| ...As this sickness drags me down... Down to my bitter end... | ||||
| 11:52am 02/11/2003 | ||||
...(and if your one of the people goes and looks up the songs I put in here don't bother this time I used one of my own)... |
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lonely| ...Keep the blood in your head and keep your feet on the ground... | ||||
| 09:26pm 21/10/2003 | ||||
...Life's scenery changes so much that all I'm capable of appreciating is a mere blur of what I believe I am seeing... I am so fucking happy I could cry... I DONT KNOW WHAT TO WRITE IN HERE ANYMORE GOODNIGHT |
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loved| ...Where do we go from here Turn all the lights down now... | ||||
| 08:58pm 13/10/2003 | ||||
After you came and went How can you say you meant anything different To anyone standing alone On the street with a cigarette On the first night we met... ........Vince is back in school yay! My life is complete!!!!.... I've never been so happy to see anyone in my life... Look to the past Remember a smile And maybe tonight I can breath for awhile I'm not in the seat I think I’d fallen asleep But then all that I need I’d always be dreaming of you Fate fell short this time Your smile fades in the summer Place your hand in mine I’ll leave when I wanna I love the enter button its my new friend! ACTION!!!!!!!! I hate this journal thing... its fucking retarded... Okay My good mood is gone!!!!!! I fucking hate downtown milford and the gay ass kids who clutter it... Fuck them all... I'm not letting them ruin my days any longer... I don't give a fuck if they hate me... I have everything I need I'm fine whatever... ....Yeah I'm done now... I have to go beat my head in a wall................... |
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nauseated| ...Just wait and you'll see, you're everything I want and don't take this from me... | ||||
| 11:35am 11/10/2003 | ||||
......Everything is perfect with Vince now... He comes back to school monday and I can't wait... ........I cant type right now so im leaving........... |
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devious| ...Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams...I'd tell you how it haunts me... | ||||
| 09:29pm 05/10/2003 | ||||
...We got into a car accident today too... if you would even call it that... Drew, Vince, Kyle and I were looking at a stair set as Drew was driving and Drew glanced away really quick and all of a sudden we slammed into a pole really hard... I bit my tounge so hard... I was spitting blood for like 15 minutes... it hurt really bad but I didnt want to say anything because I felt so bad for Drew... Kyle's necklace cut up his neck and Vince's skateboard hit his arm pretty hard... Luckily Andrew was okay... But now Drew is in so much trouble... he can only drive to school and back... His front end got smashed up pretty bad and his dad had to come and pull it off or something like that... ...I have to go and talk to Lindburg tomorrow... He says that I will probably get suspended because it was vandalism... fuck this... I'm so sick of school... I'm ready to just say screw it and drop out... I let people jsut walk all over me and I never do anything about it and the one time I finally stick up for myself I have the possibility of getting suspended... This is all so stupid... I have like no friends that I talk to out of school... I talk to Drew, Melissa, and Vince... that's it... I don't talk to anyone else... ...I don't remember if I talked abotu Steve showing up at my house friday but just in case I will again... .... I got home from school and he was standing at my door... We sat there and talked and I guess we're going to try and be friends again... I told him exaclty how I felt... Then Matt Hutchins had to got running his mouth and now Vince is going to beat his ass... And then Steve called yesterday and he basically told me without actually saying it that we won't be able to hang out with eachother because people downtown hate me because 1.I'm with Vince 2.I broke up with Brad (which I don't get because EVERYONE HATED BRAD!!!! AND TOLD ME THAT I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING!!) and 3. Because of Steve... Whatever fuck them all... I just want things to be how they were before when Steve and I were still friends and he was happy that Vince and I were together... ...I wish that I could run away from everything... But then I'd just be letting them win... It'll get better... I'll be okay................... I cannot leave here, I cannot stay Forever haunted, more than afraid Asphyxiate on words I would say I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue There are no flowers, no, not this time There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find I'd show a smile but I'm too weak I'd share for you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me |
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stressed| ...Take you away from that empty apartment You stay and forget where the heart is... | ||||
| 01:28pm 04/10/2003 | ||||
How's your life, what's it like there? Is it all what you want it to be? Does it hurt when you think about me? And how broken my heart is... ...My insides hurt... I face is burning from the pain of these salt-filled tears... It's so hard to stand up... It's so hard to look around... everything is filled with memories... I keep hoping any second now someone will shake me from this nightmare and you will be right there looking at me... Everything will be normal... But I know it is impossible... ...These wrists they bleed... The pain rushes over me... I watch it flow... dripping to the floor... I now know I am still alive... Behind this mask I can no longer hide... I begin to sink lower into the pool of blood below me... It's too late now... You can never save me... ...This is my cry to you... maybe you will notice me... I am still here!! I AM HERE!!! Why can't you see me... Why can't you understand this? why? I am no one... Just forget me... everyone else has... I'm ready to give up... ...........Fuck this I'm leaving... I'm sorry... I'm sorry....... It's okay to be angry and never let go It only gets harder the more that you know When you get lonely if no one's around You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down We came together but you left alone And I know how it feels to walk out on your own Maybe someday I will see you again And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend |
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| ...in this stag caberat the bark of buildings surged, through the whipping volt abode... | ||||
| 08:31pm 02/10/2003 | ||||
...Everyone has gone emo... whatever... go cry onstage (only vince will get that one)... He makes me so happy... I have just realized how good I have it right now with him... He is good to me... Great to me, actually... He makes smile... *smiles from ear to ear*... hmm... ...Drew.... I love you with all my spleen... tee-hee-hee... I'll give you a "woop woop"... "What's a yeast infection?" hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! ...I can't wait until this weekend... Yay with all my might... ...I'm going to go count my three-headed chickens... xlittle broken onex |
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thankful| ...in this stag caberat the bark of buildings surged, through the whipping volt abode... | ||||
| 04:38pm 02/10/2003 | ||||
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lethargic| ...Just wait and you'll see, you're everything I want and don't take this from me... | ||||
| 09:38pm 30/09/2003 | ||||
I'm closer to the ground than I will ever get to you Dirt deep beneath my fingernails, I'm gripping to the floor Searching through the world, always looking for something more... ...It seems that everyone I love the most hurts me or leaves me... Everyone is going all emo... I don't want to slip away... Steve was one of the most important people in the world to me... I put him above everyone... I don't understand what happened... I just wish I did... I miss sitting up and talking to him late at night, or turning over and seeing him laying on my couch making those funny noises... He hurt me and so many others so much... It hurts so bad I can't even cry...I just wish I could show you this broken heart of mine... i just wish... ...Vince never called today... I'm a little worried... I would have called him but I don't know if he couldn't use the phone or something... Life is too complicated... If life were a game, I'd lose... ...I'm listening to hidden in plain view but I can hear B.B. King playing because my mom is watching something about him... Hidden in plain view reminds me of The Starting Line... hmm... ... I can't stare at this screen any longer... I need to go walk around or... something... goodnight... i love you with all my spleen............... ...And these cold winter nights, without you next to me It feels like twenty below Frostbite on my heart This pain and suffering are feelings that you don't know |
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| ...When you cry me some real tears Ill be on the run... | ||||
| 08:03pm 25/09/2003 | ||||
For starters, Brad and I broke up... I was sick of all the fighting and him always yelling at me... then I started to like Vince and found out he likes me too... so we started hanging out and whatnot... so now we're together or "going out" or whatever it's called... Steve started being a jerk out of no where to me, Vince, and Annah (his girfriend). Then I was supposed to go over there tomorrow (friday) but two days ago I told him I wasn't coming over... I wanted him to hang out with Annah because she felt that he would rather be with me, which is the last thing I want because I really like being friends with Annah and I don't want her being mad at me... so he got all mad at me and he was talking about me to Annah and he said "I'm not letting Vince come to my house, actually I am because everyone down there hates him so they'll just beat him up" or something along those lines... that made me so mad... what kind of friend says that kind of stuff?... So of course I told Vince because he deserves to know... well then this morning Vince and I were standing there and Steve walks up and Vince told him that he better just leave or he was going to hit him... so Steve walked away... and then steve went and found a bunch of people to beat up Vince... I don't get this... When Brad went running to Don Wheeler when Vince was going to beat up Brad (which he still wants to do) Steve made fun of him... And now he's doing the exact same thing... I'm so mad at him... and then Melissa told me that steve was saying "I f**king hate Jessi, shes a b**ch and all that good stuff... I'm so mad it's not even funny... He is being so dramatic and stupid this... he used to complain about high school drama and there he went and made his own... I hate milford... I swear if I wasn't working so hard to do ghood in school this year I'd drop out... Milford is full of jerks and drama queens... ...On a happy note... Vince is great... he makes me smile and laugh... he's so... so... amazing... I hate that word... Melissa knows why... I don't even know if she reads this anymore... hmmm... but anyways... Vince... Vegas... whatever... *sighs in happiness*... I just wish Steve could be happy that I'm happy... whatever... forget him... FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU |
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moody| I'd show a smile but I'm too weak I'd share for you could I only speak just how much this hurts me | ||||
| 09:42pm 05/09/2003 | ||||
...I know, I know... it has been so long since I have been on here... I'm never online anymore... I have no reason to be... I keep myself pretty busy while I'm out of school... School has gotten a little better... I have realized that in not talking to anyone I am getting work done... First hour is pretty good, I sit with Nick Vernier, Bobby Lawson, Crystal (I met her this year) and Teri (I met her this year too). Nick is probably one of the coolest kids I know... I have known him since 6th grade and the kid gets funnier everyday... then second hour... I'm pretty much alone, Thomas is in there but we don't sit by eachother because of the god damn seating chart... third hour is cool because I sit with Mackenzie and Ashley which are the same people who were in my cooking class last year, I'm excited for creative cooking because I may learn to cook, who knows?... then fourth hour I'm by myself, then fifth hour I'm with Nick and Mackenzie, then 6th I'm with Sara and Ted and pretty much most of the people that were in my spanish class last year... ... I fucking hate my spanish teacher!!!... She is from Puerto Rico so I can't understand her english, and then when she speaks spanish she goes waayyy to fast... grr... and then!!! for the love of fucks sake i didnt understand my home wirk so when i told her that she said that she wouldnt accept that as an excuse so she didnt give me any credit, not even for the stuff that I did... I was so pissed!... ...I am so excited for this weekend... Steve is spending the night tomorrow night... and my mom said that he can just spend the night whenever he wants pretty much... yay... ... I am done now I think... night "I cannot leave here, I cannot stay/ Forever haunted, more than afraid/ Asphyxiate on words I would say/ I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue" |
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| ...Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you You are my only one... | ||||
| 09:23pm 27/08/2003 | ||||
"One last kiss" (verse) He drops her off at 9 o' clock Kisses her cheek as the music stops She says "I love you" one last time Unaware this would be the last goodbye She walks up the drive and looks at her wrist She opens the door and is met with a fist Blood stained tears fall from her eyes Shes looks at the man as he removes his disguise (chorus) Hear the broken cry See the bruised hide Smell the fear among us Will anyone ever save us (verse) The man she sees she's known all her life Her eyes move across the room, in his hand is a knife She knows his plan, this will be her last breath A million thoughts run through her mind before her untimely death She thinks of her boyfriend, her one true love She thinks of her mom, of heaven above She thinks of her friends she'll leave behind She thinks of the way she's lived her life (chorus) Taste the blood from fractured hearts Touch the lives that have begun to distort Smell the fear among us Will anyone ever save us (verse) In the blink of an eye she falls to the floor She watches him leave and slowly close the door The engine starts, he drives away She closes her eyes and begins to pray "Please let somebody find me" "Someone has to find me" Shes feels her breath restricted Her insides fill with sickness She fades away into the light --instrumental...music slows-- With one last kiss he says goodbye He walks away and begins to cry He thinks of all the memories they made He thinks of the pictures that will someday fade He thinks of how their future might have been He cries her name over and over again (chorus) Hear the broken cry See the bruised hide Taste the blood from fractured hearts Touch the lives that have begun to distort Smell the fear among us Will anyone ever save us (whispered) Hear the broken, see the bruised Taste the blood, Touch the lives Smell the fear, please save us (screaming) Save us! Save us! Save us! Save us! DON'T CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ("cry" fades into music) there it is ladies and gentlemen... depressing isnt it..... welp goodnight |
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artistic| ...This world is a cruel place and we're here only to lose... | ||||
| 08:56pm 26/08/2003 | ||||
...I finally finished a song that I have been working on for around a week and a half or so... it's really depressing... It's a story told in song... it's pretty good... i mean, I don't mean to toot my own horn but beep beep.. haha... ...How many days until school is out??... I miss the summer time... I'm leaving now... goodbye |
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| ...So keep on pretending Our heaven is worth the waiting... | ||||
| 12:38am 23/08/2003 | ||||
...I'm quitting my job soon... I hate the way this pay thing is working... the whole god damn systm is corrupt... for the love of fuck's sake... goodnight you ri-god damn-diculous people... goodnight! |
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bouncy| ...Take you away from that empty apartment You stay and forget where the heart is... | ||||
| 11:51pm 12/08/2003 | ||||
...Steve spent the night on Sunday... that was great... haha... We just sat there talking for hours... He slept on the couch and I slept in the chair which was actually pretty comfortable... ...I hung out with Melissa, Steve, and Brad today... Steve got Haggard finally got Haggard in the mail so we all watched that... EXCELLENT MOVIE! I recommend it to everyone who's anyone... ...And I'm falling asleep... so I better go or else there will be no sleeping tonight... goodnight |
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geeky| ..I see it in your eyes I feel it in your touch I taste it from your lips And baby more i love you.. | ||||
| 09:39pm 07/08/2003 | ||||
...Brad doesn't work tomorrow, so I am PRAYING that I don't either because it is the only day he has off this week... And I can't stand this whole not seeing him thing... And plus Steve will be with us too so I really don't want to have to work... pretty pretty please God... ...I am so hungry... hmm... I need some food... ... I need to get off here... Good bye.... ............ oh and good news... I actually got some sleep last night for the first time in 2 weeks... so yay... haha.... hopefully i happens again tonight... I'm running out of things to do... later |
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| ...Someday, I will be...I'll be that what you want from a failing dream... | ||||
| 09:37pm 06/08/2003 | ||||
...This constant headache is becoming too much for me to handle... I can't go another night without sleep... I fucking hate insomnia... ...I can't fucking sit here anymore... I'm going crazy... I feel like I'm gonna hurl... ...I won't say I'm going to go to bed and sleep because I know that would be a lie... I'm just going to go lay in the dark and stare at my ceiling wishing I could fall asleep like a normal person... Good bye.... |
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| ...We'll never give up, it's no use If we're fucked up you're to blame... | ||||
| 01:06am 06/08/2003 | ||||
...Now we are to the present time... We can have an amazing day... but then Steve and I always have to end up in a fight... I don't even know what to fucking say... tension builds up... i need to scream... ...I can't fucking take this anymore I need to go to bed... Goodnight... |
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| ...I'm choking on nothing it's clear in my head and I'm screaming for something... | ||||
| 11:07pm 04/08/2003 | ||||
...I've begun to notice how much everyone has changed over the years... I know I have changed so much in this short time... I have begun to appreciate the things I have... They say you never know what you have until you lose it... Not having Steve around and the days spent missing... make me wish I had taken advantage of what I once had... I never thought of the fact that I could wake up one morning and everything would be gone... I miss you Steve and I love you... We need to take advantage of the time we will have tomorrow... ...I hate this summer... I hate it! I can't wait for it to end... not much more time left... I only pray I can make it... ... I love you all... Goodnight |
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anxious| ...Responsibility? What's that?... | ||||
| 11:34pm 03/08/2003 | ||||
...I went out on a huge river boat today with Brad and his family for lunch... It was great... They are great... In the car on the way there his dad turned back to me and said "just so you know, I like ya a lot." Just hearing him say that made the rest of my day... it's really nice to know his family likes me... acceptance! haha... ...You know how it asks you your mood? yeah well i was wondering... what if you are feeling more than one... what do you do then? Because right now, I am exhausted, anxious, bored, creative, crazy, devious, dorky, drained, lazy, sleepy, and sore... i don't think they have a picture thing to describe that one... I guess I will just have to pick one... or maybe i will just put them all in "other"... hmm... the possibilties... ...After all the pondering... I think I will go with... ...Goodnight!... |
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indescribable|
xone_last_tearx |
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