset for all this? I think I'm gonna delete all my friends off my friends list and make this a friends only journal. Except Mariloo cause she's pretty cool and I feel like I can relate to her some how. Even though I don't really know her. I guess my changes mean that I don't really deserve friends or something. I listen to different music, I dress different, and I don't really care what people think. Is that such a change that I don't deserve to be around my old friends? Yeah, I guess so. I can't believe that you made me cry. I don't cry and you managed to do it! Guys I am sorry that I've changed so much but I'm not the only one. I can't help that I was so tired of being some one I'm not. I just didn't realize that changing and being myself would make me lose all my friends. It's okay though I guess. On a lighter note, my mamaw is okay. I found out yesterday that the tests came back good. Okay, back to my self pity. Why is it that everything in my life has just fell apart this year? It has been one fucked up year. I got out of school, I didn't get with Matt, my friends feel that I've "dropped" them. I just don't understand what I've dropped them for. Being lonley? Yeah... let me tell ya! I don't want anyone to talk to because I like being lonley! ((Note the sarcasm there!!)) Shew, I miss Josh!! Him and Bobby are the only two that I guess I can talk to anymore ((and AMANDA!!)). The worst part is none of them are around. I only get to talk to Bobby online or at Payless and I never get to talk to Josh and Amanda is at college. Josh works nights and I never know when he has a day off. This is one fucked up life I'm living here. I need Amanda!!!!! Amanda, where are you?!?! Shew, I don't get it. What did I do thats so bad that I don't deserve friends?? I guess I'm gonna go. BYE!

Ashley

P.S. If anyone stumbles across my journal that likes doing layouts could you please help mine?!?		  
     

(2 cuts | slit my wrists)
 
 
xpinkxdarknessx
 
 
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