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Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
2:56 pm - the lion king
The lion king on Broadway opened when I was in 8th grade. The movie opened when I was in 4th grade. I loved the movie. My mom loved Broadway. She was going to take me to see the show. But tickets were so hard to get for the longest time. Then I guess we just kind of forgot about the show and we never did see it. I was watching TV yesterday and a commercial came on for the show. I started crying, cuz I remembered that we were supposed to see it :-( and we never did and now we'll never have the chance.
2:50 pm - you missed....
These were originally posted in my myspace blog, I copy them here for u now.....

Monday, January 09, 2006
3:51 AM

hooome

I got home around 3 - 3:10 this morning. That's good for me. Ha ha. more another day. Honestly I came home to go to bed. That's why 45 mins later I don't why I am on here blogging and doing surveys. No wait. I do know. I'm addicted. haha goodnight


Tuesday, January 10, 2006
3:04 AM

home early again ... err for me anyway

So I was home at like 2:45 am today. That was pretty darn good if I do say so myself. I was at snookers. Duh where else do I go? Oh gators right, yeah there too. But I def. made two trips to gators tonight, both times with Jen. Ha ha we're nuts. Lindsey came down too. nice. yay. i didn't drink much though. i did good. with the two trips, which spanned between like 7 ish to 2 ish ... well longer than that but still ... it was 4 beers and 3 shots. that's pretty good for me. i said i would start to cut back and i am. yay. but i still like to go out and have fun. but I'm trying to remember u don't necessarily have to drink to have fun ... so i bought the two beers early that night. and everything else was bought for me. and well when they are bought for me, its hard for me to say no, cuz if someone's going to be nice and buy, well I'll gladly except. but i must cut back. drinking is going to kill me. i only have two really big addictions. drinking being one of them. the other is the sex thing. and well u know I've blogged about that a lot at the end of the year or so. well my dry spell had ended finally so that was good. and it was starting to become a pretty regular thing in my life which i was pretty fine with since well i like sex duhhh. but tonight is the 3rd night i haven't gotten any. so as for getting that addiction under control as well, well I'm starting too. i mean not technically on purpose, it just hasn't happened, but whatever, it's better for me this way, that i know. I'm really rambling a lot right now. i tend to do that a lot lately. i don't know. i think i want to try to go to the mall tomorrow. and i need to cash my check tomorrow. and i have to see about applying to the new Archie Moore's that's going to be opening. and maybe check back on the gators thing. idunno. i should do some more job hunting. ugh it's so lame though. i mean the last real job i had was working in state college at the sport's cafe. since then i was doing freelance. and i do have a trade show to do in Feb but that's a while away. ugh ... its the 12, 13, 14, and 15th of Feb. on valentine's day i have to work. but i mean, it's not like i have a valentine so i guess it doesn't really matter so much. whatever. i think i need to start looking at finding a meaningful relationship with someone. but i don't even know where to go to meet people. and no snookers and gators wont work, its all the same people from the valley i always knew, and that won't help me. arg whatever. and I've been gaining weight like whoa. i'm up to like 130 something. it's just getting to be more and more and more. it needs to stop. there are so many things in my life i need to fix right now. and its a new year, so i need to get on it, and i will. i have no choice if i want to live.... oh now I'm getting dramatic. oh god i need to just shut up. god i hate drama. whatever, I'm done with this post and heading to bed. goodnight
Saturday, January 7th, 2006
8:32 pm - silence is a killer
I hate being home. I don't like it. The silence is a killer. Even with the TV on. Even if I'm online. Even if I have music on. It's so depressing. I don't feel like talking to anyone, so I hardly ever call anyone or sign on AIM. I like being out. I like being at the bar. I like drinking. I hate the silence of being in the house. It will kill me. It's weird. I got up at 2:15 this afternoon. I dyed my hair, I showered I watched the Washington game, or part of it. I went online. I ate. I went online some more. I watched the end of the game. I took a nap. I read a bit. I ate some more. And now the Jaguars / Patriots game is on. And I'm watching that. But I feel like I'm going nuts. I need to get out of here. Though almost everyone needs a break from going out every once in a while. But I don't want a break. I don't want time to just be alone with my thoughts. My thoughts are killers as well. I hate the silence.
6:33 am - There's no place like home
I'm starting to feel content in the valley ... for the first time in my life, and that scares me. But it also is a nice feeling as well. The valley is actually starting to slowly feel like home. I always said it the valley gets everyone in the end ... and it's finally gotten me...
6:20 am - I...am a lush
So I def. just got home. Well, no, my computer has been slow to start, and then AOL has been even slower. So I got home at 6 AM. And my clock now reads 6:12 AM. Anyway, it was another late night. I haven't been writing much lately, cuz there's not much to say. But what I can say is my drinking is getting out of control. I def. def. gained weight, and I most certainly have cut back on my eating. So I know its from the drinking. Especially since all I've been drinking is beer. I put on a pair of jeans they didn't fit. Basically broke the zipper and the button off. Whatever. Anyway my schedule has been fucked up, but ya know what, I really don't care so much, cuz I have been having a nice time hanging out with some really fun people and ya know, I need fun in my life right now. I'm not getting drunk every night but I am drinking almost every night, it's sad I suppose, but I don't care. Last Thrusday was the last time I got drunk. And I had gotten home around 7 something the following morning. I didn't go out that Friday, I actually went to bed around 1:30 AM or so. Saturday night was New Years so I went out and got home the following afternoon. I took Sunday night off but was def. up until 3 or 4 am. Monday night I didn't go out till 2 AM and I was home about 7:15 AM. I had my photoshoot that day too. Then I took Tuesday night off, since it was the Orange Bowl, and that game meant too much to me, so I sat home and drank a couple beers and watched the game. That game actually meant more to me then this Sundays Panthers/Giants game. Wednesday I headed out around 7:45 PM and got hom at 5 AM. Whereas Thursday night I went out at 11:30 and got home at 4 AM. And tonight I went out about 7:30 or so and got home at 6 AM. Err well I did come home at 11:15 and headed back out around midnight. But whatever. It's been a crazy fucking past week. But I'm loving it for sure. I have a feeling though it wont last too long, for one reason or another. But hey ahve funw ith it while it lasts. Drink up, chill with good people, and make a lot of really great memories.
Thursday, January 5th, 2006
9:59 pm - right now...
Booo I feel really lonely right now. And real hallow. This sucks. I haven't felt like this in a couple weeks. I don't like it. No, not a couple weeks, maybe just a week. But it seems longer. I don't know. I've been going so much, and sleeping weird hours, not eating right, and drinking too much and too often that nothing is really making sense to me anymore. And I guess since I had kind of a normal day and I'm sober I just feel so... blaaah right now. I don't know it sucks though for sure.
9:58 pm - will & grace + the sound of music or should i say rent?
Did anyone else see "Benny" from RENT on Will and Grace tonight?!
9:54 pm - you missed
i posted this on my myspace i'll post it here for u now....


Sunday, January 1, 2006 11:46 PM
You're my boy, Blue!

Wed. Dec. 28, 2005 Rest In Peace Patrick Cranshaw... You're my boy, Blue!




Wednesday, January 4, 2006 2:00 AM
BOOOOO

My posts have been SO LAME lately, I'm sorry. There's just no drama going on right now. But I'm sure there will be some soon enough... there always is. :-/




Wednesday, January 4, 2006 2:33 AM
wow that was fast

and the drama is back.



i go into the kitchen to let one of the cats in. and i see my kicthen is covered in blood. literally covered in blood. on the floor, on teh counter, on the stove, on the window sill... and i know where the blood has come from. anotehr cats of mine. she is no where in sight. i start to call for her tentativly, scared that i'm going to find her dead. personally, i don't want to see a dead animal in my house. i walk around the house calling her softly as i don't want to wake my dad, he'd be pissed. so i hear something coming up the staris. it's her. and she'd bleeding. she has a cut on her foot, there's no fur there what so ever. she's a mess. she has blood all over her. i made a makeshift baid aid to put on her leg till my dad wakes up in 2 1/2 hours and i get to ask him what to do. but i chashed her around the kitchen trying to get it on her. it didn't work, so i then went and took her into the bathroom and locked her in there and tried to get it on her. i finally did, but i didn't get a chance to secure it tightly enough and she was able to shake it off. damnit. so i finally got pissed and said fine. and i let her out. i then cleaned the blood up and came here to write to you. i'm sure there will be more blood in the morning, so i'll probably have to leave a note for my father explaining the blood, cuz he'll have no clue. and probably think i got attacked and killed and call 911 before checking to see if i'm sleeping in my room or whatever. *sighs* damn cats.




Wednesday, January 4, 2006 2:37 AM
we are: PENN STATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Big 10 CHAMPS ORANGE BOWL CHAMPS FUCK YA

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Sunday, January 1st, 2006
11:50 pm - UPDATE
MONDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2005
Did nothing

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2005
Did nothing

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2005
Did nothing

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2005
Went to get a beer with Mikey Fox at Snookers. Ended up gettin wasted after 4 beers, an irish car bomb, and a shot of polish. I played some darts with Lou, Todd, and whoever else. Had another beer and someTwisted Tea. Ended up staying out for the night and getting home at about 7 AM.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2005
Got up at 12:20 PM or so when Ash C called and we went to the Post Mall. We got lunch at Panera. I spent the rest of the day tired as hell. I went down to Sean's going away thing at St. Sebastain's and ran itno some people I have not seen in years. It was pretty weird. And it kind of felt like high school all over again, and that wasn't cool. I can't believe Sean is shipping out... that's nuts. I thought about going down to Snookers, but I was way to tired, so I went home and went to bed soon after.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 31, 2005
Due to snow my orginal plans got cancelled so I ende dup going down to Snookers. I walked my ass down, which kind of sucked, but whatever. I chilled down there and had a real good time actually. I think, to be quite honest it was the best New years I have had since I was about 10. I drank quite a bit but paced myself well, and ate some food, so it resulte din me being only tipsy. So that was good. I agains tayed out for the night and got home today about 1:45 PM.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 1, 2006
I did nothing today. And it's 11:47 PM or so and I am so so so tired. I feel I may go to bed sometime right quick.
11:29 pm - You're my boy, Blue!
Wed. Dec. 28, 2005 Rest In Peace Patrick Cranshaw... You're my boy, Blue!
11:28 pm - Best of/Worst of List for 2005 Movies, Music, Celebs, Drunken times, etc. & my rip. CHECK IT
My 2005 List

Top 5 CDs of 2005
01. Nothing Less - Here Goes Nothing
02. Fear Factory - Transgression
03. Bobaflex - Apologize For Nothing
04. From Autumn To Ashes - Abandon Your Friends
05. Every Time I Die - Gutter Phenomenon





Top 5 Movies of 2005
01. Rent
02. 40 Year Old Virgin
03. Star Wars Episode III
04. Walk The Line
05. Waiting
(I only saw 8 different movies in Theaters this year, I didn't have much to choose from)





Top 5 Celebrities of 2005
01. Angelina Jolie
02. .....
03. .....
04. .....
05. okay does anyone else even matter?





Top 10 Songs of 2005
01. Nobody - Skindred
02. Don't Cha - The Pussycat Dolls
03. Better Than Me - Bobaflex
04. Numb/Encore Jay - Z & Linkin Park
05. Since You've Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
06. Boulevard Of Broken Dreams - Green Day
07. Mr. Brightside - the Killers
08. Gold Digger - Kanye West
09. Live Like You We're Dying - Tim McGraw
10. .....





Top 5 Concerts of 2005
01. Gigan Tour - Atlantic City, NJ
02. Cypress Hill & Dilated Peoples W. Hollywood, CA
03. Sevendust, Skindred, Bobaflex, Sound Device Hartford, CT
04. Warped Tour (sooo many dates) East Coast US & Canada especially Quebec City, Pittsburgh, Jacksonville, and Old Bridge
05. Fear Factory - NYC





Top 3 Embarrassing Alcohol / Drug Induced Moments
01. Universal City - After eating a packet of Ramon Noodles all day.... Drinking a Captain and Diet Dr. Pepper at home. Going to Howl At The Moon. Pounding back a beer going and pounding back another. Going to the Saddle Ranch. Drinking an Adios Mother Fucker. Riding the Mechanical Bull. Flirting with an obviously flamboyant gay male. Dancing on stage. Getting another Adios Mother Fucker. Feeling sick half way through so pounding the rest of it back. Not remembering walking to the car, getting into the car, making out with Tim, almost getting killed. Also not remembering sitting on the side of the road for about a half an hour, posing for pictures, climbing the 3 flights of stairs to our apartment. And still not remembering sitting on the ouch feeling sick, throwing up, being brought o the bathroom, throwing up, trying to take a shower fully clothed, being stripped down, then trying to take another shower, then deciding to sleep in the bathtub.
02. Pompano Beach - On an empty stomach and a couple hours of sleep.... Taking 60 MGs of Adderall at 8 AM. Drinking a beer at 9 AM. Drinking a Beer at 11 AM. Drinking a Strawberry Daiquiri at 11:30 AM. Smoking up at noon ish. Getting paranoid and wandering the grounds for an hour and a half clawing at my skin. Leaving the grounds calling Chris M. passing out under a tree for 2 hours. Waking up, seeing the storm clouds roll in and the skies begin to fall. Loosing my band. Wandering over to the Hurley Stage and breakdown and cry until my band contacts me and I can finally find them.
03. Snookers in Ansonia - After not eating all day, pounding back half of a Vessel. I don't remember drinking from the other 2 Vessels we got, and chain smoked a pack of cigarettes -- breaking most of them, and lighting the wrong ends, trying to smoke them without the filters and everything. Making out with some friends. Flipping out of a few others. I do remember being outside and acting loud and drunk in front of a cop. I remember going to Adams and smokin'. I remember coming home getting out of the car and passing out on my neighbor's lawn. I remember getting to my room and sitting and chatting with AJ for a couple hours.





Favorite 5 Memories of 2005
01. October 1, 2005, Going with Henry to West Hollywood. Going to the Private Party at the Key Club. Seeing B Real and The Dilated People's Play. Finding Dougie. Meeting Gabby and her friend. Going over to The Rainbow sitting in the private section. Then going to On The Roxy and dancing on the pole. Then going back to The Rainbow and chilling at the bar talking with some Australian Dude. Then going to The Manderian (sp?!) to Fredwreck's room for the lil get together with Fred, Dougie, Gabby, Henry, and a couple others. Leaving there around 4 AM and driving Dougie home, then stopping at Carl's Jr., Henry for food and rollin' in close to 5 AM.
02. October 3, 2005, Going to Metal School. Meeting up with Henry to chill with his friends in The Lashes and going back to Metal School. Hanging out in the VIP room meeting some hot redhead girl who does porn. Sneaking on stage and dance with her while Metal Skool played. Having other girls get pulled on stage during their last song, and the guys form Metal school picking us out and having her go down on me on stage (for pretend people). Going back to the VIP room, meeting Ron Jeremy. Chatting with him and what have you. Going to Mel's with Henrizzo and getting in probably around 6 AM.
03. August 28, 2005, Gigan Tour in Atlantic City. Having Bobaflex see me while they were on stage and recognize me. Doing filming for the Gigan Tour DVD on the AC Boardwalk with the Bobaflex guys. Hanging out with them and Fear Factory. Drinking, Smoking, Snorting. Watching the bands play form up in the dressing room. Taking the Bobaflex Bus back to NY with them.
04. July 25 - August 16th, 2005, Warped Tour too much to go into detail about. Find my Warped Tour blog for that shit.
05. April 29, 2005, Going to the Sevendust, Skindred, Bobaflex, and Sound Device Show at The Webster Theatre in Hartford. Met up with Scott and chilled on the Bobaflex bus all night. Smoked and Drank. Chatted with the Bobaflex guys about some paranormal shit. Watched the bands play from The Sound Booth. Went and got a room with Scott over in Southington and stayed there for the night.





Best Month of 2005
October

Bestfriends of 2005
(in no particular order)
Nips
Chris M
Ash C
Dougie
Henrizzo





Worst Celebs of 2005
1. TomKat +1
2. Jessica Simpson & Nick Lechay
3. Ashlee Simpson
4. Lindsay Lohen
5. Gwen Stefani





Worst Shit of 2005
1 Mommy passing away
2 The war
3 The natural disasters
4 TomKat +1
5 The loss of loved ones by so many of my friends





Worst Songs of 2005
1 Sugar, We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy
2 Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
3 My Humps - The Blackeyed Peas
4 The Hootie Tenderchrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch Song
5 Beverly Hills - Weezer





Rest In Peace

-April 2005 Mr. Redding
-May 2005 Mr. Prendergast
-Friday, June 24, 2005 Ms. Lapin
-Wednesday, October 26, 2005 Andrew Maciog
-Wenesday Novemeber 02, 05 My Mother, Lois Carriero
-Sunday November 7, 2005 Mrs. Fabian
-December 2005 Matt Baliciano
-December 2005 Mr. Searles
11:28 pm - drinks to ring in the new year
3 bud lights
1 jack on the rocks w/ a splash of coke
1 sex on the beach
2 red headed sluts
3 shots of polish
1 glass of champagne
Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
6:28 pm - Batty
My father is driving me batty. He came home a half an hour early I wasn't anywhere near done with the housework cuz I've been so tired lately that I ended up sleeping for 11 hours and waking up at 2:30 today. He gets mad that I bought the Mike Mussina action figure. even though it was cheaper online than if I found it in the stores. He says that I have no job. Yeah no shit. But I didn't get anything for Christmas so damnit I bought it for myself.

Then he's like you haven't stopped cooking what are u doing. I made him his dinner. Then I browned the meat before it went bad and made the hamburger helper that I'm preparing for tomorrow. And made myself eggs with ham and potatoes which is till haven't eaten yet.

Then he tells me don't forget to do the dishes. Even though I just id them an hour ago. Granted there are more there form his meal, my meal, and what I made for tomorrow, but does she think I'll "forget" no sometime si just hate doing them 4 times in one day and I choose to wait until the next day. My god.

And the cats have been crying and begging for food nonstop though I feed them constantly. I'm going mad. Absolutely mad. I popped some pills so hopefully it will calm me down. But if not I might have to talk to my doctor about upping my dosage.
Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
11:12 pm - coming in 2nd once again
I hate to sound like a bitch. And I hate to be jealous. But there's this girl. Who I've known and she always beats me at everything I do! And just again I found out she has beat me again. I never had a problem with her, she was always nice, though I wouldn't consider us friends, and she's gone and beat me over and over and over again. And in the most ridicules ways.

1. Class President, they ended up extending the deadline to hand in your application, she did it at the very last second and she wins.

2. Say What? I get sick and decide to perform anyway. She does as well and def. has a much better voice than me. Even when I am feeling good. She performs and all I say is as long as I'm not after her. And I get picked to go RIGHT after her. I do awful and she wins.



And now this. THIS above everything ELSE!!!! MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!


Many of you know I did an episode for Elimidate date. A special Sweeps Week episode of it. Beauty and The Geek style.

Well, I'm sitting around watching Gilmore Girls. It's a repeat I have seen it so I'm not really paying attention. A commercial comes on for Beauty and the Geek and who do I see in this commercial but HER. I can't believe it's true. The she's not a stupid girl. NOT AT ALL. She's real smart and I can't believe she pretended to be some dumb blonde to get on the show and that they picked her.

I cam online to do a google search, and sure enough there she was. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!!! I AM GOING MAD. I should be put in a nut house. She has gone and beat em again. I did a one episode thing for a reality thing that people don't really watch. She gets pick to do a show that is a full season (even though it's only 8 episodes) and my thing was basically a take off on THAT show. MY GOD. I'm ready to rip my hair out!


No matter WHAT I do she constantly beats me over and over and over again. I am going to SCREAM CRY KILL GO MAD something. But it's not good.
Monday, December 26th, 2005
5:44 pm - UPDATE
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2005
Did nothing

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2005
Did nothing


THURSDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2005
Did nothing

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2005
Ohhh so Ed Kristina and Matthew came over. Then Katie, Ash M & Z came over. We all went down to Snookers. There were so so so many people there I knew. It was the holiday party. Funnel was playing and it seemed like a high school reunion. But it was actually really a lot of fun. AJ was there too which was real great. We hung out afterward with his cuzin and some of his cuzin's friends (one of whom I knew from a long long time ago). I got home around 3:30 or so and was up till like 5 AM. I may write in more detail about this night at a later time, but don't hold your breathe. I haven't been big into blogging lately. LOL I like to blog about drama hahahaha. It's a more interesting read in my opinion hahaha.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 24, 2005
I went up to my Mom's sister Jean's house. That was kind tough. With all my Mom's family. I just started crying at one point, and then cried more and later that night, and again later that night. It really kind of sucked to be quite honest. But I guess it was nice to seem them all again. I chatted with my cuzin Darcy who I only see on Christmas and didn't see Christmas 2003 or 2004 since I wasn't there. And she said I could stay with her in Portland if I go out there. So that would be awesome. My mom's friend wrote a Christmas card to my Dad and I and said I could come visit her in Orlando as well.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 25, 2005
I went to my Grandparents house for a couple hours. My cuzin Chrissy was there with her husband who I met twice and her kids from her first marriage. I really like Chrissy she's really nice. And I'm slowly starting to get to know her kids and that's good. And her husband is reality nice as well. I didn't do much else after I got home though. Just a normally day of housework n what not. But I did stay up till 6 AM chatting with AJ.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2005
And because I stayed up till 6 AM, I def. slept till 2 PM. I didn't shower till about 4:145 PM or so. I tried calling Bryan but he's back in Boston I think. Mikey Fox didn't answer and Matt F didn't answer. I called Jay, we're going to get together this week. I called Kell and left a message for her too. When I was on the phone with Jay she called so I chatted with her. We're going to get together around 9:30 tonight when she gets home from the movies. And then when I w son the phone with her AJ called so I chatted with him. He wasn't going to come up to Ansonia today cuz he's going to the mall with Adam. And that's okay cuz I'm really tired and was in no mood of getting dressed or doing my makeup or anything at that point. And I know I'll have enough trouble doing it later tonight. Perhaps I should go and take a nap. But I know that will just throw my sleeping patterns off even more. Oh I don't know.





I have lots of new myspace friends. People I had known in high school and what not and haven't chatted to since or what have you. So that's kind of nice. But I'm back up to 16 something. Boy if I didn't keep doing this cleaning out I'd prolly be up to about 400 something people that I know. And that scares me to think I've met that many people in my life. But whatever. I'm having enough trouble keeping up with the ones I have currently. So I may have to do another clean out sometime soon. We shall see.
2:11 am - Reflecting back on a Wasted Youth
Everything is upside down and turned around. How can everything be so wrong? When I was little I made all these plans. I wanted to be Editor-in-Chief of the New York times. I wanted to have a radio show. I wanted a radio show/TV show combo like Howard stern just not with the same subject matter. Something clean and pure. I never would drink, smoke, or touch drugs. I'd wait till I was married to have sex. I'd get married at 23 and have my children at 25, 27, and 29. I'd have a house in Woodbridge and an apartment over looking central park west and I'd travel the world. My husband would be a good kind caring man. And I'd have a happy normal healthy life. And I'd finally get along with my parents. I'd have a fine college education from one of the lovely schools in the city and I'd even do some acting on Broadway. I'd make everyone jealous at my 10 year reunion. I'd show them.


But where am I? What have I done with my life? Where did everything go wrong? I barely graduated high school. I dropped out of college. I had sex at 14. Drank at 14. Smoked at 14. Waited till 17 to start on the drugs, but nevertheless, started taking them. I've done some pretty racy work. I'm terrible at grammar. I'm back living at home with my father. My mother has passed on. We never got along. My acting has gone done the drain for lack of working at it. I can't even keep a boyfriend for more than a month, let alone be married by 23. God I'm almost 22 and I'm completely single. My father and I have a shell of a relationship. I have completely screwed up. My life has taken a completely different path and I'm unsure when that all started to change. I'm unsure when i lost sight of my goals, morals, and dreams. All I know is that nothing will ever be as I thought it would. And I now need to make the best of the situation I have made for myself. As the old saying goes, you made your bed now lie in it. But god, I was a teenager, I was young and dumb, shouldn't that count for something? Shouldn't that give me a do-over? Something?

Please don't comment on this. As I'd rather not have to hear anyone's thoughts on this. Or their advice or anything. As it won't do anything but anger me at this point.
Saturday, December 24th, 2005
4:45 pm - i got into a fight
last night, i was drunk, i got into a fight with an ice pick, from the looks of my hands, i think the ice pick one.
Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
12:53 pm - fuck
FUCK liars, cheaters, cheaters who lie about cheating, justin, assholes, bitches, sluts, whores, two faced bitches, fame going to your head. fuck the sterotypes, popularity, and life, and death. fuck trying to make something of yourself. fuck the fuck buddies, aquantances, the president, and the war. fuck ashcroft, jonny damon on the yankees, love, heartbreak, happiness, soulmates, and people who forget about their friends. fuck sanity, insanity, homophobics, bills, the economy, good, evil, bad, good, right, wrong, just fuck it all
1:52 am - UPDATE
MONDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2005
I did nothing. But It was Andy William's from Every Time I Die's Birthday! Happy Birthday Andy!

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2005
Matt came by and we went up to the Connecticut Library in Hartford to do some research. We checked out the Hale collection, too some notes and discussed some stuff. Then we checked out the museum and headed off to the shore. We stopped at Walmart and to get food first. Then went to check out the Madison area (somewhere around there?!) and went to check out a couple cemeteries. We ended up only being able to go to one. We didn't get anything. It was still quite early though. We headed home after that.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 14, 2005
I went to Snookers with Mikey Fox to grab a beer and do some chatting. It was real good to get out of the house. I had an awful time that day, I thought about my Mom a lot. So luckily Mikey Fox was nice enough to want to go grab a beer. I love that kid.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2005
I didn't do anything but housework and the like that day.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2005
Daddy and I made our weekly grocery shopping trip.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2005
I went out with Mike G to help him with his Christmas shopping. It was a mad house at the mall. Ugh. Then, I had my Dad's work Christmas Party to go to. It was nice. My daddy and I won some door prizes, that was nice. I was glad my Dad decided to go. He needs to start making friends.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2005
I watched the Panthers game.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2005
I went to NYC and visited Ben P. It was so good to see him. I hadn't since July. And it sucked. We stopped talking for a while, and it was just ehhh. But I texted him when I was heading in and he wanted to see me. So I went over to his place and we watched sports center and chatted about the Rangers and the Giants and the Panthers. It was a great time. I asked him how tour was and what not.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2005
I did nothing today. But Jay K told me that he was applying to ESPN I mentioned Ryan C worked there. He said he still does. I said I miss that kid. He said he has myspace so I went and saw him on Jay's list. So I friend-ed him. Ryan was awesome. He was my orientation leader and he was awesome. Him and Albie were so much alike which I think is why I liked Albie so much too.

Well, I'm chatting with Alex M right now about some promo work so I gotta get going. I just know its been forever since I updated so I thought I would ... finally
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
10:25 pm - sad show
I don't know what show I was watching. It was on the WB. It just ended at 10. I only saw the last half hour of it or so. But it had a woman who was trying so hard to make friends with her husband's Mother. And the husband spoke up and said how she lost her Mother and she needs someone to support her and to turn to her. And later in the episode a women who had given up a son for adoption years back was reunited with her. I cried. I don't know anything about any of these aforementioned characters. But I cried. :-(

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