aaron rogers

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7th November 2005

10:30am: Insert something clever here:
Well,

School is going shitty due to the fact I shut the world out for a week. For what reason seemed to make sense at the time I was doing it. Seriously.... fuck, I hate the ups and downs I go through on a daily basis. Yet, I love them at the same time. I was feeling so good about life this morning but somewhere things just started to feel shitty again and for what reason? I wish I could plan my mood swings becuase I hate having them. On one end I would consider myself bi-polar, the other I would just consider my emotions to be true reflections on how I am feeling and not make them seem like a problem... School, debts and relationships seem to be ever present in my mind. I can never seem to balance which is most important. Not that there should be 1 greater than the others becuase they are all relavent issues. I just feel overwhelmed when it comes down to it. Yet so does every other young adult facing huge changes in their lifestyle and the way they live it. I geuss I am longing for something to steady myself against.. a wall (metaphorically) or a lover.

That brings me to my next point. I just met a girl. Amazing person, who I feel that I could actually have a solid relationship with. I just can not seem to get around the fact that I will, in turn, be making myself vunerable by exposing how I feel... "laying" it on the line. All I really want is her to express her feelings. She is shy, and I dont mind. I like the contrast of our personalities... I just wish she could say, I geuss, what I say. I love the reassurance. It is very important to me, although I do not want to force that sort of thing becuase then one would fear it being false and not "meant."

Blah, I am looking for something still. Which is normal to some degree becuase I am still young, yet my mind is more mature and ready for the adult things that life has to offer. I do want to fall in love, I do want to travel and I do want to find a career that satisfies me.
- Aaron

18th October 2005

6:04pm: I need a change/eau to linds.
This may be the last journal entry I write for a while.
I have so many things that I want to change! I am getting rid of the internet, games, bad sleep habits and debts.
I am going to sell my whole computer system for 1,000$. I need to ensure that my grades at school stay the same so I can go to Acadia University next year and pursue my aspirations in Environmental Sciences. Not to mention feel healthier, Join kick boxing.. or something! I am on 2 perscription drugs... and am becoming depressed! BLAH, I just need to break habbits.

On the flip side, my Acadia tour is booked for next Friday the 28th. I get to spend all day in calsses and see what it is like to spend time as a student there. I also have 2 gal friends who are attending right now, who were a huge insipration to me wanting to go and futher my education! Thanks Linds/Sar.

So much is on my mind it is hard for me to be specific... Lindsay (the gurl I mentioned in previous par) is stressed I think with her thesis or boys (teheh). And she tells me all the time about potential that she sees in me, plus how I never believe her. But she has life by the balls. NEVER have I met someone more intellegent than her. I mean she has to beat guys off with a stick, no matter the cirumstances. So I just wanted to say without her being able to throw something in my face, that I cant wait to send over seas my papers via e-mail so you can rape and rate English Maj! Even though it is next year, I'll miss not having you around. Irreplaceable you are Lindasy, We will have to make some more memories before you leave on a jet plane! More pics of me being drunk and ass'ing your face, or making out with your dresser or how killer we look(lol)! As a side note, I dont think I have met anyone who could possibly act/think more like me.

Something a friend said to me the other night made fall over on the spot "What are you? Shawn Desman, look at your boots!"
Falls over - embarassed! My retort to that comment is "I THOUGHT THEY LOOKED CLASSY!!!"

fft
- less than 3, et etc

13th October 2005

9:52pm: *GIGGLEFITS
9:09pm: Just when...
I think I have life sorta under control. I know where I want to go, I change my mind. I think I just have to break comfort levels as far as the area I live in if I can. OR branch out and meet more people. I feel really lonely.
I am happy, just I miss small things.. holding hands, picnics, cuddling.. blah I am to much of a romantic!
Ugh, wish I could be thought free..
ANYWAY

I am going to Acadia university for a campus tour! Even though I live like 10 mins from campus. ahah whatever.
Excited!
Cant wait to get the hell out of work, go home, STUDY.. ahha.. >.<
Hmmm, I wanna go to a rave also this weekend OR a Trews concert which is only 2 bones!\

Well back to work...

12th October 2005

10:51pm: Just thought of this..
""You cleaned up my mess again.
Nothing gets out blood..
You looked at me and whispered, so sweetly
"nothing could make me love you more, then this instance."
I swooned, you bandaged my wrist. we got lost under the sheets.""

7:40pm: swoon.
So I was sitting in "Just Us" (Coffee Place) today, with my bestest girl friend Lindsay. There is this gurl who is catching my eye. Really nice highlights, cute glasses and looking relaxed in a chair.
Anywho.. this brings me to a point. Even if I get rejected, why the hell can't I say something? I am like 12!#!

*ugh, anyway.. Geuss I am just to scared to be rejected. I dunno, scared about becoming close to people? Vunerable? There is only 1 person who I let in that way, she knows who she is! <3

Sitting at work, cold... thinking about thrift shopping. One of my friends got me thinking. Now I am craving it.
Not to mention I have one pair of pants to my name .... looool
ALSO... really cold... I have no idea why I am wearing shorts! O wait, cause my pants are dirty!
rofl... xxoo
Current Mood: thirsty

11th October 2005

9:14pm: I just dont know...
Things are going really well with my education, finally! Yet, I am still finding myself more and more.. for lack of a better word depressed. I am smoking now, WHICH I never have done before... I mean like actually buying ciggerettes. It is comforting in a way for some reason, like I dont have anything else to hold on to so smoking fills in? Anyway, I am stoping just threw out a half a pack. I like my white teeth. Not to mention being healthy.
UGh, I am just (for the first time) focused on work. I miss close friends, also the idea of loving a girl (having that connection.)

So, I geuss I just dont know what to do. I work at a call center three days a week and the rest I am at school. Blah blah blah. Well almost time to go home and study physics.

"blanket, matches and this pain in my chest"
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Nickel Creek - Somebody More Like You

6th October 2005

9:55pm: You should check this...
http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_apr8_2005.htm

This site is prolly my fav site on the net. Thanks to my best friends (chad <3) Emo kid to the heart.
Anywho, anyone who checks my blurty should give this a chance.
It is an old one, a fav of mine. But there are many more you can browse.

9:21pm: I sit here.
Hey,

I have not wrote here in some time.
There is so much that has happened since last time I blogged. My life has completely 180.
Where to start?

Well, hmm... I am back at school. Actually the difference between last time and now is that I am on honour roll.
Go figure?! I geuss I am a late bloomer... Or something. I also have direction which I find essential to my success. Sad. I think I am going to go to University after this year.. I am glad I have not gone yet, taken the time and so on.

I miss a girl that I love.. I screwed her around and was a dick to her. I legitamtely loved this girl though. She was everything to me. I just did not know how to handle love or be focused like I should have been. Fack, hindsight 20/20.. rofl.. this is just a little note to her. I love you, hope you are happy wherever you are. I am fine now, I am happy.. but I geuss I write this out in the hope you may read this.
ANYWAY

Going deep sea training in the month of november. Get certified SWEET!
Fight off sharks and stuff and junk. lol
Well my rant of old loves and misspellings are over with.

<3 ttylrofllol... etc
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