Crazy days....   
01:17pm 14/06/2004
mood: content
music: Deftones- Pink Maggit
Hey, It's about that time that I post a new entry... I just wanted to memorialize my friends today. They are some crazy bitches... Hahaha,. I love them. Anyway.. Lord Gawn is Thane, VvVvDarkonevVvV is Amy, PhynixatDusk is Lia, MasochisticDream is me, And EvlMilady being Nicole. Enjoy....

Lord Gawn: jesus? where?
VvVvDarkonevVvV: umm
MasochisticDream: In my pants
Lord Gawn: hah
PhynixatDusk: at least that's how it should be ..hope your nails aren't sharp
MasochisticDream: They are long...
VvVvDarkonevVvV: sharp nails
PhynixatDusk: use a latex glove if you want
PhynixatDusk: it's better
MasochisticDream: Oooooh
MasochisticDream: Latex<3
VvVvDarkonevVvV: and lots and lots of lube
Evl Milady: Im gonna die if ikeep looking from the monitor to the tv
VvVvDarkonevVvV: and umm video tape it for us to watch later
Evl Milady: its too high ^_^
MasochisticDream: Have you ever played with liquid latex?
PhynixatDusk: my nails are long too ..I doubt anyone would want them inside them
VvVvDarkonevVvV: mhmm
MasochisticDream: Lol Amy
VvVvDarkonevVvV: i used to love playing with it
PhynixatDusk: yes I have hehehe it's a shame that it rips apart ..and sweating in it is eh
MasochisticDream: Yea
MasochisticDream: But, someone touching you through that is amazing
PhynixatDusk: I'm really sensitive to touch ..most of my body is pretty ticklish lol
MasochisticDream: What is with that person
MasochisticDream: ::tickles Lia::
PhynixatDusk: ack
MasochisticDream: ::chases Lia::
MasochisticDream: ::tackles::
PhynixatDusk: no seriously I'm way sensitive breasts ..gawd don't even stand near my breasts it'll freak me out
MasochisticDream: ::tickles mercilessly::
PhynixatDusk: ooomph
PhynixatDusk: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
MasochisticDream: Lmfao
MasochisticDream: Ew
PhynixatDusk: ha ha
PhynixatDusk: you started it
MasochisticDream: Hahahaha
MasochisticDream: Lia!
MasochisticDream: Go shower!
MasochisticDream: Lol
MasochisticDream: Ew
MasochisticDream: Lol
PhynixatDusk: noooo I wanna be diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirty
MasochisticDream: EW
MasochisticDream: ::hides behind Thane::
PhynixatDusk: ooppss
PhynixatDusk: heh
MasochisticDream: Lol
MasochisticDream: Ewwwww
MasochisticDream: ::sniffs self::
Lord Gawn: 0.o
MasochisticDream: Lia pee
MasochisticDream: ::sprays Lia with sanitizer::
PhynixatDusk: I marked you! NOW I OWN YOU BITCH! MUAHAHAHA
PhynixatDusk: er
PhynixatDusk: ack
MasochisticDream: Lol
Lord Gawn: heh
Lord Gawn: im owned by no one...
MasochisticDream: I LOVE YOU, LIA
Lord Gawn: :-P
PhynixatDusk: love you too :-)
MasochisticDream: ::bites Thane::
PhynixatDusk: hmmm biting is a way to mark ownership too
Evl Milady: brb, jsut downloaded Ofelia's font so shelooks normal again :P
Lord Gawn: refer to above....
MasochisticDream: ::nods::
PhynixatDusk: lol
Lord Gawn: :-P
MasochisticDream: thane is my new pet
PhynixatDusk: WOOHOO my font rocks!
Lord Gawn: hmm
MasochisticDream: I should take him to the groomer's and get those cute little pink bows in his hair
PhynixatDusk: lol
MasochisticDream: And a cut like a poodle
MasochisticDream: Lmao
Lord Gawn: wtf?
Lord Gawn: !!!
PhynixatDusk: oh gawd those poor poodles ..
MasochisticDream: Lol
MasochisticDream: ::loves on Thane::
Lord Gawn: poor me....
Lord Gawn: geez
PhynixatDusk: I know there is a reason behind the cut know the whole historic hunting thing
MasochisticDream: ::petsThane::
PhynixatDusk: but none of these poodles hunt
PhynixatDusk: so what the fuck
PhynixatDusk: stop making them look ridiculous
MasochisticDream: They're half naked and cold...
PhynixatDusk: they are already annoying they don't hafta look like idiots
PhynixatDusk: well that was so they could move through water but still keep their vital organs warm

And this would be my beloved Sam and I.... MysticMoonBlaze being her and SadisticVelleity is me

MysticMoonBlaze [1:08 PM]: TorNxXxMind
MysticMoonBlaze [1:08 PM]: is how its sposed to look
SadisticVelleity [1:08 PM]: When I first made mine, it was like... xMiStAkEnLoVex
MysticMoonBlaze [1:08 PM]: i have that exact name.. as an aim sn
MysticMoonBlaze [1:08 PM]: I MEAN
MysticMoonBlaze [1:08 PM]: TorNxXxMind
MysticMoonBlaze [1:08 PM]: lol
SadisticVelleity [1:08 PM]: Lol
MysticMoonBlaze [1:08 PM]: u said ur responce too quickly
MysticMoonBlaze [1:09 PM]: Dude, I did change..
SadisticVelleity [1:09 PM]: If you are going to have the D capitalized as well
SadisticVelleity [1:09 PM]: TorNxXxMinD
MysticMoonBlaze [1:09 PM]: eh
MysticMoonBlaze [1:09 PM]: maybe
MysticMoonBlaze [1:09 PM]: actually that makes sence

MysticMoonBlaze [1:09 PM]: to capitalize the D
MysticMoonBlaze [1:10 PM]: capital, two non caps, cap, non, cap, non, cap, two non caps, cap
MysticMoonBlaze [1:10 PM]: its even
MysticMoonBlaze [1:10 PM]: or um..
MysticMoonBlaze [1:10 PM]: in some way, yeh
MysticMoonBlaze [1:11 PM]: LOL.. you're prolly like wtf
SadisticVelleity [1:11 PM]: Jesus
SadisticVelleity [1:12 PM]: That was confusing...
MysticMoonBlaze [1:12 PM]:
capital, two non caps, cap, non, cap, non, cap, two non caps, cap

MysticMoonBlaze [1:12 PM]: not uh
SadisticVelleity [1:12 PM]: Lol

Isn't she fucking confusing? Hahaha. I love her though<3 ::smooches to Sam::

well, anyway.. I need to get going. Until later.. ::muahs::

*~**~**l Sadist l**~**~*
I'm not invisible anymore!   
08:43pm 11/06/2004
mood: bouncy
music: Silverchair- Suicidal Dream
Wow, it's been a long time since I've actually sat down and put effort into making an entry in here... I've been gone for some time. I just recently came back, and I believe I am here to stay now. So, you're all going to have to deal with me. You know you love me, anyway. No big deal.
Anyway.. I met this new guy. His name is Warren. Ya know, it's amazing how you connect with people. Here it is, not even a week.. And I know this guy is going to change my life. He brings out the best in me. Kinda makes you think... Is that what people are for? To make lasting impressions on you to some extent? ::shrugs:: Who knows... All I know is that I am going to be happy...
I got a new place... I moved from York to Lancaster. I like it out here. It's frustrating living with two males, though. Lol. They seem to be very messy. I kinda feel like a fucking maid... Lol. I should wear one of those french maid negliges. Lol. That would be great! Hahaha
Anyways, I guess Iam going to go for now... Expect me to be back more often this time... I promise! But, until next time... ::muahs::
*~**~**l Lust l**~**~*
Alive again!   
01:48am 02/02/2004
mood: mischievous
music: Deftones- Knife prty
It seems as if I have died or something of the like... But no, just sort of lost interest if not became a hermit... Ha. Anyways... I moved out of that place that I was living and into an apartment with an old friend. It's amazing how things work out.... I hadn't spoke to this person nor hung out with her for pretty much three years and all of a sudden she pops up out of nowhere. We hung out for the first time in I don't even remember when... On New year's eve. Man, I got so fucking trashed it isn't even funny... Hehehaha. We went to the square of York and goofed off there for a little bit. And around the time that midnight came along.. We heard the people counting and we looked around for the rose that was supposed to drop, but by the time that we found where it was to be.... It had already dropped... Ha. I am so retarded....
I got re -introduced to an old "friend" the other day... I haven't had fun with this friend in two years. Man, the old days.....
I am a lot happier these days... I've gotten out of the situations that were bringing me down... Depression sucks, man... But you don't get through it by just sitting there on your ass feeling sorry for yourself, you find a way to fix it... Even if it's hard at fist, you keep on trying until you beat it... Beat it down with a stick and spit in the face of it.
I got rid of my black hair color! I'm blonde now... Well, I've always been blonde.. But I decided to color it black and keep it for about four years... Having something the same for four years gets soooo tiring... I was bored with the black so I decided to go back to my roots... Hehe... No pun intended. I like my hair blonde. I've actually been thinking and debating whether or not I wanted to go back to my natural hair color for some time, but was so used to it being black that I wasn't sure if I would recognize myself anymore with blonde hair... But I am satisfied with how it turned out.
The whole reason that I moved out of the previous place was because the [erson I was living with came to not be such a best friend... She got to be mean and hateful.... I was not about to deal with that so I got out as quickly as I was able to. Now, we are doing okay... This friend and I. But we aren't what we used to be.. Far from it. But, we're working on it.
Well, it's about that time that I get going... I am so amazed that I actually brought myself to making an entry.... It's been so damn long.
Until next time........ ::muahs::
*~**~**l Lust l**~**~*
I hate mornings...   
12:14pm 09/07/2003
mood: exhausted
music: Peter Frampton- Do You Feel Like We Do
Well, I just woke up.. I feel like I need to go back to sleep or something, I am just so tired... As soon as I update this thing I have some movies to watch... Chobits and The Animatrix... Fun fun... The Animatrix was recommended to me by a friend.. I hope it is good. Everyone that has seen it has told me it is good. We'll see... Haha...
My relationship with Sam is going okay... I just hope that I can bite my tongue... It isn't an easy thing to do, but I have to do something to save the friendship... So, things have been going okay... I hope the best outcome of this... I don't want to lose her as a friend... That is why i am doing something about it now.. Instead of when it is too late. Wish me luck..
I miss my sweetie... He is my everything.. He makes me so happy and never fails to make me smile. I love him with all of my being and I hope he knows that. I hate not being able to have what I want... I want him here with me right now more than anything. Just to be able to be in his arms... Mmm... That would make me so happy. I was such a wreck before he stepped into my life... He saved me.. I was about to close myself off for good. I was so tired of the pain. My life has turned completely around.. I am much more happy than I have ever been. I am more of a joy to be around, I always have a smile on my face... ::hides her smile:: I missed both of his calls this morning. I was asleep and I feel bad... He made me get some rest last night... No matter how many times I said I wanted to stay on the phone, he just told me that I needed my rest.. So, I finally gave in and went to sleep. I missed three of his calls because of that... Oh god, I miss him. Have you ever been in love? I know it seems like a silly question... But Most have never seen love... Have never actually felt love... Lust is easily mistaken for love... So many believe they have been in love when it was actually Lust... This feeling that I have is love... I fell in love with the mind of this person, not his body or anything superficial like that...
I went with my mom yesterday... I had an okay time. We seem to be getting along, which is a good thing.. Her and I have never had a truly good relationship so I am surprised that things are going okay... I am not going back, though... I don't need to put myself into that situation again.. That was the source of my depression... And now that it is for the most part gone, I don't want it back... I have such a better life than I used to have. I am actually happy. Never in my life have I felt so free... I can be myself now and I wouldn't trade that for the world. I saw my grandpa yesterday! I missed him so much... He is more of a father to me than my own blood father has ever been... I haven't seen him in ten years.. My grandpa has been there.. Has watched over me.. My father didn't care.. He has never loved me.. I know this now that I look back on my childhood... I was the first born and I was not a male.. He has always treated me as if I hadn't belonged.. Never showed any affection.. And for what he did to my mother, my family... I want him to die.. I believe he is what caused my mother to be the way that she is towards me.. She has become the same as him... Showing more towards my brother than I.. It isn't right to treat a child like that.. It is a good thing that I turned out the way that I have, Most others wouldn't have.. I am glad that I am not one of those. No matter how much pain that I have been through.. I have not become a bitter person.. I have a good heart and a kind soul..
Well, I don't have much else to say... I will get back to this when I have some more thoughts and news.. I love you all... Take care and be well.. ::smooches and huggles:: Byes.

*~**~**l Lust l**~**~*
02:07pm 07/07/2003
mood: artistic
music: Zeromancer- Dr. Online
Blah... That is all I have to say...
Haha... Yea   
03:22pm 16/06/2003
mood: horny
music: Pushmonkey- Limitless
Haha... I'm horny! See, Look up there! Lol. Anyway... Today I have been thinking a lot... About my past and such. Here is a poem:

take my hand,
come and stay with me,
for an eternity.
Share with me,
your kiss.
So soft and sweet.
Envelope me in your passion.
A thought,
as sweet...
yet as bitter...
as the best of wines.
Enter my dream.
I invite you into my soul.
To be able to taste your pure,
uncorrupt soul,
a sweet escape.
My gift to you:
my heart,
my soul,
my mind.
Eternally yours.
To do with as you wish.
Touch me.
Your soft,
perfect hands gliding gently over my skin.
Join me.
Take me.
To a place where others have only dreamt of.
Where only we,
could be.
be with me.
Bask in my infatuation,
my lust.
A sin.
But to sin is to be,
Fiery icicles penetrate my body.
Not pain.
A wish
A dream.
I yearn for you,
your touch.
Two souls,
intertwined in eternal passion.
I want you.
Forever to be mine.
Stone by stone you break my wall.
You've found the key.
Open my eyes,
make me see.
That you do,
love me.
Help me.
Save me from this reality,
which slowly destroys my soul.
Piece by piece.
Own me.
Fall into my eyes.
Endless abyss of blue.
Gateways to my soul.
raindrops of pain.
Hold me.
Never let me go.
Pieces of my heart.
Please be kind,
Handle with care.
Love me.
Someone to love.
You are my heart,
my soul,
my mind.
Forever in your debt.
Only you hold together the strings.
You complete all that is,
My love.
Let me be yours.
Be your servant.
My passion.
for you.
You are perfect.
All that I have ever dreamed of.
endless soul.
beautiful heart.
limitless mind.
Teach me.
So much i have learned from you.
Wanting all that you have to offer.
for your kiss.
Anxiously awaiting,
finally able to be,

Yea... That is how I used to feel about someone... It is funny how things just appear and leave as if they have never been there.

Anyway, I have now updated... It isn't all that much.. But it's there. Haha.. Be back soon.. Take care all**** ::Smooches and huggles:: Bye for now....

*~**~**l Lust l**~**~*
04:13pm 12/06/2003
mood: frustrated
music: Audioslave- Like a Stone
Jesus fucking christ it is hot... I think I need to turn on the air conditioning or take off some clothing... Mmm... How about both? Hahaha...

I feel okay today... Dealing... Mending... I need to sort through the things that have happened in my past and make my walls stronger.... That, or I need to stop allowing people in... All I know is I am sick of the pain.. And sick of the hurt... I am so tired of having to rebuild my walls.. It is like making a sand castle out of sand without any water in it... It gets harder each time...

I went out today to run some errands... It is really funny how people stare and whisper about things that they do not understand... People and their ignorance... ::shakes head:: Why must people be so unwilling to accept the fact that there are people that are different than them?! We coexist... We share the same space... They have no place to cast us aside as if we didn't belong... As if we were nothing.. They shall see... Someday, they will get theirs...

I really want to see my kitty... She is at a place that I refuse to go to... My mother's house.. I cannot go there.. It is not worth it.. I am sorry to say that... But I cannot deal with her... I have too much respect for her to attack the things that she says... I just don't want to hear any of her shit... She doens't allow me to openly express my views on things.. I don't like that... She attacks my feelings and thoughts... I don't like that at all... I have to keep myself away.. If I do not, I am afraid I would say something that is not at all good... I don't like when I am attacked.. And I put people in their places.. I have more respect for my mother than that... Even though she may not deserve the respect that is given to her... She is my mother.. Gave me life... I mean.... Would you like it if every single day... Your appearance and views were constantly belittled by someone that you could not, would not say anything in return to? She cannot accept me the way that I am... I do not and will not ever enjoy people trying to change me... They do not seem to understand that this is me... That I am who I am going to be... I seem to be happy with the way that I am... The way that I turned out... Why can others not be? Because they are ignorant...

Anyway... I think that winter needs to return... Why can it not be winter again? I enjoy 50's and 60's... Not 80's and 90's temperatures...

Well, I have ranted enough about my current views upon things.. Take care, those that matter... ::Smooches and huggles::

*~**~**l Lust l**~**~*
07:58pm 09/06/2003
mood: crushed
music: David Draiman- Foresaken
Xdragonlustx [8:07 PM]: I don't know what to say in my blurty
Phynix3692 [8:07 PM]: um the world sucks and I hope it implodes by tomorrow?
Phynix3692 [8:08 PM]: or you can just say
Phynix3692 [8:08 PM]: baaaaaaaaaaaaa
Phynix3692 [8:08 PM]: baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Phynix3692 [8:08 PM]: it says it all

Betrayal... Isn't it the lovliest fucking thing in the world? I wish that it happened everyday, I love it so much... Ya know... Pain is very inspirational... I wrote a poem...

Death of the feeling

Withered dreams
Constantly living in the shadow of pain
The darkness surrounds me
Follows me
Empty promises
Twisted lies
A broken will
A hateful distrust
Vengeful anger
A lust for pain
Writhing desires
Unleash the anger
Use the hurt
Strike the match
Set fire to the hope
End all of the pain
Eating at my soul

Break me
Hurt me
Destroy me
Misuse me
Abuse me

Feed the hate
Allow the pain to saturate the soul
Run away from the truth
Deny your wrongs
Use me like you have so many others
Nothing new
A familiar friend
Wallow in the Guilt
May it tear you apart
Ripping flesh
Flowing blood
Punctured wishes
Mend the hurt you instill in me
Tell me I am wrong
Make me see through the anger
Wipe away my tears
So you can just fucking do it again

Love you
Hate you
Drop you
Fuck you

Take back all that has been said
Curl up in the arms of deceit
Trust in your false words
Given too much
You did not deserve my love
Did not deserve anything at all

Break me
Hurt me
Destroy me
Misuse me
Abuse me

You say that you care
What is love?
You say that you are in love with me
Yet, you cast me away
There is no love
Left for dead
Tossed aside as if I never mattered

Love you
Hate you
Drop you
Fuck you

Treated like a king
You didn't care
I didn't see
Rose tinted glasses
Sugar flavored dreams
Candy coated lust

Break me
Hurt me
Destroy me
Misuse me
Abuse me

I put my everything into you
Gave you my all
You do not realize my worth
Refuse to see
How much I could give you
Just let it be
Allow it to rest
Death of the feeling

Love you
Hate you
Drop you
Fuck you

::shrugs:: I believe that should tell you how I feel...

*~**~**l Lust l**~**~*
08:35am 28/05/2003
mood: thoughtful
music: Deftones- Change (in the house of flies)
Hey! A really really good friend of mine just got here that i haven't seen for a looong time... He is my best friend... Well yea, He asked me to do something that I strongly oppose.. Yet, I am kinda feeling tempted to do it... But I don't know if I want to ditch my beliefs... He keeps telling me, "You don't have to do it if you don't want to." But in my mind I hear, "Ya know... You should do it... What could it hurt?" But.... That means I will be throwing away my beliefs on everything... How strongly I feel about something... I really need to hit the pause button and think about this, because this may actually be something really important that could be a foresight to my future...

Yea... I am leaving in a few hours... Later today. I wonder what Missouri is like... I guess I will find out when I get there...

Well... Bye for now... Won't be back until Saturday..... Take care, I will be back soon... Those who matter... ::Huggles and smooches::

*~**~**l Lust l**~**~*
02:04am 28/05/2003
mood: bouncy
music: Chester Bennington- System
Hey hey hey... I am in a VERY good mood... I am actually looking forward to tomorrow... The change? I have no idea... But ha! You should know me by now... Hahaha... But uhm yea... I am leaving at about 6:30 pm tomorrow and spending a loooooong ass time in a van with five other people on the way there and six on the way back.. Yea Sam's brother is coming home from the military type place... He is perty cool... We are coming back on Saturday and then on Sunday having a bash for His return... That should be entertaining...

Anyway... I cut my hair! Chopped a fucking hellish length off... I regret doing it... I had done it three times before... But Eh... I'll get used to it... Spontaneity is a bitch! But sometimes I wish that I didn't do things on the spur of the moment... I have gotten myself into trouble quite a few times doing so. Hahaha... I am such a baaaaad girl... Hehehaha..

Well.. I should get going.. I have a shitload of things to do to be ready for the trip... I don't like doing things last minute so I want it all done tonight... ::smooches and huggles:: Byes!

*~**~**l Lust l**~**~*
12:17pm 27/05/2003
mood: bored
music: Type o Negative- Black No. 1
As you can tell.. I am trying to entertain myself with these quiz things... It is kinda fun... Heh... I would much rather be ramming pencils into my eyes.. Ugh... Well.. If I find any more cool Results you will be seeing them in here soon..

Byes! ::smooches and huggles::

12:16pm 27/05/2003
  seductive eyes

What kind of anime eyes do you have? (picture results)
brought to you by Quizilla

My eyes are so perty....
12:03pm 27/05/2003

(females)what is one of your past lives? (results contain pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
Mmm 69   
11:46am 27/05/2003

What is your anime sex position?(images)
brought to you by Quizilla

Woooooo Ths is sooo me! lol
09:31am 27/05/2003
mood: sleepy
music: Pearl Jam- Black
Damn it's early... I just woke up to my desktop settings being enormous... Jesus christ man... Heh.. ::lights cig::

Anyway... I feel okay today, I think.. It really is hard to tell these thing when I just came out of a coma.. Ha..

It is the day before we leave for Missouri.. I am not looking forward to spending so many goddamned hours locked up in a van with Sam... Oh God.. Heh. We haven't been getting along all that well lately.. I think it has something to do with the clash of our signs.. I don't know. But it really needs to stop or I am going to go fucking insane... Arrgh.. I try to be reasonable, But you can only bend so much... Pretty soon I am just going to say fuck it and do something about it.. Do I need this stress in my life? No.. Fuck no.. The only reason I haven't done anything as of yet, is because I thought that she was my best friend... Ohhhh.... When you move in with someone, are around them 24/7... You see their true fucking colors, and I don't think that I like those colors very much..

Yea.. It has been about 2 months since I have had any contact with my family.. That's what they get... You see, If oyu knew my family and had to deal with their belittling bullshit... You would feel this way as well... But uhm.. I was kicked out of my house about 2 1/2 months ago because of an arguement between my mother and I.. Well, she kicked me out like the many times she had before... Only this time, she didn't expect me to take her up on her offer... She didn't think that I had the balls.. But I do.. I gathered up my most important possessions and got my ass out of there.. Without looking back... The only thing that I really worry about is my brother, How he is doing... You see, I was the one that was there for him.. Kept him out of trouble... My mother doesn't care.. she would sit back and watch as we fucked up our lives.. But I was smart and worked my ass off to do something... I RAISED my brother.. I was there.. Not her.. I think THAT is what gets to her most.. When he has a problem, He comes to ME.

I am not all that happy with the path that my life has taken.. I need to do something before it all goes down the fucking drain... I have a life ahead of me.. A good one.. There are so many options for me to make something of myself.. I don't want to be like the rest of my family and work in a fucking factory the rest of my life.. So what I need to do is get off my ass and get my priorities straight... Get my ass into a decent school and let my dreams Take flight and bloom..

I won't be here to make an entry tomorrow.. So I have something to say... *~**~**HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGEL**~**~* Haha. Hope all goes well for you on your day of birth...

Well, I am done with venting my mind for now.. I love all of you that matter to me! ::huggles and smooches:: Byes

Yay! A new playtoy! woooo   
03:39pm 26/05/2003
mood: amused
music: Smashing Pumpkins- Disarm
Uhm... Yea.. Just started the new blurty thinger.. This is for my personal enjoyment and venting.. Not for all you weird people that sit on their asses all day and find it fun to read about other people's fucked up lives... So.. If you don't like what I have to say, Go fuck a monkey or something.. I don't care for your opinions..

Hmm... Today is an okay day... Kinda uncomfortable.. It needs to hurry up and be fall already... Mmm the Fall.. Nice weather for.... things. ha

I am sooo sick of people... Fucking backstabbers... Don't you just love when you put your everything into something, work your ass off... For what? Only to have your face shoved in the mud... Arrgh... Have you guessed yet? A one-sided friendship... My favorite thing in the world.. uh huh... I think I am just going to go into fucking solitude to escape from the pain... I cannot deal with this anymore..

Isn't is so nice to want something and not be able to have it? Yea... It is the worst fucking feeling in the world.. I want something more than anything else.. Desire... And I cannot have it.. Nothing I can do about it except sit back and wait... It is so hard to watch as things slip through your grasp, People walk in and out of your life... Only to tramp on your face and push you down.. I have spent such a long time searching for my happiness... And I have found it.. But someone is holding it right above my head, just out of reach... ::lights cig:: If only I was just a little bit taller, could jump a little bit higher.. I could take hold of that happiness and never release it...

Oh oh.. I am going to Missouri on Wednesday... Wooooo.. I am going to be surround by gorgeous army boys... Mmm.. I loooove a man in uniform. Haha... Yea... The trip should be okay... A friend and I are going to watch her brother graduate.. Hooo fucking ray... That is another edition of boredom to my life that I don't need... Oh well... It should be okay... Never been to Missouri.. I wonder if they have a giant frying pan or some cheeseball shit like that.. Damn tourist attractions...

Well.. There isn't much else to say... So I am out!