||"My Immortal" By Evanescence
Here is a little F.Y.I. for you...
+ Christian is going to California and I know I am going to miss him so much! We said goodbye this morning around 12 and oh my gosh, it was so hard to hang up knowing we aren’t going to be able to talk AT ALL! He is going to try his hardest to call me, but you never know. It’s hard to tell what is going to happen with him because his parents change their minds a lot. I love him so much though and I am going to be waiting for the day he returns and even more for the day when we will get to be together in the flesh. That is my world and I am going to spend my whole life so dedicated to him... even if we don’t last, which I doubt will happen... I think I will never love another... I would rather die unhappy and unloved than to try to love someone else. I’ve given him all of me, even my heart entirely, and it will always remain in his hands. But I think we will be together forever. I miss him already and we’ve only gone without talking for about 6 hours now, ah, I am going crazy!
+ My job at Sea World... it is okay, but it takes up too much of my time. I wish I could quit sometimes, but the money is good. I got paid $280 for like a week... I could get used to that. I have to give my moms 10% and I am going to tithe 10% at church from every paycheck... so I am giving away 20% of my paycheck, but I am still left with quite a bit of cash. But money isn’t everything, and it was cutting into me and Christian’s time to talk, but now that he is going to be gone, I wish I could go to work to take my mind off of it a little bit. Because I know if I stay home, I will end up laying here all depressed and just crying till I can’t anymore. I work with some cool people though, we all just be clowning around, picking on the new people that don’t know what the hell they doing, and cracking on all the ugly tourists and crap... I swear England doesn’t sell bras, lol. You see some of the nastiest people come to Sea World, yuck!
+ I just got the hottest hat done. I got a pink trucker hat that matches my bathing suit and I had Lauriell & Christian airbrushed on it. I think I am going to get another one done, or maybe a t-shirt. I don’t know, but here is a picture of the one I got...
+ I am having some health issues. I been having breathing problems lately and I am worried. I don’t know what it is coming from because to answer your first question... No, I do not have asthma! But yea, when I breathe sometimes, my chest really hurts. I don’t know why and I have been crying a lot lately and that just makes it a whole lot worse. My sister, well, my man’s sister said I should go to the doctor and my moms said she would take me, but I don’t know, I am kind of scared to go, because I am scared of what might be wrong. Also, my migraines that I started to get after my sister left are coming back again... and I they come bad. It hurts like all hell sometimes, especially when I get a migraine and my breathing is hurting. I am scared that something is seriously wrong... maybe the stress I been going through is taking a toll on me physically. I don’t know and I don’t know what to do.
+ I been missing my father a lot. I wish I could see him or at least talk to him. Father’s day was hell on me because I didn’t have my daddy around to say “Happy Father’s Day” to or just to give him a hug or something. That was hard. I miss all of that side of my family. It isn’t fair. I think I am going to try to contact them or something, because I can’t take this anymore.
+ I just dyed my hair. I dyed it the same color that I always dye it... a deep burgundy... It is called Chocolate Cherry. It has just been awhile since I last dyed it and I needed a touch-up. I am so sexy, but what is the use... the only person I want to be sexy for is my man, Christian, and he can’t even see me, let alone talk to me right now, so what is the point. If it was acceptable, I would walk around looking busted as hell. Sh!t, I will now, I don’t care, because I don’t give a crap what anybody else thinks about me. The only person whose opinion matters is my love. Actually, I would rather just stay in my room in the same spot and never see another person until I can see him. It sucks. How is it the only person I want to see so bad, I can’t, and then all the people I don’t want to see, I see all the time. Ugh, makes me sick. My beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and as I said, he makes up everything I am.
Well, I am going to cut this short now... I am feeling too depressed to write anymore, goodbye!! XOXO CHRISTIAN... I LOVE YOU!