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[20 Nov 2009|12:04am] |
I have a love/hate relationship with Milwaukee... I hate it here because there's nothing to do in this town w/o having to spend money on food, movies, or booze. I swear, those are the only things you can do in this town - Eat, sleep, go see a movie, or drink (All of which getting boring and repetitive after time). Do I love-love this city? Absolutely not. Do I like it? Well, you can't really call it that... I guess you can say that I tolerate Milwaukee.
I really don't know where I want to be in 10 years... I don't know about 5. Do I want to be in Orlando and work for the Mouse again? Do I want to go out to the East Coast and try to make $70K/yr?
I really don't know what's going to make me happy...
I loved working at Disney because my coworkers and I were working together under a common goal. We all loved Disney (with the exception of myself, b/c I was never really a "Disney" kid. I left Milwaukee b/c of certain reasons [that, and I just needed to LEAVE]) The same thing w/ TKE. I love my guys. Even though we may rough it at times, I know they've got my back.
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Wow... I just felt Hell freeze over... FML.
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I just wanna get a motorcycle and drive across the country. Motorcycles aren't really my thing, but if that means I'd be able to get outta this town, I would
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Sometimes I wish I would've listened to the advice of some old friends and went to school out-of-state... I thought I had many good (valid) reasons for staying, but that's only because I wasn't putting myself at the top of my priority list.
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One day, I'll fly away from this place...
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[16 Nov 2009|01:30am] |
I miss these people so much... I'm fortunate to have known these wonderful people.
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[12 Nov 2009|08:53am] |
I've decided to go into work @ 10AM, instead of 9AM. Go me :D
Anyway, I haven't talked about my past weekend in Muskegan at all yet. It was a lot of fun actually. It was good catching up w/ Dylan, Megan, Mandi, Michael, and Andrea again. I've missed them all so much... Jess drove up and down w/ me from Muskegan, which was pretty cool of her to do.
Friday night was a little OC. We left Dylan's place a little late and ate TGIF's around 9:30/10:00PMish. Walk over to this gay club called Diversions in Grand Rapids. (PS - Grand Rapids is actually a cool city and does a lot of art-themed events according to Andrea. If I want some place to retire to, that may be it actually...). Anyway, we go to this club w/ Dylan's BF and a couple of his friends, who are pretty cool. I didn't really get a cool vibe from Brandon, but the other people were cool. I thoroughly enjoyed Dylan's cross-dressing tranny friend Connie LaRoca, who just started doing drag apparently. Cool kid... AND funny! Man, she was cool-beanz. She called us "Mouseketeers", which made me immediately love her. I have a couple of Facebook photos of her, both in and out of drag. I must admit though, it wasn't exactly the most fun I've ever had, but again, I loved seeing my friends again.
Saturday was better, moreso on a personal level. Watched movies, napped, went to Meijer's (first time!), Olive Garden (Why do people love this place so much?! It boggles me...), then did some drinking at night. I wasn't "sloppy freshman drunk" because I didn't want to completely embarrass myself. That, and I didn't want to do anything that I would regret in the morning.
Sunday morning, we all slept in and then headed to Burger King... Drama kindof hit the fan w/ Mandi and me. I was kindof avoiding the Talk, but not really... I wanted to have it w/ her, but I needed to formulate a response first. In conclusion, we're still friends. I don't think she was too happy w/ it, but... Nothing else I could do. I didn't know how to respond to her questions. I think she was expecting something a little unrealistic. She even said that she was expecting something different and viewed the weekend as totally something else... I didn't mean to upset her or make her cry.
We've sent each other FB messages and went back n' forth on how things are supposed to go. It's hard, especially when I'm as jaded as I am... I can't stand being hurt anymore, and I can't stand the thought of hurting her either. I want to be able to take that first leap, but I don't know how, nor do I know for a fact that I'm even able to take it if I knew how to take that jump. I don't want to be by myself for the rest of my life... I don't know what's holding me back. Is it my built-up, subconscious apathy that deters me from relationships? Who knows...
PS - Dylan's floor is not a comfy place to sleep... :/
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[11 Nov 2009|03:21am] |
So... I hurt someone close to me this weekend w/o ever intending to do so... Again, this is why I don't date.
I was thinking about it last night... I don't know if I'm too relaxed and laid back for dating, or if my few standards are simply too high (or too "demanding" rather). Or if I'm too apathetic for dating. My standards aren't complicated by any means (and happen to be socially acceptable I feel) - I don't want the jealous types, or clingy, obsessive, dramatic, matchstick types... I just want someone to be relaxed and not complicate things. I want someone who's daring and will do the things that are deemed "adventurous". I don't want someone who's going to require a vast majority of my time; someone who can utilize their "alone time." Honestly, is that so hard to ask?
I thought about it long and hard... But right now, a relationship of any kind (local or long distance) is simply out of the question. Juggling things like school, TKE, and work, I don't have enough time to properly devote to someone.
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